Holidays are hard…I am writing this in a crunch. I am listening to Taylor Swift, a Diet Pepsi that is so flat it’s not worth it is nearby, as is my daughter’s Christmas list.
I have been writing these blogs for almost two years. The first one I wrote as a regular contributor was right around this time and it was about the holidays and that pang. That pang you get as a parent who shares holidays with a former spouse.
Holidays are hard.
Let’s be honest they suck.
That dance you do. My least favorite dance by the way.
I wrote that blog from my perspective.
I didn’t stop to think about my daughter’s Dad. More importantly I didn’t stop to think about my daughter.
We have been attending this “dance” for almost eleven years. One year Santa didn’t come until the day after Christmas. She has had to wait. Ask me to share lists. Some people think she gets two things isn’t that great.
So I asked her. How she feels about things. What she wants. She’s thirteen now.
Well I should first tell you…Last year she put her foot down and told us how it was going to be. She wanted to wake up Christmas morning here, then go to her Dad’s. Then come home. She told me she was mad we waited so long to ask. I said well you were little…
That kind of smoothed things over.
This year we now have COVID to contend with. Our state has actually mandated no gatherings with people outside of the home. So I asked her…now what? How are you feeling about things?
Meh she says.
What does that mean?
Mom, I can’t get upset about things I can’t control, remember? No point.
Wow. You are much calmer about this than I am.
I know. She laughs.
I still worry that Christmas is never what it should be or Thanksgiving or Easter…
I will always feel that pang when she goes. I will always worry she is not getting the holidays she deserves.
The older she gets we are talking and making the holidays more hers. As they always should have been as I meant them to be. But as you know there’s no playbook for this. What you think is right maybe isn’t. So you try to make each moment, each holiday,better.
I am thankful for such a great kid in spite of me figuring this out as I go.
And maybe figuring it out wrong.
Be safe Mommas and much love.