Tag Archives: self care

Cut Yourself A Break

Cut yourself a break.

Why is it that we are mean to ourselves? Not just rude, but down right mean. Since I was little everyone called me Rah-Rah Rachel. Lifting other people up was and well…. still is my entire identity. How did I insert a light switch into the way I talk to others, verses myself? I spend my days crafting ways to lift others up. Do they need a card with reasons why they are important, should I pay for their heating fuel with all my taxes, should I drop off flowers because they posted they had a rough week? I search. I search day in and day out for how to help lift others, and yet I drop myself.

I do a nightly routine of squeezing my mama chunk roles, and self-loathing. I never even noticed I was doing it each night until my husband told me to stop, and I was perfect the way I was. I would grab my rolls and squeeze them tight, huffing and puffing about how unhappy with my body I was. I wouldn’t sit down and eat a warm meal, I was racing around to clean the dishes verses just stopping and putting me before a pile of stationary dishes. They weren’t going anywhere…. But I couldn’t stop myself or love myself enough to give myself a moment break.

My fellow mamas, I’m sure you’re in the same spot. You equate the price of shirt your looking at for yourself, into bottles of formula, day care costs, kid activities, laundry detergent. The shirt never makes it home because you don’t rank on the importance scale in your head. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You DO matter! It’s not about the shirt. It’s about the concept!

Self-care isn’t all about bubble baths, and new clothing. Sometimes it’s not pinching your belly chunk or leaving the dishes. Sometimes its talking to yourself like you would a friend. It’s blasting a song, singing silly in the car with the windows down not caring who is watching, or sipping a cup of coffee in 5 minutes peace. Make yourself important. Put your needs first even once a day. If it is leaving the laundry till tomorrow. Leave it. It won’t go anywhere, but you deserve kindness. You deserve a moment to just yourself, however you choose to use it.

Stay Positive and Kind,

Rah- Rah Rachel

“Your trauma is valid. Even if other people have experienced “worse”. Even if someone else who went through the same experience doesn’t feel debilitated by it. Even if it “could have been avoided”. Even if it happened a long time ago. Even if no one knows. Your trauma is real and valid, and you deserve a space to talk about it. It isn’t desperate or pathetic or attention-seeking. It’s self-care. It’s inconceivably brave. And regardless of the magnitude of your struggle, you’re allowed to take care of yourself by processing and unloading some of the pain you carry. Your pain matters. Your experience matters, and your healing matters. Nothing and no one can take that away.” — Daniell Koepke

Give To Yourself

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Give to yourself, your best friend should love you!

Okay, full disclosure here: I have an unhealthy attachment and find an insane amount of joy in random memes. A teen in my life tells me this is a sure sign that I’m a middle-aged mom. So be it. It delights me to surf the web for trite inspirational quotes, sarcastic jokes and other random silliness. Yesterday I came across one that sparked an entire conversation in my head. This meme, a quote from Harvey Specter (main character in the show Suits), read as follows:

“Ever loved someone so much you would do anything for them? Yeah, well, make that someone yourself and do whatever the hell you want.”

Yeah. That. That’s it – the key to happiness in one little meme.

Seriously. Think about it. How many days do you spend all day at work and all-night doing things for other people? If you’re a parent, that’s pretty much your life. Someone asked me recently what I do for me – to take care of myself. My answer, I’m somewhat ashamed to admit, was, “I sleep a few hours a night, I get calories of some sort in my body each day and I drink coffee.” Eek. Hard stop, people. If your answer to that question is anything like mine, it’s time to heed Harvey Spector’s meme–words!

Think back to the last time you did something for yourself. Maybe it was a day at the spa or a decadent bubble bath. Or cramming the last piece of cake in your mouth when the kids weren’t looking. (What? Am I the only one?) How did you feel after that? Don’t say guilty. Think about your joy receptors – did you feel good? C’mon – some part of you was happy in that moment. And I bet you were a little nicer to your family or a little more compassionate toward your coworkers afterwards. If your self-indulgence was on a grand enough scale, it might have even spilled over into other things – made you more productive for a little while or gave you the pep in your step to go the extra mile with a project.

It’s like this: If you take care of you, you’re better at life and better for those around you. All too often we forget this little factoid.

Whenever I’m facing a tough decision, I have a friend who will ask me, “What would your best friend tell you to do?”. The underlying message being, my best friend wants me to be happy and wants what’s best for me. As a working mom, I’m usually too busy thinking about my son or my work to think about me. So I have to trick myself into doing it. Wrap your brain around that. I have to role play to figure out what will make me happy. (I’ll pause while you laugh.) But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who can use this. That’s why I’m writing today.

Love yourself enough to make yourself happy. Be your own best friend. Block out time on your schedule to spend time with that friend doing what they want to do. I promise – the rest of it – your family, work, whatever – it will follow. And it will be better for having a happier you involved in it.

~Cassandra

When Mom Is Happy Everyone Is Happy

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This post is really geared towards mom, but I suppose it could hit home for just about anyone. I want to talk about the importance of self-care and the feelings of guilt that come along with that care. How often do you do something for yourself…say go to the gym or get your hair or nails done, and then feel guilt for leaving your kids with a sitter, at daycare, or even with their other parent? If your answer to this is never, then please teach me your ways I beg of you!!

I’m currently sipping on a latte with color processing in my hair at my favorite salon, that I drive an hour to get to in Providence. I know you are probably thinking I am nuts, but I haven’t always driven to Providence. I’ve been seeing the same hair stylist for just over five years now and two years ago she headed to Providence to open her own salon so of course I followed her. I’m just trying to keep it real here…finding a stylist that just gets your hair is like finding a good babysitter!

Do I feel guilty for getting my hair done today? You bet your ass I do, but not just for leaving the girls but also for spending the money that I should be saving. I try to save as much as I can these days, going from two incomes to one is definitely an adjustment. Yes, there is child support so I’m one of the “lucky” single moms, but still an adjustment. I thought about cancelling my appointment on more than one occasion, but it had been booked for three months and it was honestly starting to become impossible to brush through my hair. See what I just did there?!? I made an excuse for myself to lessen that ever present guilt.

You must do things for yourself that make you feel good on the inside and on the outside. Maybe you want to hit the bag at the gym, get some eyelash extensions, or God forbid take a damn nap! You are entitled to do these things, enjoy these things while doing them and still be a good mom (or dad). Getting my hair done and going to the gym are things that I refuse to have to give up. They make me feel good about myself and when I feel good about myself I feel like I can take on the world. Let’s face it, sometimes being the parent of small children, you already feel like you are taking on the world. You might as well look good while doing it <3

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Where Did My Dreams Go?

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Where did “I” go?…I started my life like most girls, with big dreams filled with what I wanted to accomplish. Of course, my dreams included children – 2 or 3 – a career, a nice house, a husband… but it also included having fun.

I wanted a balanced life, where everything would fall into place and all the different areas of my life would complete each other. But, as I went along, I realized that “I” disappeared; me as an individual person just disappeared. “I” have been replaced by either the career woman or the mother. When I get introduced to new people, the main part of me that comes out is either being someone’s mother, where we talk about kids and everything about raising kids or my work and my career. Somewhere along the way “I” got lost.

Where did “I” disappear? Was it when I could focus on only one thing: providing for my children? Making sure they had everything they needed both on a financial and emotional level. Was it when I had to work 2 jobs to put food on the table? Or was it when I became more stable and focused on a career? Somewhere in all that, “I” completely vanished.

No longer do ”I” think of anything not involving the kids. Even if I get a sitter, I find myself wondering if the kids are sad that I left them to go do something that does not involve them. “I” now has a companion called “guilt”. Is it a woman thing to always be thinking about our kids?

Being a mother always involves making sacrifices, but being both mom and dad is insanely demanding. I am so used to spending all my time outside of work with my kids that if for some miraculous reason I find myself alone in the house, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. How did that happen? Why does the idea of spending an afternoon alone send me into a semi panic mode? Unable to even figure out what to eat!

Today, I am over forty, my oldest daughter is getting ready to go to college and I am here thinking how did I get here and what have I done with my life? I am proud that I managed all by myself to raise my daughter and to see her go onto her journey to becoming a successful independent woman, I am also terrified that she will see me as someone who failed to have a life outside of being a mother.

As I ask myself: Where did my life go? I also wonder about what I could have done differently/if I could have done things differently that would have provided some kind of balance in my life. And as I embark in the journey of raising my second daughter (that’s for another subject: having a baby at 40) I will need to take a deeper look at things.

Does being a single mother mean putting everything on hold? Always? Is the constant fear of not being able to take care of my kids causing me to let life pass me by?

Why do all my thoughts involve being a mother? How to become a free independent fun woman? My kids are my universe, that will never change, but I would like my mind to take a break from time to time and let “I” make a short apparition until we get reacquainted.

~Rosemonde

Single Moms Are Rock Stars

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The other day I realized that single moms are rock stars, but not in the “we can do it” way that I usually mean this. Single moms live like rock stars, and we need to take care of ourselves like rock stars.

I was listening to a radio interview of a rock star when this came to me. Admittedly, this musician was not a guy from an ‘80s hard rock band. If so, the interview might have been about trashing hotel rooms. Instead, the singer was a 30ish woman who was a solo artist. She talked about how much she loved singing and writing songs and sharing them with her audience.

Then she shared how challenging touring was. She was in a different city every couple of days. Tour deadlines must be met, yet there were inevitable delays or lost luggage at just the wrong time. She stayed up late to perform, and often got up early the next morning to head to the airport. And no matter what happened, the show must go on.

Then she talked about how she loved her fans and how that made it totally worth it. And she shared how she did it. She explained that she would go to bed as early as she could when she was on tour. She would stay hydrated. She would bring her vitamins with her and do her best to eat healthy food. She would work out at the hotel gym. She would put in earplugs and read a book on the plane to have a little time to herself.

When she was describing this, it hit me. This is like being a single mom.

We are solo artists. We have a job (mothering) that we love, but it is not easy. It includes late nights often followed by early mornings. There are delays and sick kids and misplaced backpacks at just the wrong times. And no matter what happens, our show must go on.

So recognize that you are a rock star, and treat yourself like one:

● Get the sleep you need.

● Stay hydrated and eat healthy food.

● Exercise. It will help you to have the energy you need to perform.

● Create a little space (yes, just for yourself!) and read a book.

And if you think the rock star analogy is far fetched, just think about the rest of your band for a moment. A toddler can trash a living room as well as Guns N’ Roses ever trashed a hotel room. You and I both know it.

Rock on, Single Mom!

Liz Possible is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that. Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/

Finding Time For Self Care

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Finding time for self care is difficult. As single working mothers we can all reach that point of just one more thing going side ways and we will explode. It can be as small as spilling the last of the coffee or as big as our main mode of transportation breaking down on the way to work in the middle of winter.

The fact is as working mothers we carry a lot of expectations on our shoulders. Our own and societies. We are supposed to not only juggle the children with all their wants and needs and have a perfectly balanced “normal” family, Perfectly balanced with our jobs bills and other responsibilities all while looking like runway models! Top that with anyone who struggles with any chronic major health issues and its enough to make any person break.

We as mothers some times forget self care, or chalk it up to a want instead of the need it really is. Mental and physical self care keep us going through the ups and downs of the single parent life. Self care looks different to each person. One mom might find having a glass or two of wine while relaxing in the tub as self care while another might find going out to a noon showing at the movie theater alone while the kids are at school as the the ultimate mental vacation from life.

I have met many moms that shrugged it off because of time. There is many ways to fit in self care time. For instance if you cannot fathom taking a day or even a afternoon to your self try setting aside 10-30 minutes before bed. Pop in some relaxing music and soak in the tub or watch your favorite show.

If you have to literally schedule your personal time in, do it! No matter what your self care is, please remember yourself. You deserve it, and so does your little family. If your not operating at 100% how can you expect yourself to meet the demands of raising your family? You can’t.

Another form of self care is to evaluate the things that you find completely unbearable in your life but you still put yourself through due to some kind of obligation. Wether it be a job or an event you attend, making yourself miserable isn’t something you should entertain. Look at your options, if you can’t stand your job, what are your options to expanding avenues to employment? In life we are only limited to what we tell ourselves we are limited to. It’s ok to be temporarily stuck but there are always way to grow and work towards the life you want. With mindfulness, adequate self care and determination there isn’t a single thing we cannot accomplish.

-Always be unapologetically yourself

Ali

Learning,Teaching and Taking Time For Yourself

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Whoa! Time slow down! I just blogged last week about time going to fast this year and the last few years. But seriously, this month has literally flown by! We’ve been wrapped up in my brother-in-law’s illness for the last month, trying to catch up on work that we have gotten behind on, school Christmas programs, church programs, parties, basketball games, shopping, gift wrapping, baking and then our normal everyday responsibilities with 2 children who are very involved in a lot of things. Oh, and breathing…we have been trying to find time to breathe 🙂 The flu has already made the rounds at our house twice so far this fall/winter, which only causes to the confusion of catching up! It is complete madness! Every year the holiday season is like this for us and every year it just gets worse and worse with “things to do”.

I am fairly certain as a I talk about everything that goes on and the chaos of it all there may be a bit of a bitter undertone to my voice-and I am sure that during the moment of something going on I may seem irritated, tired, or disinterested. I am not any of those things, well maybe tired, but I am focused. Focused on getting “this” done, or someone somewhere, and “this” taken care of……I enjoy every moment I get to help or be there for my children, husband, friends, family-I truly do. How does one go about slowing down in a world that is just so committed to going so fast? You just DO IT! I have seen parents that are way busier than us and I am to the point where I feel our plates are too full…I cannot even begin to imagine some of the others. My husband and I have put a “cap” on the amount of activities the kids could be in, financial reasons as well as scheduling reasons. Not because we don’t want the kids to do everything they want to do-because we do-but for ourselves and for them we know that if someone doesn’t have “Me-time”, “down-time” it just makes it all worse. I have blogged on a previous occasion about the importance of me time, and I am a firm believer that if you are not healthy physically and mentally you are doing NOONE any favors.

Today is an awesome day to revisit that blog post and take some inspiration on ideas for the “Me Time”-