Tag Archives: safe

Dating Safely Series-Part 4: Meeting Up For Dates

This is the final article in the four part series on dating online safely.  In the previous articles we decided we are ready to date online, and we decided to put our safety first.  We learned to keep our private information private, and we put in the effort to qualify persons of interest.  Now that we have weeded out obvious unsavory attention we can feel much better about meeting an individual in person.  However, even though we did qualify this person, any person can behave well for a short period of time to get what they want.  So we are going to put in the effort to ensure we choose a safe first date.

  1. Prep an Excuse to Leave

Make a list of a few reasons to leave in a hurry and make the decision

to use them, if necessary.  Give yourself permission to trust, respect and take action on your gut instinct.  Refrain from talking yourself out of it if you feel uncomfortable.  If something doesn’t feel right, it’s most often because it’s not.  If you leave and don’t feel safe, drive to a police station instead of going straight home.

 

  1. Check in with a Trusted Friend

Be sure to keep a trusted (and capable) person in the loop about when and where and how long you expect to be on a date.  Let them when you are on your way and again when you leave safely.  Also, talk to this person about the individuals you are choosing to date.  Sharing with trusted friends our observations, feelings and experiences makes it more unlikely that we will be able to miss or accept unacceptable behavior.

 

  1. Meet at a Public Location

They may have a beautiful house on the lake or offer to take you somewhere secluded and romantic but insist on a public first meeting.  Even though we have qualified this person, nothing takes the place of that initial gut feeling when meeting someone for the first time.  Remember and respect that first feeling, for any person you meet, ever.  Whether you drive or take an Uber, be sure to have a quick getaway planned for an emergency.

 

  1. Take a Self Defense Class

Self defense training is something that is best when taken regularly, at least annually.  These are skills that are to be developed.  Find a class that addresses situational awareness, avoidance and defensive communication skills.  If you have Krav Maga nearby, go with that.  If you are limited to police, dojos or community centers then take them all as they cover different approaches and perspectives.  If possible, a female instructor is ideal.

 

  1. Carry a Personal Safety Device

A tool that you are unwilling to use is a useless tool, so don’t bother if you don’t see yourself using it.  Take the time to look into local laws (as well as practicability) as a salesperson will often sell you anything.  You can call the police department or a defense attorney with questions.  There is no perfect tool, only the tool that is right for you.  Get training in anything you choose to carry, especially retention – even if you think it’s unnecessary.

Stay Safe!

 

Carrie Conrad

***

Carrie Conrad is a single mom and self defense specialist in Detroit.  To support her daughter and her special needs she took her decades of martial arts training and lifetime of experience with violence to begin an evolving journey with Beating Disaster, a business offering specialized self defense training.  From Basic Self Defense to coaching for parents with violent children, she invests her time in high level training in order to provide relatable guidance to women and children.  You can find out more at

Dating Safely Series-Part 3: Potential Qualifying Pursuers

So we are dating online.  We made the decision to make safe choices.  We are prepared to keep our private information private.  Now we are ready to start interacting with – hopefully – available and worthwhile potential mates.  However, we treat every single person as the complete stranger that they really are.  Unsafe and abusive people are often easily picked out once you know what you are looking for.  Take the time to qualify persons of interest before allowing yourself to become vulnerable or emotionally invested.

 

  1. Know What You Want

Making a list of what is negotiable and not negotiable in a potential partner will greatly improve safety.  If you are open to everything you may accept anything. Take the time to think about it and become willing to reject unwanted attention immediately.  Prep a generic response like,

“I don’t want to waste your time. We aren’t compatible based on my needs.  Good luck!”

Absolutely no explanation or response is helpful or required after rejection of a candidate that falls into the “Not Negotiable” category.

 

  1. Use Generic Responses

When answering questions, use the already planned out generic responses and pay attention to reactions.  Multiple questions about you may be genuine curiosity, but if a person is not accepting or is prying or you feel uncomfortable, that’s a red flag.  A normal person will be willing to be patient while you build trust before giving out private details.  Belittling, challenging or insulting blatantly shows you they are not respectful and is a sign they are potentially unsafe.

 

  1. Share Your Feelings

Share your feelings to see how they respond.  Be disagreeable at least once.  It doesn’t have to be intentional; an organic opportunity should present itself at some point.  A person who tells another they are wrong for feelings or that they should feel differently is disrespectful.  Please note when a person is insulting or belittling of your thoughts or feelings.  There are safe people who can be disrespectful, or it could also be a sign that they may be an abusive partner.

 

  1. Trying Saying No

If you have been turning down unwanted attention, then you may have already noticed some are not accepting of being told “No.”  Every explosive response is a bullet dodged.  Any person who discredits, discounts, argues or sidesteps your “no” is risky, too.  Be sure that the people you are messaging and potentially interested in have the same opportunity to show their true colors, too.  This is another time where we are paying attention to their reaction.

 

  1. Recognize Risky Behavior

There are typical and telling methods used to keep a potential victim from recognizing survival signals – like discomfort, concern, worry, apprehension.  If someone you just met seems too nice, too generous or if they give way too much information or offer a loan, take note and think about how you feel.  When someone challenges your character or willingness to take risk, pay attention.  Note the mention of violence or physical safety, especially offering a promise of safety, and even in jest.  No matter what, trust your gut.

 

Stay Safe!

 

Carrie Conrad

***

Carrie Conrad is a single mom and self defense specialist in Detroit.  To support her daughter and her special needs she took her decades of martial arts training and lifetime of experience with violence to begin an evolving journey with Beating Disaster, a business offering specialized self defense training.  From Basic Self Defense to coaching for parents with violent children, she invests her time in high level training in order to provide relatable guidance to women and children.  You can find out more at

Dating Safely Series-Part 2: Keeping Private Info Private

So, we are ready to be dating online, and we are willing to do it safely.  The purpose of the suggestions in this specific article is to keep our private information private.  We don’t want to provide anything that allows a person to find us when we don’t want to be found.  Keep the mindset that all of these people viewing our profile online are complete STRANGERS.  We have never met them.  We don’t know anything about them.  And we don’t even know if they are actually even safe, available or moderately attractive, so keep your private information private until you consciously choose to share it.  

  1. Create an Email & Phone Number

It’s ideal to make an email account and phone number with limited or false information specifically for dating.  Then when you sign up for your dating site, you can use an email linked only to this dating account.  If you create a Google Voice number, for example, that number won’t be attached to anything other than the information you provide for it.

 

  1. Make a Generic Profile

List the county you live in or use the zip code for a nearby city instead.  You can always widen the miles of your search to encompass a further distance, if desired.  Also, generalize your career: “Finance”, “Healthcare” or “Fitness” are all appropriate answers.  Same with information about your children keep it all general: “I have kids in grade school”, etc.

 

  1. Use Safe Pictures

It’s ideal to take pictures specifically for and only used in your dating profile, as images can be searched online, too.  Pay attention to what’s in the background.  Look for identifying information.  Omit pictures wearing clothing with company, school, gym, team or children’s school information on it.  Block out your children’s faces in photographs – or do not use them.  You may love your car or have a favorite coffee place, but it doesn’t need to be pictured.

 

  1. Communicate Using the App

No matter how inconvenient, use the messaging, call feature and video chat through the dating site.  (Be mindful of what is in the background when doing a video chat, too.)  It’s much easier to block a profile on the dating site than to change your number, block someone on social media, or get a restraining order.  Personally, I don’t give out any private information until after at least a few dates.

 

  1. Prep Generic Answers

Have generic answers ready for basic questions so when someone asks more about work you can say something like, “I work for a bank/hospital/gym”.  Have a secondary general answer ready for if they ask further, like: “I provide training”.  With effort we can be honest without being revealing.  If they ask for more details we can tell them we are happy to share more in person.

 

Stay Safe!

 

Carrie Conrad

***

Carrie Conrad is a single mom and self defense specialist in Detroit.  To support her daughter and her special needs she took her decades of martial arts training and lifetime of experience with violence to begin an evolving journey with Beating Disaster, a business offering specialized self defense training.  From Basic Self Defense to coaching for parents with violent children, she invests her time in high level training in order to provide relatable guidance to women and children.  You can find out more at www.BeatingDisaster.com or follow for safety tips and tricks at www.facebook.com/BeatingDisaster.

Slime! You’re Welcome :)

Ok-so in follow-up to the discussion on Snow Days-I mentioned the ever popular slime that my 7 year old is so fond of. There has been a lot of talk about the borax recipes burning young children and a lot of “safe” alternatives have come out.  I wanted to post some of those for you. Now keep in mind the slime is nowhere on my scale of things I enjoy doing BUT it’s cheap, easy, and certainly a boredom burner at my house!

This site has some great recipes for all kinds, sparkle, edible, unicorn, mermaid…. Check it out!

 

Enjoy! Love to All-Kim

Dating Tips

Dating these days is just insane compared to the way it was when we grew up or even when our parents grew up.  The internet has made meeting people easier, yet I think it has made “real” relating much harder.  I have learned from personal experience that the relationship that you can develop with someone over the phone and via text is NOT the same once they are standing in the room.  No, I did not internet date by the way…any of you that know me know that I am not a fan of internet dating or online dating profiles.  The influence of being raised old school I suppose.

Here are some do’s and don’t’s of dating.  We are also going to start answering  your dating questions, which can be emailed to us at noelle@fortunatopartners.com and put Dating Question in your subject line or you can message The Working Single Mom FB page.

Here are some simple dating ‘rules’ to consider.  Enjoy.

  • Finding a romantic partner is NOT the end all be all, it is a nice addition to an already healthy and functioning life. LIKE and LOVE yourself first, be comfortable in your own company, don’t be looking for someone to fix or solve your life.  Only YOU can do that.

 

  • Do NOT, we repeat DO NOT date someone to try to fix or save them. Don’t fall in love with their potential—SEE CLEARLY who they are right in the moment and pay attention to that.

 

  • Don’t pay much attention to pretty, romantic words or promises. WATCH WHAT PEOPLE DO.  Their actions will tell you EVERYTHING, just keep watching.

 

  • If you see a red flag early on—pay attention and get out then. Don’t make excuses for behavior that doesn’t work.  The longer you let it go, the worse it will get and the more attached you will get.

 

  • DATE—like actually go out to dinner, for a walk, to a movie, to a museum. TALK in person, get to know each other.  If you have sex too soon then you will introduce emotions that don’t yet belong there—be patient….what is meant for you will find you.

 

  • Do not be a needy, pain in the ass…do not act like a psycho. Don’t call 5 million times, don’t text incessantly…let him give chase…don’t you dare chase him and don’t stalk him…Please act like the grown-up woman that you are, a woman that has a great life of her own to live.

 

  • Do not sell yourself short and do not act like a pathetic, desperate woman that needs a man to make her life work, there is nothing less attractive than that to a real man…and any man that likes you to act like that has issues of his own…so stay away from him.

 

 

  • A first date is not an audition for marriage. It’s just a tryout for a second date. This is a process and it takes a good, long time to see who someone really is.

 

  • If someone tells you they are too damaged, untrusting, neurotic, creepy etc—then they probably are so get the hell away from them:)

 

  • If something doesn’t feel safe then it probably isn’t. TRUST YOUR GUT.  Go on first dates in public places and meet them there, don’t get in secluded situations with people until you have a good sense of who they are, please!

 

These are just some points to consider—don’t forget start emailing us with your questions and thoughts on dating.