I Wondered..Why Me?
I found myself yelling up at God. Pointing up to the ceiling …. “YOU! You did this!” “How could You?!” and in the next breath, with tears running down my face, “Why God, Why?” There’s my boyfriend who had just taken his life and here I stood.
My heart ached.
My tears fell.
My soul hurt.
And nothing made sense.
I knew, like I KNEW, that God had put us together. There is no way I would have met this man otherwise. My prayers were answered when he came into my life. It was a miracle. That’s all I can say. A miracle. So WHY? WHY oh WHY would God have this happen? I had no answers.
What seemed like hours …were only minutes. I stood there yelling to the heavens. Pointing up, still. I continued to question God, to yell at God. The God of the Universe. The God of ALL. The God who knew far more about me and my life than I could possibly ever know or thought that I already did know. And I was yelling at Him? “Why ME? You knew I was coming!” I shouted. “You knew I would find him! You picked me to find him.” “WHY!?”
I was furious. Furious that my boyfriend died. Furious that here I was all alone. Furious that God picked me to find him. If God knows all… well then He knew I was going to be there that day, right? Then He picked me, right? Tears. Anguish. Upset.
And just as fast as a flash of lightning hits a flagpole. I was struck by the Holy Spirit. My crying changed from tears of maddening rage to honorable blessing. God picked ME. ME! He picked ME! A powerful chill ran through my bones. I was God’s miracle in David’s life….his channel of love. I was picked because I was the one who would take care of it all. I was God’s Warrior.
I had a sense of gratitude. Don’t you see…. Why Not Me? Out of the people who could have loved this man, out of the people who could have honored this man, out of the people who could have made a difference in this man’s life and who would turn this tragedy into something good. God picked ME. Why Me? Oh darling…. Why Not Me?
Your God Girl,