Tag Archives: style

Liberation In A Hair Cut

For the past four years I have been growing my hair out. The last time I had long hair was when my 7 year old was 2 and I ended up frying it off with a do it yourself at home perm. I loved the idea of  it being long, and I even look pretty decent with it. This time growing it out started as something I wanted to do and turned into something I was doing to prove something to someone else even though I left that said person almost three years ago.

I have a complicated relationship with my hair, always have. The only thing that stays constant is its always changing.  New love interest? Chopped color or textured it. Experienced a big loss or defeat? Changed it. Experienced a Major win? Changed it. Bored? Changed it. Going through any change? Changed it. I use my style kind of like a canvas to express myself, it changes as I change. You can thank my quirky artistic side for all that.

The problem arose a year after I started growing it out. I allowed someone to put doubt in my mind and made me feel lesser for not having long hair. The comments made me feel less feminine, and insecure with my hair, so for the last four years I refused to cut it. At first I loved the long hair, messy buns and long ponytails. That did grow old after the first year, where will my short hair i could do more with it and I didnt feel like I was suffocating with it down, I found it much more difficult for me to do anything functional with my long thick hair.

After a hectic week of quitting my job, finding another, doing more inside work on myself, I decided it was time for a change. I went to great clips and liberated myself of 12 inches of hair, what I was taken by surprise by was, how much other weight seemed to be lifted when walked out of there. It may seem odd but I feel like, I emptied some baggage, closed some doors and finalized a personal lesson or two during something as simple as a haircut.

Who would’ve thought? I hope you all enjoyed, let me know if ya’ll have experienced something similar.

 

Loving, Growing, Liberated

Ali

How Do You Do It All?

I get asked all the time how I do it.  “It” referring to working full time, taking care of a household, and raising four boys each with a different personality. I used to struggle and question my parenting style; for example do I parent like I was raised or do I parent like society says I should parent.

Then not so long ago I had an ephiany. I realized I need to keep doing what I’m doing. When my two younger boys, ages 12 and 14, are at each other’s throats, I try and remain calm and ask them what happened. Most of the time they talk and yell over each other and in the end I’m the one yelling.  That is okay because after some self reflection I tell myself I will try and do better the next time.

The truth is there is a combination of things that go into how I parent, work full time and take care of my household.  First of all, I pray for patience, patience, and more patience. Second, I do my self care routine. My routine consists of putting my kids to bed and watching TV or getting on social media.  I also like to go to the tanner or go for walks with friends. I realized long ago self care is not selfish. I know I cannot be there for my job or my kids if I’m a hot mess. Humor is also a very important piece of my daily routine.  I laugh at myself several times a day. Like when I’m looking for my phone while it is in my hand or when I am shopping and jump when I see my reflection in a mirror and say excuse me thinking it was another person.

I have to remember I am human and I am not perfect.  Mistakes are made daily and that is okay, because I am blessed beyond measure and I get to wake up every day and try again.  If I can tell myself at the end of the day that I put everything I had into being the best that I can be I know my kids will turn out okay.

 

Yours Truly,

Anne Smith- A Working & Single Mother

When Is It Appropriate To Stand Down In Life

There are times in life when it is appropriate to ‘Stand Down’.  The Military defines ‘Stand Down’ as the movement of soldiers in combat to a safe place for rest and recovery.  It is also a method used by the Military to correct an issue that has been identified as a problem throughout its ranks. 

American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘Stand Down’ as: to withdraw, to end a state of readiness.

Have you ever fought for something so hard only to have it keep whacking you in the face over and over again with its stubborn refusal to yield to your intention?

There comes a time in a wise person’s life when the pain and suffering that they have endured to stand by something has exhausted them to the point of heartbreak…a time when they are disillusioned, disappointed, disheartened and discouraged beyond belief…perhaps a time when this something has caused them to feel that people are inherently flawed…

This would signify the time to ‘Stand Down’.  ‘Stand Down’ does not mean to give up, instead it means to detach and quell the emotional reactivity of a situation.

Sometimes things have to become worse before they can improve and actually the seeming appearance of ‘worse’ is really good at work… in disguise.

When you are sure that you have done all you can in regards to a particular situation it may be the time to ‘Stand Down’—you will know in your heart of hearts when you have prayed enough, been angry enough, been disappointed enough, been lied to enough, been played enough, been betrayed enough, cried enough, talked enough, yelled enough and worked hard enough.

One day, suddenly perhaps, you will wake up and feel that it is time to ‘Stand Down’, time to move away from the attachment of that situation…time to let the other characters see the cost of their behavior…time for you to re-group and remember that there is occasionally more power in ‘Standing Down’ than there is in continuing to ‘Stand Up and Fight’.

Some of the best warriors and most brilliant minds have seen the wisdom in a ‘Stand Down’.  Even those of us that are strong-willed, control freaks can see the value of an occasional ‘Stand Down’.  There are times when it is better to withdraw than to compete with things that are beneath you or which threaten to drag you down into the muck and mire.

‘Stand Down’ does not mean that you are weak or that you lack the courage to keep fighting, it means that you are able to see the point in a situation when it is time for you to pull in and observe.  When it is time to stop pushing so hard and just let nature take its course.  When you have done all your work in a particular situation you can trust that the overall outcome will be for the good, even if the present circumstances resemble a giant garbage dump.

Refreshed, rested, armed with perspective gained from standing down and stepping back, you can re-enter the battle with new commitment and energy.

Life has a way of teaching people what they need to know…and you can count on people’s actions returning to them in kind…

If someone loves, they will be loved.  If someone harms, they will be harmed.  There is no avoiding the cause and effect laws of the universe, no matter who you think you are.

So take heed and if you are faced with a situation that requires it, ‘Stand Down’ with style and Grace…then get back into action when the timing is right.