Tag Archives: strength

Damage and The Inspiration We Can Find Within

Damage….

Generally speaking, I try to focus on finding the good in bad situations…looking inside yourself for strength and finding your own way towards a better tomorrow.  Some days, though, I find myself struggling a little with that perspective in parts of my life.  Can you relate?

At some point, I realized that there are some things in my past that I will likely never fully recover from.

There are things that I have experienced that can’t be erased from my mind…can’t be erased from my heart…can’t be erased from my soul.  They may not affect me every day of my life, but there are certain key times that they rear their ugly little heads and cause me to re-live certain nightmares all over again.

There are certain sounds that trigger these memories…sounds that are common to television, movies and even some events with friends.  There are also certain stories and scenes from the same sources that cause the memories to flash through my mind.  I can’t very well run away and hide from life, but there are, without question, times that I would love to do just that.  I have come to realize that the proper support system in this arena is so very important to us all.

And the beauty in that is this:

I have always tried to reach out to the so-called unlovable.

I have always tried to have compassion for the bully.

I have always tried to hold understanding for those whose stories I do not know.

I have always tried to live my life with a healthy dose of grace.

In these things that have always been a part of my day, I find motivation to be better…a better version of myself…a better friend to others…a better model for my child.

In these things that I have always tried to live, I find a better understanding of my calling to live them.

So many people in this world get to know each other on the surface.  They come to friendship based on surface facts.  And when some life event unfolds in a way that catches them off guard, they run away before ever attempting to understand it.  So many people in this world define their love for each other in spite of things rather than because of things.
What if…what if we could all learn to love each other because of things instead of in spite of things?
What if…what if our pasts could be used to better know and love and look out for each other instead of as weapons and excuses against each other?
And that…that brings me back to the beauty in this all.
There are moments of pain in my life that I cannot avoid.  There are moments of the same that I cannot erase.  But these moments…are moments of opportunity and moments of potential for greatness.  These are moments sitting right in the palm of my hand, for which I fully control the direction. These are moments that I choose to learn from, that I choose to love from, that I choose to be better from.

We all have our moments.  What will you do with yours?

~Tanya

You can follow Tanya at http://sunshineandbluemoon.blogspot.com and, as always, make it a great day!

Is Being Strong Really A Strength?

Being strong…

Two weeks after I graduated from high school, my dad had a heart attack. I remember the day vividly – I remember my mom waking me up and asking me to sit with my dad while she got ready, I remember going to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room, I remember leaving to go home to get a few things and going in to see my dad, I remember that being one of the only times I can recall that he said “I love you” to me, I remember sitting in a room after his surgery with all of our friends and feeling like I was having an out of body experience, I remember the doctor telling us that he had passed away and I remember sitting outside the hospital with a couple of my friends talking about how my dad would never see me graduate from college, get married or meet my kids.

My dad was a pretty healthy guy – he had just played in a tennis tournament the weekend before, so as you can imagine, we were shocked and devastated. My mom was completely torn up and I remember as family friends would come to visit, they would tell me that I needed to be strong for my mom. Over and over at the funeral, friends gave hugs and condolences and again, told me to be strong for my mom. Didn’t they know I was only 17? I wasn’t even an adult yet. Who was going to be strong for me?

Maybe that’s where it all started…

Lately, I have been thinking about what it means to be strong. Growing up and even as an adult, I felt like it meant not showing your emotions, that even when things are really hard, you stuff your feelings down and just keeping going on like it’s a normal day. I’ve done that for years. I may get upset and cry, but most likely it’s at home by myself or alone while I’m driving in the car, but when you see me at work or at the grocery store or at my kids’ school, you see what you would expect to see – a seemingly happy, friendly person.

When problems were happening in my marriage, most people had no idea. I was strong on the outside, even if I was falling apart on the inside. There were a couple times where I slipped up and started crying at work, but I quickly pulled myself together and kept moving ahead the best that I could. Even now, three years later, I still have my days. Days when I would like to just curl into a ball and stay under the covers for a day or two and cry the tears that I’ve been holding in for months. But, I don’t have the luxury of doing that; I have two girls who need me – they need me to drive them places and make them food and help with homework and comfort them when they have a problem. Sometimes, all I want is to be the one with the problem and have someone comfort me and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

My friend and I talk about this topic a lot. We are both similar – we don’t wear our emotions on our sleeves, we listen to other people’s issues and we find ways to fix them, we don’t like to dwell in negativity. We are considered strong by others, but that also means that people don’t think we ever have a problem or have a bad day and that’s just not true. The truth is, we are both sensitive and take things to heart; we may just not talk about it openly. Thank goodness we have each other; she’s the one I call when I need to talk about a bad day and she’s the one that I can cry to when I’m frustrated or down.

The more that I think about it …. I don’t know that being strong is a strength, it’s more like a mask of your true feelings. Over the last few years, I’ve learned that it’s ok to be vulnerable with the right people and that being vulnerable is more courageous than being strong and holding your feelings in.

That’s part of the reason I started this blog; much of it is for me and to get my feelings out, but it’s also to hopefully help someone else who might be feeling the same way. I hope they can understand that their feelings are valid and it’s ok to talk about them instead of stuffing them deep down inside and that they’re being extremely brave and courageous by doing so.

~Laxmi~

You can follow Laxmi at her blog, https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/.

Angels In Disguise Living Among Us

“I’ve seen & met Angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people, living ordinary lives.”

-Tracy Chapman

We all have those people in our lives that are our Angels-grandmas, grandpas, parents, siblings, friends, children-and not to sell them or their roll short but there is also at least one person everyone can think of that is just so spectacular in everything giving and helpful. Someone whom maybe you talk very little to or not at all. Someone who you wonder can be so kind and forgiving and with no judgement in reguards of what anyone or what they themselves have been through. Take a moment and think about who that person(s) may be to you? Maybe that person is yourself?

I use to sell my children’s outgrown clothing and toys on eBay many years ago when I still had the time to be able to list, pack and mail. I made fairly decent money at it and met a pretty amazing woman while doing so. She was opening a small shop in her area for the less fortunate and was buying items to stock her store with. Good quality, gently used items for children. Infants on up. She did this for little to no profit and we became friends as I always had a lot of what she needed. We would work out “deals” on the items I had and so she could still keep her store up and running. She was super excited when she was able to move her shop into a little larger more affordable location that her husband had remodeled for her….and then I heard nothing more! I would email her through eBay, I would email her through personal email. Eventually she responded and told me that her husband, who was in his early 50’s, had a massive heart attack and it killed him instantly. That was it-no good-bye or I love you’s-just gone. He was her and her daughter’s primary bread winner and had to close up shop and go back to work. We kept a relationship going through Facebook, nothing too much, likes on posts, Happy Birthdays, how are you’s? I could tell you what was currently going on in her life by her Facebook posts and her in mine but nothing personal beyond what was shared on social media. She struggled with the loss of her husband as anyone would. But she kept going and I watched her youngest daughter grow to be a young woman with a social media page of her own, which we also became “friends” as did her and my daughter as they were basically the same age.  One day she shared on Facebook that she had her daughter, who had not been feeling well, at the hospital…a few days later her 15 year old daughter(yes, 15) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It was one of the hardest things as a mother of a teen daughter has ever witnessed. I cannot begin to imagine the pain she was in and still is. Her daughter lived approximately 3 months from diagnosis-they had a private page for friends and family to keep updated and to journal their experience.

This woman is one of many Angels…she has been through so much, that often I draw strength from her strength. Watching what she has gone through and continues to go through. She started a foundation almost immediately and has pushed through some political BS and some difficult situations because she wants NO ONE to have to experience what her family has. She has brought awareness in places and with people who had no idea that ovarian cancer can also affect young girls. She has a buddy program where she send packages to sick children and she is constantly meeting with other parents of sick children or sick themselves. She has spent many days and nights sitting with those who are dying and holding their hands  She is an Angel living an ordinary life, who has had tremendous losses, while doing extraordinary things, wearing ordinary clothes.

<3

Love to All-Kim