Wake up call…One could say that I’ve been in a bit of a funk for the past couple of weeks. I’ve woken up every morning with no sense of excitement for what the day could possibly have to offer. Of course, being stuck in a house all day might not seem exciting for a teenager, but I knew deep down that this was not the source of my unhappy state.
I began to realize, that each day presented an “obstacle” that felt incredibly difficult to overcome. These minor inconveniences would shift my entire mood because I felt as though nothing could go my way. Although I am referring to these events as “minor”, it took me a while to view them in this manner.
It wasn’t until truly major obstacles began to affect the people close to me, that my entire mindset changed. Something clicked in me when these events started to occur, and the only way I could possibly describe it, is a “wake up call”.
In this moment, I stopped and reflected on my behavior in the last week. I realized the ignorance that I was demonstrating even though there was nothing to be upset about. The problems that I was facing were NOTHING in comparison to what people have had to go through in these difficult times. It was then, that I learned that we cannot let minor troubles get to us.
I am beyond blessed to have a wonderful family, a healthy life, and a positive upbringing. Unfortunately, it took some time for me to realize it. These recent times have taught me that tomorrow is never promised, and for that reason we must be present in everything we do, and try to enjoy every moment we have with those whom we love. I am proud to say that those insignificant issues that I have experienced, no longer affect me the way they used to. Now, I look at the bigger picture, and notice just how lucky I am for everything that I have been blessed with.
Being grateful on those days and periods of your life where everything is just a perceived disaster can prove to be beyond difficult.
I spent a lot of my earlier adult years being pissed off at everything, huge chip on my shoulder for what I thought was the crappy cards I was dealt. Angry about my childhood and how much I felt it wasn’t fair, marrying my “high school sweetheart” only for it to fail less than two years after being married, not taking advantage of the opportunity I had to go to college, the list continues on. And maybe I was dealt some crappy cards throughout my youth, I made the decision to get married when we both knew it shouldn’t of been. I made the choice to not go to college at that point in my life. Somewhere along the years I decided that I was not going to continue feeling sorry for myself, it was a huge burden on my mental and physical health, relationships with family members and peers. I was lonely, depressed, angry, bitter, and hateful. My friends and family would avoid me and I knew it, at this point I didn’t know why but eventually a close friend finally told me that I was a “Debbie-Downer”(that’s putting it nice). She left that night and I was hurt, and still angry-probably even more angry after that conversation and of course it wasn’t my fault-it was theirs. Couldn’t they see that I had a crappy childhood?!? Didn’t they see that my marriage was a disaster from the get go?!?! I cried, I cussed, and everything else someone does when they are hurt and angry. And honest to God something dawned on me that night-this is not who I am nor who I want to be. I needed to wake up each morning and be grateful for at least one thing, and write that one thing down, EVERY DAMN DAY! Grateful that I have the option to get up every day, grateful that I can write, grateful that I have something to write with, and something to write on.
There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for in each and every day. And maybe one day it’s making it another day-think about that, let that sink in. You are alive!
Love to All-Kim