Tag Archives: time

Give Me Twenty Minutes A Day With My Children

My 13 year old has a bus stop 5 houses down and everyday I drive her to the bus stop. We leave 10 minutes early to sit 5 houses down and wait for the bus.. seems silly doesn’t it.  I do it because I get 10 minutes with her alone and no distractions.. this is 10 minutes that I can’t get anywhere else.  This is my time with her…

I also drive my oldest daughter to high school each day and that is the best time of the day to talk to her…  And on the flip side, I’ve learned that trying to have an important conversation with her after cheer practice at 5:30 is not even worth it.  Teenagers are not much different than adults.. we all have our best times of the day.. and our worst times.

My girls are in their teens and our lives are busy. We are not all together all the time. We do not eat all our meals together or watch movies together. They do not all have the same interests and likes.  We do not all make it to every activity together.  They spend weekends with friends, sports competitions, and sleeping til noon.  This is very different from when they were little.

My son is 9 and loves video games.  I’ll just pop down on the couch next to him and ask him about the game. It’s a quick 5 minutes of me asking him about the game he’s playing and trying to teach me.

It has taken me a while to understand  that we don’t always need to be together. In my head, I had all these fun days planned over Christmas break .. maybe the museum, movies, or mini golf.  And in reality none of that happened, we ended up going out to lunch one day.   And honestly, It was perfect.  They didn’t need the full day of activities to have a fun day like I have envisioned.  Sometimes I forget that they just like it simple.

I have learned that we do not need to spend 8 hours together all the time. They are all at different stages of their lives and sometimes lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings  is all that’s needed.

As they get older, they are learning their independence and I’m learning to give it to them.  It’s hard. It’s a balance between what I need from them and what they need from me. Some weeks it’s one sided.  I used to get so irritated that my middle schooler would come home and go right to her room. Finally I learned that’s what she needed right after school and that later on after 9 pm I would get my time with her..  as she would come watch tv with me.

So sometimes 20 minutes a day is all I need. Give me 20 minutes of undivided time with each child and I learn more about their lives than spending the day with all three.

20 minutes a day seems so minimal.. but sometimes you can learn so much in that time.  I spend hours every week at sporting events, church, and school events for my kids but it’s the random few minutes that are the most important.

It’s the quick ride to school or grabbing a Starbucks or waiting at the ortho before her appointment that matters the most. It’s those random small intervals that we can just talk… not lecturing or probing for information, but just everyday conversation.

I love those moments.  They are what counts right now.

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Some Day We Will Get To Go To The Zoo

Some Day We Will Get To Go To The Zoo…

My daughter is six. She is smart as a whip and sharp as a tack and all those other colloquialisms we like to use. She asked me a question that kind of stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Mommy, why are you always in your room?”

Insert bulging eyes emoji.

“Well… It’s nice in there. I like it.”

She responded, “In the other house, you were in your room a lot, too.”

“So, what you are saying is you want me to spend more time with you?”

She and her brother, age five, both nod. Brother responds with: “We miss you!”

There is no rule book on how to parent singly. I often have no clue. Granted, I wasn’t really sure how to do that WITH a husband, either, so I come by it honestly. But she had a point. I thought about it. I always feel guilty that I don’t spend enough time with them or I work so much that I’m too exhausted and use any spare time to rest. There is no such thing as work/life balance for mothers and especially not single mothers.

Do you know that I have wanted to take my kids to the zoo for about three years now? But it never happens because it’s just not in the budget, no matter how creatively I work around things. I still have to account for fuel, food, appropriate clothing, etc. I would like to declare that 2020 is the year I finally get to take them to the zoo. I currently work three jobs. Surely this year I can take them to the zoo. I really need to show them the spider cages. And the snakes…

I explained to her that mommy has to work a lot. “Why?” She often tells me she does not want me to work so much. I have tried to have her understand, but she won’t truly understand until she’s an adult on her own. In the meantime, I attempt to make her aware that money buys things and getting money comes from work. Money means food, shelter. She’ll understand. Someday…

And someday, we’ll get to go to the zoo.

~ALG~

All I Wanted Was A Cup Of Coffee

How many times have you woke up and thought, “Today I will be on time!  I will stop for breakfast and coffee and get this day started right!”  I too have had these delusions of grandeur once upon a time.  This story that I am about to share with you is one that I’m sure many of you can relate to.   It happened a couple of years ago when I only had two children.   My oldest son was spending the day with his aunt, so it was just the baby and myself that morning and I was actually early!  Let me just say that since having children, that NEVER happens.  In fact, I’m usually always running late.  So needless to say I was super excited because I was finally going to be able to stop for coffee before work.

I get to the daycare to drop off my son and as usual, he pooped on his way to the daycare.  This wasn’t stopping me; he did this all the time and his teacher would change him inside.  What I hadn’t realized was that this particular poopy diaper had leaked through his clothes.  Again, I’m still focused on Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts.  He has extra outfits at daycare, no worries!  No worries, until I realized that my scrub jacket had poop on the sleeve.  No big deal, I asked for some of his wipes to clean it off and took my jacket off to throw in my backseat until I got to work.  That’s when I noticed this horrible mushy, smelly mess in the car seat!  It was even in the buckles!  How in the world did this happen?  Was he doing yoga stretches back there or something?

I wiped up as much as I could, washed my hands inside and headed to work.  No coffee for me!  I remember being so heartbroken over this cup of coffee that I had been dreaming of and tasting in my mouth all morning.  It wasn’t going to happen, and I was kind of pissed about it.  Looking back on this now, I can laugh, but the whole way to work in my car I was literally talking to God out loud asking him, “what’s so wrong with coffee?”  “You know that all I wanted was a cup of coffee!”  I remember being almost in tears.   I made it to work on time, ran in to tell my boss what had happened, grabbed some gloves and disinfectants and spent the next 15 minutes scrubbing out that car seat.   In that moment I decided that my favorite baristas would have to wait until the weekends to see me.

While it sucked in that moment, I remember that day and take it as a lesson learned. Things don’t always go as planned and that’s ok.  And just perhaps there was a reason that I didn’t get my coffee that day.  What if going that way would have had me stuck in traffic?  What if I avoided being in an accident?  Missing out on that cup of coffee could have been God protecting me from something that I was unaware of.    Who knows?  Poop may just have saved my life!

~1spentmom

www.1spentmom.com

Lonely Hearts Club

The lonely hearts club is tough. I recently came across a quote: psychology says the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest.

There are days, more often than not I feel this in my bones.

My day job is a director of a large childcare center- so it goes without saying I take care of littles and honestly their parents.

I come home and I take care of my daughter.

I work really hard not to be a burden to others, but be available should anyone need me. I want the people in my life to be happy, even though I realize it’s an incredibly tall and unrealistic order.

Along the way, I’ve become so hyper focused on work and my daughter. I spend a lot of my downtime alone.

I have a person in my life, but our schedules make it hard to see each other.

My closest friends ….schedules sometimes don’t line up.

Also, I know I’m not alone in this. My soul sister and I had this very conversation- how alone we feel sometimes. Thank goodness we both seem to sense when the other needs a phone call.

Or one of my daughter’s friends Mom tells me as she dropped her daughter off at my house for a slumber party that she was going to see a good friend for the first time in three years!

It’s not just adults either. During said slumber party- several of the girls remarked how happy they were to see each other. It may be the only time all summer.

While I appreciate my quiet moments- too many can really start to wreak havoc on me. I need people. I need my people. I have a hard time admitting that.

I love my life and appreciate everything I have, but there are times where it’s glaringly obvious I need some adult time.

I am a strong, independent person but even us caregivers need someone to take care of us. Even if it’s to meet up for coffee for a half hour. Even if it’s to text. To call. To send a hilarious card in the mail.

Mommas fight for that time. Speak up. It doesn’t make you weak. We all need a someone and some time to just be. There is no shame in asking for those things.

It’s ok to want to talk to someone you don’t spend 24 hours with lol.

In the meantime remember who you are when you’re feeling low and lonely- you’re someone’s Mom.

That’s some magical stuff right there.

<3 Caprise

I Gotta Live

You gotta live!

If you are a faithful follower of this page you know we like to give out regular reminders of how you should look out for yourself. Take care of yourself. Take time for yourself.

The reality as Moms it’s just not something we do.

And if we do- the guilt we lay on ourselves or let others lay on us is huge.

That guilt also tends to hold us back.

We are Moms we put everyone first, it’s what we do. It’s how we’re built.

But sometimes life hands you a timetable.

That’s when you can’t sit on your hands anymore and wait.

I feel like what I’m about to write is a constant in my blogs. It’s ok to ask for what you need.

Maybe I write this a lot because I’m not great at it. I struggle to ask for more time. To tell people when I’m hurt. Sad. Jealous. Mad. Even happy. I don’t want to be too much or not enough so I sit on my hands and wait.

Then one day life hands you a timetable.

I’ve always had one.

We all do. Some of us just have timetables written in green neon we can’t control while others get a dry erase board.

Either way.

You gotta live.

I spent a long weekend with some of my favorite humans and came clean about a lot of big things in my life and kept waiting for a shoe to drop that never did.

Instead my people rallied and scolded and put things on the calendar.

I have my reasons for having a tight reign on my life and some are valid but some hold me back.

I made big changes in my life to show my daughter a person who loves you should not hold you back. It’s ironic I don’t seem to love myself enough to do the same.

That ends know.

My timetable is neon green.

One light/letter is already out.

In the words of one of favorite people “I gotta live.”

You do too Mommas,

You do too,

<3 Caprise

In Case I Never See You Again…

In Case I Never See You Again…

How many of us conduct our relationships based on the phrase above?  I would guess very few.  We think there is plenty of time and plenty of opportunity to fix whatever isn’t working… in a relationship, in a job, with a parent, in a living situation…and so we say things to ourselves like “I will make concessions and settle for less than excellence today because I can do something about it tomorrow”, “I will stay here with him or her today because it is comfortable and easier and less confrontational and later I will experience real intimacy and real joy”, “I will hold onto my animosity and anger for you today because later on I will tell you how I really feel and we will make things right”, “I will withhold my heart from you today because you might hurt me and so I will not share my deepest love with you right now because I will do it later on when it seems safer”…and on and on and on……

Imagine with me for a moment that there was only today…what would not be acceptable to you then?  If there was only today would you waste one, single second withholding yourself, putting things off, accepting unacceptable behavior or putting up with no results???    Would you???

 Or would you throw caution to the wind and change some things…would you forgive people, would you repair relationships, would you get rid of things that didn’t work, would you take chances, would you STOP caring what other people think, would you love like your life depended on it???

Do you know that death is unbearable only when you have unfinished business with the people that died…do you understand that living also becomes unbearable when there is loads of unfinished business and a plethora of words unspoken?

In case I never see you again, what must I say to you right now in this moment to be complete?   What a different life we would have if we were complete in every moment…how that would change us…

Most of us are saving stuff for the right moment…the right moment is now…the world is an interesting place these days….funky people are doing crazy things and that requires some of us to remind others of us to stop waiting for the “right” moment—live your life RIGHT NOW…stop putting up with people and things that don’t work, stop withholding yourself from other people, stop killing your vitality and joy with undelivered communications and unexpressed anger…you think that nobody notices because you are being “nice” instead of being REAL…authenticity is what gives life and sometimes being authentic is very unattractive, however it is real and it is true and it is life altering…

Do you remember the Velveteen Rabbit…only when he was a mess and all his fur was gone and his stuffing was coming out, only then did he become “REAL”…

Real life and real love are messy folks…you have to roll up your sleeves and delve in…authentic is getting all the way in and being real all the way through…sometimes it feels great and sometimes not so great, but all the way along you feel alive…you have to get in there and mix it up—stop looking in from the sidelines waiting for the right moment to live.

It’s like the difference between mixing meatballs with a spoon because you don’t want to get “ all messy” and mixing meatballs with your hands…sleeves rolled up, rings off and you just dig into the bowl and mix it and then you shape the meatballs with your hands…

Careful, brittle people mix things with spoons, they shape meatballs with spoons…they don’t want to get dirty or sticky or messy and those people’s meatballs have dry spots and they don’t taste good because they carry the flavor of a person with an inability to fully experience life…NEWS FLASH : real life is messy, it’s fun, it’s heartbreaking, you can get dirty and broken and you can also experience true, profound JOY…

Live your life folks, mix things with your hands, get in there and roll up your sleeves…another holiday is coming, another year…will you be joyful this Christmas?  Will you be complete in every moment with the people that you love and even those you don’t?  Will you ask yourself what would I say now to this person in case I never see them again?

You would be such a gift this holiday season if you lived like that…instead of being stressed and pissed and harried, what if you were gracious and grateful and complete?  What a gift you would be to yourself…undelivered communications are what make us sick and tired and unparticipatory…

YOU be the GIFT this Christmas Season and love people like your life depended on it because it does…

I love you guys…go out there and LIVE OUT LOUD.

-Noelle

 

Waiting For My Turn

Waiting For My Turn…

I was listening to a podcast on the way to work about working moms and being spread too thin. At one point, the guest speaker took a moment to acknowledge single moms because they don’t have someone helping at home with some of the things talked about on the podcast. Just that tiny acknowledgement made me start crying.

Somedays, I wonder how I got here; this is not how I thought my life would be. 45 years old, divorced with two kids, alone …. Most days I keep plugging along with work, the kids, activities, etc and don’t let myself think about it too much. But, some days, especially lately, it’s a continuous reminder. Please don’t get me wrong. I know that I am blessed … I have two unbelievable daughters, great friends and family, a great job with amazing coworkers … and I wouldn’t give all that up for anything. But, sometimes, I would just love to have a person to share my life with.

People say all the time …. It will happen when the time is right, or when you’re not looking, etc. I get that …. I hear you. And I know that the ones who haven’t worked out are a step in my journey and I should take lessons from those relationships. But right now, I am tired …. I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of doing everything on my own, tired when I don’t get a break, and tired of having to learn lessons all the time. When do I get my turn for love and happiness? I feel completely selfish and petty for having these feelings and saying them out loud when so many of my friends are going through their own tough times. But, then I remember that this is my reality right now and this is what I’m struggling with. And each person’s struggle is just as important as the next person’s.

To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/

 

Time And Money Saving Two Meal Entree For Those Back To School Nights

If you’re like me back to school time can be totally crazy, especially on nights where you have to be two places at once and don’t have time to cook or really know exactly when you will be home that night. The meat reheats great and can be easily used the next night with a quick cook microwave veggie on day 2.

What you need:

Pork Chops

Bread Crumbs

Ears of corn (we did 3)

Garlic salt or your favorite seasoning

Spring Mix

Tomato

Onion

Other Salad Toppings

Olive Oil

This meat is a deal….it’s actually 4 meals worth for us. Tonight we are using half and freezing the other half.

Preheat Oven to 400 degrees

These pork chops are huge so you will want to cut them in half…so 3 in the pack make 6 really good size pork chops. Coat them in olive oil & bread crumbs. Cook for 25-30 minutes.

Boil your corn and make your salad.

Disclaimer: My kids pretty much eat the pork chop & corn only. They will eat veggie pasta & some of the frozen microwave veggies…so that’s how we avoid fast food on night 2. Just reheat & serve.

You can see the entire recipe along with photos at https://fake-it-until-you-make-it.com/2018/08/14/two-meal-entrees/

~Bethany

You can follow Bethany on her blog at https://fake-it-until-you-make-it.com

A Time For Me To Believe In Myself

A time for me…

At the newly age of fifty and fabulous (which is a story all in itself) with one kid on his own, and my youngest soon to be a Senior in High School, I unexpectedly find myself unemployed, yet unnerved for the first time, which is both soothing and strange for me.

Being a single mother, twenty four years and counting, I have never been afforded the same luxuries in life as some women, by either given the choice to walk away from an underpaid or overworked job in search of a better one, or the really far fetched dream of staying at home!

Is it though, that far fetched? That I could stay at home, doing what I love, and still support my family?! Perhaps not. Perhaps this is a time for me. A time to get my shit together, a time to face my fears, and a time to just jump in, hold my breath (if I have to), and believe, believe in me!

Believing is the difficult part of the equation that most people, especially women, struggle with. The feeling of being unworthy, believing you deserve such a far fetched life seems almost ridiculous from everything we’ve ever been taught as young girls. But is it?

I am blessed to have a mother, who taught me through her own strength and wisdom, to always believe in myself, in my own strength. That people (mainly men) come and go, so plant your own roots, water your own garden and never settle for anything that doesn’t make your heart skip a beat.

I haven’t always listened to my mother, as I stumbled along my own path of poor choices, and settled a time or two along the way, whether in the arms of the wrong man or working on someone else’s dream instead of my own.

So yes, this is a time for me!
A time to remember.
A time to dream.
A time to ask, believe, & receive because I am worthy!

Chase that crazy dream girl, spread your wings, believe in yourself and fly! This is your time! A time for me to take pen to paper and write, my story. A story I do believe will inspire others to take the time for you, to chase your own (crazy) dreams and fly!!

With Light & Love,
Angel A

Making Friends…You Had Me at Mah.

Making friends is hard. Keeping friends can be even harder. I didn’t put much though into it, or my own struggles, until the last few weeks. My daughter starts middle school next year. While she has had some tried and true friends, I don’t always hear her refer to them as best friends. She has had one bestie since her kindergarten days, and her parents are fantastic. Shout out to you guys – you know who you are and I’m so thankful for you. So thankful. Last month at Gabrielle’s orchestra concert I witnessed a monumental event in my daughter’s life.

Out of a crowd of jubilant juveniles, a young lady (who looked to be taller than my half-pint 5’2” build), walked straight up to my daughter. They stood facetoface in the gymnasium. Without any hesitation, this fellow odd duckling simply said, “mah”. Gabrielle replied with the same “mah”. The warmth from their hug melted away my angst over G having her own tribe. Not only does G have her own tribe, but the tween-Queens like each other too.

There is something truly empowering about having your own tribe. The enabling freedom you get from having a random person get your situation, because they have lived through similar experiences.

Many moons ago I had a solid tribe. Memories of our elicit adventures still bring giggles and a smirk of days long past. We were not a quiet tribe. We were wild. Not wild in the way that you can’t share with some people. But, CERTAIN people don’t need to know all the details.

That, and I signed a form. Kinda. A marriage license. My ex-husband didn’t like anything about my tribe. He let me know it. His friends let me know it. His family let me know it. One the most asshole things you can do is ditch your friends for a man. No matter how nice he seems. But I ditched my tribe.

But after a drug dealing boyfriend with warrants out for his arrest, I thought I would be happier with a nerdy husband than with my tribe. Nope.

After my divorce, I found that my tribe had changed in my absence. This is a 100% on me.

You can only keep asking to spend time with someone so many times, and after a while; my friends gave up. I was ashamed. I had conflicted feelings about who I had become. I don’t regret much, but I regret leaving my tribe.

After my divorce, someone would always spend the weekend at my apartment with me. I was never alone. These are people who saw me at my most awkward, most crazy, and at the most broken point in my life. They are MY tribe. Rather than walk away, they held my hand. Tight. They still do.

Through every broken heart, bad haircut, and job change: I can call them at any time and they show up. They encourage my hobbies (even though they may change on a dime). They clapped when I went blonde. They were lovingly bossy when I kept canceling on first dates (that means they made me go). They texted me when people I love were no longer in my life. They bought me a stiff drink when my job got eliminated, and they admire each new tattoo I get.

We can go months without talking. Thanks to social media, we are never out of touch for too long. It does my heart good to know I have these people who tell me about sales on leggings, encourage me to go see music, eat the tacos, and buy more shoes.

I’m still working on building a bridge back to my tribe. It will take work, and I’m hopeful that we can re-connect as a new tribe. Some of my tribe members I’ve know my whole life: I love you Chicken!

There are new members who knew me from college and even junior high that have come back into my life. Some I’ve only known a few years: Hey Birthday bestie!

It makes me smile to know that Gabrielle has her own tribe. Maybe someday her tribe will call a bar late at night and order wings, send her music, or share lip gloss. Who knows if that will happen. But what I do know is that they will love her for just being herand that isn’t anything to say “mah” about.

~Caprise~