Tag Archives: train

Listen To Yourself

Listen to yourself….I had lunch the other day with an old friend. We talked about the many self development programs we have taken over the years.

He helped me remember one of the most profound insights Ive ever had. One particular program incorporated a ropes course and other physical challenges as a way to assist the experience. One exercise was called the morning run, we would get up every day at 6 AM and run 1 mile. The trail we ran on started on flat ground, turn to a very steep uphill run and then to very steep downhill run, ending up where we started on flat ground. The difficult part of the run was that our instructions were to run full out or stop. No jogging, no walking, just running full out or stopping until we finished. Lining the trail were a crowd of assistants cheering us on as we went bye.

It was quite a difficult even though I had been in relatively good shape prior to coming for the week. Mostly I thought to myself how crazy it was that we could only sprint or stop for the whole mile.

As soon as we finished we to a hall to have a long conversation about what had happened. The realization I had was, what a prisoner I was to my mind. The discussion brought up the dynamic that we all live in called, when we experience difficulty or pain we use that as an excuse to stop. That morning I said things to myself like this is stupid, what is this supposed to prove?, My legs hurt I cant go on like this,  what I got to see was that we can think what we think, feel what we feel, have whatever opinions we have… And still keep going. I noticed for the very first time in my life how much I talk to myself and how much that rules what I can or cannot do.

The first day I think I did the run in about 20 minutes. The second day, after noticing what I was using to stop me, I completed the run in less than 10 minutes. There is no physical reason how that could happen, cut my time in half in 24 hours. The only thing that changed was that I could hear what I was saying to myself and not pay attention to it. I was the one giving that conversation power over me. I could be tired, my legs could hurt, I could think it was stupid exercise… And still keep going.

That one exercise has changed the rest of my life. 

~S

Warrior Mom Training 101

Warrior Mom Training 101:

Special Forces training in any branch of the Military is well-known as some of the toughest training and conditioning that exists…you must be optimally fit, quick to respond, ready for anything, tougher than nails, able to react in a split second and have the ability to solve problems instantaneously…you also must be able to endure physical pain, emotional discomfort and you must never, ever give up—there is no escape, no turning back, no “I don’t want to”—you have a mission and you must complete it or die trying. Period.

If you have never enlisted in the Military yet you crave this kind of training for excellence you will be happy to know there is another way to receive it…become a single mother.  I promise you that being a single mother will give you the training for excellence that you crave.  The drill is similar to what I described above, however in this situation the training never stops—the classroom is your life and the lessons never ending…

When you are ultimately responsible for another human being there are a lot of behaviors that you can no longer entertain…there is no “I don’t feel like it”, no “I can’t do it”, no “someone else will take care of it”, no “it’s not my problem”.  You have TO DO EVERYTHING, it’s all your problem and nobody cares if you “feel” like it or not…none of that even shows up on the screen.

No matter if you are sick, tired, lazy, angry, or sad you still have to take care of another human being…you have to see that they are clean, fed, safe, stable, happy and well-adjusted—even if you are not…

You are not allowed the grace of going to bed and pulling the covers over your head when life is looking shitty because someone is coming in your room, looking under the covers and asking you where their dinner is…

You may only have complete emotional meltdowns after your child is asleep and then you may only do it QUIETLY…there will be no crying loudly or howling in despair and it is really best if you lock yourself in the bathroom just in case the child awakens…not a good plan for your small person to see their beloved mother on her knees weeping in the living room—this could cause nightmares…and that just means you won’t sleep either…

As a single mother whose ex-husband lived in another state, I enjoyed the fact that someone talked to me from 6am until approx. 9pm, on weekdays there was a reprieve caused by school, however on the weekends the talking was non-stop from sun-up to sun-down(and now that he is 19 and has his own apartment there are TEXTS at all hours)…you may be filled with glee each Saturday and Sunday morning when you are joined in your bed by your son, Otter, Bunny, Kitty and Blue Covers…further enthralled when you are informed that you are TAKING UP TOO MUCH ROOM in your OWN bed.

There is no escape, no break, no quitting…there is only putting one foot in front of the other and doing the same thing over and over and over again…laundry, cleaning—constant cleaning, feeding, cooking, listening, explaining, yelling, crying, bathing, paying bills, working, taking care of the car, emptying trash, buying clothes, food shopping, changing shower heads and toilet seats, changing air filters, putting together toys, solving problems, teaching things, disciplining, etc, etc, etc

The list is endless…trust me.  And all of it must be done with a cheerful heart because ultimately it is the path I chose.  I chose not to live in a circumstance that was sucking the life out of me, I chose not to take child support or alimony because I wanted to move to another state and I wanted my ex to have travel money, I chose to raise this child as I saw fit and I chose not to give up who I was just to have someone to lean on…all of it my choice.  My choice was difficult, it was a hard road to hoe…some days were much more difficult than others; however I have no regrets, not one…never have.

This training and situation is not for everyone—certainly not for the faint of heart…and sometimes it is scary, however you make it through.  TRUST ME—YOU DO. 

Like the Special Forces, the single mother must be ready for anything, able to act or react in a split second depending on the circumstance at hand.  You must be physically tough and emotionally non-reactive and you must be able to solve a wide variety of problems, some of them involving legos and superheroes.  You must be able to endure picking up bugs and worms and must not run screaming when you see blood, you must carry Kleenex and anti-bacterial wipes and have emergency snack foods in your car at all times…band-aids too—you need band-aids.

The ultimate good news here is that this training will enable you to do ANYTHING…people are constantly asking me “how do you do all that you do?”—  My answer…I JUST DO IT…If I stopped to think about how I can do what needs to be done, nothing would get accomplished…you just DO IT, it doesn’t matter if you are tired, sick, overwhelmed, cranky, mad, sad…you just do it.  

How I feel on any given day doesn’t matter—no one else was there to run the companies, or get my son ready for camp, or pack lunch, or make breakfast, or drive to school…there was just me and I just DID it.

You have to create your life the way you want it, in every moment you have the choice to be enthusiastic or fowl, productive or lazy, angry or forgiving…there is no one else running your movie…it is just you, so make the best of it.