I have spent a lot of time in my life waiting. I never really got terribly upset when I had to wait in line. It always seems to me to be a waste of time to be mad about something I have no control over. To other people though, it seemed a personal deficit that I was willing to wait and not get mad as hell that things didn’t happen in my time frame, because that’s how they would handle it. People would think that I lacked motivation and that I should care more about how things turned out. For a long time, I confess, I thought they must be right. I would ask myself am I lazy? It seemed odd.
Over time though, I have seen, looking at nature, that patience is what naturally occurs. Trees don’t cry every time they lose their leaves, more will come in the spring. Bears take a nap for the entire winter. Are they lazy?
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” — Lao Tzu
It’s not as though I sit cross legged on the floor just waiting. When something needs to be done I know how to make it happen and I do, but I also know not to force things. We are the culmination of a universe in motion for at least 13.7 billion years. Waiting a few more months or years can’t be the end of the world.
In nature, there are seasons. And we must abide by them also or our lives will be a greater struggle than necessary. You would someone is foolish if they went and shoveled off their garden and started planting it in February. Of course we all know that’s not the right time to plant. Spring is. Patience comes with knowledge. I just know that everything will work out if I am patient.
Waiting For My Turn…
I was listening to a podcast on the way to work about working moms and being spread too thin. At one point, the guest speaker took a moment to acknowledge single moms because they don’t have someone helping at home with some of the things talked about on the podcast. Just that tiny acknowledgement made me start crying.
Somedays, I wonder how I got here; this is not how I thought my life would be. 45 years old, divorced with two kids, alone …. Most days I keep plugging along with work, the kids, activities, etc and don’t let myself think about it too much. But, some days, especially lately, it’s a continuous reminder. Please don’t get me wrong. I know that I am blessed … I have two unbelievable daughters, great friends and family, a great job with amazing coworkers … and I wouldn’t give all that up for anything. But, sometimes, I would just love to have a person to share my life with.
People say all the time …. It will happen when the time is right, or when you’re not looking, etc. I get that …. I hear you. And I know that the ones who haven’t worked out are a step in my journey and I should take lessons from those relationships. But right now, I am tired …. I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of doing everything on my own, tired when I don’t get a break, and tired of having to learn lessons all the time. When do I get my turn for love and happiness? I feel completely selfish and petty for having these feelings and saying them out loud when so many of my friends are going through their own tough times. But, then I remember that this is my reality right now and this is what I’m struggling with. And each person’s struggle is just as important as the next person’s.
To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/