Tag Archives: talk

Do You Like Guacamole?

‘Do You Like Guacamole?…’ If you know what movie that’s from you and I might have similar senses of humor.

I wish more than anything that what I was writing about was funny.

But it’s not even close. So far from it. It’s five days later and I keep looking at my phone rereading messages trying to figure out if there was a clue.

I wasn’t even sure if I was going to write about this. But I will be honest with you all. I write in real time. If I’m writing about it, something happened. Aside from Fixer of Broken Boys series, events of the week always crop up in my blogs.

This one though.

I wish I could swear here. 

I’ve done a lot of that this week.

And cried.

And questioned.

Tuesday after work I get a cryptic text from an acquaintance do you still talk to  ****?

A bit why?

I didn’t want to share with this person we actually chat pretty regularly. My past experiences with them have left me guarded.

Why?

He passed.

What?

The story changed a few times during the course of the text message so I said thank you. Put my phone down and took a moment.

I reached out to a mutual friend. It was true.

He had killed himself.

I said thank you for letting me know.

Put my phone down.

Reread his texts. 

What did I miss?

His social media account had gone silent shortly after, but it was not uncommon. His sassy sense of humor got him in trouble with the Facebook police on and off.

I didn’t think a lot of it.

Until I did.

Here are the things I need you to know.

I had known this person since I was five years old. I have always been a shy, awkward person. I was an easy target as a kid and even when some of his friends were the ones he stood up for me.

He was an enigma.

A conservative army vet with a liberal steak.

He was so smart. But I don’t think he thought so.

We lost touch and reconnected a few years ago and had lunch and dinner a few times and he could talk about anything.

He was intense.

He had a wicked and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor.

He always asked about my daughter.

He held my hand when after years of not seeing me I sat in a bar telling him about my current situation and cried.

He had a great smile.

He sent me taco memes.

Offered to kidnap me a few times.

He supported me being a girly girl.

If he cared about you he teased you.

He would give you everything he had if he thought you needed it.

He didn’t realize the little things he did had such a huge impact on all of us.

And for that my heart is breaking.

Our last few conversations were about of course my daughter, congratulating me on my new job and why I wouldn’t watch The Tiger King.

Typical really.

There are so many more things I could say. But unfortunately the saying  about the most positive people, the anchors for everyone they are carrying heavy loads of their own, it’s true.

One of our last conversations he teased me about something I wanted to say about the movie Stepbrothers but was afraid to. He of course said to tell him.

I wish he could have told one of us he was hurting.

But he couldn’t.

I have been transparent in my last few blogs- the world is not what we are all used to. And some people can handle it. But I’m going to be blunt. I have my days and I don’t have a lot of the other things a lot of other people are contending with. 

So that said…

Learn the warning signs 

Reach out

If you need help yourself :

1-800-273-TALK

I have no more words Mommas, my heart hurts because he is not the first person I’ve lost this way and it gets frustrating to not be able to do more or that you didn’t do enough.

Be safe

<3 Caprise

Friendship In The Time Of Chaos

Friendship In The Time Of Chaos..

Anyone else feel like the world is on fire?

Holy…

Where do you start, and when does this end?

I am going to say what you already know and have probably heard a million times.

Reach out to your friends. Often. Call them. Email them. For the first time ever social media can be used for good.

I have actually talked on the phone to friends I normally text. We are sharing music, recipes, our fears.

That last one. Now is not the time to hide. If ever there was a time to show up this is it.

People are showing their true colors. Some are becoming the marker in the Art bin everyone fights over. Some are becoming the crayon no one wants.

Don’t be the crayon.

My list of worries like almost everyone is long.

It has felt very reassuring to know I am not alone. To talk it out or not. To talk about something absolutely ridiculous and have a good belly laugh instead of a long cry. I have plenty of those and know more are coming.

I am by no means telling you to text that ex or forgive a hurt. But the people who mean something to you. Now is the time and goodness knows we have time. Tell them. If possible show them.

I still am not a social media cheerleader and I would fly a caution flag there too.

When people have too much time on their hands they think hard. Overthink… so if you think it might maybe just bug them in normal times I’d say in these times … it will be even more so.

I know it is for me.

On the flip side it is keeping us all connected. Take advantage of it. Use it for good!

But that is not the point.

The point is this. You can come out of this better, the person who lost an opportunity, or was a jackass.

Or in much more eloquent terms thanks to Teddy Roosevelt:

“Do what you can with what you have, where you are.”

Things are weird. Try to keep your chin up. Wash your hands, be kind. This is your moment. You can either rise up or fall back.

Sending you love and reminding you to wash your hands.

<3 Caprise

Should I See A Counselor?

Going to a counselor was the best thing I did throughout my divorce. I had always kept my feelings and thoughts to myself for years. Growing up I was always shy.. I didn’t like groups of people and I hated speaking in front of people. I dreaded college classes that talked about our hobbies or what we liked to do. I was just never any good at talking about myself.  And I had poor self esteem and confidence throughout my younger years.

I had never really given much thought to going to a counselor.. I kinda thought counselors were for crazy people and they couldn’t help me with my problems.  And then that day, I walked into a counselor’s office and spilled everything about my life.  I struggled with my decision to get divorced for years.  In a matter of 60 minutes, I felt like a heavy weight had been taken off me.. I will never forget when she said “ it’s ok to say you do not love your husband”.  And that’s all I needed to hear… How could hearing that make everything that clear to me.  It was now so clear.  My life seemed clear. I was smiling.  I knew what my future was and I felt like I had the strength to get there.  It was just being able to openly talk to someone without any judgement and not feeling guilty for my decision.

Having that person that you could be completely honest with about your feelings and not feel judged was empowering. If would have not been completely open with her, then I would probably be still contemplating my decision.  It takes strength and courage to lay everything out there and not know what you are going to get in return.

I continued to see her weekly through my divorce process and after.  I still see her occasionally to check in. If I am feeling lost or struggling with something in my life, then I still see her to work through it. And every time it helps.

Without going to a counselor, I would probably still be struggling with many areas of my life. Yes, your friends and family are great to vent to about your problems and struggles.

But a couple things to think about relying on your friends… sometimes your friends can’t help you make the decisions. They can give you their perspective.  And some friends can’t give you the honest answer you need.

Many times friends can’t give you the tools to follow thru on the decision.  And sometimes we are just not as honest with our friends as a counselor.  I know I wasn’t… And lastly no one wants to be the friend that always has problems…

If you are struggling with your life, marriage, divorce, relationship, then go talk to a counselor.  People waste so much time in life contemplating decisions and trying to work past struggles on their own.  I just feel that why waste time.. why waste more time in life struggling by yourself when a counselor can help you get through it.

No one should feel guilty or ashamed of needing extra support in their life.  No one is perfect and we all face difficulties.  If it makes you stronger, happier, and more content, then keep doing it!

Snarkydivorcedgal

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

Be Her

Be her….

Do you have girlfriends you can call who will support you in your greatness? Girlfriends who will send you love over the phone or be with you to give you hugs? Girlfriends who understand no justification is necessary and love you even in the mess you may find yourself in?

Girlfriends know what to say and how to be and what to do. They sit when times are tough, they lend an ear when your words won’t stop, they hug when you’re falling down. They laugh from the belly when you do something Crazy. They watch your kids when the sitter leaves you high & dry. They bring a meal when you can’t get out of bed. They cry with you, giggle with you and rant on & on with you. Girlfriends know what to do.

Are you that kind of girlfriend? Do you stop your nonsense to lend a hand? Do you reach out when you’re tired because you know your bestie is having the worst day of her life? Do you care and love and give and hold? It takes a lot to step up and be that kind of friend. It takes courage and compassion and selflessness.

Be the one who someone calls because she knows she can count on you. All Day.

 Be the one who puts smiles on faces, sends birthday wishes & opens her arms to others.

 Be the one who at the end of the day puts her head on her pillow, down right knowing that she stepped out and gave of herself to another with nothing but honest, authentic giving.

Be Her all day long. Truth. Real. Raw. Your giving opens up space & gives permission for your girlfriends to Be Her too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy