Tag Archives: you

What About YOU?

What about you…..On Coffee Chat last Sunday morning we talked about making sure that you are taking time to take care of yourself and I pointed out that you can’t help someone else if you are not well.  I reminded you all that there is a reason on an airplane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first and then help others…a poignant way to illustrate my point.

The first thing that happens when you have a lot of toxic relationships or situations in your life is that you stop checking in with yourself about how YOU are because of course you are waaaayyyyy too busy caretaking and enabling to be worried about your own well-being.  In addition to drawing lines in the sand about what is acceptable to you and what isn’t you also have to start looking at what you need to do for yourself that you are not doing.  Can be as simple as taking 15 minutes for yourself everyday with no distractions or as complex as sticking to a daily workout schedule— only YOU can say what you need to function optimally.

Some of you may not even know the answer to the question, “what do I need?” —if that is the case then it’s time to find out.

What do you require to feel centered and happy and peaceful?

Who do you need to start saying NO to?

What new habits do you need to acquire for taking better care of yourself?

What relationships are no longer serving you in their current format?

These are all valuable questions to start looking at.  Often times we are so focused on just surviving that we forget it IS possible to thrive.   You are of no value to anyone if you are not well or barely functioning…as a parent you have to take care of yourself first in order to do what you must do for the kiddos…this whole idea that you don’t have time to take care of you is a bullshit construct that must be left behind.

Too many of us are over doing, over compensating and enabling and it is costing us our health, our joy and our peace of mind…our survival and our ability to be vibrant and thriving is dependent upon us putting ourselves first.  I have news— nobody is coming to save you—- it is time that you saved yourself.

It is our responsibility to start speaking up and start taking the time that we require to get ourselves in order each day so that we can face things from a position of strength.  Your mental and physical health are your most important assets — without them everything else becomes much more difficult if not impossible in some extreme cases.

Begin NOW—start looking at what you need and start carving out the time to make that happen— and start saying NO to the people and things that are stealing your energy and not giving anything back—- it’s way past time to change the game.

See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

Give To Yourself

Give to yourself, your best friend should love you!

Okay, full disclosure here: I have an unhealthy attachment and find an insane amount of joy in random memes. A teen in my life tells me this is a sure sign that I’m a middle-aged mom. So be it. It delights me to surf the web for trite inspirational quotes, sarcastic jokes and other random silliness. Yesterday I came across one that sparked an entire conversation in my head. This meme, a quote from Harvey Specter (main character in the show Suits), read as follows:

“Ever loved someone so much you would do anything for them? Yeah, well, make that someone yourself and do whatever the hell you want.”

Yeah. That. That’s it – the key to happiness in one little meme.

Seriously. Think about it. How many days do you spend all day at work and all-night doing things for other people? If you’re a parent, that’s pretty much your life. Someone asked me recently what I do for me – to take care of myself. My answer, I’m somewhat ashamed to admit, was, “I sleep a few hours a night, I get calories of some sort in my body each day and I drink coffee.” Eek. Hard stop, people. If your answer to that question is anything like mine, it’s time to heed Harvey Spector’s memewords!

Think back to the last time you did something for yourself. Maybe it was a day at the spa or a decadent bubble bath. Or cramming the last piece of cake in your mouth when the kids weren’t looking. (What? Am I the only one?) How did you feel after that? Don’t say guilty. Think about your joy receptors – did you feel good? C’mon – some part of you was happy in that moment. And I bet you were a little nicer to your family or a little more compassionate toward your coworkers afterwards. If your self-indulgence was on a grand enough scale, it might have even spilled over into other things – made you more productive for a little while or gave you the pep in your step to go the extra mile with a project.

It’s like this: If you take care of you, you’re better at life and better for those around you. All too often we forget this little factoid.

Whenever I’m facing a tough decision, I have a friend who will ask me, “What would your best friend tell you to do?”. The underlying message being, my best friend wants me to be happy and wants what’s best for me. As a working mom, I’m usually too busy thinking about my son or my work to think about me. So I have to trick myself into doing it. Wrap your brain around that. I have to role play to figure out what will make me happy. (I’ll pause while you laugh.) But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who can use this. That’s why I’m writing today.

Love yourself enough to make yourself happy. Be your own best friend. Block out time on your schedule to spend time with that friend doing what they want to do. I promise – the rest of it – your family, work, whatever – it will follow. And it will be better for having a happier you involved in it.

 

~Cassandra

You Are Enough-Just As You Are

Lately I have been thinking about where I would like my family to be … and where we are. There is a gap. Some days it feels like a chasm.

Both of my daughters are taking summer school this year. Not because they are learning a third language or preparing to win first place in the state science fair or taking special classes for high school students at Ivy League schools. It seems like my facebook friends’ kids are all doing these things. Seriously, who are these families??? My daughters are going to summer school to improve basic academic skills. They are both smart girls, but they are not disciplined students. This past school year has been a tough one for them and for me.

It would be easy for me to beat myself up about this. Education is something that I value. Frankly, I can be a snob about it. I am quick to point out that both of my daughters could read when they started kindergarten. When I get down, I cling to the fact that I was brave enough to go to graduate school in mid-life, and I now have a masters degree and a new career (and the student debt to prove it — LOL).

I’m sure that my attitude toward education started when I was young. When I was growing up, school was something that I knew I could do well, and where I could receive praise in spite of anything else that was going on in my life.

The year that my parents divorced, the effects showed up throughout our family. My eldest sister almost failed Algebra. I remember my mother explaining to me that my sister’s teacher had told her that “some girls just aren’t good at math” and suggested that my sister avoid math classes in the future. My mother was smart enough to dismiss this advice (and change schools the next year).

My mother was enough. And there were moments when she was down right heroic. My sister “who wasn’t good at math” went on to earn an engineering degree. This couldn’t have happened without a mother who recognized that my sister was smart and her bad grades were due to lack of focus, not lack of aptitude.

What I can do for my daughters is … my best. I can make them go to summer school even though they would rather sleep in and play electronic games and eat junk food all day. I can tell them that they have to earn their own money to have some of the privileges that they would like. In time, my daughters will blossom into women who will be beautiful and accomplished in their own ways.

I know that whether or not I always recognize it, I am enough. Just as I am. And you are, too. So hug the stuffing out of those kids. And who knows? Perhaps we all have moments when we are heroic mothers. And our kids will appreciate it. Someday. When they have kids of their own — LOL.

Liz Possible ​is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that. Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/