Tag Archives: thriving

What About YOU?

What about you…..On Coffee Chat last Sunday morning we talked about making sure that you are taking time to take care of yourself and I pointed out that you can’t help someone else if you are not well.  I reminded you all that there is a reason on an airplane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first and then help others…a poignant way to illustrate my point.

The first thing that happens when you have a lot of toxic relationships or situations in your life is that you stop checking in with yourself about how YOU are because of course you are waaaayyyyy too busy caretaking and enabling to be worried about your own well-being.  In addition to drawing lines in the sand about what is acceptable to you and what isn’t you also have to start looking at what you need to do for yourself that you are not doing.  Can be as simple as taking 15 minutes for yourself everyday with no distractions or as complex as sticking to a daily workout schedule— only YOU can say what you need to function optimally.

Some of you may not even know the answer to the question, “what do I need?” —if that is the case then it’s time to find out.

What do you require to feel centered and happy and peaceful?

Who do you need to start saying NO to?

What new habits do you need to acquire for taking better care of yourself?

What relationships are no longer serving you in their current format?

These are all valuable questions to start looking at.  Often times we are so focused on just surviving that we forget it IS possible to thrive.   You are of no value to anyone if you are not well or barely functioning…as a parent you have to take care of yourself first in order to do what you must do for the kiddos…this whole idea that you don’t have time to take care of you is a bullshit construct that must be left behind.

Too many of us are over doing, over compensating and enabling and it is costing us our health, our joy and our peace of mind…our survival and our ability to be vibrant and thriving is dependent upon us putting ourselves first.  I have news— nobody is coming to save you—- it is time that you saved yourself.

It is our responsibility to start speaking up and start taking the time that we require to get ourselves in order each day so that we can face things from a position of strength.  Your mental and physical health are your most important assets — without them everything else becomes much more difficult if not impossible in some extreme cases.

Begin NOW—start looking at what you need and start carving out the time to make that happen— and start saying NO to the people and things that are stealing your energy and not giving anything back—- it’s way past time to change the game.

See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

It’s Time to Thrive, Not Just Survive

Time to thrive and not just survive..
Today was my son’s first day of preschool. I am divorced, and his father, and I co parent. His father brought him to school, and I had texted him that I would meet them there to wish him a great day.  My divorce was final two years ago, but I am still healing, and I never know when certain moments may trigger me.  I pull up, and I see my ex husband with his partner and my son. I immediately felt angry and anxious. I parked my car, and I had a pep talk with myself. “Amy, you’re loved, you’re special and you can do this.” I kept my composure, and I walked over to them. I said good morning, and I thought it was really nice when his partner went to wait in the car while we had our time with our son.
I am mostly ok in his presence, but not for long periods of time as our marriage was abusive, and I left three years ago today to create a healthier life for my son and I.
I sent my best friend a video, and I told her how happy I was that I was going to begin counseling again this Friday.  The thing is, I removed myself physically, and I have overcome a lot, but many emotions are still raw, and seeing him with his partner reminds me of the deception in my marriage, and how I feel robbed of the genuine partnership I had wanted; the real love that I fought so hard for, but it was never reciprocated.
It has been three years, and I realize for three years, I have put myself on the back burner. I have been going through the motions but not truly living. I am done with just living, I want to thrive. My marriage was fraudulent, but my son is the gift God gave me from it. I cannot be anything to anyone unless I am ok. Last night was the first night in a while that I went to bed at a decent hour. I am often haunted by nightmares, but last night I slept peacefully. I can choose to stay stuck or I can choose to face head on the issues that plague me often.
I want to be whole, I want to be who I was called to be. Yes, my marriage was a lie, but I have chosen to pick myself and do the hard work to walk with God and truly heal.  I am taking this special time in my life to do just so. I know many others have failed dreams, and are in pain. I too hope you will find the strength to be the best you and start thriving………not just surviving.
I hope you will join me as we thrive together!
~Amy
A Rhode Island native who moved to Ohio in 2004 mother to an amazing 4 year old son and 2 doggies. I love writing, reading, music, hanging out with my friends, French fries and animals