Tag Archives: stress

‘Getting Away’ Could Be Just What You Need

‘Getting Away’ Could Be Just What You Need….

As soon as the school year finished, we decided to spend some time at our cabin.  Just me and the kids for a few days.  I can not tell you what a difference just getting away for a couple days made in all of us.  The kids had been distance learning for months and I had been working remotely also.  This was the first place we had been away from home in months. 

I wasn’t sure that I even remembered how to drive a car… but it came back to me.   About ½ way to the cabin, I noticed how all my kids were getting along.  There was no fighting and 2 kids were playing a game together. I almost had to pull over to see this for  myself.   We actually talked and laughed at each other.  There were even parts of the drive that they didn’t have their AirPods in… shocking for teenagers. 

It’s amazing how driving a couple hours away from everything, can make me feel so relaxed.  I did not feel any stress and I had no worries on what might happen next week or next month…I also noticed the change in the kids from the moment we got to the cabin,  they were excited and so happy to be someplace besides home.  They were not constantly nitpicking everything with each other.  I forgot how it felt… how being up there felt like our normal routine… 

Nothing has felt like a normal routine for us in months.  Everything seemed new and uncomfortable, from my career to helping with schoolwork to no sports or activities.  It was all a strange unsettling feeling… Over the last few months I have been more anxious and worry some.  Everyday has seemed to follow the same routine but so many unplanned things happened.  Now just getting out of the car and seeing the lake and fresh air made all the difference.  

We had waited for months to get to go to the cabin and it finally happened.  As excited as my kids were to be there, I realized that they just liked the slow pace of everything.  There was no more learning assignments and google meets for them now during summer.  They also needed this time to just decompress from the last few months.  

I pictured them up by 8 am and out on the dock fishing. but instead the girls were nestled in their beds until noon. I pictured them swimming by 10 and soaking of every moment they could and doing a million different activities.  In my head, it was a scramble of getting as many activities in as possible during the day.  Why?? I have no idea, but I thought we needed to do everything.  Maybe it was because we had been stuck at home for months.    Instead my kids wanted to do everything at a turtles pace.  It was definitely at a lot slower timeframe than I had in mind.   

It would make me annoyed because I thought they should be fishing, swimming, playing yard games, or going for a pontoon rides in a certain time frame.  Crazy mom…. Instead they wanted to sleep until noon then they will go fish for a little bit and then come back in and watch TV show.  

I did not think they were having fun or enjoying themselves. I kept asking them if they wanted to go home. 

All of my kids said, why do you keep asking us that? 

I said “ because I feel like you are not having fun or just laying around”

They all said “we are having a great time this is what we want to do we want to relax and hang out”.  

Silly mom I was.. I thought they were bored.  Instead they were taking time to just relax and do what they wanted.  They were taking naps, watching movies, making bonfires, having snacks together… they were still having a great time just doing it at a slower pace.   We all ended up sleeping in later and then staying up past midnight watching movies many nights. 

Adjusting to how my kids do things has been a hard reality for me.   Many times I have to just let them do things how they want to do them and not push.  And  It’s very hard for me to not step in.  But I have learned they can be much happier and enjoyable, if I let them do it at their pace.  

And after it all…I realized we were having just as much fun at the cabin taking it at a slower pace than if we were rushing to do all these activities… and I felt so much more relaxed.  Plus, I got some much needed sleep. 

-snarky 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Some Days Are Hard

Some days are really hard…..It doesn’t take a pandemic to struggle.Even after this is over, we will still struggle certain days. I always wonder why some days are a piece of cake and others are just a mess. What sets them apart?

This week has been harder than others, I feel the kids and I were all on each other’s nerves. The other reality was that my job was probably not going to improve anytime soon.

Everything was just piling up. I felt like I was either crabby or sad all the time. I was not sleeping and was starting to feel nervous about things in my life. This is new for me, I am normally a person that feels very in control of my life.

I would wonder why I didn’t get anything additional done during the day. I was exhausted by 4 pm every day. Then I thought about all the things I was trying to accomplish during the day,when in reality I was constantly busy with distance learning, my actual job, conference calls, setting up my kids google hangouts, refereeing fights, making meals, cleaning up from meals, planning the next meal, trying to get 2 teenagers up before noon, getting my kids to do chores, monitoring electronic time, and the list goes on. Honestly, we have been in a good groove before this week. But shit, I can’t take another week like this! It’s funny because i was a stay at home mom for years, but this seems different. Did I lose my touch?

In addition, I miss my friends, my family, and my coworkers. I miss my old routine. I miss the gym. I miss watching a tv show by myself, I miss my drive to work,when I can listen to my own music and it’s quiet. I just miss it all. I even read an article on a mom that turned her backyard trampoline into an isolated retreat and I thought that lady is a genius!!! I might move my room outside.

I know I have so much to be grateful for in my life although sometimes you just need to feel a little selfish. And sometimes everything seems overwhelming. So I needed to change things up.

I started walking later in the afternoon rather than the morning. It was a good end to my day. Plus just changing up my routine gave me something to look forward to also.

I started praying more. I made time to pray when I woke up and then again later in the day. I really was looking for more peace and contentment in my life. I was starting to feel a little lost and didn’t know the right direction I should be going at times. I had to take the time to add this into my daily routine and stick to it. I could tell I needed this.

I started reaching out to more friends to check on them. Helping people or giving encouragement to others has always helped me feel like I have more of a purpose or contentment in my life. It’s also so reassuring to hear that your friends are going through the same thing.

I picked my battles with my kids. I could obviously tell they were having just as hard of a week as I was… I relaxed on the electronic time. And honestly I was as guilty, some nights we all sat on the couch playing our own devices.

I started posting old pictures of my kids on social media. Mostly because it makes me smile and I know my family misses seeing them. And it reminds me of great memories and fun times.

I would stop myself from worrying about things I could not control. I would just tell myself many times that if I can’t control it, then I can’t worry about it. This is hard and it didn’t always work.. but I’m determined to not worry as much. I had to let things go that I did not accomplish during a day. I had to start reminding myself that I should be proud of everything I did in the day and honestly who cares if I didn’t get everything done.

It doesn’t have to take a pandemic for us to feel the pressure of things building up in life,it happens to all of us. It can happen on any normal day. I think it just helps when you are aware it’s happening, try to let it go, and start again tomorrow.

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Lean In

Lean in…when that catchphrase first came out I’m pretty sure it was meant to be used for powerful situations.

Not trying to maneuver your new normal during a world that everyday feels more surreal.

I have officially been home now for a month. My state has extended its Stay at Home order until May 26th. When I heard the news I was in the middle of my new normal work day. I took my glasses off. Took my headphones off and silently yelled into my hands.

I am what you would call a high risk person. Two heart surgeries I had forty years ago means I can’t leave my house. The fear is if I get this my stitched up heart won’t know what to do.

I am luckier than a lot of people. I have a job. Which I got offered ironically a week before everything went. That’s my term… went.

The last time I saw everyone in person was my job interview. A month ago. Some of them I only know thanks to ZOOM.

And thank goodness for this job, because my previous job would have laid me off. They did. Three days before I officially started my new job I got a lengthy email telling me as much.

My daughter’s school like a lot of yours is now closed for the rest of the year. Thankfully they have really done a lot to support everyone one with distance learning. But she’s in 7th grade. She abruptly had to empty her locker and pivot.

I was a Preschool Director before I got my new job. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my families, my kids…

But I’m leaning in.

I get up. I get ready for work. I try to focus. But I have my moments. Where I have to run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet seat and cry.

I lean in to being afraid of all the unknowns.

I lean in to being late for a meeting because I got distracted by the news.

I lean into cats and dogs and kids interrupting meetings.

And we all smile.

I lean into not really ever wanting to wear shoes again. Leggings are better than jeans.

I lean into Friday nights might be Tuesday nights.

I lean into worrying about my Grandfather who is states away. I lean into reading horoscopes with my best friend.

I lean into hugging my daughter so much. I lean into telling people I can’t wait to squish their faces.

I lean into missing certain people. Which makes me ugly cry.

I lean into waterproof mascara.

I lean into not cutting my own hair. No comment on coloring it. LOL…

I lean into recording my radio show again for the first time in a month and crying because it’s the first time in a long time I have felt normal. Because something that is such a huge part of me is back.

I have no magic words. No sage advice. I am just rinse, lather, repeat, lean.

I am sending you love and hoping you are safe Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Why Worry?

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength”. 

– Corrie ten Boom  

I never thought of it like that.  But now that I have, it kinda makes me want to realign my worrying.  Why on earth would we want to empty today of it’s strength? By golly, us single moms need all the strength we can get just to get through the day!  

Are you a Worry Wart?    …“one who worries excessively and needlessly”, “one who frets unnecessarily and tends to dwell unduly”?

As single moms, how can we release some of the things we must have all figured out?  The things we have to remember? The calendar of to-dos to keep us on track? We can’t neglect the fact that the kids used the last of the milk this morning or that Suzi has a doctors appt on Friday.  We have to have it all lined up and written out and making sense, right?

Yes….but we certainly don’t need to worry about it.  If you’re worrying, you’re definitely not organizing yourself very well, nor using all your resources. 

 

Here are some ideas to help release some THINGS that might worry us:

– keep an ongoing list of groceries, toiletries, household items, etc & highlight urgent ones 

– do errands in the same part of town at the same time

– even if you have a calendar in your phone, put one on the refrigerator, keep everything on it.  Color coordinate the events if that helps.

– ask family and friends to help, if you can’t get to the store for milk,

ask someone to do it for you

– set alerts in your phone to remind you of certain things: put out the trash the night before, put in a load of laundry before you go to bed, put dinner in the oven while you take a shower

 

The more you release from your mind, the less room you have for worry and the more room you have for peace.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Weight

All I need to do is lose 5 lbs of weight, I am only drinking alcohol on weekends,  I am going to drink a glass of lemon water before each meal, I am only going to eat lettuce for lunch yep, these are the things I would tell myself over and over again every Sunday Night for the last couple years.  

About 6 years ago, I lost over 40lbs from a weight loss program.   I was finally at a weight that I was comfortable with maintaining. I had gained tons of self confidence and felt great about myself.  I was 100% committed to losing the weight and it was a top priority for me.  

I knew that I would have to move into the maintaining phase once I hit my goal weight.  However, maintaining that goal weight was even harder than losing the weight. I had to still follow the program and it was really tough. It’s even harder than losing because this was now my life. 

So, over the last couple years I have gained about 10 lbs of my weight back.  However, every week I would struggle with trying to get my body back to that magical number that I was at when I hit my goal.  I stressed over this….every week I would try to get back on the wagon and by Wednesday I would fall off. It affected how I left about myself and my self confidence.  I would beat myself up over it all week. 

And then I realized that  I just wasn’t 100% committed to being at that magical number as I had been years ago.  It was an unrealistic goal for me. I will probably never get back to that weight… why? Because right now I like to enjoy myself.  I like to have a drink some nights. I like to have pizza with my kids, and I like cake. I am running kids everywhere and my lifestyle has changed.  

However, what it comes down to is this… back then weight loss was a top priority for me and now… I have other priorities.   It does not mean I can not do it, however It would have to be the top priority for me in my life. Back then, I would have spent hours meal planning and prepping for the week.  Today, I spend hours shopping with my teenagers, running to sporting events, socializing with my friends, and writing about my life…it’s all about priorities and what’s important to you. 

I realized I could beat myself up for it every week or just come to terms. I was not putting in the work needed to reach that goal each week.  I had to be realistic and not expect to magically lose a lb each week when I was not following my eating plan. Especially when my dinner consisted of popcorn and wine.  Weight loss is hard and you do not magically lose weight without a consistent plan and a lot of self control. I had to finally be real with myself.  

I am happy with my life and my body.  I am healthy and I still workout every day.  I think I have mentioned before about how exercise is just part of a routine for me, so that is routine in my life.  However, I set little realistic goals to keep me satisfied with where I am at…like starting to drink water before each meal or I started not eating after 8pm during the week.  

I added in these small little goals each week and that made a huge difference.  I was proud of accomplishing those instead of setting unrealistic goals of losing so many lbs every week.   

I am not at that magical number on the scale and that is ok. I have a range that I continue to stay between and that works for me.  I have learned to not beat myself up every Monday morning because of what I indulged in over the weekend. I have learned to be happy with how I am and enjoy my life.  

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Guide To A Life Of Balance

Guide To A Life Of Balance….

There are days when my security and confidence is replaced by a wave anxiety, shame, discontentment or frustration. Like clouds, they roll in off the horizon predicting a coming storm. Time and time again I ignore them. I push back the feelings and charge forward. I don’t have time for the rain. I have a child I need to nurture and teach. I have a career I need to manage. I have a house that needs to be cleaned and dishes that need to be washed. I need to exercise and find a new way to sneak four servings of vegetables into a meatloaf. I need to just keep going. The sky darkens, the clouds grow heavy, and the downpour begins. I am left drenched, in my yoga pants.

Isn’t this the story for all of us? Despite reprieves, here and there, we have our hands full much of the time. Emotions seem to come at the most inconvenient moments and threaten to disrupt the intricate balancing act we have in progress. We label them “negative” or “bad” to imply they are something to get rid of or avoid. We ignore them or gloss over them with tip #4 from our guide to self-care. We can try, but our efforts to shoo back the clouds are futile. In and of themselves emotions aren’t good or bad. They alert us to something happening under the surface. With great effort we teach our children to stop and name their emotions. We guide them in handling sadness, anger, tiredness, frustration, and so on. We don’t call them bad, rather, in our little ones we can see them as they are- truths to be dealt with. Our responses to our emotions hold the value of positive or negative, not the emotions themselves. It’s nothing revolutionary, but often we extend wisdom and grace to others while failing to apply it to ourselves. We tireless work to run from or ignore the coming rain and end up overwrought or completely shut down from what has become an undefinable ball of feelings. Thus, fears of being overly emotional can become self-fulfilling.

I spend more time telling myself I shouldn’t feel something than simply acknowledging that I do. As elementary as it may seem, I have begun to retrain myself to stop and feel my feelings. I hate crying, but I have had some good cries. Locked in my closet, I have let emotions of fear and loneliness burst forth. Then knowing what I need, I have been able to deal with them and authentically engage in self-care. There have been times when I have begrudgingly faced my feelings of shame and “mommy guilt”. They have served as important indicators that I am prioritizing things that aren’t truly important. Shame and guilt have highlighted areas where my value and worth has been tied to the appearance of good parenting, optimal health, and spirituality. They have beckoned me to examine if there is depth beneath the surface. Frustration, being rooted in my desire to control something I was simply not meant to, calls me to let go of undue pressure that will leave me drowning in stress. These feelings urge me to come inside and take the needed steps to stay dry because the rain is coming. They protect me from getting off kilter when life’s stresses head my way.

Emotions are beautiful indicators toward balance. They can be quite messy. Demanding to be seen, they will leech out in unexpected areas if they aren’t acknowledged. However, they aren’t bad for existing and we aren’t bad for feeling them. After long periods of running from them, facing deep-seated emotions can seem dangerous. It may take help from a friend or a professional. I have needed, and still need, both to help me decipher tangled feelings. Balance is the reward for doing so. There is peace in realizing emotions aren’t waiting around the corner, ready to create havoc in life. Let them guide you toward balance rather chase you into chaos.

`Shon W

The Truth Is…We Love You

The Truth is…We Love You

Dear Moms,

Being a teenager is difficult, or at least we think it is.

Some of us spend every moment of our lives stressing about our “responsibilities” and keeping up with popular trends. Others spend their time stressing about their follower count and how to be “in” with the cool crowd. Both are some of the countless things that we prioritize in life.

While all of this is going through our minds, we sometimes lose sight of what truly matters and the people who truly care about us. In these moments, we often push ourselves away because we feel that no adult could understand what we’re going through (because obviously they were never teens… right?). When we feel this way, we’ll say some things that we really regret afterwards. We yell, we argue, and we don’t listen. We become so blind sometimes, that we don’t acknowledge the effort and love that you put in to try and make us feel better.

What can I say? We are typical teens. Although it may not seem like it, we appreciate what you do for us. I want to tell each and every one you that we notice. We notice the small deeds you do to put smiles on our faces when we need it most. We notice the sacrifices you make, to make our problems seem insignificant. We notice you reaching out to try and bond with us. The reason behind our distance, is our stubbornness.

The truth is… we love you!

We love the way you have our back. We love the way you can’t help but want to protect us from any harm. We love the fact that you are always willing to listen. To all the moms reading this right now, I want to let you know that you are Wonder Women. On behalf of all the teens, we are extremely sorry for being such pains in the bottom.

The truth is… WE LOVE YOU!

-Dani

Everything In Its Place

When my son, who is now 22, was a little boy, I was allllll about “THERE’S A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.” That was more for me than it was for him or for anyone else, really. You see, I didn’t want it to take 20 minutes for us get out the door every time we had somewhere to go.

When we were going to “Mommy & Me”, I wanted to know where my purse and his jacket and his firetruck were. At my fingertips, there had to be his bestest friend “Freddie” and his car snack bag & his play bag. “What about the bag of hand me downs for the other boys?” Oh AND MY COFFEE. Etc etc etc. Until WHOOSH, we were out the door in no time flat. That’s why I put things in their place.

If everything is where it belongs…. it takes no time to get everything together and go.

Life just works better when you’re organized…. and on purpose with your life. You show up on time AND you’re in a happier mood because you weren’t running around the house like a banshee looking for everything, everywhere. You didn’t have to open and close the closet door 5 times, you didn’t have to look under the bed…again. It’s all right there . The kids and all you need….are out the door with you.

The most important part in this is to let the kids put their things where they go…not you. And when they ask “HEY MOM….where’s my xyz?” You can tell them “It’s where you left it.” They will learn on their own along with your teachings and guidance how important it is to keep things tidy…..Especially when mom says “The bus is leaving in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1” And you walk out the door.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Keep It Simple Sweetie(K.I.S.S.)

Keep it simple, Sweetie. When most of us try to move forward, make a change, or start our soul journey, we may tend to over complicate things. We can make things harder than they need to be and leave ourselves in a confused distraught mess. 

Not to long ago I found myself in an anonymous self help group.  I am a co-dependent, my addiction is people and problems. I didn’t know why life and functioning healthily didn’t just click for me, and the majority of the people in my life were addicts and alcoholics, who displayed similar but different dysfunctions as me. 

My overthinking drove me into the ground, I would reach out to others in this group, and they would tell me Keep it simple sweetie, and let go and let god. It was hard for me to understand how could I just let go of this complicated mess ( that I thought I needed to fix most of the time) until realized I was the one making it complicated. I was usually trying to bend the situation or outcome to what I desired it to be. Letting go and keeping it simple helped me keep my head above water.

Other times I found myself going stagnant, I found boat loads of wisdom in the phrase Easy does it, but do it damn it. If it means you have to take a slower pace to work on certain things, that may be pain full so be it as long as you are moving forward, and not getting complacent.

When things turn upside down and i’m not sure which way is up, or things seem just a little too rough I use these two phrases as checks and balances. Am I keeping it simple? Am I continually pushing forward? Am I letting go of the things that aren’t meant for me?

On our journey it is good to keep ways to check and balance ourselves and our path, so that even when we wander we will never be lost.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

Put Down That Baggage

When is time to get rid of the baggage? ….when it weighs you down, when it distracts you, when you don’t even remember where you got it. Is that when it’s time? OR when the thoughts of it cause your body to cringe in it’s place. OR stay in bed, OR give in on yourself. How about when the burdens created by having it outweigh the good you want in your life!!?

I’m not talking about STUFF. I’m talking about the thoughts, feelings, ideas the stuff that can suffocate your growth. I’m talking big baggage, old baggage, baggage from childhood, from your last romantic relationship, from girlfriend friendships gone bad, from broken dreams and lost promises. THAT baggage.

Are you carrying around any self-righteousness, conceit, negativity, ignorance, anger, upset?

Are you going on and on about She said, He said, They did, blah blah blah.

Is it time to let all that go? Do you want to be free from the bondages they have on you? Do you want to live life in a new way? Embrace joy? Own passion? Express excitement?

Eyes wide open with the baggage you carry. Hearts longing for something new.

Let it all go. You will be different. Most of all, you’ll breath with a smile on your face and love in your heart. Youre not who you were yesterday. No longer living the way you did. Are you ready to give up your old ways? Put the baggage down? Stop the drama about all of it? Be prepared to live enlightened, redeemed, humbled, grateful, & positively happily content.

You may not be as popular, needed, admired… well not in the WORLD anyway. But you will be HAPPILY JOYFULLY FREE in YOU….. And that my friend….. is really what matters most.

Your God Girl,

Tracy