I Think I Was Six

I think I was six…

It is one of the hottest days of the year here. I am watching my daughter walk back and forth from her room to the hallway with a big smile on her face, her headphones on – she says it helps her get her ideas out. She like, her Mom, writes, although she is much better.

I am listening to music as I always do when I write.

Today Taylor Swift. Specifically her new album.

Specifically the song Seven. I am sure there are all sorts of theories as to what it’s about. Somehow unlike the rest of the album I missed it.

For me it reminds me of the very first person I ever loved. The very first person who ever loved me. My very first friend. My very first best friend.

The lyrics “ And though I can’t recall your face. I still got love for you.”

I have mentioned him before.

And I am sure all these decades later, the story is a lot more magical than it really was, but he left his imprint.

His name was Reed.

I met him in the oddest way. I was walking home by myself from school. I think I was six? Behind me, two older girls called me names like they did everyday.

Everyday they would call me names until they got me to cry, then run ahead home.

One day I hear a voice yell out telling them to stop.

I remember he had a lisp.

Blue eyes.

I have blue eyes too, but his, maybe I remember them because of what he did- so bright.

Surprisingly they stopped.

He walked me home and I was happy to find out he lived a house away.

That whole summer it was him and I.

He taught me to play baseball.

Soccer.

Get better at riding my bike.

I’m pretty sure he’s why I have a sweet tooth, because whenever he had candy I got half.

Then one day he’s at my door telling me he and his Mom are moving, his parents are getting divorced.

He handed me a bag of candy. As he started running for his house he yelled he loved me and I was his best friend.

I was crushed.

My best friend.

My first best friend.

Gone.

It is a magical thing to have.

A friendship like that.

It was unflinching.

Now I recognize we were kids.

But friendships, relationships like that are rare. They are precious. The people who see you. The people who love you out loud. The people who yell with excitement when they see you, make sure you know you matter.

In the years, ok, let’s be honest decades since I have been married and divorced and become a Mom.

A LOT has happened.

Things I talk about.

Things I don’t.

There was a chunk of time I was pretty salty when it came to people. I bought into my own self doubt. I let a few bad apples cloud my judgment and I listened to the wrong people.

Becoming a Mom helped slowly turn that around, but also looking and focusing on all the good people I have in my life.

Who I have had in my life.

You can’t Iive your life waiting for someone to hurt you. You can’t not let someone in because of a what if.

Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but it can be pretty great.

I can’t say enough how much I appreciate Reed for one of my first/ best friendships.

Be safe and much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

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