Tag Archives: thoughts

Cleaning Out The Fridge

Cleaning out the fridge…

Last Sunday on Coffee Chat I started to talk to you about how thoughts and habits that no longer serve you can be just as toxic as relationships and behaviors that no longer serve you. The issue is that toxic thought is harder to see, it is not as obvious as the other stuff. Thought patterns that no longer serve you are usually hidden deep beneath the surface and we think so many thoughts in a day, who has time to do a forensic assessment of every thought?

Yet thoughts become patterns and when we do not clean out the stuff that is not working, we can’t truly manifest NEW good that will stick around.

My best analogy for this is your refrigerator — if you have hidden rotting food in the back of your refrigerator or in the drawers and you don’t clean it out then the fresh food that you put in will become contaminated. The rotting food will literally poison the fresh food.

It is like this with your thoughts, habits, relationships, behaviors etc— if you don’t clean out the old stuff that isn’t working then it will contaminate the new good that you are trying to bring into your life.

Getting rid of toxic thought patterns and behaviors is hard—suffering the consequences of not getting rid of them is harder. Pick your hard.

Personally, I would rather choose what to work on than to let it choose me—life is meant for learning— continuing to work on yourself is progress and no matter what progress is a good thing.

Most people stop working on themselves, or they never start and that is how they end up stuck in lives that they don’t LOVE.

Let’s NOT be those people—let’s be the people that keep reinventing ourselves in better versions— we are a lifelong project, time to embrace that concept.

Join us on Sunday’s Coffee Chat to talk about creating NEW habits that serve the life you want.

XO, Noelle

No Negative Thoughts Today

No negative thoughts today.

When I’m blogging about the negative thoughts that are sometimes in our heads, I might write about:

Change your mind – Change your life

Write a new story

Have a different conversation with yourself

ReThink THAT thought

Re-Wind & Do-Over

Not Today Devil – Not Today!

All of these ways to recreate our thoughts are very powerful, on purpose and can be a driving force for a new way of being..… BUT… you must first address any underlying emotional baggage, upset, trauma, etc, that you’re dealing with. I don’t care how many times you tell yourself the most amazing, most powerful, most mind blowing affirmations….. if you have any underlying trauma attached to what you’re trying to change…. it might change temporarily, but as soon as a trigger comes along… you’re right back where you started.

Let’s just say, like me, you have body issues. You’re repeating amazing affirmations. Affirmations that would make your momma cry. Affirmations that rock your world. AND you’re working on loving yourself, loving your shape, loving your femininity, loving your weight and a big one for me – loving your scars and the bumps that come with them. You’re feeling GOOOOOOOD and you’ve got some peace going on.

And THEN…..

You’re invited to your girlfriends lake house with your 6 besties. You want to be bold and wear your 2-piece on the pontoon, but you’re not sure. ….WHAT?! …Not sure? These are your long- time girlfriends! What are you even second guessing yourself? Remember the peace you had as you were packing your bags? Where’d that go? These are the girlfriends who’ve shared the good, the bad & the ugly. As tears try to pool up, you stand strong, remind yourself you’re amazing, look in the mirror & repeat your list of affirmations. The girls are yelling your name reminding you…. “7 minutes!” AND You RALLY!

You put on that 2-piece and give yourself a thumbs up for making it through another episode of No Negative Thoughts Today.

xoxo,

Your God-girl

Tracy

Why Worry?

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength”. 

– Corrie ten Boom  

I never thought of it like that.  But now that I have, it kinda makes me want to realign my worrying.  Why on earth would we want to empty today of it’s strength? By golly, us single moms need all the strength we can get just to get through the day!  

Are you a Worry Wart?    …“one who worries excessively and needlessly”, “one who frets unnecessarily and tends to dwell unduly”?

As single moms, how can we release some of the things we must have all figured out?  The things we have to remember? The calendar of to-dos to keep us on track? We can’t neglect the fact that the kids used the last of the milk this morning or that Suzi has a doctors appt on Friday.  We have to have it all lined up and written out and making sense, right?

Yes….but we certainly don’t need to worry about it.  If you’re worrying, you’re definitely not organizing yourself very well, nor using all your resources. 

 

Here are some ideas to help release some THINGS that might worry us:

– keep an ongoing list of groceries, toiletries, household items, etc & highlight urgent ones 

– do errands in the same part of town at the same time

– even if you have a calendar in your phone, put one on the refrigerator, keep everything on it.  Color coordinate the events if that helps.

– ask family and friends to help, if you can’t get to the store for milk,

ask someone to do it for you

– set alerts in your phone to remind you of certain things: put out the trash the night before, put in a load of laundry before you go to bed, put dinner in the oven while you take a shower

 

The more you release from your mind, the less room you have for worry and the more room you have for peace.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

What Do You Believe?

What do you believe?

On Sunday I talked about the fact that you cannot change thoughts and habits successfully until you examine the ‘beliefs’ that are under everything running your life.  I equated it to having something rotting in the refrigerator that you can’t see and how until you clean it out it will contaminate all the fresh food that you put in there.

The same is true about the conversations/beliefs underneath everything that are running your life and you are not even aware of them.  Things such as:

“I’m not good enough”

“there is never enough money”

“I can’t do it”

“I will never get ahead”

“I’m not worthy”

“what if I fail”

The beliefs that are the underlying scripts of our lives come from childhood—we either heard them or learned them or saw them being emulated and then we decided that is how things were and so we unconsciously adopted them.  Then our lives took shape and we didn’t even notice that we were living out the things we adopted as beliefs when we were little.

To change thoughts, behaviors and actions without digging down and discovering these beliefs really is like putting fresh food into a rotting fridge—everything will become contaminated and nothing new will happen.  The OLD, OUTDATED, GRUBBY scripts will literally kill off the NEW good that you are working so hard to create.

So, when I talk to you about changing the game and changing your life, I have to first make you aware that there are scripts underneath everything that you have to find.  Whatever they are they are OLD NEWS and they are not the truth about you, in fact they NEVER were the truth about you…

When I was live last Sunday with you I talked about how my poor, pathetic scores on the effectiveness game had led me to start thinking that I must have some unrecognized, self-sabotaging belief that is still running me—I am still looking for it –hopefully by this Sunday I will have something to share about what I have discovered.  Meanwhile I want you to start thinking about what those beliefs are for you—the conversations that are running you, hidden under everything.  We have to find those so that we can clean them out…

Go back and watch last Sunday’s live for more conversation on this…and catch me this Sunday at 10 est on our FB Live Coffee Chat show.

Remember that anything can be shifted, first it has to be seen…once we know what we are dealing with we can annihilate it and move forward.

 

XO, Noelle

Look Up Look Out

Look Up…Look Out…

This morning was a tough one. The darkest thoughts that come along with living alone started to rear their ugly heads and take over my thinking. I felt myself going down the rat hole. That is NOT a good place to go. I know that for certain. I started to oppose the deep dark voice.

“Ohhhhh…. NO…. Not Today!!!”… “This is NOT happening today!” and then immediately, it bit back with, “You will always be alone”. I reminded myself that those are the fearful words of the liar when I look IN. I dug my heels in and proclaimed with some gusto in my tone… “Nope! Nope! Not Today!!”. And another lie crept up….“Friends” What friends?”. The argument went back and forth for a little bit. I stood strong, reminding myself of what is right and good and beautiful in my life. I reminded myself of my wonderful friends and my talents and what it is that brings me joy every day.

I know for me… when I listen to the liar in my head, I can sometimes get overwhelmed with what I don’t like about my life. It can quickly take over, pull up a seat next to me & stay for the afternoon.

So…I recited scriptures that give me strength and courage and it reminded me WHOSE I am. I sat and remembered how important it is for me to look UP.

…..I opened my affirmation journal and started to read:

New friendships are developing now.

Meeting people and making friendships is easy and effortless.

Women want to know me.

The way is made ready for relationships to grow.

I create relationships with people….for our highest good.

Perfectly wonderful people appear to spend time with me.

Perfect relationships come to me now.

I am in the right place at the right time.

My circle of friends expands.

The way I felt as I was reading my journal went from sadness and desperation to exuberance and love. I picked up the phone and reached out to others. I invited conversation and shared laughter. I sat and remembered how important it is for me to look OUT.

When I feel like I am alone I am reminded that not only do I have an abundance of friends who love and adore me but also that I am God’s Beautiful Child….all is good.

XOXO

Your God Girl

Tracy

Here I Go Again

Here I go again….All of my life there has been one day that always manages to give me a feeling of pure fright. This day has always prevented me from sleeping the night before. I often times lay in bed and think of a million different scenarios of things that will go completely wrong.

This day is known to the world as none other than… the first day of school.

Yeah, I’m sure you were expecting me to be referring to a much more terrifying day, but I’d say this one is pretty nerve racking. For a kid, this day means the beginning of a school year with lots of exams, assignments, and projects. That’s pretty stressful in the mind of a child! Now, not only am I getting prepared for another difficult school year, but I also have the concern of making all new friends in my new school. What if I don’t really fit in? This stress-packed day is coming up very soon for me once again, and I find it fascinating how I happen to feel the same thing every year.

Even in years when I knew all my classmates and little changed. Deep down I know that the year always ends up becoming so much fun, and I end up enjoying it. Somehow my mind still manages to overthink it and it brings me back to the way I felt walking into my first day as an elementary school student. These few days before school come around and I feel as though I hear Foreigner singing the phrase “Here I Go Again”. Deep down I know everything is going to be ok, but somehow I convince myself that something might go wrong. This is something that I have been working on fixing for a while, and I know many of my close friends are feeling the same. When I start school in a couple of days, I hope to overcome my overthinking, and my goal is to not hear any rock bands singing classic songs in my mind. (;

-Dani

Judgement Bucket

I wish I could say that I don’t judge, but I do. I have learned to stay aware of my mind and the stinking thinking that comes out of left field at times. I work every day at having love and compassion for others and myself instead of judgement and ridicule. But still….

Did you know that judgement comes from an unhappy heart, an unlovingofself and has roots of jealousy, envy and pride? That’s tough to swallow!! Judging others often times, bring the judger a sense of satisfaction….a sense of knowing more. Judgement is full of comparison & unacceptance. Its pompous and its demeaning to the person being judged because they are not being accepted exactly as they are. Ouch, right?

Imagine showing up at a gathering, you’ve had an awful week; emotionally, mentally and physically & you really don’t want to go, but you promised. So you do your best to get yourself ready & out the door you go. Would you rather be greeted with “Thank you so much for coming, I’m so happy you’re here, what can I get for you?” or with “Wow, you look like shit, what happened to you?” Wait wait wait!!! You KNOW you FEEL awful, ..remember,,,you didn’t want to come…. AND you certainly don’t need anyone telling you.

So the next time you’re about to open your mouth and be all judgey, stop and think about the effect it will have, your motivation behind your thoughts and bring compassion instead.

The one thing I’m not sure people realize…. at the root of judgement of others….we judge ourselves. We have not accepted everything ugly, or upsetting, or unfortunate, or whatever THAT is about us…….so we judge others.

Start to NOT judge, by looking in the mirror and accepting all of YOU.

….and may today be the day, that you empty the bucket of judgment with your name on it.

Your God Girl

Tracy

The Lady By The Sea

The Lady By The Sea

by Kad

I close my eyes and inhale the smell of the ocean breeze

it tickles my mind back to childhood memories

those long hot summer days

kickball, swimming, and sunbathing

a simple, carefree, joyful time

my happy space

my happy place

so why such a sad face?

I stare at the ripples

layers of the ocean blue

each one could represent a year or two

the transcending colors

they fade from the darkest black

to the bright sky of lavender blue

just a reflection of the deepest darkest colors of fear

the fear deep inside the core of me

I spend many hours almost every day

sitting there thinking my life away

some days my eyes trickle tears, rolling down my face

dampening my skin tasting like  the salted ocean sea

other days I sit and absorb the heat

as it warms the deep chill in my bones

always scared and always alone

craving that warmth

as if a deep strong hug

given to me from the rays of the sun

that deep dark place in me

the one that I never let anyone else see

it comes to me

my lady by the sea

Could it be he saw inside

is that why he left

did he see her?
That scared little girl

helpless, alone, deep inside of me

like a wave in a storm

dark and angry

thrusting forward

arching, raging, swimming to the shore

then gently easing back

then rushing and regaining power

just to land again on the shore

clutching, clawing, crawling,  grasping ,reaching

always wanting more

Sitting there staring at the ocean some more

trying to regroup, release, remove the darkness that is stored in my core

trying to figure out what am I here for?

Sitting by the shore

the lady by the sea

is just that little scared girl

sitting here inside of me

cherishing those happy memories

Still wondering why you left me?

Depression…The High, The Hurt, The Shine, The Sting

Depression is like the ocean.  A riptide.  Dangerous currents that want to drag you under even when you can still see the shore.  That shore may be within swimming distance but it might as well be in another world.  That’s what depression is.

A couple weeks ago, we saw suicide hit the news again and I thought about blogging then.  It’s a subject that’s always close to me.  It’s my lifelong companion.  My truest friend.  I used to blog about funny things, though.  I used to be funny.  I didn’t want to blog sadness anymore.  I wanted to make you laugh.  So I didn’t blog.

I guess one thing that my children may never know is the hardest thing I have ever done is stay alive for them.  They have seen me work, sometimes more than one job at a time.  They have seen me prepare meals, wash their clothes, run around trying to find what they’ve lost.  They’ve seen me mourn, they’ve seen me struggle, they’ve seen me tired.

They’ve never seen me stare at a bottle of pills.  They’ve never seen me daydream about turning the wheel when I’m driving alone and the perfect drop off appears.  They don’t know that in my mind there is such a thing as the perfect drop off.

I don’t want to be this person.

I want to be happy.

I want to be carefree.

My happiest moments are with my babies.   But they are growing up.

My mom can no longer carry on a conversation with me.  My dad is dying.

I’m just so tired.

My ex and I briefly tried to get back together.  See, things were confusing.  It’s hard when that person is still your best friend, or supposed to be.  He was telling someone else everything he was telling me.  He was scheduling vacations and applying for jobs 1,000 miles away.  He was promising to move if only she would stay.  He was making plans that would effect our children and I was sitting here blindly letting our child think we were becoming a family again.

I don’t think that I can forgive myself for that.  I should have known better.

He will be so mad at me for saying that.  He never wanted me to air the dirty laundry.  I didn’t want to either but our reasons were different.  I wanted to be mature and also, I was embarrassed.  He didn’t want dark actions brought to light.

Depression is a black cloud.  It’s a swarm of bees.  It’s loud.  It gets in your ear and it just. won’t. stop.  It tells you that this is it.  This is all it will ever be.  You, always chasing things that fly away.  You, getting the courage to leave and those little mosquitos coming back for another round of blood.  You being everything.  The ripest peach that they can’t stop taking bites of and the bruised one that is no longer appealing.

Depression tells you that it’s okay if you finally just go to sleep.

What I really wanted to blog when suicide hit the news was different then.  I kept reading comments about how suicide is selfish.  I kept thinking that survivors were reading that and they were reading painful lies.

I’ll say again what I said before.  My children will never know that the hardest thing I have ever done for them is stay alive.

If someone you love lost their battle, that decision was gut wrenching and agonizing and not fully thought out.  That decision was coated in a dust of grief and pain and disillusion.  That decision would not have stood up in a court of law.  That decision was breathless.  That decision might have been a weakness but I can promise you that it was one out of a million moments of inhuman strength.

I added a new medication to my regimen in hopes of getting my fibromyalgia under control.  In doing so, I have noticed the suicidal thoughts creeping back in after months of sitting in the light.  I will be diligent in having my meds adjusted again until I’m back in my sweet spot.  I will do it for my kids.  I only wish that I was doing it for me.

“Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die.”  — unknown

Depression is your friendly, funny, 40 something soccer mom who loves Pinterest and Krogering.

Depression is someone just like me.

<3 LA

You can read more from LA at https://sweeterinthesouth.blog/

I Never Forgot When Someone Told Me This

“Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot.”

Day 2 of the 30 Day Writing Challenge:

I have been told plenty of things by others about myself, most of them transparent and generic. Kind words but probably not genuine. The things you’re suppose to say in certain situations. I am guilty of doing that as well.

There is one person in particular who has always told me that he believes in me. I am a vocal, independent woman who has had some made for tv moments and years in my life. I have been beaten down, broken, spiteful, bitter and angry. I have huge shoulders and carry a lot of personal weight and responsibility for others in my life and sometimes I just need a turn and need the support of someone too. He often tells me he believes in me and that is just enough to get me back where I need to be. I believe him, I know he does, and I also know that If I fail or fall he will still believe in me. He believes in the person that I am and the person that I strive to be. He is genuine and shows it daily. He is not generic and transparent and he proves this every day. And the reason I believe him is because he is here with me through every good and bad moments of mine, accepts that those moments are his too and we share the excitement, pain, sadness, and joy together. He believes in me and I believe in him. I will never forget. His constant belief in me has helped me believe in myself.

Love to All-Kim