Tag Archives: responsible

Responsible Complaining

Responsible Complaining

The truth is nobody likes a ‘complainer’ yet everyone complains,even those of us that know better.  The truth is  that complaints steal energy and pollute the space —complaints bring discord and are unproductive.  However, there is a way to manage complaining so that it is responsible and has the possibility of being productive.

Usually a complaint is done as a ‘dump’ of adverse information, such as so and so did this, this and this…can you believe that??? Then the complainer enrolls their listeners into the energy of the complaint, and everybody walks away from the exchange feeling yucky—meanwhile NOTHING gets resolved.  These are uncommitted complaints and it’s just another version of the ‘blame game’ which is to say that everything is someone else’s fault.

The first step in getting people to stop complaining is to lead them into complaining responsibly so that they are not just dumping toxic negativity into the workplace with no resolve.  Responsible complaining is registering a complaint with a promise or a request at the end of it. The format for this includes being transparent about the fact that you are complaining as often people disguise complaints as ‘conversation’.

It goes something like this:

“I complain that there is never fresh coffee in the break room”

And then it follows with a REQUEST or a PROMISE—such as

“and I request that when you pour the last of the coffee into your cup you start a new pot”  OR “and I promise to be the one that makes a fresh pot of coffee when I see that it is needed”.

Complaining in this way makes it conscious for both the complainer and the listener—everyone is aware that they are hearing a complaint and by ending it with a promise or a request there is closure/resolve to it which prevents it from being toxic to the environment.  

Interestingly enough when you lead people to complain within this format, they get to see just how often they are complaining-which is usually much more frequently than they imagined.

XO, N.

Personal Responsibility

Let’s take a minute and talk about RESPONSIBILITY…


Dictionary.com defines responsibility as:

the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management.

On a daily basis lately I am encountering people that seem to think what is happening to them is not their responsibility…hence this blog post:)

How many of us really live our lives like we are the ones responsible? How many times do we blame other people for the way we feel and for the circumstances in which we find ourselves? Certainly, the behavior of other people can affect us; however, it is our choice to keep accepting what doesn’t work. In my estimation a good percentage of the population is too lazy to take responsibility for their own lives…it is far easier to blame someone else for your unhappy marriage, your horrible divorce, your uncompromising lover, your terrible job, your smoking, your excessive drinking, your 30 pounds of extra fat, the fact that you don’t make enough money, etc, etc…

It would take far more energy, discipline and hard work to change. Unfortunately, our personal laziness and complacency has manifested its way into our entire culture…everybody thinks solving the problems of humanity is someone else’s problem, not accepting it’s personal responsibility.

How many of you would be willing to be inconvenienced to help someone else? I know we all like to think that we would help someone that required it…however, how many of you really would? If you were running late to work and you saw an elderly person outside the coffee shop had dropped their belongings would you stop and help, or would you just assume that someone else would take care of it? If you were racing out of Wal-Mart, hurrying home to make dinner and you noticed a child that had wandered away from her mother would you stop and take the time to make sure she was safely returned, or would you assume that it was someone else’s job because you have your own family to attend to? Ask yourself honestly…would you take the time to randomly act in kindness for no reward and no recognition???

What if it was your grandfather that needed help? What if it was your child that had wandered? Would you wish for someone to help them?

Suppose it was your responsibility? Suppose we all started to act like we had something to do with everything and everybody…imagine what an incredible change could occur in our collective consciousness as a culture.

Personal responsibility…what an engaging concept… Do you think that 80% of Americans are now overweight by accident? Do you think that children watch too much television and don’t have enough personal interaction by accident? Do you think that people actively hate each other all over the world by accident? Nothing happens by accident…there are always moments in time where people can step in and make a difference…this is called Divine Intervention, or The Grace of God and it is a tool given to us to help ourselves and humanity. Far too many people think that they can’t make a difference, so they don’t even try…they turn their heads, they avert their eyes and then they blame someone else for the condition of the world.

Many people say that the planet is in the worst condition we have ever seen…the doom and gloom crowd say we are in dire straits…I don’t buy it. I say that we as individuals have the POWER to change ourselves and thereby alter humanity as a whole. It will take courage and it will take strength of character, it will require paying attention and loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself, however we Americans are a smart bunch…we are bright and innovative and we really do care…we just need a reminder that true joy comes from giving of ourselves.

See what you can do today to help someone else…just because you CAN.


XO, Noelle

You Are More, You Are A Rockstar

You are more, you ARE a rockstar!

Over Memorial Day weekend I did something I think a lot of people in my life didn’t think I could do.

I traveled across the country by myself. I had a working vacation.

My vacation running a music stage for three days at a festival in Napa Valley.

I made sure the musicians got what they needed, got on and off the stage, all communication came through me. I knew one person. I had no car. It was a huge adventure.

The last trip I took my daughter was two and a half and was with my ex husband it was our five year anniversary trip to Jamaica. It was three months after we had started talking about splitting up.

Needless to say not a great trip.

After that my trips have been limited to family vacations. Work trips where there are always colleagues along. But nothing like this.

I think sometimes when you become a Mom people forget you are more than just a Mom.

It’s easy to assume because your life has changed maybe there are certain things you can’t handle.

People forget when you made the decision to leave you had to handle a whole lot.

That even now you handle a whole lot.

People sometimes assume because you don’t wear everything out on your sleeve, running around with rockstars is not something a Mom could do.

Some would say should do.

My biggest cheerleader was the one who got me the job. He has known me since I was in college. He has seen my ups and downs. He knows I’m not easily fazed. Also, as he put it since I work with children regularly and am a Mom this would be in my wheelhouse.

My point in all of this… you are more than the greatest job on the world. In fact because of that job let’s just be honest, you can handle a WHOLE lot.

Even a DJ’s assistant getting crabby because a band who had been going nonstop didn’t autograph a poster.

Or your daughter kicking you out of the bathroom mid hair dry.

Either or.

You a superstars.

Let’s call it- you’re rockstars!

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Contribution To Other People

I have  been thinking a lot about how what really matters in life is what kind of a contribution you are to other people. So many of us go around just looking for what we can get…not many folks walking around worried about what they can give.  In the grand scheme of things seems like the only way to elevate your soul is to give till it hurts and then give more…give whatever you have…stuff, money, time, love, attention, help…all of it works…

We are the decisive element in our lives and it is by our hand that life is either enriched or destroyed…

In every moment we have the power to choose our reactions to every situation or person and our reactions shape our future…I don’t think that most people understand that.  Have you noticed that the majority of people are living at effect of their own lives instead of at cause?  I believe this is because most folks don’t want to take responsibility for anything that happens to them…it is ALWAYS somebody else’s fault.

Not to mention that somebody else should fix it…

I am of a school of thought that says, “if it happened to me, somehow—some way I have responsibility in it”—this thought process makes it near impossible to blame anyone else for anything…and quite frankly if I caused it somehow then I can also correct it…makes life much easier to understand…