Tag Archives: trust

No More Goodnight

“Ok G ready to be tucked in?”

“I’m good Mom”

“What?”

“I’m going to tuck myself in.”

“Oh ok, Do you need anything, A hug?”

“Nope, Mom I’m good.”

“Juice?”

“Got it.”

“Ok well I love you.”

“I love you too Mom.”

That is when my eleven year old daughter broke my heart.

Bedtime is a ritual. It’s a treasured ritual. It’s sometimes the only time of the day I get to talk to G about her day where she is unfiltered. It’s when we cuddle. We joke. We even have our own poem. It’s been our thing since she was two.

I treasure that quiet with her, don’t get me wrong,when I’m an exhausted mess I would be a liar if I told you before she could read I didn’t edit stories so we could both get to sleep faster.

But this is different.

She chose this.

As she is a lot of things lately.

Which I’m happy about… her finding her footing, being comfortable and independent. But for nine years good, bad or otherwise she has been my solar system.

So much so she has never met a single person I’ve dated. I can hear your collective intake of breath and tongue clucks. Read my blog series… it will make sense.

Maybe

That’s not why we’re here. Another time. Another time.

I want my girl to feel secure but does this mean she doesn’t need me?

We have started entering the stage of one syllable answers to questions, if I get answer. I embarrass her now. Before if I broke out in song in the car she would have sang along, now she yells for me to stop.

She also comments on things about me she didn’t before.

I’ll just say it- how I look. How I act.

So this is new for me,as before I was Mom. Gorgeous no matter what. Perfect no matter what. Allowed to tuck in no matter what.

Now she sees me.

I mean really sees me.

My stress, my hurt, my happy. My silly. She doesn’t always like what she sees and she tells me.

She asks me point blank questions about things she never did before.

Honest.

Brutal.

The reality of not tucking her in is more than just not tucking her in.

She’s growing up. While I am incredibly proud of who she is becoming. I selfishly still want her to need me. Is she still going to need me?

Will you still need me …When I’m 64? Beatles song… sorry…

I am sure she does and will. I am 47 and when I’m sick all I want is my Mom, but I think you get it.

Relationships between Mothers and daughters can be fragile things. I’m scared.

What if I screw this up?

And now you know my secret. While I hate I’m not tucking her in. It  does mean some extra quiet time for me. Our majestic golden doodle now sleeps with her. Less chaos at bedtime because she is handling it.

But it also means we are entering those years.

The ones we see on the Lifetime movies, talk shows, The Kardashian’s.

Ok, I don’t watch that… but ack!

I certainly don’t want to be a cool Mom.  I mean, raise your hand if you saw Mean Girls?

Whoa

But I want to be someone she can come to. That is my fear. Or at the least if not me someone else and know she can send them my way after.

I went to college with women who couldn’t talk to their Moms. I am friends with women who couldn’t talk to their Moms. I sometimes can’t talk to my Mom.

I don’t want perfect but I want a balance. Guys,I am so terrified you know who will goof it up. I know I keep saying that, but I think sometimes as a single Mom we wear our worry and sadly guilt like jewelry, heavy around our necks. We don’t mean to, but for me I know I made the right choice but it’s still a tough one and it still is hard on her.

Deep breath….

For now I am going to still ask if she needs anything about three times at bedtime.

Sneak in after she’s asleep and kiss her forehead.

Revel in the fact that even though my poor baby had the worst tummy bug ever the other night guess who she had tuck her in?

That’s right.. the same lady who sings Jump Around at embarrassing levels in the school pick up lane.

We got this Mama.

At least I think we do.

Big loves Mamas

 

~~Caprise

Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

Adventures in Parenting: I Cannot Tell A Lie

When I became a mom, a friend of mine told me that my child would eventually lie to me. Surely she wouldn’t. I hadn’t lied to my parents (well, hardly at all), and my child would be a better person than I am. My friend was wrong. Plain wrong.

Then it happened. My adorable daughter lied to me — shortly after she could construct complex sentences.

My two year old walked into the room wearing the jeans and t-shirt that I had put on her that morning, plus what looked like half a bottle of moisturizer — in her hair, on her shirt, and all over her jeans. Just then, the cat ran past me covered with what was obviously the rest of the moisturizer from the bottle.

So as an educated woman who had read all of the best parenting books, I asked my moisturizer-slathered cherub the stupidest question possible,

“Who put moisturizer on the cat?”

“He did it himself.”

She said this while looking me straight in the eyes. It was hard not to laugh, but the skill with which she had lied (minus the circumstantial evidence all over her and the poor cat) was unnerving. I hoped that I wasn’t raising a future criminal.

By the time she was five, my daughter had become more devious, but I could still stay one step ahead of her. Anytime she had something in her possession that she shouldn’t have, she hid it under her bed — every single time. When the Easter basket was missing a chocolate bunny that we were going to “save until after dinner”, I found the foil wrapper under her bed. Although she wasn’t sophisticated enough to change her hiding spot, she seemed genuinely contrite whenever I found something under her bed that shouldn’t be there. I counted guilt as progress.

Now that she is a teenager, trying to stay one step ahead of her is at best challenging. Instead, I strive to nurture both honesty and open communication. We have had many conversations that have included my saying, “If you are ever in a situation where you need a sober ride, call me. I may not be happy, but you know I love you and I want you to be safe.”

The other day, she explained to me that an older sister of one of her friends had texted while driving. This scared me, but I was glad that my daughter felt comfortable telling me about it. Apparently she asked the girl to put her phone down and told her that if she did it again, she wouldn’t ride with her.

Will my teenager lie to me? Surely she will. I also think that she will talk to me when it is important — and for that, I am grateful.

Liz Possible ​is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that. Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/

I Will Take It Minute By Minute

I Will Take It Minute by Minute…

A little history before you read this post. I wrote this shortly after my husband and I separated. We had a long and turbulent marriage. I was married for 12 years and we have 3 beautiful children. During those years I dealt with some physical abuse from my husband…infidelity on my husband’s part…drugs and drinking on my husband’s part…emotional abuse from my husband…the list goes on. That is not to say I was perfect but Lord how I tried to make it work.  It has been over a year now and I am happy to say that I am at a much better place!

The sadness I felt and often still feel is overwhelming. There is no other way to describe it.Some days takes everything I have to put one foot in front of the other. It takes every ounce of energy to get up…to get dressed…to eat…to be a mom…to care. I am not sure many people truly understand. After being married for so long…even though my children are with me…it is a very lonely feeling. Even though we had so many bad times, there were also good times. I just kept hoping the good times would win out. There are still just some days I feel like I am drowning with no way out.

Minute by Minute…

It is so hard to look at social media because my life is certainly not what I pictured it to be right now. My husband and I attended church together and I feel like I have been alienated by the church and community. I am in survival mode.

How can I do it all?

Only God knows how.

I am not going to make it without Him. I find myself turning to Him so much. God and my babies. Some days I am not sure how I get through them. I am not the person I want to be. I feel like I have never been good enough for my husband or his family. I feel abandoned by everyone. Am I that bad of a person that I don’t deserve something good? If it wasn’t for my children I don’t think I would even care. The hurt is just a lot. Lord help me climb out of whatever I am in.

There are so many questions about my future and my children’s future. So much uncertainty. So much fear of the future. I am so sad…so hurt. Still so hurt. Even though I made this decision (which I believe in my heart to be the right decision) it doesn’t make it any easier. Do I just feel too much? Can we fast forward to the easier part? Please oh please? Did I mean nothing to my husband? Does he not hurt? Does he not care? Did he ever care? He has hurt me so many times. What do I do? I pray…I get up every day and do it all again.

Minute by Minute…

I worry how this affects my kids. Will they be okay? I want something. I want someone to love me. To actually care about me. I want someone who wants to protect me instead of hurt me. Is that too much to ask for? Where will I be in a year? Where will I live? Will my kids understand why I did what I did? Will they blame me then like I feel they do now?

My reality is certainly not as bad as some…but it is my reality. Doesn’t make it any easier. Things could always be worse.

So here I am living on my faith…doing the best I can (trying) and waiting for the day things will get better. They will get better. Surviving the hard times is the hard part! Praying I can make it until then. Praying I will be worthy one day. Worthy as a Christian, as a mom, as a partner for someone who will be worthy of me!

Day by day is too much.

I will be taking it minute by minute.

~Ann~

Overwhelmed & Finding Direction

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I”-Psalm 61:2

I struggled today with what I have to blog about or share. I am getting in to a rut where it seems like a lot lately has been about misery…only to bring in the year of 2018 with a BANG of more. Including but not limited to ICU, ambulance ride, non-responsive, leaking ceiling, ….not all of those things happened to ME, but have thus far- 4 days in- happened to someone(s) I love.

As you all know, we post many motivational sayings through the day on our Facebook page in hopes that even if it’s just one person the saying is speaking to, that one person needed it, and all is well within ourselves 🙂 I know that not everything we post is meant for everyone, and we weed through the comments-we do pay attention! 🙂 But if just ONE person….. I posted this one and it spoke to me, my heart is certainly overwhelmed at the moment and the madness needs to clear so I can move forward. This is one of those time periods in my life where I need to hand over my worries, concerns and pray for help and guidance and trust that there is a plan, as we are so always telling each and every one of you. There is a plan, I know this, but somedays we needed to be reminded ourselves.  I like to think that you all help me as much as we help you. And for this I thank you.

Love to All-Kim

Winning Your Way To My Heart

Winning the way to my heart is not simple and some days I feel guilty for how difficult I can be. But yet, it’s my choice and I don’t feel anything that is winning my heart is asking too much, it is my heart, afterall.

Trust-I have trust issues. They go back to my youth, and my first marriage. I HAVE, have to trust you. Whether it be in a romantic relationship, or any relationship. As the saying goes..words are nice but actions prove so much more. Unfortunately, I don’t start out trusting someone. I start out not trusting and have to be proven to that I can trust you. I question every thing, repeatedly,  until I feel confident. Most would say I go overboard with my trust issues. It’s who I am.

My Children-I need someone who is going to be a role model to my children. I am ok with them being their friend but they still need to be the adult in all situations. They must treat them as their own and love them unconditionally. Let’s be honest..children can be a pain in the ass and test every bit of patience you have. If you can win the love and respect of my children-YOU ARE IN!

Honesty-I cannot handle being lied to about ANYTHING! Honesty and trust pretty much go hand in hand. I think this one doesn’t warrant any explaining.

Respect-Respect is so very important. Giving respect as well as receiving it. Honestly it may be the most important one. I would never venture into a friendship without respect let alone a romantic relationship.

Love-Honest, pure, truthful, respectful, raw love. No strings attached. Love me for who I am and also for who I am not.  And I will love you for you.

Love to All-

Kim

Blessings Often Wear A Hell Of A Disguise

“Some blessings wear a hell of a disguise”

So in order to keep my promise of daily fresh content to all of you, I need to pull a blog post out of my ass…and it’s Monday and I don’t feel like it.  Good thing I don’t give much thought to ‘how I feel’ in the moment, I am well-trained to just do what needs to be done…so looking over at my wall of quotes—I see one that sparks a flash of inspiration…it is an anonymous quote that reads, “Some blessings wear a hell of a disguise…”  Well, well, well…now yes they do!

My faith in God has taught me that there is good in everything even when it can’t be seen.  I am of the opinion that you have to trust that even in your darkest hour the good is there and eventually it will come to bless and benefit you.  All of this is easier said than done.  There have been quite a few times when life has whipped me around to the almost breaking point and in those hours it took all my courage to trust that good was there somewhere.   Days, years, months later I could see the blessing…however in those moments I didn’t see squat!

Several people in my life right now are living in those dark moments, one is losing her house from bankruptcy and another is struggling with a stinging betrayal.  It is hard to counsel them that there is good somewhere present in the current circumstances.  I know for them that it is there, however it is hard for them to stay steady now and trust that for themselves.

When our blessings are wearing a hell of a disguise and it seems as if life is against us, the most important thing that we can do is to know that good is present somewhere, somehow…it is vital in the middle of urgent circumstances to keep your head clear and above water…it is imperative to react to things according to the outcome that you want to see– not according to the way it looks at any given moment.   Remember that the miracle doesn’t come unless there is complete certainty and trust on your part.  From what I have read, according to a Hebrew version of the Bible, when Moses created the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea, he and his followers had to walk into the sea knowing that it would part for them…from what is written, the sea did not part until they were in the water up to their nostrils—only then did the sea become dry land.  They had to walk into the sea with the CERTAINTY that it would part for them.  As they were walking further and further in, there were moments that it looked like they were going to drown…they kept going because they trusted and they were certain that the sea would make way for them…IT DID!

We must use this lesson in our own lives, every day.   You must be certain that life will make way for you to have the outcome that you desire, provided that it is for the highest good of everyone involved.  Understand that the highest good in a situation is not always what our ego desires.  Some of us try to push ‘our will’ instead of Divine Will…that doesn’t usually work out so well.

When your intentions and desires are pure, life will move heaven and earth to assist you.  Blessings are usually disguised to help us acquire qualities that we may not learn otherwise…hence the old saying “if God brings us to it…God will bring us through it”…this is good news, it means we never get anything we can’t handle.

So the next time life is kicking your butt remember that there is good in there somewhere…even if you can’t see it, trust that it is present.  The willingness to trust for the possibility of good has the power to shift your state of mind and therefore the entire situation.

 

The Many Faces of Good-Bye

It takes an immense amount of courage to say good-bye to something that isn’t excellent. So many of us put up with circumstances, conditions and relationships that are not really working and there truly IS a time when it is appropriate to say good-bye so that healing can happen and new good can occur.
Yes, there is a time to stand up and fight for something, a time to make changes, a time to try new behaviors…all of that…however when enough time has passed and you feel that you have done all you can and you are still not seeing the result you require, it may just be time to say “good-bye”.
Saying good-bye to something isn’t “bad”, it isn’t “giving up”, it is having the wisdom to see that beating a dead horse is a fool hardy exercise…you exhaust yourself and the horse is still dead.
When you say good-bye you can do it with love, that is possible…you can do it with acknowledgement of contributions made, you can release and set something free with great gratitude and love and forgiveness for that things that didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to.
Granted most people say good-bye in anger or fear or guilt or some combination of those…it doesn’t need to be like that. Endings are also new beginnings where new blessings can show up, where new good can appear.
When you prune a tree it seems like a terrible thing, you cut living branches from it and it looks terrible for a while…then it starts to grow and fill out stronger than it ever was before…new life comes to it when before it looked almost dead and barren. Good-bye can be like that, it feels awful, it looks awful…times goes by and then new LIFE comes zooming in bringing with it new blessings we couldn’t see before.
So many people hang on to things that have been unworkable for so long…jobs, relationships, items, marriages etc…they hang on because they are scared to death to let go…letting GO is letting GOD…it is trusting something greater than yourself to take care of you and it is knowing that with every ending comes a new start for something not yet seen.
When appropriate have the courage to say good-bye, everything that you want could very well be on the other side of good-bye….

Calling out the good by FAITH

“FAITH is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Faith is also believing in things not yet seen…this is true even in the most horrid of circumstances, in the midst of those types of circumstances your FAITH will enable you to hold to the fact that there IS GOOD in there somewhere and that the sooner you start calling it out in FAITH, the faster it will APPEAR.
This is a very advanced skill, the being able to call to good in the darkest situation…most people panic, cry, react and run at the first sign of a dark situation…they become immobile in their fear and panic and thereby put themselves at the mercy of the chaos. This is the biggest error that you can ever make, the buying into what something looks like at first glance or first report…this goes for every area of life…work, medical issues, prosperity, and relationship…all of it. Life is designed to TRAIN US to become more skilled and to elevate our soul growth, running around in fear and panic, reacting to things is a very low form of living. Living that way means that we are at the mercy of whatever crazy circumstance life or the dark wants to throw at us and we have very little stability of Spirit that way because we are only as stable as what things look like in any given moment. So we are like ping pong balls bouncing off the circumstances…
FAITH is trusting that GOOD is in everything, trusting that so much that you get to the point where NOTHING can MOVE you off your foundation…you don’t go to the high-high when things look amazing and you don’t sink to the low-low when things look like shit…
Calling out the good by FAITH is a skill that will get stronger the more you practice it and you need to practice it…trust that GOD never sets anything up to harm you, therefore no matter what it looks like there is a blessing that can come from it…so start calling to the blessing, trusting that it will reveal itself…and it WILL. Remember that whatever you call a thing it becomes…call it devastating and it will be…call it a BLESSING and it will become that…

When God Shuts A Door…

I saw a quote today and posted it on the Revealing Excellence Facebook page, it said in essence, when God closes a door stop banging on it…meaning He closed it for a reason.  We may not understand or agree with God’s reasons and timing; however we need to trust them.  God has the bigger plan and He knows what we need better than we do.

Having Faith means trusting what we cannot yet see.  Sometimes when we are seeking the answer to something we need to let go of it and simply do the tasks before us.  Trust that when the time is right the way will be made unmistakably clear to us.  At times this can look like stepping out where there seems to be no road under our feet; there are times when we have to follow God’s prompts to go forward even when we do not see the pavement in front of us.  During these times God acts as our eyes, He sees the road ahead and He directs the path on which we walk, put one foot in front of the other…do the tasks that are before you each day and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

We may not see the whole road, yet as we step each time there is solid ground that appears beneath our feet.  God makes a way where there is no way, some days this is my mantra…

So when God shuts a door just leave it closed and go find the open one…