Tag Archives: struggle

Growing Through Hard Times

Everyone it seems is going through some sort of hard times right now, the government shut down, or just the universe being out of wack, it seems everyone is going through something. A lot of people are showing their worst side in reaction to their personal struggle. I was drawn in to is as well. I had to take a step back from everything going on around me. Hard times are meant to make you grow. Especially if you’ve been stagnant in an area of your life for a while. If we get negative, woe is me or lash out we lose our lesson.

Difficult times and situations are a way god or the universe puts a proverbial boot up your tuchus.

Its your wake up call and most of us need a few before we snap to attention. We cant change other people or what happens around us, so the thing we need to change is in us.

It helps me during these times to organize everything I’m doing to appointments to work to even structured time with the kiddos. I also do a gratitude list, and manifestation list to put things in perspective and to attract the things I need. This opens up my focus and attention to see what I really need to look at and work on. Then step by step I get to where I need to be.

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

Ali

One Year Later

What’s the most important thing you’ve done this year? For me…it’s that I survived. One year ago today I sat in the garage, put the keys in my ignition, turned it on, and sat there screaming in sheer pain. Calling out for her, but she never came. I sat and pounded the steering wheel, grasping at my chest because it hurt so bad. The physical pain…it was just too much for me to take, and I wanted it to go away. This was my only answer. But as I sat there, uncontrollably crying, something made me turn off the ignition and open the garage door. It wasn’t that I wanted to live, but whatever it was, it was stronger than me or the pain.

For me that night…I was desperately trying to end the pain and conquer my problems. I could not bare to live my life without her. It was simply unadulterated desperation.

Depression. It’s living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that wants to die. The suicide attempt(s) have become a trauma that I have had to learn to deal with. Some days it’s a battle, some days it’s ok. I suppose there should be no shame in fighting the war, because at least I’m here to fight it. I won’t say there haven’t been days when I haven’t revisited the thought again, but then I remember I promised myself never to allow someone to have that much power over me again. And at the end of the day I need to remember to celebrate the courageous person that stares back at me in the mirror and all that she has overcome. Because in the end…long story short…she survived!

Keep surviving!

Virtual Hugs,

BLag

The Fixer Of Broken Boys Part 13: He’s Back

In the midst of all this chaos I get a phone call that brought the guitar player back into my life.

All the way from California… our story wasn’t over.

Sometimes even though you know you shouldn’t you let people back in. You do. The guitar player was hard not to the close door on.

Have you ever had such crazy chemistry with someone that even the sound of their voice effects you?

I used to love getting his voicemail because I could hear his voice. His voice. His smile. His hugs. So much…too much. Not enough…

I had just moved my little daughter and I into a condo we couldn’t afford when I got an email:” it’s me I miss you. Tell me something only we would know so we know it’s each other.”

I did and then we were texting.

Then talking.

All the time, for hours.

I was torn. I was technically still married but husband refused to divorce me,this man lived halfway across the country … what was happening.

Along the way my husband drafted a contract – still no legal divorce. In it we were allowed to date even though we weren’t divorced. I would find out later it was because he had been dating a woman he met on his volleyball league well before I had moved out. Prior to that another woman was pursued but didn’t count because she wasn’t interested.

Yet he wouldn’t divorce me.

So when after almost 15 years and several states between us- the guitar player said he wanted to see me. I said yes.

I shook the whole time.

Men have an unfair advantage, sometimes with aging some get more handsome. Yup

We were together on and off for six years.

At first it felt like there was a real chance, but then all the things that stopped us the first time started bubbling to the surface. Except this time I had a child.

Who he never tried to meet.

I started volunteering at a radio station which took time away from him.

The TV show I hosted I did to meet men, or so he thought.

I was called names.

I never met his family.

I paid for everything.

Through the volunteering and job promotions I started getting myself back. I wanted to build a life with him, but every time it came up there was a reason to wait.

The tipping point… being in his bedroom while his nephew delivered a couch and him letting them joke about the women he could have on the couch.

I WAS IN THE BEDROOM (!)

The final straw was a weekend I was supposed to see him my daughter was sick so I couldn’t, he got mad and said I used her as an excuse and put her first.

I was furious.

I added up all the miles and money and hours and broke up with him.

It was a slow break.

I still hold guilt.

I glossed through a lot, but he moved cross country to be with me. He powered through a disease that makes it impossible for him to be in social situations and I was just going to leave him?

Yes

Because you can’t stay with someone out of guilt

You can’t stay to try and fix past sins

Someone shouldn’t use those things to make you.

Also, it wasn’t just about me anymore.

I was now the Mom of a daughter and I needed to show her what it looked like to have someone in your life who would go to Target with you even if they’d rather be at Home Depot.

~~Caprise

Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

Every Mom Is A Warrior

Every mom is a warrior. We push ourselves through physical exhaustion ,financial instability and constant juggling .Who amongst us has not arrived at work with a with a mega To-Do list to tackle in your breaks , on the last of the weeks fuel but still presenting a veneer of control and competency. Every Mom is a hardworking star however for the single Mom it’s a race because at the end of the day its just you.

Our identity revolves around our children.The guilt of thinking that you have somehow let your babies down, by not being able to provide a stable second parent .That flash of jealousy when you see a happy, two parent family in the park . The loneliness of a Father’s Day stall at school when you don’t have a Dad . A single parent takes all this and tries in return to fix it all.

We must beware however not to make the mistake of disappearing as a person . It is easy to give your all, to throw yourself into the all encompassing chores of single Parenting . Instead of feeling even more guilt for taking me time we need to look at the bigger picture. The life story not the chapter.

There is another life waiting . One day these precious children will be backing out your driveway ready to embrace new adventures and you will be left standing there , no longer the keeper of lunchboxes , school timetables and sport socks . Your Wifi will finally be free but you find yourself wondering what you even watch.

The Single parent should strive against this ,challenging, I grant you, but try do something for yourself . Painting , sport , an online course , anything to build your own personal identity . It is not selfish . It is single parenting en pointe”.Give your adult children the gift of not feeling guilty to leave you behind , gift them with the feeling that you are happy . Be the parent of whose life their child is proud of .It may not be an easy life but it can be an empowering one , your chance to break the mold and be a warrior.

Toni.

Waiting For My Turn

Waiting For My Turn…

I was listening to a podcast on the way to work about working moms and being spread too thin. At one point, the guest speaker took a moment to acknowledge single moms because they don’t have someone helping at home with some of the things talked about on the podcast. Just that tiny acknowledgement made me start crying.

Somedays, I wonder how I got here; this is not how I thought my life would be. 45 years old, divorced with two kids, alone …. Most days I keep plugging along with work, the kids, activities, etc and don’t let myself think about it too much. But, some days, especially lately, it’s a continuous reminder. Please don’t get me wrong. I know that I am blessed … I have two unbelievable daughters, great friends and family, a great job with amazing coworkers … and I wouldn’t give all that up for anything. But, sometimes, I would just love to have a person to share my life with.

People say all the time …. It will happen when the time is right, or when you’re not looking, etc. I get that …. I hear you. And I know that the ones who haven’t worked out are a step in my journey and I should take lessons from those relationships. But right now, I am tired …. I am tired of waiting, tired of being alone, tired of doing everything on my own, tired when I don’t get a break, and tired of having to learn lessons all the time. When do I get my turn for love and happiness? I feel completely selfish and petty for having these feelings and saying them out loud when so many of my friends are going through their own tough times. But, then I remember that this is my reality right now and this is what I’m struggling with. And each person’s struggle is just as important as the next person’s.

To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/

 

Recognition Of The Solitary Mamas

Ok Mamas, raise your hand if you are divorced? Everyone, keep your hands up. How many have been divorced more than one time? That would be me. Show me the ladies that are truly solo without a partner to share parenting. Girls, you have a special place in my heart for you. I can’t imagine. Now, look around. We are not alone. That is a good thing!

I am a mom that has been twice divorced. It is not a bragging right. Sometimes I hold it in high humor. You know, good old Helen did it how many times?

All and each of you are so bad-ass for taking this journey. Oh lord, it can suck out loud more times than none. Cleaning vomit in the middle of the night, a baby that is teething and crying, the never ending colic. With the realization of there isn’t anyone to blame about it, we carry on. We hold the children and just go with it. The laundry is piling up, the house is a mess. And yet, with while bathed in spit up, we managed to get it done. It may not be pretty but you certainly survived. Go you! Do you really think anyone else could pull it off? Absolutely not! That is why we are the blessed mamas. We rock this!

To each and every lady, thank you! We aren’t perfect, we are human. We try, we succeed. The job always gets done. Is there anyone else there to help? Nope. As usual, we are flying solo.

Again, thank you! We strive and work so hard. Our children are the reason why we have the job. The small wet kisses are so wonderful. The giggles and glee are just priceless. Be selfish here, who else gets these kinds of presents? Nobody! Case in point, when they get in front of the camera at college, the first thing we hear is, “Hi, Mom!”. We are special.

You will never be alone in your fight. When bad days happen, when the tears are flowing, remember that we are warriors and you are a rock star. Everyday, all day long and even twice on Sunday. Go You!

 

Striving for exceptional – Tristen Ahlsey

A Time For Me To Believe In Myself

A time for me…

At the newly age of fifty and fabulous (which is a story all in itself) with one kid on his own, and my youngest soon to be a Senior in High School, I unexpectedly find myself unemployed, yet unnerved for the first time, which is both soothing and strange for me.

Being a single mother, twenty four years and counting, I have never been afforded the same luxuries in life as some women, by either given the choice to walk away from an underpaid or overworked job in search of a better one, or the really far fetched dream of staying at home!

Is it though, that far fetched? That I could stay at home, doing what I love, and still support my family?! Perhaps not. Perhaps this is a time for me. A time to get my shit together, a time to face my fears, and a time to just jump in, hold my breath (if I have to), and believe, believe in me!

Believing is the difficult part of the equation that most people, especially women, struggle with. The feeling of being unworthy, believing you deserve such a far fetched life seems almost ridiculous from everything we’ve ever been taught as young girls. But is it?

I am blessed to have a mother, who taught me through her own strength and wisdom, to always believe in myself, in my own strength. That people (mainly men) come and go, so plant your own roots, water your own garden and never settle for anything that doesn’t make your heart skip a beat.

I haven’t always listened to my mother, as I stumbled along my own path of poor choices, and settled a time or two along the way, whether in the arms of the wrong man or working on someone else’s dream instead of my own.

So yes, this is a time for me!
A time to remember.
A time to dream.
A time to ask, believe, & receive because I am worthy!

Chase that crazy dream girl, spread your wings, believe in yourself and fly! This is your time! A time for me to take pen to paper and write, my story. A story I do believe will inspire others to take the time for you, to chase your own (crazy) dreams and fly!!

With Light & Love,
Angel A

Having Faith In the Younger Generation

Having Faith in the younger generation…This past Saturday, I witnessed the high school graduation of my eldest daughter. I was so excited to see her get her diploma. Then, it was the feeling of: oh no, not another long and boring speechy occasion. You know the type. Superintendents, principals, student body, valedictorian, etc. I wanted to cry. Since my kids’ name is toward the back of the class, we had a long wait to go.

The salutatorian speech was everything that her parents could hope. Strong, fierce, determined. Justified with the fact that she is riding a scholarship from Stanford. Congratulations!

However, it was the valedictorian’s speech that really surprised me. This young lady had picked the very taboo subject of mental illness.

She talked about her struggles of dealing with depression during her high school career. The overwhelming sadness, not being able to sleep. Feeling like you just can’t get it. The drowning of everyday life and how sometimes you just can’t get where you need to be. Emotional pain and literally going thru the motions of life. This young lady stood at the podium and shared her story. I was literally blown away because she had the guts to take this challenge. A true mic drop moment.

We all have lessons to learn in this life. Whatever path we take, it’s ours. My lesson on this sacred day is to have faith in the younger generation. It called to mind that i am really not empathetic to the stars of tomorrow. How many times I curse behind them in the line at the coffee shop while they are adamant about watching the cell phones. Now, I will give a generous pause before I pass judgement again. Maybe the current generation knows more than what we give them credit for. This young lady certainly did. Just maybe, they could be a little bit better as well.

Striving for exceptional—-Tristen Ahlsey

Is Being Strong Really A Strength?

Being strong…

Two weeks after I graduated from high school, my dad had a heart attack. I remember the day vividly – I remember my mom waking me up and asking me to sit with my dad while she got ready, I remember going to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room, I remember leaving to go home to get a few things and going in to see my dad, I remember that being one of the only times I can recall that he said “I love you” to me, I remember sitting in a room after his surgery with all of our friends and feeling like I was having an out of body experience, I remember the doctor telling us that he had passed away and I remember sitting outside the hospital with a couple of my friends talking about how my dad would never see me graduate from college, get married or meet my kids.

My dad was a pretty healthy guy – he had just played in a tennis tournament the weekend before, so as you can imagine, we were shocked and devastated. My mom was completely torn up and I remember as family friends would come to visit, they would tell me that I needed to be strong for my mom. Over and over at the funeral, friends gave hugs and condolences and again, told me to be strong for my mom. Didn’t they know I was only 17? I wasn’t even an adult yet. Who was going to be strong for me?

Maybe that’s where it all started…

Lately, I have been thinking about what it means to be strong. Growing up and even as an adult, I felt like it meant not showing your emotions, that even when things are really hard, you stuff your feelings down and just keeping going on like it’s a normal day. I’ve done that for years. I may get upset and cry, but most likely it’s at home by myself or alone while I’m driving in the car, but when you see me at work or at the grocery store or at my kids’ school, you see what you would expect to see – a seemingly happy, friendly person.

When problems were happening in my marriage, most people had no idea. I was strong on the outside, even if I was falling apart on the inside. There were a couple times where I slipped up and started crying at work, but I quickly pulled myself together and kept moving ahead the best that I could. Even now, three years later, I still have my days. Days when I would like to just curl into a ball and stay under the covers for a day or two and cry the tears that I’ve been holding in for months. But, I don’t have the luxury of doing that; I have two girls who need me – they need me to drive them places and make them food and help with homework and comfort them when they have a problem. Sometimes, all I want is to be the one with the problem and have someone comfort me and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

My friend and I talk about this topic a lot. We are both similar – we don’t wear our emotions on our sleeves, we listen to other people’s issues and we find ways to fix them, we don’t like to dwell in negativity. We are considered strong by others, but that also means that people don’t think we ever have a problem or have a bad day and that’s just not true. The truth is, we are both sensitive and take things to heart; we may just not talk about it openly. Thank goodness we have each other; she’s the one I call when I need to talk about a bad day and she’s the one that I can cry to when I’m frustrated or down.

The more that I think about it …. I don’t know that being strong is a strength, it’s more like a mask of your true feelings. Over the last few years, I’ve learned that it’s ok to be vulnerable with the right people and that being vulnerable is more courageous than being strong and holding your feelings in.

That’s part of the reason I started this blog; much of it is for me and to get my feelings out, but it’s also to hopefully help someone else who might be feeling the same way. I hope they can understand that their feelings are valid and it’s ok to talk about them instead of stuffing them deep down inside and that they’re being extremely brave and courageous by doing so.

~Laxmi~

You can follow Laxmi at her blog, https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/.

Choose Your Battles

Choose Your Battles
Choose your battles. Have any of you heard this before? This is by far the best advice I have ever received. It came from my mama! She has said it so many times to me that I am finally starting to see exactly what she meant.
I am learning to choose mine. Your 3-year-old wearing 2 shirts with one of them on backwards is not a battle worth fighting. He is dressed, he is clean, and he is happy (for the moment)! Hearing the two older kids argue about what song they want to listen to on the radio on the way to school is not a battle worth fighting. We will not listen to the radio at all! Trying to make someone understand your feelings when all they do is mock them is not a battle worth fighting.
Your feelings are valid. They are real.
Responding to negative posts about you that are posted on social media is not a battle worth fighting.
We don’t always have to win. We don’t always have to have the last word…as hard as it may be!
Let me tell you what battles are worth fighting. Fighting for what is right. Fighting for a happy life after living in a marriage that only brought you pain and frustration. Fighting for yourself and your children because no one is going to do it for you. Fighting to make sure that your children have the life they deserve even though that life isn’t what you planned. Fighting to look at the good instead of the bad! That is a tough one! These are the battles that really matter!
It is so easy to get caught up in the little conflicts that occur daily. It is so easy to focus on them and then lose sight of the bigger battles. I still focus on the wrong battles sometimes. I am only human! Putting my energy into the battles that really matter though has made a huge difference!
So choose your battles wisely friends!
-Ann