Be here now…Years ago I trained with a wilderness tracker named Tom Brown. There are so many things that I awakened to spending time with him. One thing I think you might be able to relate to is when people go out into the woods and see a bird or on animal they immediately want to know what it is, what’s their name. And immediately upon learning the name, they are satisfied that they know something about the animal. Except that, they really know nothing. And the remarkable thing is that’s okay with them. They want to be able to point to a cardinal and say, “see that’s a Cardinal”. They don’t know that Cardinals mate for life, are predominantly ground feeders and a myriad of other interesting facts about them. Simply by putting a name on something they can avoid a deeper relationship by learning more.
My wife of 24 years died yesterday. She had been trying to recover from injuries she sustained over a year and a half ago. Something I have noticed is how much people are interested in what she died from. They want to label for themselves what happened because they think that will help them understand. But if I told them she died of cancer, that would be it. They would have all the information they needed. They could then protect themselves from the profound sadness by putting it in the ‘cancer’ drawer, where the “too bads” and “thats horrible” live, with the “ I knew X who died of cancer” that also live there.
In the end does it really matter what she died from?
Our wish to protect ourselves, often is invisible.
Our interest in the cause is completely understandable, but not necessary.
What is necessary is to BE with the one you are with.
Relationships are not built on how or why, they are built on being present, right here, right now. They are built on feeling you’re feelings and being empathetic, characteristics our society recognize as weaknesses.
But only the bravest cry and the strongest show empathy. Be here now. Feel what there is to feel.