Tag Archives: value

The Muscles We Don’t See

When I look at mothers, I value the muscles you can’t see…

If we are fortunate, we have friends or family members that tell us how strong we are. I have someone in my life that champions me. And, I appreciate that. But those on the outside looking in only get a glimpse. Because until you are a mom, you are not able to comprehend what it takes to survive.

Moms have the endurance of long-distance runners. Every day is a marathon. It feels like a sprint but it is a marathon. As soon as she is out of bed – actually, before that…as soon as she is awake – she is going. There is so much to do and life demands a consistent pace if there is to be any hope of getting even a portion of it completed. If this marathoner appears to be breaking stride or shortening the distance, don’t be fooled. This woman is always moving swiftly – thinking, planning, preparing, and plotting the entire time.

Mothers are incredible jugglers. You have not seen someone multi-task until you’ve seen her handle a day. Yes, we all know what studies say about multi-tasking but she proves them wrong and takes it to a new level. Making dinner, while correcting homework, starting the laundry, answering a teacher’s email, signing a permission slip and answering the phone, all while asking the kids about their day and while still wearing her work clothes. And, dinner makes it to the table on time, and the kids feel none of the effects of this whirlwind because her focus is seemingly only on them. Now that is impressive, and it is only one hour of her day. That juggle is nonstop and requires incredible muscle.

Mothers are tremendous containment specialists. When there is no one at home to confide in, to share the burden of decision making, advocating and disciplining, she needs to contain that frustration, struggle and self-doubt and put it aside as best she can.  Mom has grit. There is not enough time or energy to let that doubt and fear creep in. But it is there. It is always there. So, she shoves it down or back or into a box and moves ahead with her head high, knowing (or at least hoping that) she is doing the best she can.

No one sees all of this. And, yet, it takes a more strength than most can imagine. Not even the mom’s closest confidant truly sees the triumphs and tears, the disappointments and the dance parties, the hard days and harder nights. But in all of those moments, the real muscles are formed and refined and flexed. Mom doesn’t worry about who sees. She isn’t looking for sympathy. She doesn’t have time for that. She might need a little understanding and a little grace, or just a knowing smile from a fellow mom. She might not know where the strength she needs comes from. But it is there. Quietly growing and building, depleting and then building again.

It is those muscles, the ones no one sees, that help moms push through, carry on and strive for more.

 

Samantha

Happy 51st Birthday!

Tomorrow…51st Birthday?!?! WTF? How did that even happen???? I was literally just, like 30! The kid is 18 now too, going on 60 or so he thinks…he’s moving out soon, looking for an apartment with his friends as he works full time as a Sous Chef and tells me it isn’t “cool” to be a Sous Chef and living at home….he says it is ruining his image….pardon me while I roll around on the floor laughing. I am ruining his image???? HAHAHA—-what do you think he did for mine all these years???? (Continues to laugh until she snorts)

So now what? Here I sit at 51 and soon the kid will be on his own…so what now? It strikes me that I don’t even know who I am without having to be concerned about the boy 24/7— I support him moving, I was on my own at an early age too—-so I get that. It’s just that a moment will catch me and I am like completely undone for a flash. Composure is regained and I keep moving…I am not sure how I will sleep at night not knowing exactly where he is or if he got home safe from work…and I can’t always be asking…he will just say I am being a “helicopter parent”. I don’t think regular people GET what it is like to give up everything to pour yourself into the job of raising a child ALL on your own and having to pay for EVERYTHING and then all of a sudden it is complete…at least this phase because of course we are always their parents….that is a lifetime position….lucky us:)

Then there is the whole 51 issue…damn if I had $5.00 for every lesson I have learned…honestly it seems like the first 50 years was just training ground…sometimes I wonder how the hell I made it!! Also what is with the lines in my face all of a sudden??? Like where the F did those even come from??? UGH!

So let’s talk about some of the “biggies”—-lesson wise that is—-

I learned to watch for behavior patterns as well as actions…words I have discovered mean little….actions are important and patterns will tell you even more. Patterns show the history of someone’s behavior and that is SO important.

-I learned how to walk through fire and hell and come out the other side and I learned that the fire refines me every time and every time I come out stronger and wiser. The fire seasons are hard, yet they are the biggest gifts. Truly. When you are IN them, they are hellish—-when you are out the other side you come to appreciate their value to your growth.

-I have learned patience…mostly…:)

-I have learned how to set boundaries and how to say NO

-I have learned that I cannot fix people and I cannot save them….no matter how much I love them or how much I want to…only they can save themselves.

-I have learned and seen first hand that no matter how long it takes, karma NEVER loses an address.

-I learned that I am not for everyone and that is OK.

And lastly I learned to understand my worth and to value that…this one took almost the whole 51 years to get…

There are SO many more…however those are the BIG ones, the ones that came as a result of walking through fire seasons. Life really is a work in progress and change is what keeps pushing us forward…the kid moving will be its own season for me, not quite a fire season yet some sort of reclaiming…

Reclaiming parts of myself that I had to put aside in order to effectively be his mother and make it work…it will be interesting to see who I become now that I can breathe a little…I look forward to sharing this coming season with you.

I will say that I am grateful for ALL of what came before and that I have also learned to have GRACE for myself and for others as well as I learned that everything really IS working together for good even when I cannot see.

Talk next week.

XOXO,

Noelle

Know Your Worth

When approaching 51, you end up doing this sort of involuntary assessment of your existence up to this point…it’s not like a planned thing, it just happens…you find yourself thinking through the decades that have passed and you start looking at what you learned.

If you are me you also think you need to share the things you could have done better because perhaps you will keep someone else from making those particular errors.

Here’s one of my biggest “I could have done betters” career wise — not realizing my worth in the workplace and conducting myself accordingly.  Up until about 3 or 4 years ago I undervalued myself and allowed other people to undervalue me as well— I also did a fair amount of enabling people disguised as being a power performer.  I was talking this morning on the FB Live about how we end up just putting our heads down and moving toward the goal without really giving much thought to how we ARE in the process.  What happens in the workplace is the same…we behave in the same way, we take our –badass single parent, we can get anything done– attitude and we apply it everywhere—without much thought to how we are being treated in return.  We may tend to undervalue ourselves in a work environment by doing this…

For me that showed up for years as me doing everything I was asked, pushing through to get the result no matter what, always saying yes, not asking to be compensated for doing many different jobs, trying to please everyone and make everything easier for them…I trusted that people would treat me the way I treated them…often that was not the case.

Looking back on it all now I see that I did a lot of enabling others because I just always made everything OK and handled it…I was so worried about keeping the bills paid and a roof over our heads that I never once stopped to think about if I was being compensated for what I was WORTH.  In hindsight I could have done so so SO much better—if I had understood how much value I contributed I would have understood how to ask for things in relation to that—instead I just took what was offered and kept doing more…

I am so very grateful for all that I learned in these last two decades and for all of the opportunities that were extended to me, I simply wish that I had taken better care of myself in the process and that I had valued myself as much as I should have.  I would like to see you ladies avoid this – value yourselves, ask for what you deserve and don’t be afraid to walk away if something isn’t working—take care of you—you are worth far more than you think.

 

XO, Noelle

 

Our Significance is Worth It

Our Significance is Worth Focusing Our Energy On

I was with a group of friends, women, who gather frequently as we have all started businesses. We encourage each other and build one another up – even in areas that were not about business. On one such occasion one of the ladies wanted to take a step back from her business because she had to “deal with some people.”

The first thing I wondered was, “why do we do this?” As women, the first thing we do while in a crisis mode is remove the one good thing (or things) we have going for us – it’s as if we feel we must not deserve anything good.

This is backward thinking.

This young lady said that she was just “tired of being hurt by (certain) people’s” words and opinions of her then proceeded to rattle off a list of things she had to do as she was no longer going to tolerate or “allow” people to hurt her. She also said that because of this, it would take her time away from working her business. While it is good practice to declutter our lives of things that hinder us from moving upward, to intentionally put off our life goals and dreams to wrestle with other people’s opinion of us is counterintuitive.

We have to shift our focus.

 How people negatively feel about us doesn’t matter. It is our life and for us only to understand and live out. The negative and non-life giving opinions of others DO NOT MATTER so it is not what we should be focusing on.

I said to her this: “what you are actually doing – putting your business on hold, fighting and arguing with these people who have wronged you (what she called “dealing with”) – is trying to salvage the feeling of significance to that person or in what is left of that relationship. The reality is that you have been so focused on the who in the scenario that you missed the what: your significance lies within you; it always has. You just have to be the one to see it.”

The message is clear.

If we are too busy focusing on all that we have lost or have intentionally given up to go up, then our focus is OFF OF the things we have gained and will gain having done so – including our significance.

We must make it top priority to remember, we are purposefully created to shine our brightness on others, so let’s focus on that – that is our significance. <3

Love always,

Rainey

My Joy Bank

Growing up…..I never really understood that having joy in my life was an inside job.  I always thought there was something or someone that would fill up me up and bring joy and make my life happier. Something Out There.  LIKE….. delicious food and a fabulous pair of shoes.  A certain weight and a snazzy car.  That job with the big title, oh ya and a handsome boyfriend.  On and on it went.  My list of ‘things to bring me happiness & joy.  Not knowing until now…. 25 years later that it was, and is, and always will be… MY Job to fill MY joy bank.

I sit here today and ask Why didn’t anyone tell me?  I wouldn’t have spent the last 20+ years making so many empty choices.  Choices that didn’t even make a dent in my JOY bank.  But then, in that same breath I realize… Someone probably did tell me…. and I certainly was not listening.   Not only was I not ready to hear it.  I wasn’t ready to give up the life I lived.  The ever so important; vacationing, sun-bathing, partying, hard-working, popular, beautiful life that I lived.  The life that was happy, fun, joyful…..ahhhh… & when it wore off?  I went right back at it.

I can stand here today and think that it was so wasteful.  Now wait a minute…. that’s not true.  I did what I did for whatever reason I did it.  I can say is – I did not know.  If I knew better then, I would have made different choices.  All I can do now…. is choose now.  CHOOSE NOW.  😊  Look for things that bring joy to every day.  The little things, the big things, the simple things, the God things.  Fill my JOY bank myself.  For Myself.

And if someone or something comes along that adds value to my day… well I’ll put that into my Joy bank too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

What Is My Worth?

My  worth….

I’ve taken the last 5 weeks or so to really gather my thoughts and try to evaluate who I am and who I want to be. I have achieved very many of my life goals this year and yet still have to get out of my head with so many things.

The one goal I have not achieved is personal wellness. It’s not to be physically perfect or have the best diet 100% of the time. The goal is to feel good about myself and the decisions I am making. I felt like I lost myself at some point. There was a plan and then that plan went away. I didn’t know how to truly pivot and find a different course. I covered it up with life goals and making changes, none of those which truly ran deep and helped fill my soul.

There was a time when I thought I had a chance at having it all. I’m not traditional by any sense of the word and don’t need the white dress and wedding and regalia. Just a person to truly love me and that being all of me. I don’t know that I have ever really had that in my life, and I want to believe that I am worth it.

So I’m taking the rest of 2018, all of 2019 and devoting this time to myself. I need to live the life I want my son to model. I’m hoping that while being ruthlessly devoted to myself, I will end up finding the person who will honestly love all of me. I’ve decided to share my life and my process and my progress and my shortcomings on Instagram. Not for anyone but myself. It will be real and raw and hopefully amusing. I’d invite you to find me @getatit62 and try to get at your own goals this coming year.

I hope that all of you take some time this holiday season to love yourself, love others and look at what this past year has brought you and what you want next year to bring. Happy Holidays!

~Leslie

What Are You Worth?

What Are You Worth?

It can be a little scary to tell people you are starting a business.

It can be even scarier to try to sell your business to others. To offer your product or service with genuine enthusiasm about what it can do for your customers.

But the truth is, we are all selling, all the time. Let me give you an example. Not too long ago I saw the movie I Can Only Imagine. I loved this movie so much and was totally moved by it. So, what did I do? I told everyone about it! My parents and sister were coming over for dinner the next night, and I said, “Hey, while you’re here you have to watch this movie with me, it’s so good!” And I told other people as well. And the reason I watched the movie in the first place is because my sister-in-law saw it and put her own recommendation for it on social media.

So you see? We all sell stuff, every day. When we find something we really love or are excited about, like a great new restaurant in the neighborhood, or an awesome movie, we naturally want to share it. The reason we don’t think of this as selling is because it feels so natural. It’s not forced. And, because we don’t have a vested interest in whether our friends actually try the restaurant or buy the movie, we don’t feel self-serving about it. We just know we love it and we think other people should know about it, so we tell them.

This is the kind of excitement and natural desire to share that you have to have about your own business. But in order to get there, you have to be really clear about what kind of value you are offering. In other words, what problem are you solving?

For example, let’s say that I meet somebody new, and she asks me what I do. Now, I could say, “I’m a business coach,” and she would probably say, “Oh, that’s nice,” and that would be the end of our conversation. Or, I could say, “I coach women to start and run their own businesses so they can have more freedom of time and money.” Now, the woman I’m talking to might recognize those pain points. She might be someone who never has enough time with her family or never enough money to go around, and if so, she’ll want to continue the conversation with me. Nobody cares what I do. But a lot of them care about what I can do to help them.

So get really clear about what problem your business is solving.

Now, here’s a hard fact of life. Many of you have a hard time finding the value in what you have to offer or sell because you have a hard time finding the value in yourself. And because you and your business are so closely intertwined, the whole issue of value becomes this really emotional minefield. If you don’t recognize your own value, you’re not going to be able to speak the value that you offer in your business. You will shy away from it or downplay it, saying things like, “Oh, it’s just this little thing I’m doing, it’s nothing really.”  Except, nothing you do is nothing!

So, what are you worth? What is your value?

I’ll use the $20 bill analogy to help you understand. Imagine you have two $20 bills in your purse. One of them has been around a while, and it shows. It’s crumpled and dirty. It has some pen marks on it, and one of the corners is ripped. It has obviously been passed around, it’s been mistreated, and it looks to be in pretty bad shape. The other $20 bill is the opposite. It’s crisp and clean and looks brand new.

Now let me ask you: how much is that clean, crisp $20 bill worth? $20, right? And how much is the dirty, crumpled $20 bill worth? It is also worth $20. You see, the worth of a $20 bill is constant, it doesn’t change depending on what the bill looks like or what it’s been through. It’s just $20.

And the same is true for you and me. Our worth, our value, is constant. That’s because our value does not come from what we look like, how much money we make, whether we have some dirt in our past, or anything else. Our value is based on the fact that we are.  That we are human beings, made and valued by the biggest power in the Universe. And that value is unchangeable.

So, if your business succeeds or fails on any given day; if your kids are doing great or basically flunking life; if you’re able or unable to lose the weight; if you’re weak or strong; if your website crashes in the middle of an important sale – none of that affects what you are worth. Your value is constant.

Valuing yourself is a significant part of being able to value your business. So start there. Remind yourself daily, “I am worthwhile,” or, “this setback (or mistake) does not affect my value.” Yes, it takes a little thought and maybe a little time to remind yourself of your own value, but you know what? You’re worth it.

Love ya,

Lecia

PS I’ve created a brand new FB community where all the business-minded mamas can find support and bounce ideas off each other. Come join us here and introduce yourself!

Unapologetically Yourself

Unapologetically Yourself

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself. My name is Ali and I am a single mom of three wonderful boys. We live in Minnesota. I am currently on a journey to improve my life and become the best version of myself. I am writing to share my experiences, strength and hope. I am a firm believer that you can only keep what you have by giving it away, or paying it forward if you will. I have faced many obstacles in my life but I do not let my struggle define me.

I would like to talk about peoples opinions and perception of you. They truly do not matter in your life. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, and now have a newfound freedom knowing that it does not matter. Do you find yourself consistently thinking if I did this what would so and so think? Do you base your decisions off of how others will perceive you or think of you? I’m here to tell you that needs to stop. Its time to re-frame your thinking. People can find themselves living in fear of disappointing someone or not gaining others approval and living a life full of regret.. This just boggles my mind that we as a society are more willing to disappoint ourselves than we are others. When we live a majority of our life in fear of how other perceive us, shaping our lives to fit the opinions and needs of others instead of our own we welcome people into our lives that are there to just use us, and we will be left feeling miserable, hopeless and unfulfilled.  If you are in negative, unfulfilling or abusive relationships and you wonder why you keep attracting these people that do not have good intentions and may use you? I can guarantee you worry too much about others opinions and needs and not enough about your own! No one is going to fight to have your needs met or care about your opinion if you don’t put yourself first. The opinions people hold of you and how you live your life is none of their business.

You may think I really want these people to like me and approve of me, what you should be thinking instead is I need to approve of me and what I’m doing, I need to be happy with myself. The people you really need in your life are people who care and love you. Those trying to control or use you for their own benefit will fall out of your life. If someones opinion isn’t serving you, you need to state/say/inform them that I appreciate your concern but this is what I want, or what I like and I’m going to do for me.

You don’t need to justify, or beg for your wants or needs, its your life and you are the master of it. When you stop giving others the power to shape your life, you will regain the power to shape your life the way you see fit. Others opinions of you will not bother you any longer. Not to say you wont ever worry about what others opinions are, but you can use mindfulness tools to redirect your thinking instead of getting absorbed by what they think. One of my favorite mindfulness tools when I start getting worked up is, I take a deep breath focus on my breathing and count to 5, once I redirect my thinking its easier to get back on track and go well they don’t pay my bills, and I know what I want. I then just move forward. Don’t sit and justify their actions, don’t ruminate, just move forward.

When you allow yourself to be unapologetically yourself, many things will start to happen. First depending on how long you’ve allowed people to control and dictate your life with their opinions people will resist and try to pull you back into that cycle. People will start to fall out of your life, don’t chase these people. Soon after you’re going to start building relationships with people, fulfilling wholesome mutual two way street relationships.

You’ll find these newfound relationships have something your old ones lacked, respect. The people who stick from your past that stay around through the growing pains, will usually not only act like cheerleaders for you in your life but your relationships with them will grow and change for the better too. Not worrying what others think will guide you to the life you not only want but deserve. Once you take this crucial step your life will start evolving; opening doors you didn’t even know were there.

Always Be unapologetically true to yourself!

-Ali