Tag Archives: stress

Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Weight

All I need to do is lose 5 lbs of weight, I am only drinking alcohol on weekends,  I am going to drink a glass of lemon water before each meal, I am only going to eat lettuce for lunch yep, these are the things I would tell myself over and over again every Sunday Night for the last couple years.  

About 6 years ago, I lost over 40lbs from a weight loss program.   I was finally at a weight that I was comfortable with maintaining. I had gained tons of self confidence and felt great about myself.  I was 100% committed to losing the weight and it was a top priority for me.  

I knew that I would have to move into the maintaining phase once I hit my goal weight.  However, maintaining that goal weight was even harder than losing the weight. I had to still follow the program and it was really tough. It’s even harder than losing because this was now my life. 

So, over the last couple years I have gained about 10 lbs of my weight back.  However, every week I would struggle with trying to get my body back to that magical number that I was at when I hit my goal.  I stressed over this….every week I would try to get back on the wagon and by Wednesday I would fall off. It affected how I left about myself and my self confidence.  I would beat myself up over it all week. 

And then I realized that  I just wasn’t 100% committed to being at that magical number as I had been years ago.  It was an unrealistic goal for me. I will probably never get back to that weight… why? Because right now I like to enjoy myself.  I like to have a drink some nights. I like to have pizza with my kids, and I like cake. I am running kids everywhere and my lifestyle has changed.  

However, what it comes down to is this… back then weight loss was a top priority for me and now… I have other priorities.   It does not mean I can not do it, however It would have to be the top priority for me in my life. Back then, I would have spent hours meal planning and prepping for the week.  Today, I spend hours shopping with my teenagers, running to sporting events, socializing with my friends, and writing about my life…it’s all about priorities and what’s important to you. 

I realized I could beat myself up for it every week or just come to terms. I was not putting in the work needed to reach that goal each week.  I had to be realistic and not expect to magically lose a lb each week when I was not following my eating plan. Especially when my dinner consisted of popcorn and wine.  Weight loss is hard and you do not magically lose weight without a consistent plan and a lot of self control. I had to finally be real with myself.  

I am happy with my life and my body.  I am healthy and I still workout every day.  I think I have mentioned before about how exercise is just part of a routine for me, so that is routine in my life.  However, I set little realistic goals to keep me satisfied with where I am at…like starting to drink water before each meal or I started not eating after 8pm during the week.  

I added in these small little goals each week and that made a huge difference.  I was proud of accomplishing those instead of setting unrealistic goals of losing so many lbs every week.   

I am not at that magical number on the scale and that is ok. I have a range that I continue to stay between and that works for me.  I have learned to not beat myself up every Monday morning because of what I indulged in over the weekend. I have learned to be happy with how I am and enjoy my life.  

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Guide To A Life Of Balance

Guide To A Life Of Balance….

There are days when my security and confidence is replaced by a wave anxiety, shame, discontentment or frustration. Like clouds, they roll in off the horizon predicting a coming storm. Time and time again I ignore them. I push back the feelings and charge forward. I don’t have time for the rain. I have a child I need to nurture and teach. I have a career I need to manage. I have a house that needs to be cleaned and dishes that need to be washed. I need to exercise and find a new way to sneak four servings of vegetables into a meatloaf. I need to just keep going. The sky darkens, the clouds grow heavy, and the downpour begins. I am left drenched, in my yoga pants.

Isn’t this the story for all of us? Despite reprieves, here and there, we have our hands full much of the time. Emotions seem to come at the most inconvenient moments and threaten to disrupt the intricate balancing act we have in progress. We label them “negative” or “bad” to imply they are something to get rid of or avoid. We ignore them or gloss over them with tip #4 from our guide to self-care. We can try, but our efforts to shoo back the clouds are futile. In and of themselves emotions aren’t good or bad. They alert us to something happening under the surface. With great effort we teach our children to stop and name their emotions. We guide them in handling sadness, anger, tiredness, frustration, and so on. We don’t call them bad, rather, in our little ones we can see them as they are- truths to be dealt with. Our responses to our emotions hold the value of positive or negative, not the emotions themselves. It’s nothing revolutionary, but often we extend wisdom and grace to others while failing to apply it to ourselves. We tireless work to run from or ignore the coming rain and end up overwrought or completely shut down from what has become an undefinable ball of feelings. Thus, fears of being overly emotional can become self-fulfilling.

I spend more time telling myself I shouldn’t feel something than simply acknowledging that I do. As elementary as it may seem, I have begun to retrain myself to stop and feel my feelings. I hate crying, but I have had some good cries. Locked in my closet, I have let emotions of fear and loneliness burst forth. Then knowing what I need, I have been able to deal with them and authentically engage in self-care. There have been times when I have begrudgingly faced my feelings of shame and “mommy guilt”. They have served as important indicators that I am prioritizing things that aren’t truly important. Shame and guilt have highlighted areas where my value and worth has been tied to the appearance of good parenting, optimal health, and spirituality. They have beckoned me to examine if there is depth beneath the surface. Frustration, being rooted in my desire to control something I was simply not meant to, calls me to let go of undue pressure that will leave me drowning in stress. These feelings urge me to come inside and take the needed steps to stay dry because the rain is coming. They protect me from getting off kilter when life’s stresses head my way.

Emotions are beautiful indicators toward balance. They can be quite messy. Demanding to be seen, they will leech out in unexpected areas if they aren’t acknowledged. However, they aren’t bad for existing and we aren’t bad for feeling them. After long periods of running from them, facing deep-seated emotions can seem dangerous. It may take help from a friend or a professional. I have needed, and still need, both to help me decipher tangled feelings. Balance is the reward for doing so. There is peace in realizing emotions aren’t waiting around the corner, ready to create havoc in life. Let them guide you toward balance rather chase you into chaos.

`Shon W

The Truth Is…We Love You

The Truth is…We Love You

Dear Moms,

Being a teenager is difficult, or at least we think it is.

Some of us spend every moment of our lives stressing about our “responsibilities” and keeping up with popular trends. Others spend their time stressing about their follower count and how to be “in” with the cool crowd. Both are some of the countless things that we prioritize in life.

While all of this is going through our minds, we sometimes lose sight of what truly matters and the people who truly care about us. In these moments, we often push ourselves away because we feel that no adult could understand what we’re going through (because obviously they were never teens… right?). When we feel this way, we’ll say some things that we really regret afterwards. We yell, we argue, and we don’t listen. We become so blind sometimes, that we don’t acknowledge the effort and love that you put in to try and make us feel better.

What can I say? We are typical teens. Although it may not seem like it, we appreciate what you do for us. I want to tell each and every one you that we notice. We notice the small deeds you do to put smiles on our faces when we need it most. We notice the sacrifices you make, to make our problems seem insignificant. We notice you reaching out to try and bond with us. The reason behind our distance, is our stubbornness.

The truth is… we love you!

We love the way you have our back. We love the way you can’t help but want to protect us from any harm. We love the fact that you are always willing to listen. To all the moms reading this right now, I want to let you know that you are Wonder Women. On behalf of all the teens, we are extremely sorry for being such pains in the bottom.

The truth is… WE LOVE YOU!

-Dani

Everything In Its Place

When my son, who is now 22, was a little boy, I was allllll about “THERE’S A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.” That was more for me than it was for him or for anyone else, really. You see, I didn’t want it to take 20 minutes for us get out the door every time we had somewhere to go.

When we were going to “Mommy & Me”, I wanted to know where my purse and his jacket and his firetruck were. At my fingertips, there had to be his bestest friend “Freddie” and his car snack bag & his play bag. “What about the bag of hand me downs for the other boys?” Oh AND MY COFFEE. Etc etc etc. Until WHOOSH, we were out the door in no time flat. That’s why I put things in their place.

If everything is where it belongs…. it takes no time to get everything together and go.

Life just works better when you’re organized…. and on purpose with your life. You show up on time AND you’re in a happier mood because you weren’t running around the house like a banshee looking for everything, everywhere. You didn’t have to open and close the closet door 5 times, you didn’t have to look under the bed…again. It’s all right there . The kids and all you need….are out the door with you.

The most important part in this is to let the kids put their things where they go…not you. And when they ask “HEY MOM….where’s my xyz?” You can tell them “It’s where you left it.” They will learn on their own along with your teachings and guidance how important it is to keep things tidy…..Especially when mom says “The bus is leaving in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1” And you walk out the door.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Keep It Simple Sweetie(K.I.S.S.)

Keep it simple, Sweetie. When most of us try to move forward, make a change, or start our soul journey, we may tend to over complicate things. We can make things harder than they need to be and leave ourselves in a confused distraught mess. 

Not to long ago I found myself in an anonymous self help group.  I am a co-dependent, my addiction is people and problems. I didn’t know why life and functioning healthily didn’t just click for me, and the majority of the people in my life were addicts and alcoholics, who displayed similar but different dysfunctions as me. 

My overthinking drove me into the ground, I would reach out to others in this group, and they would tell me Keep it simple sweetie, and let go and let god. It was hard for me to understand how could I just let go of this complicated mess ( that I thought I needed to fix most of the time) until realized I was the one making it complicated. I was usually trying to bend the situation or outcome to what I desired it to be. Letting go and keeping it simple helped me keep my head above water.

Other times I found myself going stagnant, I found boat loads of wisdom in the phrase Easy does it, but do it damn it. If it means you have to take a slower pace to work on certain things, that may be pain full so be it as long as you are moving forward, and not getting complacent.

When things turn upside down and i’m not sure which way is up, or things seem just a little too rough I use these two phrases as checks and balances. Am I keeping it simple? Am I continually pushing forward? Am I letting go of the things that aren’t meant for me?

On our journey it is good to keep ways to check and balance ourselves and our path, so that even when we wander we will never be lost.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

Put Down That Baggage

When is time to get rid of the baggage? ….when it weighs you down, when it distracts you, when you don’t even remember where you got it. Is that when it’s time? OR when the thoughts of it cause your body to cringe in it’s place. OR stay in bed, OR give in on yourself. How about when the burdens created by having it outweigh the good you want in your life!!?

I’m not talking about STUFF. I’m talking about the thoughts, feelings, ideas the stuff that can suffocate your growth. I’m talking big baggage, old baggage, baggage from childhood, from your last romantic relationship, from girlfriend friendships gone bad, from broken dreams and lost promises. THAT baggage.

Are you carrying around any self-righteousness, conceit, negativity, ignorance, anger, upset?

Are you going on and on about She said, He said, They did, blah blah blah.

Is it time to let all that go? Do you want to be free from the bondages they have on you? Do you want to live life in a new way? Embrace joy? Own passion? Express excitement?

Eyes wide open with the baggage you carry. Hearts longing for something new.

Let it all go. You will be different. Most of all, you’ll breath with a smile on your face and love in your heart. Youre not who you were yesterday. No longer living the way you did. Are you ready to give up your old ways? Put the baggage down? Stop the drama about all of it? Be prepared to live enlightened, redeemed, humbled, grateful, & positively happily content.

You may not be as popular, needed, admired… well not in the WORLD anyway. But you will be HAPPILY JOYFULLY FREE in YOU….. And that my friend….. is really what matters most.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

 

Motherhood & Anxiety

I  was sitting in my first counseling session with my anxiety at full peak. To be honest, I should have been sitting in this chair months ago.  A pen could have dropped and I would have cried because I was, simply put, at my breaking point. My son was noticing how upset I seemed all the time, how something simple I would once laugh off gripped me at my core, and how our home was not as happy as it was before. The constant guilt of that would eat me alive.

I sobbed at that first appointment, the full hour appointment tears ran down my face. I cried about how I felt I had failed my son, how lonely this stage of life was, and how overwhelming life is when you are a single parent. It was as though once I opened those flood gates, which I’ve worked so hard to keep closed, I could no longer close them. They were stuck open, both in therapy and once I left. This was almost too much to bear, I thought. I cannot go back; this did not help me at all.

As I walked out of the office, I refused to make another appointment. I used the excuse, I’ll call when I have my calendar in front of me. However, as I was walking to my car, I noticed I mentally felt lighter. Almost as though I could take a deep breath and fully let it out without tensing up. My jaw was no longer clenched. A coping mechanism I often would resort to, to help hide my anxiety.

I took a hard look at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen, my makeup looked like a hot mess but I was smiling, I was relieved of my burdens. See after three more appointments, I’ve learned that a large portion my anxiety is because I have placed those unrealistic expectations on myself. Yes, now society has a standard, or pro-quo, but who the hell cares, right?

I was the root cause of my anxiety because I felt compelled to hold it in, conform to the standards of a husband and wife household, along with not ask for help because I didn’t want to fit the mold of the often misleading single mother label. Instead of taking care of myself and finding my triggers for my anxiety, I would hide, lash out, or cry. I would often times forget to breathe, I would find myself tense all the time, and the cycle would continue, day in and day out.

Today, I fully recognize myself in the mirror and it is all because I took one of the hardest steps of my life, reaching out for help.

 

-Heather

Find Gratitude During The Holidays

Happy holidays everyone!

This time of year can be stressful for many people.

Today I am grateful I am home with my family and not in the hospital. Yesterday I was in the hospital with pneumonia and a blood clot. Thankfully my body was breaking it down on its own, the doctors gave me some anticoagulant to help it along and gave me the green light late last night to go home.

Even our darkest moments can are usually are blessings in disguise, whether we see it or not just depends on our perspective

While I was in the hospital, I became very scared. It was a time of self reflection for me and I realized some reservations holding me back in my everyday life. The biggest scare of the year has helped me shed things I was unaware of and get back to being me. I am grateful to spend Christmas with my children, and that I am here another day. No more reservations or second guessing myself. I know who I am and what I need to do to keep moving forward, so that when the time comes ( albeit I hope not anytime soon) I can close my eyes with no regrets. Much love to you all!

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

-Ali Heikke

Rolling With The Punches

I have been rolling with the punches lately, these last couple of weeks have been filled with bad news and tough decisions.

The online schooling hasn’t been going the greatest for my oldest. Staying on track has been a struggle for my little guy and even with the amazing support of the school, he is falling behind again.

We have an opportunity starting the first of the year to enroll him some where else, and I am jumping on it!

With my real estate career, I started in the slow season. Looking at the number I knew I needed to find something part time for the off season. I needed something that was flexible enough for my career. One of my friends told me about and opening in her company as a school bus driver. Not only is it decent pay, it means no extra daycare costs! I am in week two of training, and I absolutely love it.

I also traded in my dieing car two weeks ago. Got a truck I loved and unknowingly to me had major issues. After two weeks with out a vehicle I finally have my truck back from the shop. Thankfully I found out the issues within the first couple of weeks so the place I bought it from covered all the repairs and the tow. In the process I found a great mechanic!

All in all things could be worse. During this time frame I learned how to better count my blessings instead of my problems. Also how to find the positive in any situation I may face.

Until next time…

Always be unapologetically true too yourself,

-Ali

Breathe In Yuk, Breathe Out Grateful

Breathe in Yuk….Upset the dog peed on the rug, upset the dry cleaner lost your new shirt, upset the kids are fighting… again, upset your latte is not piping hot, upset that… What!?  What else could possibly go wrong now!?   Traffic, meetings, report cards, weather, no no no, broken, ruined, burnt… you want to meet a mate, you want a separation, you want a colder climate, you want a warmer climate, you want a bigger house, you want a smaller house.  Keep going… upset upset upset!!!  You could be upset about every little thing that is going on right here, right now, right?  UNLESS…

…take a moment…..stop……. Breathe in yuk.  Exhale joy.  Breathe in cray-cray.  Exhale calm.  Breathe in UGH!  Exhale peace.  Upset can be turned around like *snap* that.

If you can’t take care of what’s there, if you can’t find happy in the moment, if you can’t be at peace about it…. let it all go, give it to God and do the next thing.

And be grateful….. for something, for one thing, for many things!

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo