I want to thank you…
Last week I dipped my toe in the pool and shared with you all the reality of my marriage.
Believe it or not I am a pretty private person. So even though every week I share pieces of me here. I have people in my life who are still trying to piece together if I’m married. No. Or dating… I will say this. Maybe lol.
But that’s not what this is about. It’s about the aftermath of putting such a big piece of me on a platter.
Full disclosure last week I read every last comment on my post right before I had to pick up my daughter, I got in my car and sobbed. Heavy, shaking sobs. First my heart was breaking that so many women understood. Second, my heart was breaking because complete strangers understood when the people I loved and trusted had not.
I can not put into words how much I appreciate all the messages and kind words.
I didn’t share my story for support, I shared it in hopes of letting other people know they’re not alone. I shared it to show it can happen to anyone. I shared it because it’s important to share it.
Again and again and again.
Even though its incredibly hard to admit it happened. I have always been a strong person I still am. But even strong people can get hurt.
I was asked by someone who I care about immensely after they read it, two things:
Why I let this happen
If I am bitter
It’s like I’ve said. Sometimes you get so far in, you believe all the words. You don’t know what to do.
Becoming a Mom dug me out. I don’t make that a secret. G deserved to see what a happy Mom looked like.
Am I bitter? No. Am I guarded and private and quirky as all get out? Oh my goodness yes.
I strongly feel I just chose poorly. I also know I don’t make it easy for people to know me. I still believe in being married and someday maybe again.
But I have very high walls.
I also still live with the worry my ex will somehow see these. Which shouldn’t matter. But I wouldn’t be truthful if I didn’t tell you, he still makes me nervous. What he might do.
My hope is that someday I won’t.
My last and final share here is I am happy. It’s taken a while and things aren’t perfect but the fact that I can share any of this. The fact it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be, means I am finally taking me back. And you Mommas have helped me.