Tag Archives: struggle

In The Face Of Disappointment

The new year has started and unfortunately it’s not the most positive news we all had wanted. But, it is what we have.

This is actually an amazing opportunity to focus on what we want and what we intend for the new year, in the face of disappointment. Disappointment is a funny thing. It often marks the end of some thing. When things don’t turn out the way we want, we will often give up.

Truthfully, it’s often how we handle relationships or friendships. When disappointed, we often say goodbye, or if we don’t say goodbye, we create distance.

If you think about it, disappointment surrounds us. It’s only a matter of time before we are disappointed again. We go shopping for some thing and it’s out of stock. We order a coffee and it’s not exactly how we wanted it. We stopped behind a car and a stoplight and when it turns green they’re not paying attention and you have to hit your horn. Too many of these in one day can ruin our day, but only if we let it…. And we don’t have to. Disappointment is only temporary it is never permanent. My wife wrote what she called a mind treatment that is very good to read in these type of times. I’ll include it here:

 

THE LITANY OF DISAPPOINTMENT

 

  •      everything, person and situation is a disappointment.                     

            it’s a matter of time eventually.

            disappointment is okay and i am still happy…

 

  •      disappointment is innate in all experiences.

            the greater determination the more disappointment.

            disappointment is okay and i am still happy…

 

  •      to see there is nothing that i really “need” makes attractive

            the possibility of detachment, otherwise,

            detachment would be a terrible punishment.

 

  •      disappointment is okay and i am still happy…

            can i be happy in the face of such great disappointment?

            yes i can.

 

  •      disappointment is okay and i am still happy…

           to the reactionary egoic mind, there is only disappointment.

            i can determine life is about being happy

            in the middle of all circumstances,

            even disappointment which is innate in life.

 

  •      it is possible to be prosperous, have goals, intentions and

            continue happily in the face of all disappointments.

 

  •      disappointment is okay and i am still happy…

            yes, everything changes and it’s perfect.

 

  •      disappointment is okay and i am still happy…

           i am fully engaged in all that life offers…

 

  •      disappointment is okay 

            i am still happy…and grateful

 

~Steve

Just A Bump In The Road

Just a bump in the road…

Sunday night seems to come at me much faster than it did a few months ago. I’m trying to decide how I feel about that. Do I miss the days of not knowing what day it is or do I like being very aware with each passing hour my weekend is almost over?

I think a bit of both.

Since August I have been working in an actual office again and those twelve people are twelve of my favorite people. Whether they want to be or not. Because in my part of the world we are on high alert so anything outside of essential anything is pretty limited.  Seeing them everyday makes me happy.

In my group of friends we all have handled this differently.  I was texting a friend and we were talking about how a lot of us are feeling like fireflies in jars right now. For some of us that works, but for a lot of us it really doesn’t.

I have become really close with Netflix and unfortunately Amazon, initially I really thought I was going to do all these DYI products.

I can see them from here. Half started. Maybe my heart is with that Pyrex dish I talked about last week.

Some of my friends have become at  home beauty gurus. Some of my friends are writing novels, taking up new hobbies, adopting pets.

But a few have fallen back into old habits they left behind. 

Rather than tell you what they are. I am going to tell you what I have told them and honestly try to remind myself of.

Especially right now.

First if you are telling someone-you know. “You know you need help.” That in and of itself is powerful. 

Second it may not feel like it but this is a bump. We are human, we make mistakes. Don’t let this be your hurdle,slow you down or think less of yourself.

Third… 2020 is not a normal year is it? There is absolutely no playbook for any of this. So being human, we are all doing the best we can.

Some maybe better than others. 

But we are trying. My dear, beautiful friend this is incredibly hard and I know you are scared and worried but you are doing great. This is just a bump in the road.

Seriously

I know you are tired. I know. But remember two AM feedings and sitting up with that little baby who thought an in depth conversation at four AM was necessary?

You got through that.

I know you feel helpless. But remember when you packed up that moving truck with hardly anything but your baby and some boxes and started over? You did it.

I know you are sad. He has someone new. Your time will come. It will.

Last,most definitely not least, you are a Mom. Mother. Ma. Mama. 

That my friend is powerful and important and you just do it.

So… you will get through this too.

You are stronger than you know and tomorrow REALLY is a new day.

 

Be safe Mommas.

Much love,

Caprise

You Are Worth The Rainbow

You are worth the rainbow….A girlfriend came over tonight to pick up something that I made for her and she shared with me ‘The Slump’ she was in.  I reminded her that after every storm, there is a rainbow.  It may not be in her back yard, it may not be when she looks out her window toward the east and it may not be shooting across the sky in her part of town …but there is one.  It’s just how nature works.  

It’s an unknown natural law.  Like gravity.  It just IS.  Rainbows come after the rain.

I reminded her that SHE created the space she is in & SHE has the power to RE-create it too.  That her woeful thoughts, negative words, pity party for one, and sadness were creating a bigger slump.  

I drew a scenario for her…. Imagine…every bad attitude, every quitting thought, every “poor-me”, you are putting a shovel into the ground and tossing the soil away.  The more she pitied, and lamented and teared up, the more shovelfuls she tossed, AND the bigger the hole around her was getting.  And now…the harder it will be to climb out of it. 

I challenged her to start today.  To do something different…  Imagine…. with every uplifting thought, with every accomplishment, with every “yay-me” she could toss a shovelful of soil back into the hole bringing her closer to the top with every one.  And pretty soon, there will be no hole at all.  She’ll be able to GO.  Easily, simply, happily GO.  Just GO.  

Nothing stopping her.  She won’t be held back by her reluctance, she won’t be tied down by her sorrow.  She’ll be free.  Standing in the victory.  On the other side of her Slump.  Standing in the freedom because SHE recreated the space she was in.  Because SHE did something different in the middle of her storm.  And mostly because SHE knew she was worth the rainbow.

xoxo,

Your God-girl

Tracy

Coffee Please

Coffee please….

Did you say struggle or snuggle?     Exercise Shmerxercise     

I love coffee.  I love coffee more than food.  I have 8 different kinds of coffee and 15 coffee mugs.  Oh and yes….I live alone.  LOL.  On top of that….. Did I tell you, I have 6, (or is it 7) t-shirts with sayings about coffee.   And into the coffee goes anything from almond milk to maple syrup and MCT oil to cacao powder.  Change it up. Drink it up.  Enjoy it.  All.  Day.

But, then there are days when I just want it exactly as it is, right out of the press.  Poured straight into the cup so I can enjoy the boldness, the robust flavor, the deep dark roast.  

It’s kinda like our life.

We can add anything from colorful pants to cute ankle socks and cool flat boots to braids.  Spice it up.  Sass it up. Enjoy it.  All. Day.

But, then there are those days we want to be as we are, straight out of the press.  Right?  Straight up.  No additions.  Enjoying the boldness, the grit & truth, the raw essence of you. 

Change is good.  Sitting on the patio with a cup of coffee can be just as wonderful as sitting in the car at the bus stop.  Life can be just as enjoyable home alone or out with a crowd.  And we can be just as amazing living from that place of joy, the peace deep inside, the you that matters to you or getting all dolled up for an afternoon downtown.  

If it’s enjoyable to put on some mascara, a matching belt and your prettiest sweater, then do it.  But if you’re having a I-don’t-feel-like-it kinda day and you want to wear holey socks and your over-sized comfy sweater, then do that!  And remind yourself, just like my cup of coffee, sometimes adding a little something something is just as good as Plain And Straight Up!  

Just be sure to Drink the Coffee.  

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Battle Unicorn

Battle Unicorn….I woke up this morning with the Beatles song Blackbird in my head. I can’t share too much here because of licensing. But the lyric “ take these broken wings and learn to fly…” They are on repeat in my head.

I had about three blogs all set to write.

More about my daughter.

A fluffy one about how I am resisting the urge to cut my hair.

A personal one about how I am trying to maintain my relationship while having to stay home.

Instead I woke up to news my city is on a curfew. Our downtown had 75 businesses torn up.

I can’t speak to much. I don’t know that I should. But I am exhausted.

My heart is broken in a million pieces.

I have said throughout all of this people will show who they are, to believe them.

I have also said we have an opportunity to show people who we are.

This morning I was all set to wallow in this. 2020 is truly the year that can be tucked away in the suitcase I like to reference that holds my troubles and heartbreaks. The one I slide under my bed.

This is bigger than that.

I would like to think I am bigger than that.

I am a teacher by trade. Four year olds. I was until the virus. I was actually in the midst of switching careers but for almost fourteen years I have spent time with four year olds.

They are pretty smart cookies, four year olds.

They also have absolutely no filter.

They love with their whole heart.

Negotiating with a four year old is pretty cut and dry.

They judge you off of how you treat them. Period.

Nothing else.

I worked in Human Resources for a long time and quit to work with kids. When people would ask me why I would say less BS.

I still feel that way.

Four year olds could teach us a lot.

I have two lessons they taught me.

The first is not from my group, but rather an article I read about the unique names children give animals.

I love Rhinos. Apparently a four year old somewhere in the universe decided they are actually Battle Unicorns.

The explanation is pretty detailed but I fell in love with that.

The fact that a Rhino could be something so beautiful and majestic. Pretty fantastic.

I even have it on a T-shirt,

The second lesson was from my kids.

We were reading a story together.

They were all snuggled into me.

My kids came from all backgrounds. All cultures.

What they had in common was me as their teacher and being four.

The book was about family.

We finished and were talking.

As we did.

I was informed that several of them were indeed sisters and brothers too.

They lived together and had slumber parties and watched Frozen.

I told them I’m pretty lucky to be teaching such a big family.

I was informed I could be the big sister if I wanted to be.

Extra credit for that by the way.

My point on sharing this…

I am sad and angry and there are days I want to wrap up in a blanket and cry.

A lot lately if I am being honest.

But my Battle Unicorns taught me better than that.

They taught me to love with my whole heart.

Take people for how they treat you.

I will however be using a filter.

Be safe.

Much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Some Days Are Hard

Some days are really hard…..It doesn’t take a pandemic to struggle.Even after this is over, we will still struggle certain days. I always wonder why some days are a piece of cake and others are just a mess. What sets them apart?

This week has been harder than others, I feel the kids and I were all on each other’s nerves. The other reality was that my job was probably not going to improve anytime soon.

Everything was just piling up. I felt like I was either crabby or sad all the time. I was not sleeping and was starting to feel nervous about things in my life. This is new for me, I am normally a person that feels very in control of my life.

I would wonder why I didn’t get anything additional done during the day. I was exhausted by 4 pm every day. Then I thought about all the things I was trying to accomplish during the day,when in reality I was constantly busy with distance learning, my actual job, conference calls, setting up my kids google hangouts, refereeing fights, making meals, cleaning up from meals, planning the next meal, trying to get 2 teenagers up before noon, getting my kids to do chores, monitoring electronic time, and the list goes on. Honestly, we have been in a good groove before this week. But shit, I can’t take another week like this! It’s funny because i was a stay at home mom for years, but this seems different. Did I lose my touch?

In addition, I miss my friends, my family, and my coworkers. I miss my old routine. I miss the gym. I miss watching a tv show by myself, I miss my drive to work,when I can listen to my own music and it’s quiet. I just miss it all. I even read an article on a mom that turned her backyard trampoline into an isolated retreat and I thought that lady is a genius!!! I might move my room outside.

I know I have so much to be grateful for in my life although sometimes you just need to feel a little selfish. And sometimes everything seems overwhelming. So I needed to change things up.

I started walking later in the afternoon rather than the morning. It was a good end to my day. Plus just changing up my routine gave me something to look forward to also.

I started praying more. I made time to pray when I woke up and then again later in the day. I really was looking for more peace and contentment in my life. I was starting to feel a little lost and didn’t know the right direction I should be going at times. I had to take the time to add this into my daily routine and stick to it. I could tell I needed this.

I started reaching out to more friends to check on them. Helping people or giving encouragement to others has always helped me feel like I have more of a purpose or contentment in my life. It’s also so reassuring to hear that your friends are going through the same thing.

I picked my battles with my kids. I could obviously tell they were having just as hard of a week as I was… I relaxed on the electronic time. And honestly I was as guilty, some nights we all sat on the couch playing our own devices.

I started posting old pictures of my kids on social media. Mostly because it makes me smile and I know my family misses seeing them. And it reminds me of great memories and fun times.

I would stop myself from worrying about things I could not control. I would just tell myself many times that if I can’t control it, then I can’t worry about it. This is hard and it didn’t always work.. but I’m determined to not worry as much. I had to let things go that I did not accomplish during a day. I had to start reminding myself that I should be proud of everything I did in the day and honestly who cares if I didn’t get everything done.

It doesn’t have to take a pandemic for us to feel the pressure of things building up in life,it happens to all of us. It can happen on any normal day. I think it just helps when you are aware it’s happening, try to let it go, and start again tomorrow.

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

My Journey Through Infertility

My journey through infertility…

There’s a 7-and-a-half-year age difference between my oldest and middle child.  People often make comments about it such as, “did you mean to space them out so far apart?”  or, “well at least you have a good helper” and my personal favorite, “oh wow, I don’t think I could have started all the way over!”  What these people don’t know is that my children’s difference in age was not by choice.  When my oldest son was 3, my husband and I began trying to have another baby.

I became pregnant with my first child just before our 1-year anniversary so naturally we assumed that getting pregnant again would be easy.   Ever since I can remember, I’d always had problems with my menstrual cycles being abnormal.  I’d had cyst on my ovaries and been placed on birth control as a young teen to try to regulate my cycle and prevent the cyst from growing.  I stopped my birth control after being advised by my physician that it would take at least a year for me to get pregnant based on my history.

Well 5 weeks later, I was pregnant.  So you can see how I just figured that this next go round would be the same way.  Wrong!  I was so unprepared for the emotional roller coaster that came with my failed attempts.  And that’s exactly how I looked at it, MY failure.  I mean I’m a woman.  This is what my body is supposed to do.  Besides, I’d already done it once before.  What was wrong with me?  Of course my cycle became irregular again which made the process even more emotionally draining.  I’d go as far as being 4 days late and get super excited just to be let down by numerous negative pregnancy test.

Month after month I’d beat myself up about not getting pregnant.  I was depressed, and so angry at myself.  Others’ opinions didn’t seem to help either.  People would say things like don’t you want your son to have a brother or a sister?  You aren’t getting any younger, you’d better hurry up if you want another one.  Sometimes I’d just want to scream at them in anger of their ignorance of my suffering.  Other times I’d find myself going into the nearest bathroom to cry.  I felt alone and broken.

My husband was hurting too.  He wanted another child just as much as I did.  And my son was too young to understand.  All of his friends had siblings and he wanted one too.  He often complained of being lonely and not having his own brother or sister to play with.

Everyday I got up in the morning and went to work with a smile on my face but all the while I was dying on the inside from the heartache of my infertility.  After years of money wasted on ovulation and pregnancy tests, my OBGYN suggested taking medication which would force consistent ovulation. He said he almost always saw pregnancies within a few months of use.  I began the medication and was super hopeful.  I began having stomach issues which resulted in weight loss.  While I am always happy to lose weight, I still was not pregnant.

After months of the medication with no success, he suggested a slightly invasive procedure that should also aide in fertility.  I was really apprehensive about surgery.  Outside of having my wisdom teeth pulled, I had never had anything done before.  What if it didn’t work?  What if they messed something up and made my problem worse?

I discussed it with my husband, and we prayed about it.  Neither one of us felt comfortable with this option.  But after serious prayer, I had such a peace about the entire situation that I can’t explain.  I kept hearing in my spirit that I would have another baby at the right time and when I did, it would not be because of anything that another man did but because of what God did through me.  And I believed it!  So much so that I went back to my OBGYN and told him that the next time he saw me I would certainly be pregnant but not because of anything he had done.  He just smiled and said he would believe with me but in the meantime I should strongly reconsider the option of surgery.  My mind was made up and so was my heart.

Several months later on Valentine’s Day of the following year to be exact, my husband and I were sitting in church.  They were having an alter call for people to come up if they wanted prayer.  We’d never talked about going for prayer before about having a baby.  It was embarrassing and also we didn’t want people to think we were having marital issues if we walked up to the front of the church together for prayer.  That day something changed.  We looked at each other and didn’t care what anyone else thought.  He grabbed my hand and up we went.  We told the man who was to pray with us that we’d been trying to get pregnant for 4 years with no luck.  He prayed over us and then told us to find a few scriptures regarding fertility and place them in the room where we spent the most time.  I put them on sticky notes in our bathroom and bedroom and would try to keep them in mind throughout the day.  Again, this was Valentine’s Day 2016.

On March 4, 2016 I woke up to get ready for work like any other day.  My husband was fumbling around in the bathroom and asked if I ever got my cycle?  I hadn’t realized that I was 5 days late seeing as how my cycle tended to be irregular anyway.  We agreed that I should take a test that I’d had in the drawer just to check.  Neither one of us were necessarily expecting anything.  We weren’t anxious this time either though.  We both had such a peace that no matter what the results were, we’d be ok.  I took the test and continued to get ready for work.  A few minutes later we both happened to glance at the test sitting on the bathroom counter.

It was positive!

Two rose colored lines were present.  We both cried and thanked God.  That November I gave birth to our second son.

While I know this isn’t every women’s story, it is mine and it matters.  It’s one of trial and faith.  It’s one of perseverance and self-criticism.   It’s one of hopelessness and healing.  I learned so much about myself, my marriage and God’s love throughout those 4 years.  I now understand that whether I have a baby or not, I am still complete and whole.  I know that my husband loves me no matter how many children we do or don’t have.  And I know that God is faithful beyond comprehension and will give you peace in the midst of your situation.  As previously stated, I know this won’t be everyone’s story and some won’t necessarily have the endings that they’d hoped and prayed for. However, I hope that this does leave someone out there knowing that you are not alone, you are not damaged goods or incomplete as a woman, and most importantly, you are loved.

 

~1spentmom~

Alexa, Please Help Me With Mornings!

“Alexa, wake me up at 6:45”

My 8 year old son snuggles up to his stuffed dog while I tuck him in.

It’s the first night back to a bedtime routine since winter break. Everything is peaceful; it’s not even 8PM.

Rewind twelve hours before though, and peaceful is not the word I would use.

“You’re always yelling at me!” My son cries from the bathroom floor as if the task of putting on just one sock in 10 minutes is simply unattainable.

Sound familiar mamas?

You’ve gotten up, poured the cereal, thrown your hair in a messy bun, and cheerfully woken your child up with a “good morning sweetie”.

What went wrong? Why are you always 30 seconds from yet another tardy slip as you fly into the drop off line, trying not to spill your coffee? Again, sound familiar mamas?

I don’t know the answers to a perfect morning, actually I despise mornings; but here are a few things

I’ve learned:

1. Set a Routine that Works and Follow it.

Your kids like a routine. For mine, setting an alarm with Alexa gives him the power over his day. He knows when his alarm goes off it’s time to get started. He sets it for a few minutes before I get up,so he can have some time to wake up alone. For yours, it may be turning on a certain type of music, having a cup of hot herbal tea, or hopping in the shower. Think about it mamas, do we like the lights turned on to wake us up with someone hovering over us saying: “get up, get dressed, eat, brush your teeth”, all within a matter of a half hour or so? Be mindful of this in the morning with your kids.

2. Lay Out Clothes for the Next Day.

Mamas this is a lifesaver. Before your bedtime routine, even if you don’t really have one (that’s an article for another day) make this simple, but so very valuable task, something you do each night. I’m talking the whole entire outfit: socks (oh dear, don’t forget the socks), shoes, coats, and even gloves if needed. Get your child’s input. This will avoid the “these pants don’t fit me” or “this shirt is scratching me” “I wanted to wear shorts instead!” Trust me, putting these few minutes as a priority the night before will save you much turmoil in the early morning hours.

3. Give Yourself Grace

This is important.

When nothing works and your morning is a mess, you’re tardy for the 7th time this month, and your coffee did spill (oh no, anything but the coffee),

Give yourself grace.

If you’re anything like me after a morning of tears, lost socks, short tempers, and rushed breakfasts, (or let’s face it a quickly slurped go-gurt thrown into the backseat of the car)- You’ll worry all day at work. Is his day okay? Did I ruin it all? Can he focus on his school work? Is he sad at lunch? Does he hate me? For what, mama? For being human?!

I think as single mothers we often forget: we are rocking this thing on our own. You’re the one who worked all day, the one who made the dinner, the one who gave the baths, and read the books, and put the laundry in, and said the bedtime prayers; and that’s just the start.

You’re the one who woke up to face another day of doing it all over again.

You are the one who deals with the tears and the melt downs and the homework; but you are also the one who gets the hugs, the cuddles, the “I love you mama”, and the “can you tuck me in?”

You, working single mama, are the one in your kid’s corner. Don’t forget it.

The world’s not perfect, but it’s not that bad. Here’s to messy buns, almost spilled coffee, and asking your kiddos to put their socks on for the 182794633479315th time….. all without losing your mind.

Happy Everything,

~Katie B.

All I Got For You Is A Song

All I got for you is a song…

A few days ago the incredible woman who brought us all here,Noelle, shared a blog about her friend losing a parent.

There was some sad irony in that.

As in a few days I will be going to one of my dearest friends Mother’s funeral.

I am of age where my friends are loosing parents but it is thankfully not something I have experienced.

You always hurt for your people when they hurt and experience loss. However, this loss is hitting me.

When I found out, as I am now I had no words. What can I possibly say?

What do you say to one of your closest friends when they lose their parent? A friend who even when you are at your lowest and most unlovable has loved you. Even when their heart was breaking and they were watching their Mom go, took a few minutes to make sure you were ok.

What do you say about a woman who when you ….

I will just  tell you.

A few years ago I was hosting a music showcase. That same day I broke up with my boyfriend who I started dating after my divorce. The breakup I did not take well. I let old bad habits back in.

Really bad habits.

I think I might have fallen on stage.

Definitely cried during some sad songs.

It was so bad they called one of my Chewbacca’s and strongly suggested he come.

I could feel the shame, but the sadness was stronger.

I came off the stage after an introduction knowing how bad it was, wishing I was home, wanting my Mom and there was my friend’s Mom.

Who gave me a hug and told me all the things I needed to hear at that moment.

I had only met her a few times, but that moment will forever be with me. Like her daughter she loved me when I felt my most unlovable. It is a trait she has definitely passed on to my best friend. That strong, fierce, unconditional love. I really hope you have friends like that.

So here I am struggling to help my friend find the comfort that may not come.

The peace that may ebb and flow.

The words I don’t have.

Instead I did the only thing that makes sense to me. She loves Van Halen. I host a radio show. On Wednesday’s I suggest songs you should listen to.  I suggested Van Halen. I taped my radio shows and made sure to play Van Halen.

And today on Eddie Van Halen’s birthday I made sure to post some more. I, of course have called and sent texts. But as the saying goes where words fail, music speaks.

My hope is that my friend knows that where I’m failing in words I’m sending so much love.

Mommas this would be the part where I give you a  sage pep talk. Sometimes I struggle, this week it’s easy. You are important. There is going to be a moment that you might not even realize, that will mean the world to someone.

<3 Caprise

You Do Not Always Need To Hold It Together

You do not always need to hold it together….

Some of us know the hit song “Homecoming queen” by Kelsea Ballerini. 

”Hey homecoming queen – 

what if I told you the world wouldn’t end. 

If you started showing what’s under your skin? 

What if you let em all in on the lie? 

Even the homecoming queen cries

Yeah, What if I told you the sky wouldn’t fall?

If you lost your composure, said hell with it all”.

 

This song just gets to me every time.  Why do we always have to hold it together?

Growing up I learned to keep my emotions together.  I did not show much sadness or tears. Through my marriage it continued. It was all about holding it together even when I felt like a mess inside. It’s this feeling that you always have to be perfect..or act a certain way. I hid my feelings for years, thinking is this how I’m going to live the rest of my life. I still have a hard time showing my true emotion to my parents.. it’s a hard thing to overcome. 

It’s like the song, what if you started showing what’s under your skin? What if you showed people who you really are.. so many times, I changed myself to fit others.  Or I hide how I felt inside.  

Through my divorce, I would cry in the shower.  We all have that place where we can let it out.   I would put on my favorite music and cry. It was the place I could escape the outside.  And it was the place that my kids would not see me. It’s hard to always put on that happy face.  At times, I would feel so alone. And even though my divorce was my decision, I still felt sad and alone. This is something a lot of people do not understand. I would hide it from most of my friends. The entire divorce process can take so much out of you.  I felt deflated at times, like it was never going to end. Why at age 40 something, do we still feel we need to hide our emotions???

I grew up not being able to communicate emotions and I was married to someone that could not communicate emotions, so this was a challenge.  It’s a lifelong process moving forward. Learning to tell someone that you didn’t have a “good” day instead of just lying through it. I want my kids to see that I’m not always happy.. and that sometimes I have bad days also.  I want to just be honest with them and tell them when I had a bad day at work or when someone treated me poorly.  

The world is not going to end because you can’t hold it together.  It’s ok to break down.. it’s ok that you can’t get your kids to school on time or that they wear their shirt backwards.. it’s ok that you are not perfect. It’s ok that you skip events for school. It’s ok that your kids don’t shower everyday.  Or if you forgot about soccer practice. No one can hold it together all the time.

I want to teach my kids that they don’t need to hold it together. I want them to be able to show emotion. I want them to know that they can get angry and sad and frustrated and let it out. They don’t need to hold it together for me or anyone else.  I want them to be able to just tell me when I’m frustrating them. I want them to be able to communicate how they feel. I notice how my daughter holds it together so many times when she should just be able to let it out. We all have have melt downs and tantrums in life. 

I want my kids to just show emotions and who they are… when they are upset with me I ask them why.  There was a time in my life when I would just blow up and say no to them, but I learned that didn’t help anyone.  I now make them communicate to me why they think I’m wrong.. instead of just stomping to their room mad. I ask them why they are upset with one of their friends and explain it to me.. don’t worry I get plenty of eye rolls and huffing like a teenager, but sometimes I learn that I am overreacting and they are right.  We compromise a lot, but I get them to talk more then I would have in the past. And mostly I want them to learn how to tell other people how they are feeling. I want them to not be perfect and hide their emotions.

Little by little I have learned that I was doing the best I could. And little by little I learned to let more and more of myself out.  I started to show my kids who I really was… that I’m funny and sarcastic, but there are also days that I’m overwhelmed. That I forget things and that sometimes I’m just too tired. Or I just don’t want to do it.  And the more that I do that with everyone the more happier and content I make my life.  

Snarkydivorcedgal

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com/blog