Tag Archives: time

It Is Hard To Believe

It is hard to believe that I just celebrated my 47 birthday! It is hard to believe where the time went.. And as the years go by, I am more content spending my time with my friends and family one on one. I do not need be invited to the neighborhood bbqs or wine tasting parties.   And I do not feel like, I need to invite 10 people to do something…. It’s not that I do not want to make new friends, I just am very content being with a few people. And I am definitely more myself.

I have learned to really enjoy one on one time lately whether it’s with my kids, family, or a friend. I am much more content and happy doing one on one get togethers than being in groups. Years ago, I would have tried to get all my friends together to celebrate my birthday and now I would much rather have many one on one get togethers. And I have always dreaded going to a restaurant where they sang and clapped loudly with that famous free ice cream sundae. Now I dread if my kids have to go through that….I am not sure when the transition happened for me.

This was one of my best birthdays in a long time. The kids and I went to our cabin and spent it with my parents. We had a terrific day of just hanging out, tubing, and having chicken wings for dinner. I did not even let my mom make me a birthday cake… which I’m sure drove her crazy. Haha… The kids and I picked up our favorite pie on the way up to the cabin. It was just perfect. There was not a lot fuss and I really just wanted to sit and enjoy the day. I loved the peacefulness of it all.   I have learned I do not need a fancy trip or even a weekend get away, I just need a few people to make it special. It does not need to be planned months in advance, it was more of how I felt for the day.

This summer I have just enjoyed spending time one on one with my friends. We have not been rushing to do a bunch of activities and plans, so I have been able to golf with a friend or go for a hike with a friend. I have had the time to do all that one on one, which I have learned to love. Nothing crazy, just hanging out.   In the past, we were just always rushing or invited to so many events for the kids. This summer I got to be the only to decide what we did because there were not a million plans being made by my kids activities, sporting events, or get togethers.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not including everyone to do everything. I just feel more comfortable doing things with just one.   And I still always make time to see all my friends, but I like the small get togethers. I don’t mean to exclude people, but I just feel more comfortable with one or two people. And most of the time, I do not even realize when I do not include someone. I just always feel like I get so much more out of it, than when I stuck making small talk with a group of 20 people. I have learned that I just do not like the chaos of larger groups and it seems no one can ever decide on anything.   With just one or two friends, we can just really talk and I can really give them all of my attention.

Maybe I have just learned to love the calmness of my life. The non chaos and learning more about what I love…. finally at age 47!

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Life Before Quarantine

What life was like before??  It’s funny… but at times it’s hard to remember that it has only been a little over a month since our quarantine began.  It almost feels as if the last month has turned into the norm.  I wonder if I’ll be able to go back m to my “old” life.. 

There have been some hard days in the last month,  when I have felt very defeated and did not accomplish what I needed..  But when I look back to my life two months ago, I wonder how I did it all.

I was getting up every morning by 5 working out at a gym, getting the kids to school, going to my job, then after work I would pick up kids from school, run to activities for hours, and then get home after 8pm… and If I did not have my kids, I would work my second job.  There was no down time. Our schedule was packed every day. And I didn’t mind it.  It was just how life was…we were like a lot of families.  

And now I get up around 7, I go to the kitchen to start my workday, then I get the kids set on doing their schoolwork.  I teeter back and forth all day with working and helping the kids with what they need. My evenings are filled with walks or just hanging out with the kids.  And a lot of nights, I’m laying in bed by 8 pm, watching tv or reading. 

There are no kid activities or running from place to place at night.  My life has a completely different feel.  We are learning to move at a different pace. And I must admit I’m starting to really enjoy it. 

This was one of the first Easter Sunday’s that my kids and I did not rush to church to then drive an hour to my family’s house each way.  As much as I missed seeing my family. I was very content and happy being at home. We wore our pajamas and sweatpants… The kids and I made dinner, had an Easter egg hunt, watched movies, and just hung out.  It was really true contentment.

At times,  I think maybe this was a sign that my life was too busy and I needed a change.  I hated feeling so rushed trying to get from work to school pick up to sports.  We tried not to live like that, but at times the constant rushing took over.    I don’t miss every minute of my day being planned out… and I’m a planner by habit.

So it’s hard for me to realize I’m ok with this… I have always planned everything out day by day and week by week.  And now we plan very little. The first couple weeks were hard for me.  I did not know how to handle not having any real commitments.  It would make me anxious thinking that we had nothing planned. I wondered what I would do without anything to do.  

What would I do with all this time???  

And then it all started to fall into place.. We don’t live minute by minute on a strict schedule anymore.  I guess I really enjoy just having the flexibility of our life.. 

We can sleep in 5 minutes longer on some days,  we can decide to eat dinner at any time, or we can go for an extra mile on our walk.  

Summer will be here soon and as much as I miss the sports and activities, part of me is really looking forward to a slower summer.  A summer of enjoying our time at home.  We can sit outside late at night and have bonfires, we will not be at the soccer field until 9pm and eating dinner in the car. 

I have an extra minute now for all of those questions my kids are constantly asking me.  I think myself and my kids have all learned to just take extra time for ourselves.  We move at a slower pace and we take more time for each other.  Enjoy it!! 

-snarky 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Give Me Twenty Minutes A Day With My Children

My 13 year old has a bus stop 5 houses down and everyday I drive her to the bus stop. We leave 10 minutes early to sit 5 houses down and wait for the bus.. seems silly doesn’t it.  I do it because I get 10 minutes with her alone and no distractions.. this is 10 minutes that I can’t get anywhere else.  This is my time with her…

I also drive my oldest daughter to high school each day and that is the best time of the day to talk to her…  And on the flip side, I’ve learned that trying to have an important conversation with her after cheer practice at 5:30 is not even worth it.  Teenagers are not much different than adults.. we all have our best times of the day.. and our worst times.

My girls are in their teens and our lives are busy. We are not all together all the time. We do not eat all our meals together or watch movies together. They do not all have the same interests and likes.  We do not all make it to every activity together.  They spend weekends with friends, sports competitions, and sleeping til noon.  This is very different from when they were little.

My son is 9 and loves video games.  I’ll just pop down on the couch next to him and ask him about the game. It’s a quick 5 minutes of me asking him about the game he’s playing and trying to teach me.

It has taken me a while to understand  that we don’t always need to be together. In my head, I had all these fun days planned over Christmas break .. maybe the museum, movies, or mini golf.  And in reality none of that happened, we ended up going out to lunch one day.   And honestly, It was perfect.  They didn’t need the full day of activities to have a fun day like I have envisioned.  Sometimes I forget that they just like it simple.

I have learned that we do not need to spend 8 hours together all the time. They are all at different stages of their lives and sometimes lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings  is all that’s needed.

As they get older, they are learning their independence and I’m learning to give it to them.  It’s hard. It’s a balance between what I need from them and what they need from me. Some weeks it’s one sided.  I used to get so irritated that my middle schooler would come home and go right to her room. Finally I learned that’s what she needed right after school and that later on after 9 pm I would get my time with her..  as she would come watch tv with me.

So sometimes 20 minutes a day is all I need. Give me 20 minutes of undivided time with each child and I learn more about their lives than spending the day with all three.

20 minutes a day seems so minimal.. but sometimes you can learn so much in that time.  I spend hours every week at sporting events, church, and school events for my kids but it’s the random few minutes that are the most important.

It’s the quick ride to school or grabbing a Starbucks or waiting at the ortho before her appointment that matters the most. It’s those random small intervals that we can just talk… not lecturing or probing for information, but just everyday conversation.

I love those moments.  They are what counts right now.

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Some Day We Will Get To Go To The Zoo

Some Day We Will Get To Go To The Zoo…

My daughter is six. She is smart as a whip and sharp as a tack and all those other colloquialisms we like to use. She asked me a question that kind of stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Mommy, why are you always in your room?”

Insert bulging eyes emoji.

“Well… It’s nice in there. I like it.”

She responded, “In the other house, you were in your room a lot, too.”

“So, what you are saying is you want me to spend more time with you?”

She and her brother, age five, both nod. Brother responds with: “We miss you!”

There is no rule book on how to parent singly. I often have no clue. Granted, I wasn’t really sure how to do that WITH a husband, either, so I come by it honestly. But she had a point. I thought about it. I always feel guilty that I don’t spend enough time with them or I work so much that I’m too exhausted and use any spare time to rest. There is no such thing as work/life balance for mothers and especially not single mothers.

Do you know that I have wanted to take my kids to the zoo for about three years now? But it never happens because it’s just not in the budget, no matter how creatively I work around things. I still have to account for fuel, food, appropriate clothing, etc. I would like to declare that 2020 is the year I finally get to take them to the zoo. I currently work three jobs. Surely this year I can take them to the zoo. I really need to show them the spider cages. And the snakes…

I explained to her that mommy has to work a lot. “Why?” She often tells me she does not want me to work so much. I have tried to have her understand, but she won’t truly understand until she’s an adult on her own. In the meantime, I attempt to make her aware that money buys things and getting money comes from work. Money means food, shelter. She’ll understand. Someday…

And someday, we’ll get to go to the zoo.

~ALG~

All I Wanted Was A Cup Of Coffee

How many times have you woke up and thought, “Today I will be on time!  I will stop for breakfast and coffee and get this day started right!”  I too have had these delusions of grandeur once upon a time.  This story that I am about to share with you is one that I’m sure many of you can relate to.   It happened a couple of years ago when I only had two children.   My oldest son was spending the day with his aunt, so it was just the baby and myself that morning and I was actually early!  Let me just say that since having children, that NEVER happens.  In fact, I’m usually always running late.  So needless to say I was super excited because I was finally going to be able to stop for coffee before work.

I get to the daycare to drop off my son and as usual, he pooped on his way to the daycare.  This wasn’t stopping me; he did this all the time and his teacher would change him inside.  What I hadn’t realized was that this particular poopy diaper had leaked through his clothes.  Again, I’m still focused on Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts.  He has extra outfits at daycare, no worries!  No worries, until I realized that my scrub jacket had poop on the sleeve.  No big deal, I asked for some of his wipes to clean it off and took my jacket off to throw in my backseat until I got to work.  That’s when I noticed this horrible mushy, smelly mess in the car seat!  It was even in the buckles!  How in the world did this happen?  Was he doing yoga stretches back there or something?

I wiped up as much as I could, washed my hands inside and headed to work.  No coffee for me!  I remember being so heartbroken over this cup of coffee that I had been dreaming of and tasting in my mouth all morning.  It wasn’t going to happen, and I was kind of pissed about it.  Looking back on this now, I can laugh, but the whole way to work in my car I was literally talking to God out loud asking him, “what’s so wrong with coffee?”  “You know that all I wanted was a cup of coffee!”  I remember being almost in tears.   I made it to work on time, ran in to tell my boss what had happened, grabbed some gloves and disinfectants and spent the next 15 minutes scrubbing out that car seat.   In that moment I decided that my favorite baristas would have to wait until the weekends to see me.

While it sucked in that moment, I remember that day and take it as a lesson learned. Things don’t always go as planned and that’s ok.  And just perhaps there was a reason that I didn’t get my coffee that day.  What if going that way would have had me stuck in traffic?  What if I avoided being in an accident?  Missing out on that cup of coffee could have been God protecting me from something that I was unaware of.    Who knows?  Poop may just have saved my life!

~1spentmom

www.1spentmom.com

Lonely Hearts Club

The lonely hearts club is tough. I recently came across a quote: psychology says the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest.

There are days, more often than not I feel this in my bones.

My day job is a director of a large childcare center- so it goes without saying I take care of littles and honestly their parents.

I come home and I take care of my daughter.

I work really hard not to be a burden to others, but be available should anyone need me. I want the people in my life to be happy, even though I realize it’s an incredibly tall and unrealistic order.

Along the way, I’ve become so hyper focused on work and my daughter. I spend a lot of my downtime alone.

I have a person in my life, but our schedules make it hard to see each other.

My closest friends ….schedules sometimes don’t line up.

Also, I know I’m not alone in this. My soul sister and I had this very conversation- how alone we feel sometimes. Thank goodness we both seem to sense when the other needs a phone call.

Or one of my daughter’s friends Mom tells me as she dropped her daughter off at my house for a slumber party that she was going to see a good friend for the first time in three years!

It’s not just adults either. During said slumber party- several of the girls remarked how happy they were to see each other. It may be the only time all summer.

While I appreciate my quiet moments- too many can really start to wreak havoc on me. I need people. I need my people. I have a hard time admitting that.

I love my life and appreciate everything I have, but there are times where it’s glaringly obvious I need some adult time.

I am a strong, independent person but even us caregivers need someone to take care of us. Even if it’s to meet up for coffee for a half hour. Even if it’s to text. To call. To send a hilarious card in the mail.

Mommas fight for that time. Speak up. It doesn’t make you weak. We all need a someone and some time to just be. There is no shame in asking for those things.

It’s ok to want to talk to someone you don’t spend 24 hours with lol.

In the meantime remember who you are when you’re feeling low and lonely- you’re someone’s Mom.

That’s some magical stuff right there.

<3 Caprise

I Gotta Live

You gotta live!

If you are a faithful follower of this page you know we like to give out regular reminders of how you should look out for yourself. Take care of yourself. Take time for yourself.

The reality as Moms it’s just not something we do.

And if we do- the guilt we lay on ourselves or let others lay on us is huge.

That guilt also tends to hold us back.

We are Moms we put everyone first, it’s what we do. It’s how we’re built.

But sometimes life hands you a timetable.

That’s when you can’t sit on your hands anymore and wait.

I feel like what I’m about to write is a constant in my blogs. It’s ok to ask for what you need.

Maybe I write this a lot because I’m not great at it. I struggle to ask for more time. To tell people when I’m hurt. Sad. Jealous. Mad. Even happy. I don’t want to be too much or not enough so I sit on my hands and wait.

Then one day life hands you a timetable.

I’ve always had one.

We all do. Some of us just have timetables written in green neon we can’t control while others get a dry erase board.

Either way.

You gotta live.

I spent a long weekend with some of my favorite humans and came clean about a lot of big things in my life and kept waiting for a shoe to drop that never did.

Instead my people rallied and scolded and put things on the calendar.

I have my reasons for having a tight reign on my life and some are valid but some hold me back.

I made big changes in my life to show my daughter a person who loves you should not hold you back. It’s ironic I don’t seem to love myself enough to do the same.

That ends know.

My timetable is neon green.

One light/letter is already out.

In the words of one of favorite people “I gotta live.”

You do too Mommas,

You do too,

<3 Caprise

In Case I Never See You Again…

In Case I Never See You Again…

How many of us conduct our relationships based on the phrase above?  I would guess very few.  We think there is plenty of time and plenty of opportunity to fix whatever isn’t working… in a relationship, in a job, with a parent, in a living situation…and so we say things to ourselves like “I will make concessions and settle for less than excellence today because I can do something about it tomorrow”, “I will stay here with him or her today because it is comfortable and easier and less confrontational and later I will experience real intimacy and real joy”, “I will hold onto my animosity and anger for you today because later on I will tell you how I really feel and we will make things right”, “I will withhold my heart from you today because you might hurt me and so I will not share my deepest love with you right now because I will do it later on when it seems safer”…and on and on and on……

Imagine with me for a moment that there was only today…what would not be acceptable to you then?  If there was only today would you waste one, single second withholding yourself, putting things off, accepting unacceptable behavior or putting up with no results???    Would you???

 Or would you throw caution to the wind and change some things…would you forgive people, would you repair relationships, would you get rid of things that didn’t work, would you take chances, would you STOP caring what other people think, would you love like your life depended on it???

Do you know that death is unbearable only when you have unfinished business with the people that died…do you understand that living also becomes unbearable when there is loads of unfinished business and a plethora of words unspoken?

In case I never see you again, what must I say to you right now in this moment to be complete?   What a different life we would have if we were complete in every moment…how that would change us…

Most of us are saving stuff for the right moment…the right moment is now…the world is an interesting place these days….funky people are doing crazy things and that requires some of us to remind others of us to stop waiting for the “right” moment—live your life RIGHT NOW…stop putting up with people and things that don’t work, stop withholding yourself from other people, stop killing your vitality and joy with undelivered communications and unexpressed anger…you think that nobody notices because you are being “nice” instead of being REAL…authenticity is what gives life and sometimes being authentic is very unattractive, however it is real and it is true and it is life altering…

Do you remember the Velveteen Rabbit…only when he was a mess and all his fur was gone and his stuffing was coming out, only then did he become “REAL”…

Real life and real love are messy folks…you have to roll up your sleeves and delve in…authentic is getting all the way in and being real all the way through…sometimes it feels great and sometimes not so great, but all the way along you feel alive…you have to get in there and mix it up—stop looking in from the sidelines waiting for the right moment to live.

It’s like the difference between mixing meatballs with a spoon because you don’t want to get “ all messy” and mixing meatballs with your hands…sleeves rolled up, rings off and you just dig into the bowl and mix it and then you shape the meatballs with your hands…

Careful, brittle people mix things with spoons, they shape meatballs with spoons…they don’t want to get dirty or sticky or messy and those people’s meatballs have dry spots and they don’t taste good because they carry the flavor of a person with an inability to fully experience life…NEWS FLASH : real life is messy, it’s fun, it’s heartbreaking, you can get dirty and broken and you can also experience true, profound JOY…

Live your life folks, mix things with your hands, get in there and roll up your sleeves…another holiday is coming, another year…will you be joyful this Christmas?  Will you be complete in every moment with the people that you love and even those you don’t?  Will you ask yourself what would I say now to this person in case I never see them again?

You would be such a gift this holiday season if you lived like that…instead of being stressed and pissed and harried, what if you were gracious and grateful and complete?  What a gift you would be to yourself…undelivered communications are what make us sick and tired and unparticipatory…

YOU be the GIFT this Christmas Season and love people like your life depended on it because it does…

I love you guys…go out there and LIVE OUT LOUD.

-Noelle

 

Waiting For My Turn

Waiting For My Turn…

I was listening to a podcast on the way to work about working moms and being spread too thin. At one point, the guest speaker took a moment to acknowledge single moms because they don’t have someone helping at home with some of the things talked about on the podcast. Just that tiny acknowledgement made me start crying.

Somedays, I wonder how I got here; this is not how I thought my life would be. 45 years old, divorced with two kids, alone …. Most days I keep plugging along with work, the kids, activities, etc and don’t let myself think about it too much. But, some days, especially lately, it’s a continuous reminder. Please don’t get me wrong. I know that I am blessed … I have two unbelievable daughters, great friends and family, a great job with amazing coworkers … and I wouldn’t give all that up for anything. But, sometimes, I would just love to have a person to share my life with.

People say all the time …. It will happen when the time is right, or when you’re not looking, etc. I get that …. I hear you. And I know that the ones who haven’t worked out are a step in my journey and I should take lessons from those relationships. But right now, I am tired …. I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of doing everything on my own, tired when I don’t get a break, and tired of having to learn lessons all the time. When do I get my turn for love and happiness? I feel completely selfish and petty for having these feelings and saying them out loud when so many of my friends are going through their own tough times. But, then I remember that this is my reality right now and this is what I’m struggling with. And each person’s struggle is just as important as the next person’s.

To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/

 

Time And Money Saving Two Meal Entree For Those Back To School Nights

If you’re like me back to school time can be totally crazy, especially on nights where you have to be two places at once and don’t have time to cook or really know exactly when you will be home that night. The meat reheats great and can be easily used the next night with a quick cook microwave veggie on day 2.

What you need:

Pork Chops

Bread Crumbs

Ears of corn (we did 3)

Garlic salt or your favorite seasoning

Spring Mix

Tomato

Onion

Other Salad Toppings

Olive Oil

This meat is a deal….it’s actually 4 meals worth for us. Tonight we are using half and freezing the other half.

Preheat Oven to 400 degrees

These pork chops are huge so you will want to cut them in half…so 3 in the pack make 6 really good size pork chops. Coat them in olive oil & bread crumbs. Cook for 25-30 minutes.

Boil your corn and make your salad.

Disclaimer: My kids pretty much eat the pork chop & corn only. They will eat veggie pasta & some of the frozen microwave veggies…so that’s how we avoid fast food on night 2. Just reheat & serve.

You can see the entire recipe along with photos at https://fake-it-until-you-make-it.com/2018/08/14/two-meal-entrees/

~Bethany

You can follow Bethany on her blog at https://fake-it-until-you-make-it.com