Tag Archives: self care

Eat This Instead Of That:Healthy Food Swaps

Healthy food swaps can be difficult,transitioning your diet when you are working towards building healthier eating habits can be challenging. It can be overwhelming, confusing, and feel like you are drinking information from a fire hose. There is A LOT of information out there regarding trendy diets, healthy foods, what not to eat, etc. Let me just start by saying it doesn’t have to be difficult and confusing. 

Today I want to share just a few of my go-to food swaps to make that transition to healthy eating easier while still enjoying tasty food. Sometimes it seems like in order to change your eating habits and eat healthier you have to forfeit all the foods you love. And I am here to tell you that isn’t always the case either. 

My Favorite Healthy Food Swaps

Swap Sour Cream for Greek Yogurt: Is your burrito even a burrito without sour cream on top?! Sour cream is high in fat but you can easily swap it with plain, nonfat Greek yogurt for that same texture and consistency. I promise you won’t even know the difference! 

Swap Coconut Oil for Vegetable/Canola Oil: Hydrogenated oils such as vegetable and canola are not good for our health and have inflammatory effects on our body. Instead of baking with a highly refined oil, use coconut oil that is less refined and has more nutrients. 

Swap Dark Chocolate for Milk Chocolate: Look for chocolate that is 70% or higher in cacao. This type of dark chocolate has less sugar, more antioxidants, and more fiber. 

Swap Almond/Oat/Soy Milk for Regular Milk: Regular dairy milk can be irritating for some and it can also be high in fat and sugar. Swap it out for an unsweetened almond, oat, or soy milk as a healthier, dairy free option that will also have less sugar. 

Swap Regular Pasta for Chickpea or Lentil Pasta: Regular pasta is highly processed and has a high carbohydrate content which is especially not good if you struggle with blood sugar issues. A great, healthier alternative to pasta is lentil or chickpea pasta which is less refined, has more fiber, and more protein!

Swap Granulated Sugar/Can Sugar for Honey or Maple Syrup: Granulated sugar is ultra refined and basically nutritionally void. Instead of baking/cooking with regular cane sugar, swap it out for honey or maple syrup which are less refined, taste just as great if not better, and have a lower glycemic index helping to keep your blood sugar more stable. 

 

There are MANY MORE healthy swaps than just the short list above that you can make as you embark on your health and wellness journey. Honestly, small changes can make a drastic impact! Keep your eye out for fat and sugar content and try to find alternatives that are lower in fat, sugar, and are less processed and refined. Start small and little by little you will get there without having to forfeit delicious foods!

 

Meghan Meredith
HomeBodySoul, Founder
Certified Health & Wellness Coach
Certified Personal Trainer
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Permission Slips

Do you remember permission slips from school?  I remember them from High School.  I would get a permission slip to be excused from Math class so I could work in the Principal’s office.  I’m not sure if it was because I was an ‘A’ student in Math or because I was the Principals favorite, but nonetheless, it was always fun.  I would go get kids out of their classes, because the Principal wanted to see them, file piles of documents that the secretary couldn’t get to and eavesdrop on grownup school conversations. 

Today, though, I’m talking about giving ourselves permission slips.  I have been doing that a lot lately.  I give myself permission NOT to finish something I’m working on, or to take a day off from working in the garden, or most recently to go home ‘sick’ from work.  I was brought up with the old school attitude of “If you need something done, do it yourself”, “the only way to be accomplished is to DO-GO-BE”, “I am woman hear me roar”.  

I’ve noticed as I get older that I don’t always have to be DOING, ACCOMPLISHING, FINISHING.  I don’t have to be the best of the best, every day.  My favorite saying when I was in my 20’s was “Do you want to be the steamroller or do you want to be the pavement?”  Back then, I was the steam roller.  And back then, I was proud of it.

Now, I don’t sing that song at all.  I’m learning that my health is more important.  Taking care of me and stopping halfway through a day in the garden because my back hurts is plenty enough reason to call it a day.  I still need to give myself permission to stop so I don’t feel like a failure.  Quitting was not an option when I was younger and changing that conversation takes me paying attention to it and giving it up to a new conversation.  Again.  My success looks & feels different these days.  It takes practice to give myself permission to slow down, stop & rest.

One day it will be habit.   And I will no longer have a need for permission slips.

Xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

How To Stop Pouring From An Empty Cup

How to Stop Pouring from an Empty Cup…. 

As moms, and even more as single moms, we are constantly giving of ourselves to everyone we seem to encounter. We give to our kids, we give to our family, our friends, our work, but the one person we often do not give to, is ourselves. It was a little over a year ago, that I realized I had to stop, because I could no longer pour from an empty cup. I was exhausted and drained, but I just kept going. I was making decisions based on the good of the others and not on what I needed for my personal growth and mental health. 

I was out to dinner with some friends, my first night without my kids in quite some time, and I realized I again made a decision because I felt like I needed to, I had to, when deep down inside all that my poor mind and body wanted was peace and quiet. Now, don’t get me wrong, the friends I was with had become an important part of my journey and my life, and it isn’t that I didn’t want to be with them, but where I was at that moment, I needed to choose myself and I chose what I thought would make others happy. I realized I could no longer go on like this and I had to start doing for me. So, while at dinner I made the choice to start pouring back into myself. 

I made the decision to start this new lifestyle, start a new path where my choices were now what was going to be mentally and physically beneficial to me and not to others. I felt this huge weight lift off my shoulders within minutes of making this decision. People started seeing a difference in me, but it was never about others noticing, it was about me noticing.  I started really looking at who was in my life and did they push me to be a better version of myself, did they understand when I had to put myself and my choices first or did I get crap every time I gave an answer, and ultimately could I be my 100% true and authentic self around them without any hesitation or filtering.

The later of this ended up being one thing that I had to really looked at a lot, because let’s face it as single parents our time to be around adults without our children is quite limited. When we have the chance to be around others, are they people we can be truly open with or are they people you do not get beyond surface level type stuff with? Do you find yourself sitting around with them, wanting so much to have adult conversations about what is on your mind, but also know some of them will not be listening to truly try to understand, just listening to respond?  I found myself having this internal struggle of do I do what I need to for inner peace and to pour into my own cup or do I just continue down this path? 

I chose to do what I needed to do for me and pour into my own cup. I made the choice to step away from a group of people not because I do not love them or care about them or because I want them completely out of my life. The truth was I felt like I had to hide parts of me, my story, and my feelings or thoughts from many of them. We all met working through the same thing, but the truth is outside of that same thing I did not feel I had much in common with most of them beyond that. I could laugh at the same jokes, I could tell a funny story, I could talk about my kids, but after that I found myself not feeling like I could share anything deeper.  There was no one at fault for how I felt, it was just me listening to my gut. We all have heard that saying about how we see more than we ever let anyone know, and I study people’s verbal and nonverbal responses, so if I feel as though responses are not welcoming or open minded, I just don’t share . As soon as I made that choice it felt so freeing. I know that most of them if not all of them did not get it, and that is ok, because what I was going for was pouring back in to my cup, and not necessarily making sure I was filling someone else’s again. I found myself with everything going on in the World, I was pouring every ounce of me into my kids and my work, that by pouring just that little bit back in to me, made me feel like a new person.   

They say that when you can speak freely without hesitation that is when you know you are with the right people, and I finally felt that I did not have to hesitate anymore. I found I no longer felt guilty for having to say no to going places and doing things. I found that if I did not have my kids and needed to just stay home in my house for peace and quiet, I could do that. I found myself pouring into my cup again, sipping a to-go margarita on the couch in my pjs, without feeling guilty. 

So, to all of you out there who are pouring from an empty or almost empty cup, its time to take some of that back for yourself. Find something that makes you happy and do it, find something that does not make you happy and stop doing it, stop pouring into too many people without first pouring into yourselves. We are always going to pour in to our kids, as we are supposed to do, and we will always pour ourselves in to work because we have to, but beyond that the next cup we all should pour in to is our own. So, grab a pitcher, fill your cup, and while you are at it sip your favorite drink, wear your comfy clothes, and do what makes you happy. 

 

~~ JES <3 <3 <3

How Are You Doing?

When I was in marriage counseling, my counselor asked how I was doing and and I would always respond with “good”. And she would ask what was good about it? It was really hard to think about what was actually good at that time. And the question made me feel quite uneasy…

During that time period, I was going to marriage counseling separately and with my husband. There were so many emotions that I was experiencing, so It was hard to think, how I was really doing. Good seemed like such an easy response and I did not need to go into detail. It was a fast answer, which I was hoping would get me through it.

I did not enjoy this at all… because she would make me really think about how I was doing, was I doing good or not….At that time in my life, I kept a lot of my feelings and emotions buried within myself. This meant that I actually had to say out loud about how I was doing.. I am not the kind of person that likes to talk about myself with others. I had to learn to actually think about how I was doing. Was I having a hard week? Was I have a good week? Did I feel happy about something? Sometimes I honestly didn’t even know how I was doing.

I have thought about how many times I would just use the phrase “good” without even thinking about it. It would just sort of flow out of my mouth without even thinking am I really good or what is good about it…How am I really doing this week… am I sad, happy, content, do I feel like I accomplished something.. The list goes on.

So when I recently started reading the book “ Get out of my head” by Jennie Allen and there’s a chapter that references how we are doing, I realized that I had gone back to being the person to answer things as “good” instead of really being truthful in my answer. Sometimes I feel its just easier to answer good instead of really thinking about how I am doing. And it takes time to really think about how we are doing..

What makes me feel like I am doing good.. What is that magical thing that makes us feel like we are doing good? Thinking about how I answer the question, “How am I doing” has gotten me back into the habit of thinking about all the things that happen in a day or week. Am I feeling nervous, stressed, or anxious about what going on in my life. Did something happen that made me feel happy, accomplished, or contentment… Am I being open with others about how I am really doing…

Once you think about it… how do you answer the question… It is still hard for me to be comfortable with giving people the raw unedited answer of how I am doing. However, I have realized that the more I open up about how I am doing or elaborating on my answer…its easier.

If I am having a hard week, I get a lot more support and encouragement from my friends then I would have received, if I just answered “good”. Most of the time, we are experiencing many of the same things. When you hear someone else is experiencing your life, it can help so much. You do not feel like you are the only one, like you are on an island alone… I have also learned by opening up more about myself, it got others to open up about how they were doing…

But I still struggle with telling the good of how I am doing.. I am not sure why its hard to brag about yourself, but it should be done more. I am pushing myself to brag about the good more and more… If I am doing great, I should just say it right…I am working on just telling all those accomplishments…little or big.

So, “How you doin”… just give the real unedited version…

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

No Pain, No Gain

No pain, no gain…


“You will suffer one of two pains in your lifetime—the pain of disciplining yourself or the pain of regret from not disciplining yourself.  That is a hard truth no matter what you think or what you want to believe.”

“You must learn to go to war with yourself on certain character traits, habits and/or addictions or you will suffer from not doing so.”

I have heard the above things many, many times over the last 51 years and NEVER did they sink in as much as they are right now.  At the moment I am watching two people literally suffer horribly on a daily basis from NOT disciplining themselves when it was hard to do so.  Whatever they told themselves on a daily basis for decades that made it OK to not take care of their physical bodies and their health is not even close to worth what they are suffering now— I promise you that it is IMPERATIVE that you take care of yourself— eating right and doing something to exercise on a regular and consistent basis is worth every momentary pain that it might cause you now—to find the time or fit it in or force yourself to do it.  That drink that you don’t have, the cupcakes that you don’t eat, the ice cream you walk away from the cigarette you don’t smoke—whatever it is get it under control NOW.

Do NOT wait until tomorrow, or next Tuesday or your next birthday or for the kids to be out of preschool or for the pandemic to be over— GET ON IT NOW.  

Watching people that you care about live in hell on a daily basis will make you understand VERY quickly that the time to discipline yourself is RIGHT NOW.  Our job in this life is to keep learning and keep pushing ourselves to do better and be better—whatever the hell that means for each of us.  Only YOU can say where you need to start shoring yourself up…and believe me you know where those places are and you know the stories that you are telling yourself about WHY you don’t do what you need to do.

Physical health is something that I cannot stress enough— if I showed you right now what I am having to witness you would weep—good people that were vibrant and bright lights diminished now to mere shadows of themselves due to extra weight, bad diets and the inability to get consistent exercise which leads to catastrophic outcomes with physical and mental well-being— and ALL of this could have been prevented if they had chosen their hard instead of waiting for it to choose them.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than watching this and understanding that you cannot help or save people that will not help or save themselves—so what I CAN do is USE this to make a difference in my life and perhaps in yours too.

I am now getting right up in the morning and doing at least yoga and on most days I am doing the yoga and then a workout of some sort— I want to be running up and down stairs easily when I am 80 plus— PLEASE take care of yourselves—start doing it now—today.

Sending love and light.

 XO, Noelle

 

What About YOU?

What about you…..On Coffee Chat last Sunday morning we talked about making sure that you are taking time to take care of yourself and I pointed out that you can’t help someone else if you are not well.  I reminded you all that there is a reason on an airplane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first and then help others…a poignant way to illustrate my point.

The first thing that happens when you have a lot of toxic relationships or situations in your life is that you stop checking in with yourself about how YOU are because of course you are waaaayyyyy too busy caretaking and enabling to be worried about your own well-being.  In addition to drawing lines in the sand about what is acceptable to you and what isn’t you also have to start looking at what you need to do for yourself that you are not doing.  Can be as simple as taking 15 minutes for yourself everyday with no distractions or as complex as sticking to a daily workout schedule— only YOU can say what you need to function optimally.

Some of you may not even know the answer to the question, “what do I need?” —if that is the case then it’s time to find out.

What do you require to feel centered and happy and peaceful?

Who do you need to start saying NO to?

What new habits do you need to acquire for taking better care of yourself?

What relationships are no longer serving you in their current format?

These are all valuable questions to start looking at.  Often times we are so focused on just surviving that we forget it IS possible to thrive.   You are of no value to anyone if you are not well or barely functioning…as a parent you have to take care of yourself first in order to do what you must do for the kiddos…this whole idea that you don’t have time to take care of you is a bullshit construct that must be left behind.

Too many of us are over doing, over compensating and enabling and it is costing us our health, our joy and our peace of mind…our survival and our ability to be vibrant and thriving is dependent upon us putting ourselves first.  I have news— nobody is coming to save you—- it is time that you saved yourself.

It is our responsibility to start speaking up and start taking the time that we require to get ourselves in order each day so that we can face things from a position of strength.  Your mental and physical health are your most important assets — without them everything else becomes much more difficult if not impossible in some extreme cases.

Begin NOW—start looking at what you need and start carving out the time to make that happen— and start saying NO to the people and things that are stealing your energy and not giving anything back—- it’s way past time to change the game.

See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

TWSM Book Review ‘Self Massage’

Self Massage: The Complete 15-Minute-A-Day Massage Programme’ by Jaqueline Young

If you are looking for an easy way to improve your self-care, then Self-Massage: The complete
15-minute-a-day massage programme by Jacqueline Young is for you.

I love a good professional massage (and a back or foot rub from a significant other is always
nice), but I had never tried self-massage before reading this book. I was surprised by how
simple it is. And unlike other types of massage, self-massage is free and available to you
regardless of your schedule, your relationship status, or business closures due to Covid-19.

Jacqueline Young, the author, is a clinical psychologist and acupuncturist who lived for four and
a half years in Japan studying and practicing oriental medicine. She has also travelled widely in
India and the Far East studying traditional health techniques. She is the author of books and
articles on natural medicine.

Self-Massage is based on a combination of Japanese and Chinese massage therapies,
together with acupressure techniques. It includes information about the meridian system and
acupoint guide for those who are interested in learning more about these. However, if you just
want to make your neck or feet feel better at the end of a long day, you can totally use the book
for that.

Young gives step-by-step, easy-to-follow instructions with over 200 photos illustrating the
techniques. She breaks the self-massage into easy routines in the following areas:

1. Warm-up
2. Head and face
3. Neck, shoulders and arms
4. Chest and abdomen
5. Back
6. Legs and feet

I started with the head and face routine, and was delighted at how refreshing it was. All six
routines together take only 15 minutes (once you have a little practice).
Some of my favorite quotes from Self-Massage include:

“With this massage you will have a self-health system literally at your fingertips! It can be
used anytime, anywhere, and no special equipment or oils are needed.” (Introduction)

“Once you feel confident of the movements they can easily be adapted for use on
others. So, by learning self-massage, friends and family can benefit, too!” (Introduction)

“By being sensitive to exactly what your body needs, at any given time, you can get the
best out of this system and learn to give of your best, too.” (The Self-Massage System)

Young does not mention consulting your doctor before using the techniques in Self-Massage,however she clearly states that “all pressure must be gentle and comfortable” (Introduction).

If you have any concerns about the safety of self-massage for you as an individual, please consult a medical professional.

I hope that you give Self-Massage a try. It is a quick read, the techniques are easy to learn, and
we all deserve the benefits it has to offer.

Rating 4 ½ stars out of 5

Copyright Jacqueline Young 1992

Liz is a technical writer by day and a humor writer by night. She lives in Minnesota with her two
teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. When Liz is not reading, writing, or
searching for new books to review, she can be found practicing yoga or enjoying time with
friends and family — usually around a fireplace or a lake. She is savoring the time that she still
has with her daughters under her roof, yet she secretly dreams of being an empty nester who
can travel more and not have to worry about other people borrowing her socks.

Oh, Pan”damn”ic!

Do you see what I did there?  Let’s be really real about this pandemic, maybe whine a little, then we will take a step back and talk some self care.  Being a single mom is a giant juggle when life is “normal”, but now here we are thrown this curve ball we could have never seen coming.  By now we have become absolute rock stars when it comes to dealing with the unexpected. Right? I am sure we don’t all have fantastic involved exes, super understanding bosses, flawless children, and unending support financially, and emotionally.  As single working mothers we put on our capes every morning (because like a bra we do not wear them to bed) and we take whatever the day throws at us with flexibility, strength, and probably a little bit of sarcasm.  

This pandemic reminds me of the first season of Stranger Things when Eleven makes her escape.  She doesn’t understand the rules to outside life and she is very awkward with people and how to act.  I feel ya girl, pandemic has me with so many questions. So we cant see our loved ones outside of our house?  Ok I definitely respect that-lets flatten this s$#t right out of here. We are staying home in our yard with just our humans and fur human, but of course I am taking a thousand pics or “it didn’t happen”.  I am almost frightened to post online because Susan might share me to the community page with some “oh my gawd” tagline. In this fake scenario I also have some snide response to Susan such as, “hey lady, you don’t have my 7 year old son who just drove two nails through my kitchen floor while I was on a work call.  I told him if he didn’t go outside and run in my fenced in backyard he would sleep on the deck”. But alas I work as a public figure and realize this can’t play out like this. Instead Aunt Bonnie in Florida can’t boost my self esteem with her likes online because I don’t post. I know what you are thinking, “just text her…”, ok fine, maybe I will.

Next, don’t you love how most people who are not single moms think their request is the only one on your plate?  Me too, it’s the comedy of life during the Rona. Juggling work expectations, while teaching your kids, and I am sure some of you moms are also taking classes, or have more than one job etc.  Mandatory 9am work zoom call, while my 9 year old needs to check in on zoom in order to not be marked absent on our one device? Sure, but now let’s also add the 7 year old having an epic tantrum over compound words and the dog just hurled her breakfast up.  By 4pm I would like to tag any other healthy human in for an hour so I can finally finish that client email I started at 8am before the work zoom call started. This is when the fenced in backyard comes into play and I can prep one of the 6 daily meals my kids now need to eat.  By the time it gets to working on my own studies I am passed out on the couch 5 minutes into some Channing Tatum movie I have seen a thousand times.

We also have to speak about these big emotions!  Holy hell, the tantrums, the crying, the snapping, the anger, and then right into happiness.  I am talking about me here. It happens to my kids too, but mostly me. Where do these big emotions come from?  Is it trauma leftover from previous relationships? Is it my need to control or have a plan for the future? Is it because before all of this I hated that stupid Groundhog movie and never wanted to live it?  My extrovert self doesn’t know how to be confined to 2 people, and a goofy Great Dane. My profession is helping others, all day long! Not to mention my peers at work and in class, and everyone who I can’t see everyday but reaches out via technology.  So much of my sarcasm and charm is going to waste due to the Rona. One thing is for sure this pandemic reminded me I am still human too, who needs self care.

I have been keeping a list of some 5 min (or more if you can swing it) self care items that have been helping me to push the reset button, check myself before I wreck myself kinda thing.  I know everyone has a different situation but take a peek and see if any of these will work for you.

 

  1. Headphones- pop those bad boys in and turn the music way up.  I like doing this while I make dinner, usually the witching hour gets to me, the whining ick.
  2. Shower- I find my shampoo bottles great counselors, my loofa knows all the things I should have said during that last argument.  My body wash has never told anyone how many times I have cried for a few min.
  3. Zoom- do not use the link you use for work.  But do make a wine/whine night with your friends.  Cards with Humanity is online and if you don’t mind things a little racey I highly recommend it.
  4. Get outside- Be smart about it ladies but nothing turns a frown upside down quite like some Vitamin D.  Take your allergy meds though so you don’t have a panic attack when you get a sniffle.
  5. Laugh- I know I made my kid sound like a pain in the ass up there, but truth be told he is hilarious with his one liners and use of sarcasm.  Good thing too. Find your “thing” to laugh about.
  6. Watch something besides paw patrol- Seriously Channing helps me, as does the Office.  Sometimes I am not even really watching it but it feels less lonely having the tv on.
  7. Stay in touch- Call your friends or facetime them.  Making those personal connections is so helpful. Don’t forget to ask your other single mom friends if they have eaten today.  
  8. Make plans- Even if they are down right ridiculous, having something to look forward to helps.  Whether it is fancy friday in your own house (while you wash all those pjs you’ve been living in), or the above mentioned zoom wine night this really helps stay focused through the nuances.  
  9. Do something safely selfish- I told my daughter to watch youtube and learn to bake cakes, because well, I like cake.  I am telling a half truth, she isnt the little red hen, I of course helped her.
  10. Seek support- if your feelings are in a scary place reach out.  Mental health counselors are doing teletherapy, and resources are safely available.  Your kid’s schools will probably have a community resource list if you are unsure where to start.  Reach out to their school counselor, they are fabulous people.

Hang in there ladies.  This is super new to everyone.  Even though the pandemic is very serious, if we are practicing safe healthy habits, I don’t see why a little sarcasm and grace can’t get us through. 

Go easy on yourself.  

Choose your battles with your kids, most days my son stays in his pjs all day, and my daughter spends a lot of time on facetime.  Safely reach out and stay connected and make time for self care.

 

~ @almostdrmompsyd

https://almostdrmompsyd.wordpress.com/2020/04/08/oh-pandamnic/

Why Are Doritos Enough?

Why are Doritos enough? Being content without being in a relationship.Soon after my divorce, I dated quite a bit and then I was in a serious relationship,for over a year and a half.  Which I know I have wrote about in some of my previous blogs….

Fast forward a couple years, why am I NOT serious about dating now? Why am I content spending nights eating Doritos and watching Netflix.  I hear all the time, why don’t you have a boyfriend.  I get asked about my dating and why I’m not in a relationship… Maybe because I just want to do other things and I am content.   Back off Debra…

Kids…

I share 50/50 custody with my children.  My children are in their prime years.. they are 15,12, and 9.  And they are heavily involved in sports, activities, church friends, etc. I complain a lot about them because my nights and days are spent driving them everywhere. However, I know that these are the years I will never get back. I love my time with them and I cherish it.  We spend our time just hanging out and having fun. I have realized that this point in my life, I do not want to change the dynamic of our family and life. They feel comfortable and safe at our home.

Time to myself…

After my children leave for their dads, I have learned that I love to have time to myself.  I need that time to decompress after the crazies have left.. I love to have a night to myself to go for a walk or hike. I am not being selfish, but I love that time. I know I have mentioned this before on how my house can go from a crazy madhouse to deathly quiet. Anyone that has shared custody with kids can probably relate to this analogy. I am a huge advocate for how important making time for yourself is in life.

Not enough time to commit…

I feel that with the demands of my children, I would not be able to give the amount of time dedicated to being  in a relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against it.  I know that right now, I can not dedicate the time needed for a relationship.  I have been in a relationship and it was very hard to divide the time between my children, boyfriend, and everyday life. I was overwhelmed much of the time.  I just couldn’t get it all done and I had no time for myself.  Many times I was so stressed and crabby, I was mad at everyone.   There were times in the past when I knew I picked my relationship over my kids. Or I would drag them along to activities that they had no interest in, just to see my boyfriend.

Since that relationship, I have taken a lot of time to understand why it didn’t work.  Relationships require a lot of commitment.  They require hard work and making them a priority. I know that I would not be able to make a relationship a priority right now in my life.

In the past, I seem to attract men that are really looking for a serious relationship.  Even after, I am very honest with what I was looking for in dating and the amount of time that  I can commit. I get overwhelmed by the constant texting and not being able to respond. Yes, I know all the quotes about “if you really want to, you will make time”.  I have heard it all, but its not at the top of my list.  I do understand that thinking however, when I’m with my children, I do not feel like taking time away from them to be texting possible dates.   And from some of my past dating experiences, some of the guys that I have met think that all my free time should be spent with them.  This is even after one or two dates.  That is not true.

Priorities…

Right now, I have many areas in my life that I want to make more of a priority. I enjoy writing my blogs and gaining more experience. This is something that I have taught myself through research, podcasts, and social media.  I am learning new things all the time that I want to learn about.  I think I was in an unsatisfied marriage for over 13 years and the last 5 years I have learning all over again what I enjoy.  Until I can accomplish these goals or priorities, then a relationship will not be a priority.

I’m Actually Content…

I guess what it comes down to is my life, is that I’m very content and comfortable right now.  I look at how much I have changed and grown in the last 5 years.   I’m comfortable with not having my children 100% of the time. That was a huge obstacle for me. I am content hanging out by myself. I am comfortable saying no to a date..  well unless he was really cute.

There is no magical answer to when is the best time to enter in a relationship.. it’s all up to you and what you want out of it.  As I have adjusted to being divorced, I have learned there is no rush in anything. And there is no problem in waiting or saying it’s not a priority right now.  So just tell your family and friends to back off….

Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com/blog

What Are Your Hobbies?

What are your hobbies?  I have hated that question since I was in school.  I have no hobbies…How do you start doing things you for you?

Last Spring, I decided that I needed to do something for myself. I needed to start getting back into things.. And by things I mean, hobbies, activities, or something that I loved.  I was married for over 13 years, you have kids, and then you stop doing things that you love.   I think we all experience that part of life even with being divorced or not. Having kids is great, but you have to give up many things in the process. I stayed home with my children for many years, so over time I forgot the things that I loved. Or I would feel guilty for wanting to do them.. Yes, the mom guilt.

I love music.. I love concerts…I love working out.. I love golf.  I started to think about all the things that I had really enjoyed in life and had not enjoyed in so long.  It had been years since I had done a lot for myself.  Or even put myself first.

I had golfed after college and even did my internship at a golf resort, but after having kids I had not done it in years. I had missed it.  Being outside with friends and a few drinks in the summer felt so heavenly.   I knew a friend that was in a women’s golf league and so I decided to join. I did not have a partner and I only knew a few people in the league, this was way out of my comfort league.  I usually gravitate towards smaller groups and people that I know.  I was scared to death… what if my partner was a golf pro, what if she wasn’t fun, what if she didn’t sneak drinks on the course… All these things were going through my head.  I like to know what to expect and this was all new…I am a woman in her 40’s that is freaking out about meeting new people.  Yep, just like high school it never changes.

Well I did it, I joined the league and somehow I got placed with a partner that was just recently divorced with kids.  All of my fears were put aside the moment I meant her.. I mean she suck “truly’s into her golf bag.  A girl after my own heart!  We really suck at playing golf, but we have so much fun. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and this was it.   I mean sometimes its pretty much dark before we get off the course..haha.  We golfed each week and could talk about our divorce, frustrations, dating, etc.. we became great friends.  I can not tell you how great it felt to do something again that I am doing for myself and that I love.

Every Tuesday from May through September I golf in a women’s league.  This is what I do for myself. Yes, I do golf league even when I have my kids. I am not a bad mom for not spending every moment with my kids and I have learned that you do need to put yourself first at times.

It just think its important to start doing things, activities,  hobbies, etc. for yourself.  Find the one that you love or might learn to love.. And do it.  You might have to start from scratch and find something you enjoy..might be something completely different than the old you. Lets face it, you are different.

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/