Tag Archives: texting

Dating In The 21st Century

****Attention! Our resident dating expert, P. Charlotte Lindsey, is making contributions to our blog...PLEASE note that there is colorful language in her posts,which actually makes them even more enjoyable,however I wanted to warn you because I don’t want to hear that we offended you in some way. If colorful dating/relationship language offends you PLEASE do not read.  Thanks.  XO, Noelle

 

Way, way back in the olden days, before Tinder and on-line dating existed – before the Internet, texting, cell phones, and even My Space, courtship was somewhat uncomplicated:  

 

LATE 20TH CENTURY DATING PARADIGM:

A. On any given Saturday night, a gal would go out with friends, spot a dude, bat eyelashes, and meet said dude.  

B. Gal and dude would go on a date…  then several more.  

C. Dude would give gal a piece of jewelry that she’d flash at her seething single friends, gleefully explaining that said gesture indicated she and dude were exclusive  (a/k/a “going steady”). 

D. Weekly date-nights, and daily phone calls ensue.

E. Three months later there would be sex. 

NOTE:  Gal would only share this info with closest girlfriends, as she would not want to be viewed as a “slut” (translation: ho).  Meanwhile dude would secretly be sleeping with sluts because gal would only do missionary.

F. Four months following sex, there would be an engagement.

G. Following six, long, tortuous months of blabbering about bridal showers, bachelorette parties, gift registration drama, honeymoon dilemmas, and non-stop talking about the f#@%ing wedding (breathe), there would be an actual freaking wedding.  

H. Kids.

I. Fifteen years later, half of these couples would divorce and start reading my blog.

 

Easy peasy!  Eight simple steps to matrimony, and a fifty-percent chance of happily ever after.

 

In the 21st Century, with the advent of on-line dating, romance is a whole new ball of wax.  No longer must a girl needlessly attend sporting events in which she has no interest, hang out at bars sucking down calories and throwing down cash.  Gone are the days of going to the gym, libraries, lectures, or jazz concerts at art museums. Jogging, hiking, and yoga – a thing of the past!

Now all a girl has to do to meet the man of her dreams is sit on her lazy ass in front of an old Law & Order repeat, with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a cell phone.  Thanks to Tinder and its on-line cousins, there is a whole new model for modern romance:

 

21ST CENTURY DATING PARADIGM:

 A. On any given Saturday night, gal flops on couch in sweats, slippers, and stained Hello Kitty T-shirt, and mindlessly swipes Tinder.

B. Gal aimlessly “Likes” every dude within any realm of possibility, considering getting drunk and not wearing glasses to be an option in a pinch.

C. Gal gets a “Match!”

D. Gal and Tinder dude proceed with standard Tinder text protocol:  “Hi.” “What’s up?” “How was your Saturday night?” etc. (NOTE: Gal lies about her Saturday night.) 

E. From two days to two weeks, gal and dude engage in Tinder text ping-pong. (Duration dependant on how many Tinder chicks dude is juggling at the time)

F. They graduate to real texting on real cell phones.

(NOTE:  Insert possible dick pic – possible sexting – he climaxes – relationship ends  – gal eats Skinny Cow)

G. Three days later, gal and dude talk on phone and hear real voices. 

(NOTE:  At no time does anyone acknowledge dick pic or sexting.)

H. Two nights following, they have first in-person date:  Drinks, hug, and small kiss goodnight.

(NOTE:  Insert possible dick pic – possible sexting – he climaxes – relationship ends – gal eats Skinny Cow)

I. Subsequent texting, with contact every other day. 

J.Gal obsessively tracks dude’s on all forms of social media.  Gal notes another chick whose posts he constantly likes.

K. Gal proceeds to “manic text” with girlfriends.

L.The following weekend gal and dude have second date:  At night’s end, they make out in car or on park bench, depending on city.

(NOTE:  Insert possible dick pic – possible sexting – he climaxes – relationship ends – gal eats Skinny Cow)

M.Gal and dude engage in one week of daily texting, replete with sexual innuendo,  “Good morning!” and “Good night!” messages, and lips, silly-tongue, and heart emoticons.

N.Subsequent date number THREE, couple engages in sexual relations. 

(NOTE:  Possible dude climax – relationship ends – gal eats Skinny Cow)

O. Gal continues to social media stalk, dismayed over dude’s continued liking of other chick’s posts – even after getting balls deep with her.  Gal’s imagination runs rampant.  

P. Gal sees doctor for STD test.

NOTE:  If you are part of 23% of the female population, and the relationship continues, the following will occur:

Q.Gal and dude mutually decide to GO OFF TINDER.  They engage in the Going Off Tinder Ritual.

 

going off Tinder ritual  (gōiNG | ôf | ˈtindər | ˈriCHo͞oəl)

noun

  • modern Homo Sapiens mating custom, generally performed in romantic setting, accompanied by alcoholic beverage, wherein a male and female exchange cellular devices, and simultaneously “delete” the other’s Tinder account. This ritual is generally followed by a kiss, and stupendous sex.

 

  • modern equivalent of “getting a piece of jewelry” once practiced amongst humans in pre-21st century era.

R. Gal returns home; calls mother, sister and all known friends; changes relationship status on Facebook; Tweets, Instagrams, and utilizes all known forms of social media to publicize her completion of the G.O.T ritual.  Experiences 24 hours of fanatical joy. Simultaneously, dude goes home and freaks out.

S. Following day, dude breaks up with gal, goes back on Tinder.  Gal eats Skinny Cow, goes back on Tinder.

NOTE:  If you are 11.5% of the female population, and the relationship continues, the following will occur:

T.Six months following G.O.T. ritual, there is an engagement.

U. Six tortuous long months of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, couples’ camping weekends, honeymoon planning, and non-stop talking about the freaking wedding.

V. Soon after, dude sees friends Tindering while out at bar, remembers fun he had whilst single and Tindering, experiences onset of “Jessica Alba Syndrome.”  (He thinks he can do better then you.  He thinks he can snag Jessica Alba.  He’s wrong.) 

W. Dude ends relationship – gal eats Skinny Cow.

NOTE:  If you are 2% of the female population, and the relationship continues, the following will occur:

X. There is an actual freaking wedding.  

Y. Kids.

NOTE:  Fifteen years later, half of these couples will divorce and buy a different book about whatever dating technology has yet to be discovered in the future.

Z. Return to A.  Repeat. Infinity. 

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Please Text More Than “Hi”

I wish someone would explain the meaning of the “hi” text.  I do not understand the constant texting but never asking someone out on a date.  If you are interested in me, then ask me out or ask me to do something.  I would like someone who would get to the point and be honest.  I feel that a lot of the men that I have corresponded with are interested in just texting.  Yep, here we go another pen pal.  And I am sure this goes both ways, that girls waste time and just send “hi” texts also.

I am probably going to write about more what not to do than what to do.

You text me short texts every morning that consist of “hi” or “this day sucks”  but why can’t you say “good morning” or “how is your day?” Anything that would show some interest in the person you are texting.  Girls want to feel like they are important to you or that you care, or possibly show some interest.  I do not think anyone wants to start their day with a debbie downer text from someone that they barely know.  Some days I feel like I’m trying to cheer up Eeyore.

I have just spent the morning yelling at my kids about getting in the car before school or fought with them over what color pants to wear or that they can not eat Doritos for breakfast, so getting a good morning text on my way to work can be a complete game changer for my day.   I love “good morning” texts.  Honestly, a good morning text will probably get you a date with me.

Or there is the every other day “hi” from someone.  You don’t want to seem too needy or desperate  so I get just a “hi” every few days.  And nothing else.  I honestly do not even know how to respond to those texts.  I ask questions back for example, “ do you have any plans this weekend” and I get “not much” in response.  I know we are not all super chatty but you need to put a little effort into it.  Something to get the conversation going…

For example its basic…might be kinda nerdy but it gets the conversation going…

Man-How was your day?

Woman–Good, The weather today is beautiful. I am going to go for a hike after work

Man-Really, that sounds perfect.  Where do you like to hike?

Woman-I love to hike at the state park near my house. It’s so relaxing in the evening.

Man-I know. I have started to get back into hiking and running.  Would you like to go hiking next week one night?

Simple conversation that could lead to a date…

I do not know who invented the “hi” text but it has got to be the most confusing text to send to a girl.

And if you are going to send a “hi” text, can you please follow up with something like “whatcha doing, did you make it to work, how was your workout”, or anything that shows you have interest in them.  Something that they have told you in the last few days that you can ask about.

If you have to store a “notes section” in your phone with things to remember about that person, then do it.  There are many reminder apps these days, just pick one. And if you ask about my day and I tell you about it, then have text me back and start a conversation over it.  Don’t just not respond.

Here is the truth..I get “hi” texts and  “ good nights” texts, which turn into nothing. I eventually get bored and don’t respond.  Say what you mean and just ask.  Don’t spend weeks or months sending short ‘hi” texts because that does not turn into a conversation or definitely not a relationship.

I love when I get something that includes a bit of something we had discussed earlier.  I love that I told you my kids had swimming lessons 3 days ago and you remembered and asked about it.  Maybe you just looked back at our messages, but I don’t care because you put some effort into the text.   Maybe you know I get up every morning to work out, so you text me at 7 am each morning to see how my workout was.

Those are the things that girls want…  If you like her or want it to go somewhere, then show some interest in her life…

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Just Ask The Girl Out

Just ask the girl out…

And just like that it hit me… I was having a couple drinks with my friend and venting about a guy that had just been texting me hi over the last month and not asked me out. Texting and online dating is crazy: crazy good, crazy scary, and crazy frustrating.

I hope that texting has not ruined dating for us all. Yes, texting is great. You get to learn about a person without actually leaving your couch. You could be in a relationship and never even met in person. We have all heard the catfish stores, seen the movie… and yes, the thought goes through my head every time. And if you are just starting on an online dating site, yes we will hear and see it all.

Once you weed out the booty calls, one liners, the just plain crazy’s, and the ones that just copy & paste their message to the top 50, you might be left with someone who you are interested in. And I do believe that there can be really good matches on dating websites. So now what? When you do get off the site and exchange numbers. I have had both good and bad experiences with this.

Once you exchange phone numbers there is probably some interest to meet. I usually do not give out my phone number until I feel comfortable or have had some communication. If you want to ask a girl out, ask her out. Be direct. Don’t say, “ we should go out sometime”. We all have kids, sports, activities, jobs, lives, etc. If you want to ask me out, maybe old fashion, but I still believe that the guy should make the first move. But that’s just me…

If you have exchanged numbers and are now texting, then take the time to ask that person out on a date, coffee, or a drink. Take it to the next step. And be direct, ask for the date and time, not just sometime or next week. If the dates that you suggested don’t work, then mentioned to touch next week. If dating and possibly having a relationship is important than ask the girl to do something. Do not wimp out, take the initiative and do it. Just do it, do it, do it…Don’t waste months texting back and forth and never meeting…

Even over 40, It’s scary and no one knows if they are going to say “yes” and no one likes rejection. At this age, I still act like a shy teenager wondering if he will ask me out. However, I feel that spending weeks or months texting leads to nothing.

I believe in the saying, “shit or get off the pot”. I have gone on many dates, where the person acted completely different in real life, than via text. They were very open and talkative by text, but didn’t say a word in person. We did not have any connection in person and there was lots of dead air. Probably the worst on a date.

If you are actually interested in meeting someone and possibly turning this into a relationship than go for the date! That way you can see if you have a connection, maybe you will and maybe out won’t…Make the move!!

Snarky divorced gal (www.snarkydivorcedgal.com)