Tag Archives: surviving

It’s Time to Thrive, Not Just Survive

Time to thrive and not just survive..
Today was my son’s first day of preschool. I am divorced, and his father, and I co parent. His father brought him to school, and I had texted him that I would meet them there to wish him a great day.  My divorce was final two years ago, but I am still healing, and I never know when certain moments may trigger me.  I pull up, and I see my ex husband with his partner and my son. I immediately felt angry and anxious. I parked my car, and I had a pep talk with myself. “Amy, you’re loved, you’re special and you can do this.” I kept my composure, and I walked over to them. I said good morning, and I thought it was really nice when his partner went to wait in the car while we had our time with our son.
I am mostly ok in his presence, but not for long periods of time as our marriage was abusive, and I left three years ago today to create a healthier life for my son and I.
I sent my best friend a video, and I told her how happy I was that I was going to begin counseling again this Friday.  The thing is, I removed myself physically, and I have overcome a lot, but many emotions are still raw, and seeing him with his partner reminds me of the deception in my marriage, and how I feel robbed of the genuine partnership I had wanted; the real love that I fought so hard for, but it was never reciprocated.
It has been three years, and I realize for three years, I have put myself on the back burner. I have been going through the motions but not truly living. I am done with just living, I want to thrive. My marriage was fraudulent, but my son is the gift God gave me from it. I cannot be anything to anyone unless I am ok. Last night was the first night in a while that I went to bed at a decent hour. I am often haunted by nightmares, but last night I slept peacefully. I can choose to stay stuck or I can choose to face head on the issues that plague me often.
I want to be whole, I want to be who I was called to be. Yes, my marriage was a lie, but I have chosen to pick myself and do the hard work to walk with God and truly heal.  I am taking this special time in my life to do just so. I know many others have failed dreams, and are in pain. I too hope you will find the strength to be the best you and start thriving………not just surviving.
I hope you will join me as we thrive together!
~Amy
A Rhode Island native who moved to Ohio in 2004 mother to an amazing 4 year old son and 2 doggies. I love writing, reading, music, hanging out with my friends, French fries and animals

Surviving Quiet and Being Alone

One would assume when they read the title of this post and knowing the author is a divorced single mom that she is talking about being single and not in a relationship. There is truth to that; it’s extremely difficult to go from being married for almost 18 years to being single again. There was so much to get used to – sleeping in bed alone, waking up alone, no other adult to talk to in the house, no one to bounce ideas off of or vent about work with, no one to celebrate successes with, no one to share household chores with and the list goes on and on.

For me, it was the little things …. I was used to calling my husband on the way home from work, finding out how his day was, what time he thought he would be home, etc. After the separation, I found myself picking up the phone out of habit and having to stop myself from calling him.

As a new single mom, I had to learn how to deal with co-parenting and following a parenting plan. We began with the girls going to his house every other weekend. The thought of having a weekend to myself sounded appealing and exciting but it wasn’t as great as I thought. All the times I had dreamed of having a weekend to myself and now it was here and I didn’t know what to do with myself. The quietness in the house was deafening. As a mom, I am always surrounded by people – at home with my kids, at work, at activities and running errands. Even growing up, I went from my parents’ house to college with roommates, then got married and had kids. The only time I had any alone time after having kids was in the car on the way to or from work.

When we first started the parenting plan schedule, I made sure to make plans with friends each time the girls were gone so I wouldn’t have to endure the quiet, lonely feeling I felt. Back then, I was scared of the quiet and alone time, so I wanted to fill my time with things to do so I wouldn’t have to spend my time reliving difficult or sad moments. After a few months of this, I realized that I needed to learn how to really be by myself and be ok with it, so I would force myself to stay home alone– I would try to make it as enjoyable as I could with things like takeout and a movie.

This year, during the week of Thanksgiving, the girls went on a trip with their dad for a week. I had been so busy for most of the year and I couldn’t wait to be on my own for a few days. I made plans each day, but I also made sure to have a lot of down time by myself that week. It had been quite a challenging year and I had a lot of pent up frustrations and emotions and I will admit that I cried every single day that I was alone. I know now that I needed to have those cry days and it was ok and I felt better afterward. I needed that quiet time to sort through my feelings and emotions and let everything go.

Slowly, over time, I have come to enjoy and appreciate my alone time. Sometimes, I drive in the car without listening to music or a podcast just to have a little peaceful moment or two. The quietness when the girls are gone is welcome, although I miss having them around, but I know that I need it to keep myself mentally at peace.

I also have learned that, although I hope I will be in a relationship again in the future, I would prefer to be single than be in a relationship that doesn’t work for me or where I’m not valued. This time alone has taught me that I’m a good person just the way I am and I deserve to be loved and valued, all things that I’m not sure I realized before.

I know it’s not always easy to live in the quiet and loneliness, but sometimes you have to do it so that you can work through all the feelings and emotions you’ve been ignoring. It’s tough and it’s not fun at all, but it’s necessary so you can get to the other side of things ….. better things.

~Laxmi~

You can follow Laxmi on her blog at  https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/.