Tag Archives: teenager

The Talk

In a month my daughter turns thirteen. She is my sun, my moon, and my stars.

I have mentioned before I love and am in awe of how much of her own person she is.

How comfortable in her own skin she is. At least I thought she was.

Until we started chatting recently. She seemed a bit down. So I asked is it because we are stuck at home and you are missing everyone?

Somehow in the midst of that discussion we landed on what she thinks about how she looks.

She told me she didn’t like her stomach and how it looked.

My heart sunk.

I have struggled with my self image and weight my whole life so because of that I thought I’ve been doing a pretty good job of not ever making that a part of our conversation.

I started mentally indexing conversations we had. Had I said something? Oh no! Was it because I said wearing jeans was like torture now?

I broke and asked her. She said when she was in elementary school someone had called her a name. I pointed out to her that it was two years ago. Why now? She said I don’t know. Then I checked myself. I am 48 and I still remember being teased by people from grade school. Why should it be different for her? It shouldn’t. Sadly.

I reminded her of what I always tell her… it’s about being healthy.

I reminded her as silly as it sounds it really is about what’s inside. Truly. But we all have our days. But as humans we’ve earned our wrinkles and freckles and scars. We’ve earned the way our body changes. It means we have lived a life.

I told her you may look in the mirror right now and look one way and by the end of the summer look completely different.

Changing is life and it means living.

It’s not always perfect or what we think it should be. But it means things are happening.

I told her I earned my tummy- it grew a person. I grew her! She laughed. I told her she really liked Mountain Dew Code Red and Butter Burgers with the works. Laughter.

I still am doing the mental catalog even as I type this. Is it because I get up every morning and always have to shower and rarely not wear makeup?

Does she feel this way because of that?

I have never been the Mom to make her wear certain types of clothes. I just ask that they be weather appropriate and clean. She hates jeans. So I got her lots of leggings and athletic pants.

She, like me, loves t-shirts. And her hoodie collection- pretty great.

I keep on her about the normal stuff – showers, brushing her teeth… So where?

I don’t know. All I know is I hope she knows what an incredible human she is.

How much I love her.

What a crazy Mama Bear I will turn into the first time someone hurts her. Ok… I’ll try to keep that at the below the surface level.

But this was our first of many( I’m sure) talks like this.

I am scared.

I don’t know if I’m ready.

And man, I hope I’m doing it right. Just a bit would be great.

Thanks for letting me share and if any of you have any words of wisdom….

I’d love it.

Much love Mommas

Be safe

<3 Caprise

So It Begins

And so it begins…Earlier this week as I was getting ready for work my daughter noticed the sweatshirt I was wearing and announced she wanted it.

Luckily I have more than one version of said sweatshirt and I pulled the one I wasn’t wearing from its hanger and handed it to her.

She clapped her hands put it on and was attached to it for the better part of three days until I finally snuck into her room and threw it in our hamper.

As I type this- I’m smiling. My daughter is twelve and she has hit that stage where she asks if I am going to leave when I am in her room too long.

So her wanting a piece of my clothing and wearing it consecutively for three days … it goes without saying it meant a lot to me.

Twelve has been hard.

She has started middle school- her second year actually. Conversations that I avoided in an attempt to protect her are happening, because she has friends who are vocal about their parents situations.

Thankfully we have been able to have some frank conversations without me having to paint anyone as better or worse. Because at the end of the day,at least right now all she needs to know is we just didn’t work. Sometimes opposites do not attract lol.

But getting back to this clothes borrowing thing. It is allowing me stolen moments. Shy conversations about friends, teachers and people she likes or doesn’t.

It’s interesting that bonding over a sweatshirt is helping us bond. Maybe it’s not the sweatshirt, maybe it’s me. I am petrified as we continue our journey closer to the numbers ending in teen we could have a strained relationship. The cliches exist for a reason. G also carries the added weight of trying to manage two households. She shouldn’t have to but it’s our reality.

What I do know is if letting her borrow my clothes means she shares more moments and snippets of her life with me. Well, aside from maybe one or two pair of boots she can raid my closet anytime.

Sending you lots of love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Surviving High School

Hi teens!

Since starting high school, I have begun to think back at my previous ideas of what I thought it would be like to be a high schooler. Before actually being a high schooler, I had these strange ideas about it.  Most of these stereotypical ideas I picked up from TV shows and movies I watched while growing up. Because of my obsession with teen films as a kid, I expected to walk into high school and there be an instant sense of “drama”. I was expecting a school full cliques and I imagined myself not being able to fit into any of them. (Typical movie plot… I know).

I could picture some “mean girl” going out of her way to try and make others feel like they don’t belong, (the plot continues) and I often imagined that her target would be me.

Another shattered “stereotype” was that it would be a scene out of High School Musical. Obviously I didn’t expect students to burst into song at random moments of the day, but I did expect the “Troy” to my “Gabriela” to welcome me into school. (A girl can dream).

Last, but not least, I believed that I wouldn’t really be noticed. I thought making friends would be a challenge, and that the overall experience wouldn’t be all that great. Boy was I wrong! I have not yet experienced any sort of “drama” since starting high school and, honestly, I am quite relieved. The cliques don’t seem to exist, and everyone has been EXTREMELY kind.

Unfortunately, I have not yet found my Troy, but what can you do?

So far, my high school experience has been nothing short of wonderful!

My advice is to be social once you get there. Join clubs, take classes you wouldn’t usually take, and strive to be a good student and person.

Like with most other things in our lives, do not allow your pre-conceived ideas to impact your experience. I’m hoping that my high school years will be some of the best moments of my life.

So far, so good..
-Dani

The Truth Is…We Love You

The Truth is…We Love You

Dear Moms,

Being a teenager is difficult, or at least we think it is.

Some of us spend every moment of our lives stressing about our “responsibilities” and keeping up with popular trends. Others spend their time stressing about their follower count and how to be “in” with the cool crowd. Both are some of the countless things that we prioritize in life.

While all of this is going through our minds, we sometimes lose sight of what truly matters and the people who truly care about us. In these moments, we often push ourselves away because we feel that no adult could understand what we’re going through (because obviously they were never teens… right?). When we feel this way, we’ll say some things that we really regret afterwards. We yell, we argue, and we don’t listen. We become so blind sometimes, that we don’t acknowledge the effort and love that you put in to try and make us feel better.

What can I say? We are typical teens. Although it may not seem like it, we appreciate what you do for us. I want to tell each and every one you that we notice. We notice the small deeds you do to put smiles on our faces when we need it most. We notice the sacrifices you make, to make our problems seem insignificant. We notice you reaching out to try and bond with us. The reason behind our distance, is our stubbornness.

The truth is… we love you!

We love the way you have our back. We love the way you can’t help but want to protect us from any harm. We love the fact that you are always willing to listen. To all the moms reading this right now, I want to let you know that you are Wonder Women. On behalf of all the teens, we are extremely sorry for being such pains in the bottom.

The truth is… WE LOVE YOU!

-Dani

Clean Your Bedroom Like A Teenage Girl

Clean Your Bedroom Like A Teenage Girl

Six Easy Steps to Domestic Bliss

Step 1:​ Organize all of your nail polish by color. This is a critical. If you don’t do this, the next time you want to impress that cute boy who won’t notice your hands, you might have to wave “hi” to him with nail polish that does not match your outfit.

Step 2:​ Organize all of your jewelry. This includes double-checking to see if your sister “borrowed” any of your jewelry without asking. If she did, you will need to spend at least 30 minutes arguing with her. If you can’t find a favorite pair of earrings, the likelihood that you misplaced them in your messy room is extremely low. Make sure to accuse your sister of both stealing your favorite earrings and then lying about it.

Step 3: ​ Organize all of your clean clothes in your closet, hanging them up perfectly and arranging them by season, color, and occasion. Spend at least two hours on this. Then go tell your mom that you have nothing to wear and she needs to take you shopping.

Step 4:​ Scatter all of your dirty clothes across the floor of your room. This will serve the following purposes:

a. Your sister will not want to borrow these clothes because they are dirty

b. The dirty clothes will cover the carpet, disguising the fact that you have not vacuumed

c. The clean clothes hanging in your closet will look even more sparse, which might make your request to go shopping seem reasonable

d. You will have more privacy because your family will not want to set foot in your room

Step 5: ​ Make your bed and arrange the pillows and stuffed animals meticulously. Don’t bother to wash the sheets. At some point your mom will realize that you haven’t done this in ages, get disgusted, and just go ahead and do this for you.

Step 6:​ Plop down on your freshly arranged bed and call your best friend to complain that your mom has been making you clean all morning. Suggest that the two of you go shopping. Ask her what nail polish you should wear to school on Monday.

Liz Possible is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that.

Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/