Tag Archives: teenagers

Prepare Yourself-Life Does Not Get Easier As Kids Get Older

Prepare yourself because life does not get easier as your kids get older.

I used to live under that misconception that as your kids got older…life got easier. It definitely does not. Remember when “they” said ‘just get through the diaper stages, the terrible twos… the preschool years..’blah blah blah… If we only knew then what we know now.

On our way back from Florida, we were seated in front of a family of 6. The husband, wife, and 4 kids all what looked to be under the age of 8.

We were on a 3 hour flight and mom tried everything to calm the 18 month and 3 year old. The 18 month screamed the entire time and the 3 year old basically kicked the seat and pounded on his tray.

There were snacks, treats, I-pads, book reading, cartoons watched, songs sung,farmer in the dell was even sang, everything and nothing worked. Until 20 minutes before we landed, the littlest fell asleep.

All I could think about was -we have all been there. As a parent, you just never know how your kids will behave or what they will throw at you in life. And as a mom you are drained at times. This mom was drained, you could hear it in her voice and see it in her face.

I was just about to say to this mom, “don’t worry it gets easier”,but then I thought..

“No it doesn’t.”

“Shut up Megan and don’t lie to this mom!”

Yes, my kids look like angels on this flight, they were glued to their devices, going to the bathroom on their own and not disturbing anyone. Each one has water and snacked placed perfectly in front of them and they honestly haven’t looked at me since we sat down. Probably because we just spent 8 days together and they are most likely a little sick of me.. Haha.

However, what this plane hasn’t witnessed was 2 days ago when we went to Cocoa beach on vacation and my 10 year old refused to get out of the car.

We drove 2 hours and parked the car, we all got out except my son. He sat in the car and demanded that he was not getting out or going to the beach. All because he wanted to bring his phone on the beach and I said “no”. I tried to stay calm at first and use reasoning. My daughter also chimed in with her comments, which did not probably help. It literally took me over 45 minutes to get him to come out and in the end he got his phone.

Why?? because we drove 2 hours and I couldn’t ruin the day for my other 2 kids. I was completely between a rock and a hard place and none of those parenting tactics (like those ever work for me) were working so I gave in.

I was so angry at him and disappointed at him. He was just being stubborn and wanted to test me.

And to top it off, he never looked at his phone when we got there. He played in the sand, waded in the water, and had a great day.

We all had a great day!

So, at times my kids look angelic but they are not.

They each throw me a curve ball on a daily basis. I think it’s almost worse now because it will seem like you have it all figured out and then slap it hits you in the face..

So as a mom, you are still faced with those daily unexpected obstacles that your kids throw at you. We think you have it all figured out and then something else happens.

Whether they wont get out of the car, they are crying on the plane, they break up unexpectedly with their boyfriend, they fail a class, they lose their job, they get their belly button pierced, they miss practice, they take the car without a license.

You just never know when or what will happen but it does.

As parents, we just keep treading through it all.

-Snarky

www.snakrydivorcedgal.com

Five Minutes

Five minutes…..

Sunday afternoon and I have Harry Styles in my ears and my windows open. After what seems like forever Spring is finally here in the Midwest and I can feel my mood improving. It helps I don’t feel like I have to be bundled up in five million layers.

My daughter is thirteen soon fourteen and as we approached this age I bought all the books. You know the ones, how to talk to your teen. How to build a relationship. Maneuver through the teen years. 

Did I read them ?

Lol, oh my goodness no. Instead I did something I should have done always.

Everyday I find five minutes.

It may be a silly moment where I go in her room and sing her a song in between cleaning. When I get home from work I go find her and ask about her day.At bedtime tell her all the things about her that make me proud.In the morning on my way out the door.

Those five minutes add up throughout the day. She is incredibly independent so sometimes in a day aside from dinner I may just get that five minutes.

Which is hard for me.

I miss the days she just wanted to be by me. Always. I miss holding her hand. I miss tucking her in. Reading to her.I’m incredibly proud of the person she is becoming.

She is smart, funny, and empathetic. She knows who she is.But I miss the little four year old who would crawl into bed with me and snuggle.Now she is taller than me.

What I am learning in those five minutes is sometimes they turn into ten. Then ten turns into an hour and somehow my thirteen year old is suddenly sharing things with me, things that  I am sometimes nervous to hear but happy she will tell me.

The other day those five minutes gave me a surprise of my daughter in my room asleep on my bed when I got home from work. When I asked her what happened.She said “I just missed you Momma so I came in here and took a nap.”

So while maybe I should crack open those books. I am going with five minutes.Those five minutes are showing me even though she has to crouch down to hug me. She still wants to.

I’ll take it.

Much love.

Stay safe Mommas

💚Caprise

Am I Parenting Right?

As a parent you just do not know if you are parenting ‘right’… it starts when they are babies, then moves to toddlers, then continues right through the school years and teen years.   And here I am.. Knee deep in the teen years.  

A couple years ago, I started to go through giving my oldest daughter some independence.  I have always given my kids some freedom and independence until I felt they could not handle it.  It’s a definite struggle to just step back a little and give them more and more independence.   

I remember when my oldest started staying up later and later, I knew eventually she would have to figure it out that she would need more sleep.  Eventually, she realized that if she wanted to make it through the day with school and practice, she would need to not stay up late watching netflix.  

And now I am going through my middle daughter trying to gain herself some independence.  And this has been the biggest test for me.  I have realized that all of my children are so different.  It just boggles my mind, how really different they can be.  So here I am thinking, well my oldest daughter handled it, I am sure she will be fine also.  News to me… 

I have learned that they both handle independence and responsibility very different.  And it has been a definite learning curve. I feel like I am tested daily with this one.  My oldest was motivated by getting to be with her friends.  She is very social and enjoys sleepovers and hanging out with them.  If I ask her to do something or follow certain rules, she does it because she gets to see her friends.  

Then we have my middle child…. She is very smart and school comes easy for her.  She is content being at home and does not ask to do much.  She loves her netflix and watching tv.   A couple months ago, she asked to switch to complete distance learning and we agreed with some expectations.  I thought this would be a good test at some independence.  We gave her six weeks and then we would evaluate how it was working.   It was a complete shit show… missing assignments, missing classes, and grades falling.  

So, we discussed that after Christmas she would need to return to hybrid.  Now, it should not have been a complete shock to her because the weeks leading up to this conversation, we discussed her grades and missing assignments, along with the importance of getting them in.  

It is the day she is suppose to return to school and she just doesn’t go.  I tried all of my tactics and bargain tools, nothing worked.  Now, with my oldest, taking her phone away would have done the trick.  I am pretty sure that the words “boarding school” came out of my mouth.  I might have even mentioned that the principal might show up at our house… good god, I sounded like my mother 30 years ago, I was rambling… and my daughter knew none of those things would happen.  

I do not even know why I was trying, I knew how strong willed she was…and I knew when she made up her mind it was stuck.  

And now she has still not returned to in-person school.  Of course, she is doing her learning still from her bedroom and of course, she is actually getting up on time, but she will not return. I have tried everything to get her to go back to school and she just will not do it.  She has no phone, no tv, or no electronics.  I am sure her friends wonder what happened to her….but she seems to not care.  She is ok with the consequences.  

And so here I am, still in awww on what to do.  I have asked my friends, I have read numerous articles, but still everyday I am wondering if I am doing it right. I wonder if I am not doing enough or doing too much.. Should I just give in or should I have more consequences.  Honestly, its a gamble. And I am sure 20 years from now, we will laugh about it.   

And the reality is, each of my children are so different.  They function so differently.  Just when I think I have them figured out, another curve ball.  And I am stuck thinking… how many more years until I finally figure it all out….

-Snarky

 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

The Little Things

The little things….it is Sunday morning. I’m drinking peppermint coffee. I’m trying something new. Flavored coffee. So maybe, I’ll put less milk and sugar in my coffee because I’m actually lactose intolerant and am stubborn.  I’ve been drinking my coffee this way since I was twelve. Sadly at 49 my body is like hey lady slow your roll on the dairy.

But I digress…

Music is Rod Stewart. Sir Rod turns 77?! as I write this, my favorite Maggie May is on in the background.

I started to write last week about things that are hard to talk about with your ex. Last week was money and I have a few more, but I had to share a mini miracle.

My daughter is a new teenager. She turned thirteen in June and me being me I bought all the books and neatly stacked them on my bookshelf unread. 

I have watched friends with teen daughters ride the roller coaster and me being me I was scared. 

I mean I mess up a lot.

A whole lot.

So far, aside from a few hiccups and honestly what I consider pretty standard stuff. We’ve been fine. I do enjoy getting told to leave when I’ve overstayed my welcome in her room. I also find a lot of joy in singing Van Halen Is This Love at the top of my lungs near her and what Mom doesn’t break out in dance in front of her daughter when her favorite band is on?

But I also put everything down when she comes to talk to me.

I let her know the days I’m working from home, my schedule and what meetings she will bust in on. 

I tell her I love her all the time.

All the time.

I’m proud of her.

I ask her how she’s doing.

I am slowly feeling more comfortable answering questions I hoped she wouldn’t ask.

I will be honest I was not so great at this before and I still am not. But I recognize I need to try to be.

I recognize we have a long journey ahead but I am trying to build a strong foundation.

Yesterday I got handed a brick.

I’m writing bills and she sits on the side of my bed which I use as my desk sometimes and tells me when she is eighteen she wants a tattoo.

She explains what and where.

As she’s talking she slides onto my bed and leans into me and puts my arms around her.

She starts asking me about my tattoos, what they mean. Did they hurt? 

What do I think?

We talk a bit longer.

I kiss the top of her head and then she says thanks Mom and leaves.

Just like that… she’s thirteen again.

I go in before bedtime and tell her good night and say thank you for asking me about all of this.

She says “well of course Mom. You’re my Mom”.

It’s the little things.

Be safe

Much love Mommas

💚Caprise

The Talk

In a month my daughter turns thirteen. She is my sun, my moon, and my stars.

I have mentioned before I love and am in awe of how much of her own person she is.

How comfortable in her own skin she is. At least I thought she was.

Until we started chatting recently. She seemed a bit down. So I asked is it because we are stuck at home and you are missing everyone?

Somehow in the midst of that discussion we landed on what she thinks about how she looks.

She told me she didn’t like her stomach and how it looked.

My heart sunk.

I have struggled with my self image and weight my whole life so because of that I thought I’ve been doing a pretty good job of not ever making that a part of our conversation.

I started mentally indexing conversations we had. Had I said something? Oh no! Was it because I said wearing jeans was like torture now?

I broke and asked her. She said when she was in elementary school someone had called her a name. I pointed out to her that it was two years ago. Why now? She said I don’t know. Then I checked myself. I am 48 and I still remember being teased by people from grade school. Why should it be different for her? It shouldn’t. Sadly.

I reminded her of what I always tell her… it’s about being healthy.

I reminded her as silly as it sounds it really is about what’s inside. Truly. But we all have our days. But as humans we’ve earned our wrinkles and freckles and scars. We’ve earned the way our body changes. It means we have lived a life.

I told her you may look in the mirror right now and look one way and by the end of the summer look completely different.

Changing is life and it means living.

It’s not always perfect or what we think it should be. But it means things are happening.

I told her I earned my tummy- it grew a person. I grew her! She laughed. I told her she really liked Mountain Dew Code Red and Butter Burgers with the works. Laughter.

I still am doing the mental catalog even as I type this. Is it because I get up every morning and always have to shower and rarely not wear makeup?

Does she feel this way because of that?

I have never been the Mom to make her wear certain types of clothes. I just ask that they be weather appropriate and clean. She hates jeans. So I got her lots of leggings and athletic pants.

She, like me, loves t-shirts. And her hoodie collection- pretty great.

I keep on her about the normal stuff – showers, brushing her teeth… So where?

I don’t know. All I know is I hope she knows what an incredible human she is.

How much I love her.

What a crazy Mama Bear I will turn into the first time someone hurts her. Ok… I’ll try to keep that at the below the surface level.

But this was our first of many( I’m sure) talks like this.

I am scared.

I don’t know if I’m ready.

And man, I hope I’m doing it right. Just a bit would be great.

Thanks for letting me share and if any of you have any words of wisdom….

I’d love it.

Much love Mommas

Be safe

<3 Caprise