Tag Archives: time

Lonely Hearts Club

The lonely hearts club is tough. I recently came across a quote: psychology says the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest.

There are days, more often than not I feel this in my bones.

My day job is a director of a large childcare center- so it goes without saying I take care of littles and honestly their parents.

I come home and I take care of my daughter.

I work really hard not to be a burden to others, but be available should anyone need me. I want the people in my life to be happy, even though I realize it’s an incredibly tall and unrealistic order.

Along the way, I’ve become so hyper focused on work and my daughter. I spend a lot of my downtime alone.

I have a person in my life, but our schedules make it hard to see each other.

My closest friends ….schedules sometimes don’t line up.

Also, I know I’m not alone in this. My soul sister and I had this very conversation- how alone we feel sometimes. Thank goodness we both seem to sense when the other needs a phone call.

Or one of my daughter’s friends Mom tells me as she dropped her daughter off at my house for a slumber party that she was going to see a good friend for the first time in three years!

It’s not just adults either. During said slumber party- several of the girls remarked how happy they were to see each other. It may be the only time all summer.

While I appreciate my quiet moments- too many can really start to wreak havoc on me. I need people. I need my people. I have a hard time admitting that.

I love my life and appreciate everything I have, but there are times where it’s glaringly obvious I need some adult time.

I am a strong, independent person but even us caregivers need someone to take care of us. Even if it’s to meet up for coffee for a half hour. Even if it’s to text. To call. To send a hilarious card in the mail.

Mommas fight for that time. Speak up. It doesn’t make you weak. We all need a someone and some time to just be. There is no shame in asking for those things.

It’s ok to want to talk to someone you don’t spend 24 hours with lol.

In the meantime remember who you are when you’re feeling low and lonely- you’re someone’s Mom.

That’s some magical stuff right there.

<3 Caprise

I Gotta Live

You gotta live!

If you are a faithful follower of this page you know we like to give out regular reminders of how you should look out for yourself. Take care of yourself. Take time for yourself.

The reality as Moms it’s just not something we do.

And if we do- the guilt we lay on ourselves or let others lay on us is huge.

That guilt also tends to hold us back.

We are Moms we put everyone first, it’s what we do. It’s how we’re built.

But sometimes life hands you a timetable.

That’s when you can’t sit on your hands anymore and wait.

I feel like what I’m about to write is a constant in my blogs. It’s ok to ask for what you need.

Maybe I write this a lot because I’m not great at it. I struggle to ask for more time. To tell people when I’m hurt. Sad. Jealous. Mad. Even happy. I don’t want to be too much or not enough so I sit on my hands and wait.

Then one day life hands you a timetable.

I’ve always had one.

We all do. Some of us just have timetables written in green neon we can’t control while others get a dry erase board.

Either way.

You gotta live.

I spent a long weekend with some of my favorite humans and came clean about a lot of big things in my life and kept waiting for a shoe to drop that never did.

Instead my people rallied and scolded and put things on the calendar.

I have my reasons for having a tight reign on my life and some are valid but some hold me back.

I made big changes in my life to show my daughter a person who loves you should not hold you back. It’s ironic I don’t seem to love myself enough to do the same.

That ends know.

My timetable is neon green.

One light/letter is already out.

In the words of one of favorite people “I gotta live.”

You do too Mommas,

You do too,

<3 Caprise

In Case I Never See You Again…

In Case I Never See You Again…

How many of us conduct our relationships based on the phrase above?  I would guess very few.  We think there is plenty of time and plenty of opportunity to fix whatever isn’t working… in a relationship, in a job, with a parent, in a living situation…and so we say things to ourselves like “I will make concessions and settle for less than excellence today because I can do something about it tomorrow”, “I will stay here with him or her today because it is comfortable and easier and less confrontational and later I will experience real intimacy and real joy”, “I will hold onto my animosity and anger for you today because later on I will tell you how I really feel and we will make things right”, “I will withhold my heart from you today because you might hurt me and so I will not share my deepest love with you right now because I will do it later on when it seems safer”…and on and on and on……

Imagine with me for a moment that there was only today…what would not be acceptable to you then?  If there was only today would you waste one, single second withholding yourself, putting things off, accepting unacceptable behavior or putting up with no results???    Would you???

 Or would you throw caution to the wind and change some things…would you forgive people, would you repair relationships, would you get rid of things that didn’t work, would you take chances, would you STOP caring what other people think, would you love like your life depended on it???

Do you know that death is unbearable only when you have unfinished business with the people that died…do you understand that living also becomes unbearable when there is loads of unfinished business and a plethora of words unspoken?

In case I never see you again, what must I say to you right now in this moment to be complete?   What a different life we would have if we were complete in every moment…how that would change us…

Most of us are saving stuff for the right moment…the right moment is now…the world is an interesting place these days….funky people are doing crazy things and that requires some of us to remind others of us to stop waiting for the “right” moment—live your life RIGHT NOW…stop putting up with people and things that don’t work, stop withholding yourself from other people, stop killing your vitality and joy with undelivered communications and unexpressed anger…you think that nobody notices because you are being “nice” instead of being REAL…authenticity is what gives life and sometimes being authentic is very unattractive, however it is real and it is true and it is life altering…

Do you remember the Velveteen Rabbit…only when he was a mess and all his fur was gone and his stuffing was coming out, only then did he become “REAL”…

Real life and real love are messy folks…you have to roll up your sleeves and delve in…authentic is getting all the way in and being real all the way through…sometimes it feels great and sometimes not so great, but all the way along you feel alive…you have to get in there and mix it up—stop looking in from the sidelines waiting for the right moment to live.

It’s like the difference between mixing meatballs with a spoon because you don’t want to get “ all messy” and mixing meatballs with your hands…sleeves rolled up, rings off and you just dig into the bowl and mix it and then you shape the meatballs with your hands…

Careful, brittle people mix things with spoons, they shape meatballs with spoons…they don’t want to get dirty or sticky or messy and those people’s meatballs have dry spots and they don’t taste good because they carry the flavor of a person with an inability to fully experience life…NEWS FLASH : real life is messy, it’s fun, it’s heartbreaking, you can get dirty and broken and you can also experience true, profound JOY…

Live your life folks, mix things with your hands, get in there and roll up your sleeves…another holiday is coming, another year…will you be joyful this Christmas?  Will you be complete in every moment with the people that you love and even those you don’t?  Will you ask yourself what would I say now to this person in case I never see them again?

You would be such a gift this holiday season if you lived like that…instead of being stressed and pissed and harried, what if you were gracious and grateful and complete?  What a gift you would be to yourself…undelivered communications are what make us sick and tired and unparticipatory…

YOU be the GIFT this Christmas Season and love people like your life depended on it because it does…

I love you guys…go out there and LIVE OUT LOUD.

-Noelle

 

Waiting For My Turn

Waiting For My Turn…

I was listening to a podcast on the way to work about working moms and being spread too thin. At one point, the guest speaker took a moment to acknowledge single moms because they don’t have someone helping at home with some of the things talked about on the podcast. Just that tiny acknowledgement made me start crying.

Somedays, I wonder how I got here; this is not how I thought my life would be. 45 years old, divorced with two kids, alone …. Most days I keep plugging along with work, the kids, activities, etc and don’t let myself think about it too much. But, some days, especially lately, it’s a continuous reminder. Please don’t get me wrong. I know that I am blessed … I have two unbelievable daughters, great friends and family, a great job with amazing coworkers … and I wouldn’t give all that up for anything. But, sometimes, I would just love to have a person to share my life with.

People say all the time …. It will happen when the time is right, or when you’re not looking, etc. I get that …. I hear you. And I know that the ones who haven’t worked out are a step in my journey and I should take lessons from those relationships. But right now, I am tired …. I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of doing everything on my own, tired when I don’t get a break, and tired of having to learn lessons all the time. When do I get my turn for love and happiness? I feel completely selfish and petty for having these feelings and saying them out loud when so many of my friends are going through their own tough times. But, then I remember that this is my reality right now and this is what I’m struggling with. And each person’s struggle is just as important as the next person’s.

To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/

 

Time And Money Saving Two Meal Entree For Those Back To School Nights

If you’re like me back to school time can be totally crazy, especially on nights where you have to be two places at once and don’t have time to cook or really know exactly when you will be home that night. The meat reheats great and can be easily used the next night with a quick cook microwave veggie on day 2.

What you need:

Pork Chops

Bread Crumbs

Ears of corn (we did 3)

Garlic salt or your favorite seasoning

Spring Mix

Tomato

Onion

Other Salad Toppings

Olive Oil

This meat is a deal….it’s actually 4 meals worth for us. Tonight we are using half and freezing the other half.

Preheat Oven to 400 degrees

These pork chops are huge so you will want to cut them in half…so 3 in the pack make 6 really good size pork chops. Coat them in olive oil & bread crumbs. Cook for 25-30 minutes.

Boil your corn and make your salad.

Disclaimer: My kids pretty much eat the pork chop & corn only. They will eat veggie pasta & some of the frozen microwave veggies…so that’s how we avoid fast food on night 2. Just reheat & serve.

You can see the entire recipe along with photos at https://fake-it-until-you-make-it.com/2018/08/14/two-meal-entrees/

~Bethany

You can follow Bethany on her blog at https://fake-it-until-you-make-it.com

A Time For Me To Believe In Myself

A time for me…

At the newly age of fifty and fabulous (which is a story all in itself) with one kid on his own, and my youngest soon to be a Senior in High School, I unexpectedly find myself unemployed, yet unnerved for the first time, which is both soothing and strange for me.

Being a single mother, twenty four years and counting, I have never been afforded the same luxuries in life as some women, by either given the choice to walk away from an underpaid or overworked job in search of a better one, or the really far fetched dream of staying at home!

Is it though, that far fetched? That I could stay at home, doing what I love, and still support my family?! Perhaps not. Perhaps this is a time for me. A time to get my shit together, a time to face my fears, and a time to just jump in, hold my breath (if I have to), and believe, believe in me!

Believing is the difficult part of the equation that most people, especially women, struggle with. The feeling of being unworthy, believing you deserve such a far fetched life seems almost ridiculous from everything we’ve ever been taught as young girls. But is it?

I am blessed to have a mother, who taught me through her own strength and wisdom, to always believe in myself, in my own strength. That people (mainly men) come and go, so plant your own roots, water your own garden and never settle for anything that doesn’t make your heart skip a beat.

I haven’t always listened to my mother, as I stumbled along my own path of poor choices, and settled a time or two along the way, whether in the arms of the wrong man or working on someone else’s dream instead of my own.

So yes, this is a time for me!
A time to remember.
A time to dream.
A time to ask, believe, & receive because I am worthy!

Chase that crazy dream girl, spread your wings, believe in yourself and fly! This is your time! A time for me to take pen to paper and write, my story. A story I do believe will inspire others to take the time for you, to chase your own (crazy) dreams and fly!!

With Light & Love,
Angel A

Making Friends…You Had Me at Mah.

Making friends is hard. Keeping friends can be even harder. I didn’t put much though into it, or my own struggles, until the last few weeks. My daughter starts middle school next year. While she has had some tried and true friends, I don’t always hear her refer to them as best friends. She has had one bestie since her kindergarten days, and her parents are fantastic. Shout out to you guys – you know who you are and I’m so thankful for you. So thankful. Last month at Gabrielle’s orchestra concert I witnessed a monumental event in my daughter’s life.

Out of a crowd of jubilant juveniles, a young lady (who looked to be taller than my half-pint 5’2” build), walked straight up to my daughter. They stood facetoface in the gymnasium. Without any hesitation, this fellow odd duckling simply said, “mah”. Gabrielle replied with the same “mah”. The warmth from their hug melted away my angst over G having her own tribe. Not only does G have her own tribe, but the tween-Queens like each other too.

There is something truly empowering about having your own tribe. The enabling freedom you get from having a random person get your situation, because they have lived through similar experiences.

Many moons ago I had a solid tribe. Memories of our elicit adventures still bring giggles and a smirk of days long past. We were not a quiet tribe. We were wild. Not wild in the way that you can’t share with some people. But, CERTAIN people don’t need to know all the details.

That, and I signed a form. Kinda. A marriage license. My ex-husband didn’t like anything about my tribe. He let me know it. His friends let me know it. His family let me know it. One the most asshole things you can do is ditch your friends for a man. No matter how nice he seems. But I ditched my tribe.

But after a drug dealing boyfriend with warrants out for his arrest, I thought I would be happier with a nerdy husband than with my tribe. Nope.

After my divorce, I found that my tribe had changed in my absence. This is a 100% on me.

You can only keep asking to spend time with someone so many times, and after a while; my friends gave up. I was ashamed. I had conflicted feelings about who I had become. I don’t regret much, but I regret leaving my tribe.

After my divorce, someone would always spend the weekend at my apartment with me. I was never alone. These are people who saw me at my most awkward, most crazy, and at the most broken point in my life. They are MY tribe. Rather than walk away, they held my hand. Tight. They still do.

Through every broken heart, bad haircut, and job change: I can call them at any time and they show up. They encourage my hobbies (even though they may change on a dime). They clapped when I went blonde. They were lovingly bossy when I kept canceling on first dates (that means they made me go). They texted me when people I love were no longer in my life. They bought me a stiff drink when my job got eliminated, and they admire each new tattoo I get.

We can go months without talking. Thanks to social media, we are never out of touch for too long. It does my heart good to know I have these people who tell me about sales on leggings, encourage me to go see music, eat the tacos, and buy more shoes.

I’m still working on building a bridge back to my tribe. It will take work, and I’m hopeful that we can re-connect as a new tribe. Some of my tribe members I’ve know my whole life: I love you Chicken!

There are new members who knew me from college and even junior high that have come back into my life. Some I’ve only known a few years: Hey Birthday bestie!

It makes me smile to know that Gabrielle has her own tribe. Maybe someday her tribe will call a bar late at night and order wings, send her music, or share lip gloss. Who knows if that will happen. But what I do know is that they will love her for just being herand that isn’t anything to say “mah” about.

~Caprise~

I Will Take It Minute By Minute

I Will Take It Minute by Minute…

A little history before you read this post. I wrote this shortly after my husband and I separated. We had a long and turbulent marriage. I was married for 12 years and we have 3 beautiful children. During those years I dealt with some physical abuse from my husband…infidelity on my husband’s part…drugs and drinking on my husband’s part…emotional abuse from my husband…the list goes on. That is not to say I was perfect but Lord how I tried to make it work.  It has been over a year now and I am happy to say that I am at a much better place!

The sadness I felt and often still feel is overwhelming. There is no other way to describe it.Some days takes everything I have to put one foot in front of the other. It takes every ounce of energy to get up…to get dressed…to eat…to be a mom…to care. I am not sure many people truly understand. After being married for so long…even though my children are with me…it is a very lonely feeling. Even though we had so many bad times, there were also good times. I just kept hoping the good times would win out. There are still just some days I feel like I am drowning with no way out.

Minute by Minute…

It is so hard to look at social media because my life is certainly not what I pictured it to be right now. My husband and I attended church together and I feel like I have been alienated by the church and community. I am in survival mode.

How can I do it all?

Only God knows how.

I am not going to make it without Him. I find myself turning to Him so much. God and my babies. Some days I am not sure how I get through them. I am not the person I want to be. I feel like I have never been good enough for my husband or his family. I feel abandoned by everyone. Am I that bad of a person that I don’t deserve something good? If it wasn’t for my children I don’t think I would even care. The hurt is just a lot. Lord help me climb out of whatever I am in.

There are so many questions about my future and my children’s future. So much uncertainty. So much fear of the future. I am so sad…so hurt. Still so hurt. Even though I made this decision (which I believe in my heart to be the right decision) it doesn’t make it any easier. Do I just feel too much? Can we fast forward to the easier part? Please oh please? Did I mean nothing to my husband? Does he not hurt? Does he not care? Did he ever care? He has hurt me so many times. What do I do? I pray…I get up every day and do it all again.

Minute by Minute…

I worry how this affects my kids. Will they be okay? I want something. I want someone to love me. To actually care about me. I want someone who wants to protect me instead of hurt me. Is that too much to ask for? Where will I be in a year? Where will I live? Will my kids understand why I did what I did? Will they blame me then like I feel they do now?

My reality is certainly not as bad as some…but it is my reality. Doesn’t make it any easier. Things could always be worse.

So here I am living on my faith…doing the best I can (trying) and waiting for the day things will get better. They will get better. Surviving the hard times is the hard part! Praying I can make it until then. Praying I will be worthy one day. Worthy as a Christian, as a mom, as a partner for someone who will be worthy of me!

Day by day is too much.

I will be taking it minute by minute.

~Ann~

Embrace It Because Time Really Does Fly

Embrace time because it really does fly by…which leads me to what I feel today.  I get those notifications every day from Facebook that are pictures of what I posted “_ years ago today”. I sometimes take the time to look at them, most times not. Today I did-it was pictures of our youngest child…she would’ve been 3. My very last baby. I stayed home with her for the first 5 years of her life-I feel like I have this huge bond with her knowing that she was going to be my last of everything….last 1st bath, last 1st haircut, last kindergarten graduation…ect….it makes me sad but yet also excited for her!

As time flew by with the older two, it’s happening just as fast if not faster with her. Maybe it just seems that way because it’s so bittersweet. I often find myself thinking about all the things and opportunities I have missed with my kids-sometimes I get so caught up in that, I fail to focus on what we have done and just how often we really are together.

Maybe as we age-mortality becomes more of a reality, it did to me anyway. Realizing time doesn’t stop or slow down for anyone!

There truly is never enough time, some days seem like they’re never going to end and only wish for them to! If I knew now what I knew when I was wishing time away, I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Every moment in time is there for a reason. Embrace, learn, experience!

 

Love to all-

Kim

Time For Yourself-Here We Go AGAIN!

Taking time for yourself…we’ve talked and talked and talked…..about this so many times before. I just don’t know that I can stress how important that is. And feel like it’s something that should be discussed repeatedly until each and everyone is doing so!

I use to read, and read ALOT! I don’t use a tablet(although I tried) and nothing beats the smell and feel of a book. I would go to the library 2-3 times a week and check out 5-6 books at a time.Even with having 3 children! I am a fast reader, and most of what I read I skim read. It takes no time for me to get through an entire book. I have a little rule when I check out books: 1 book for knowledge, and the rest for entertainment purposes.  My book reading was always my “movies”. And when it comes to my knowledge book they can range anywhere from a self help, history,… to a personal memoir.

My point in all this is that I noticed when I started taking my personal inventory a bit back that I had begun to use Netflix and social media as a form of enjoyment and quit reading all together…I am not sure why…I was never much on TV programs and watched movies with my family. Now I was binge watching shows, and constantly checking out what there was for new movies. Instead of reading before bed to wind down I was scrolling my social media accounts. Now-social media is what I do, it’s what help pays my bills, it’s my “bread & butter” so as you can imagine I view social media alllllll day as it is! Social Media is a great tool and a great way to meet up with old friends and new. I work alone in my office most days for 9+ hours a day, and have little to no contact to the “outside world”. I feel like my personal accounts keep me in touch with what is going on in the world, my family and friends afar, etc….I won’t be giving that up but I will be reading more. It’s what I enjoy, it’s always been what I like to do and I am not sure why I stopped reading…at this point it doesn’t matter why I stopped. I enjoy it and it’s for me! Taking care of me! Because, how can I be good for anyone else if I am not good for myself? Don’t give up the things you enjoy because there isn’t enough time in the day…make time…5, 10, 30 minutes. Whatever amount of time have you need to do it for YOU! YOU deserve it.

Do we have any book lovers out there?  I would love to hear any suggestions on titles that you would have 🙂

 

Love to All-

Kim