Tag Archives: wants

What Do You Want?

What do you want?

It’s Easter Sunday. It has been an absolutely beautiful day and now I am enjoying the sounds of the birds that live in the marsh across from my house.

Last week I wrote about letting my guard down and opening up to people you care about. It is still a work in progress. My experiences over the last few years have made me become incredibly independent. To the point I’m not always sure what I want.

What is enough?

Maybe right now what I have is just fine

Remember when you were going to college and people would ask you what your major was?This question for me feels like that. Which speaks to the type of relationships I have had. No one has cared to ask. What do you want? Am I enough? Do I make you happy? But then it says who I have become. Not projecting out to the person I care about…that I care. What I need. Want. That they are all the things.

It also speaks to how much more work I have to do. 

I have spent so much time the last couple of years building a life for my daughter and myself. The few times I have dated since my divorce…It’s hard to give myself space to want more than what I have. 

I’m going to be blunt.I am almost fifty years old and I never thought I would be married. Have a baby. Own a house. I just didn’t. I had all the things I thought I’d never have and watched them slowly change, disappear and be taken away outright.I’m still dealing with the aftershocks. 

I’m scared.

What if I screw it up?

I first and foremost always think of my daughter.I don’t know if I have it in me to rebuild again.So…now you know that.It’s tricky being a guarded person who believes in happy endings.

So what do I want?

To not be afraid. 

Much love and be safe Mommas 

💚 Caprise

Genie In A Bottle

What would you wish if you found a genie in a bottle?  Seriously.  If you rubbed the bottle and out came a genie ready to grant you two wishes, what would you ask for?

“A man,” you scream “I want a man!”

“Here you go!” said the genie.

Poof!  There in front of you….is a man.

But oh, oh Girl, you were not specific AT ALL.  And your first wish, well he’s full-on head-to-toe of all that you wish NOT for.  You did not use any adjectives and you didn’t give yourself a minute to think because you were beyond excited when the genie asked.  You jumped in with both feet.  Biting at the bit.  Ready for HIM.  This man in front of you is the answer to your first wish. You realize you have one more wish so you tell the genie for your second wish…. 

“I’d like a tall, dark and handsome man.  A man with bedroom eyes and broad shoulders and a smile that lights up the room.”

“Here you go!” said the genie.

Poof!  Your second wish now stands before you, looking more dashing than you ever imagined. Meow!You think to yourself….you’ve hit the jackpot.  You’re all smiles….that is until he opens his mouth and declares; what he wants, how he wants it and when!  A few more adjectives would have been nice. 🙁

I’m here to tell you this kind of wishing, this kind of identifying, this kind of non-descript imagination is what will get you into trouble in more places than the genie and his 2 wishes.  

When you set goals…use your imagination.  Think beyond the small mind you’ve been thinking from. List out more descriptives & when you think you’re done, list a few more. 

Declare it.  Name it.  Go get it.  Be very, very specific.

And like that excitement you had when declaring your wishes, go forth with that kind of attitude and you’ll be surprised what you’ll make happen.

Oh ya and have fun.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy  

What You Want & What You Get

What you want and what you get…

I have just finished round one of our Thanksgiving meal. We tried something different this year and we ordered it from a restaurant.

For the record- I highly recommend it. 

Seriously.

Highly.

We will be doing it again.

It goes without saying but I will say it, this year is incredibly different than years past. I think we made the best of it. We had each other and the food was beyond yummy. Now we can relax.

For me a chronic over thinker it  also means some time to crawl in my head. 

There are quotes all over about chronic over thinkers. They exist for a reason. As well… they are rooted in truth. 

I am finally and shockingly getting my life together. After years of well..really not having it together. My job stressed me out. My finances were a mess.  As much as I was coming into my own on the outside. My insides needed work.

They still do.

A pandemic is maybe not the time to make a life change. Yet I did. 

Eight months later. My daughter will tell you my crinkle between my eyes is gone and she loves that I don’t talk about work all the time. I have a savings.  I am in a place where I have never been.

I still don’t have that one thing. I read an article by another blogger the other day talking about all the things. How hard she worked. To create this life for her children. Out of nowhere one of  her children asked her why she didn’t have someone like their Dad did , and she had to catch herself.  She said she silently cried.

 I felt that. I felt that more than I can say. I have dated. And it’s not that I need someone, I am capable and to be honest I have become pretty set in my ways.

But I would like someone. Is that bad? Is it wrong as I scroll through social media to want that? Or a little?

Maybe because I never did. 

Have it.

Not even when I did.

My ex husband was not a romantic guy. He was a practical guy. Which is why I married him … I am a free spirit. I needed practical. At least I thought I did. You know what? You can do that yourself.

Be practical.

I was for years before I met him, but I had a really bad relationship. Like REALLY bad. Made me think I needed the opposite of me in my life. 

I don’t know.

That didn’t go so well.

I,at some point in my life, want what I don’t have yet. I am getting there. I have a someone and he is a blend of all the things. But the deeper we dive into our relationship I start to realize I have created little roadblocks to my path of what I want.

So- as much as I get sad and frustrated when push comes to shove and I am given an opportunity to ask for what I want…guess what I do? Shut down. 

I am and continue to be an incredibly guarded human. Which is funny when you consider every week I give you all some insight as to where my head and heart is at. But to do that with someone I care about. Oooh… yup nope. That’s Midwestern for maybe. Or a gentle no.

Did I mention I majored in Communications in college? Yet here I am relearning or to be honest learning how to communicate with someone I care about. A lot.

I am getting there. Learning how to ask for things I don’t need but want. I am still incredibly independent but I am learning you can still be independent and use your words. In fact it can make you more so.

And happier.

I may never get exactly what I want.

But at least now I’m learning to ask for it.

Take care.

Be safe Mommas

💚Caprise

When Life Gets Messy

When life gets messy with relationships and dating… how do you take time the time to figure it out?

When life gets messy…I used to just move on to the next thing and stay constantly busy. I would make plans every night. I would plan my weeks out way in advance. I would make sure to not have a free moment to myself. I would basically try and cover it all up, sweep it under the rug, and move on.

I was continuing to fall into the same pattern with my relationships. Mostly because I would not take the time to figure out what what went wrong or what I really wanted. You date someone for a few weeks, you break up, then you keep yourself continuously busy until the next person comes along that peaks your interest. I found this to be very true for me. I know that is what dating is about, but after a consistent pattern of failed relationships, I had to do some soul searching.

I have had to do a lot of self reflection on my relationships over the last five years, some were long term and others were short lived. At first, I just thought I wanted a relationship. I did not take the time to really think about what type.

Could I fit this person into my life?

Did I have time to meet what they needed?

Did I want a serious commitment?

Could they fit me into their life or their schedule?

Did they want a casual or serious commitment?

Did I need someone that would make plans with me weeks in advance?

I had to think was I too needy for them or not needy enough?


I needed to think about all of these things… and also think about what I was ok with in a relationship.

No one is going to do everything that you want. I think many times in the past, I have talked myself into dating this person longer than I have should have… I thought we might eventually like the same interests, I thought he might eventually show me more attention, I thought eventually he might do what I wanted…haha… I am kidding.

Many times I would say to my friends, “ ohh he is really nice”. Many people are nice, but I should not be dating them because they are nice. I would spend way to much time devoted to someone that was never going to fit with me, when I should have ended it.

Many times after the relationship failed, I was like how come I didn’t end it sooner. I mean there were huge red flags, but I just kept on with it and didn’t pay attention. If I would have just stopped, done some honest thinking with myself, I probably would have saved myself the heartache.

Besides trying to figure out why it didn’t work, I had to figure out what I wanted. If all the signs were there that it wasn’t working, why was I still determined to try… was it because I was afraid of being alone or just wanted the companionship.

I stopped keeping myself continuously busy, instead I slowed my life down. I stopped looking for the next relationship. I had to think about what was important to me. I asked myself all those questions over and over again. I had to realize that what I thought I wanted or was told I should want, was not really what I wanted. I was spending time going after the wrong relationships. I had to constantly remind myself of this when I began dating or a new relationship.

Because life in relationships gets messy… I had to continue to be very honest with myself.

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

The One They Claim They Want

The one they claim they want but cannot handle.

“Looking for a girl who’s tired of the games.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen that exact phrase listed on a dating website bio.  A guy claims he wants something real with someone real.  But then when he gets it, he ghosts it.

I’m one of those girls that goes all-in on everything.  Work, motherhood, friendships, dating- if I’m invested in something, I’m going to really invest in it.  That’s why it hurts so much when I don’t receive the same in return.

I’ve been divorced for a year, and in that time, I’ve had 2 legitimate relationships and a whole bunch of texting relationships.  The texting relationships, I’m learning, seem to be the new thing- whether there’s a pandemic going on or not.

When I made my first online dating profile, I was flattered by how many likes and messages I received.  I thought to myself, “Wow, I really might find my Prince Charming after all.”  I’m laughing now as I write that.  Anyone who has experienced online dating knows you have to weed out a lot of frogs before you find that prince.

The fact is, I am that girl that’s tired of the games.  I can play with the best of them, but I’m definitely tired of them.  So, when a guy tells me the same thing, I expect them to mean it.  If they say they want to see me, then I expect them to prove it.

I’m a busy mom.  I have my son most of the time and I work full-time as a writer.  I’ve also been my son’s teacher for the past 3 months because of the pandemic.  I’m a very social person so I love to see my family and friends often.  But, even as busy as I am, I still make time for the person I’m dating.

The fact is, if you really want to see someone or talk to someone, you’ll make time.  It takes 2 seconds to send a “hello” text or a kiss emoji.  If I’m not worth 2 seconds of your time, but you can be on social media scrolling for hours, then I’m not the one for you.

What I’m learning in this post-divorce dating world is that it’s very different from pre-marriage dating.  Instead of feeling the need to settle down and get married and start a family, I want to find someone that adds value to my life and is a true partner.

I’m learning that I’m strong enough to live on my own.  I can pay my own bills.  I can take care of my child on my own.  I don’t need a man.  I’m also learning that a lot of men can’t handle that.  They claim they want the smart, independent woman who’s not afraid of commitment, but then they get her and they run.

I’m also learning that I’m not going to settle for a relationship where my partner isn’t as equally invested as I am.  That’s the beauty of divorce.  You can finally go after what you want instead of what you need.  That freedom is going to make you realize that a lot of people aren’t as genuine as they seem.  They may believe that what they’re saying they want is the truth, but when it comes down to it, they can’t handle it.

You’re always going to be too much of something for some people.  It’s impossible to please everyone.  I know the disappointment can be disheartening when you’re a single mom.  Your time is precious, and the last thing you want to do is waste it on yet another failed relationship.

It’s ok to take some time off.  It’s ok to keep putting yourself out there.  It’s ok to never want to be in a relationship again.  This is your life.  Don’t let some guys that can’t handle a real woman dull your shine.

Will I continue with online dating?  Probably, since there’s not a lot of ways to meet someone when you’re a busy single mom.  I still believe there’s a guy out there somewhere who says he can handle me, and actually can.  Until then, I’ll be perfecting my duck lips for my dating profile picture.

-Lindsay, The Divorced Mama Bear 

Instagram.com/thedivorcedmamabear

Creating The Life You Want For Yourself

As we approach 2017, it’s a good time to start thinking about the life that you really want to create for yourself.  How to begin creating this life for yourself can be difficult. How do I get what I want, what am I willing to give up, how will I have to change, who will it affect? All very overwhelming thoughts.  Today I am simply going to ask you to start living in three questions and writing down your answers…as we get closer to January we will do more with this.

What do you want?

Who would you have to become to get it?

What would you have to shed about yourself to make that happen?