Sometimes in our life we can want something so bad that we put things on pause to try to make sure it happens. A lot of the time though that is how you lose not only what you want but also lose your peace. More recently for me there was someone who came into my life. I developed feelings for that person, and I waited. I waited for this person to open up to me the way I did them; I waited for them to tell me how they felt like I did them; I waited for a direction, all while my businesses, my self improvement and my goals all fell to the wayside.
This person isn’t a bad person but I had to stop waiting. My peace of mind and forward movement was at stake. I still care about this person deeply but how things are right now are painful for me. Instead of waiting I am holding a place, a place they may or may not fill, but I know if that person is meant to be in my life they will fill that place when the time is right. In the meantime I am working as hard as ever. I’m growing past a certain set back I’ve had, and I am crushing business and personal goals.
I’m living my life and not holding still. Knowing whats meant for me will always find a way to me.
Always be unapologetically true to yourself,
Waiting For My Turn…
I was listening to a podcast on the way to work about working moms and being spread too thin. At one point, the guest speaker took a moment to acknowledge single moms because they don’t have someone helping at home with some of the things talked about on the podcast. Just that tiny acknowledgement made me start crying.
Somedays, I wonder how I got here; this is not how I thought my life would be. 45 years old, divorced with two kids, alone …. Most days I keep plugging along with work, the kids, activities, etc and don’t let myself think about it too much. But, some days, especially lately, it’s a continuous reminder. Please don’t get me wrong. I know that I am blessed … I have two unbelievable daughters, great friends and family, a great job with amazing coworkers … and I wouldn’t give all that up for anything. But, sometimes, I would just love to have a person to share my life with.
People say all the time …. It will happen when the time is right, or when you’re not looking, etc. I get that …. I hear you. And I know that the ones who haven’t worked out are a step in my journey and I should take lessons from those relationships. But right now, I am tired …. I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of doing everything on my own, tired when I don’t get a break, and tired of having to learn lessons all the time. When do I get my turn for love and happiness? I feel completely selfish and petty for having these feelings and saying them out loud when so many of my friends are going through their own tough times. But, then I remember that this is my reality right now and this is what I’m struggling with. And each person’s struggle is just as important as the next person’s.
To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/