When it gets tough,I find myself at a crossroads internally, even after all of my growth over the last year, all the healing, and all my past struggles. I finally feel like I am moving forward. At the same time I feel like there is something I’m missing, Or I’m waiting for the “catch”. Any time in the past that i’ve experienced something good there were strings or a catch attached to it. It will take some time before I belive 100% that its not coming.
I am learning and practicing daily gratitude, and structuring myself. All the changes going on are good and I feel more and more of a gap between the lingering toxicity in my life whether it be people or situations.
Growth isn’t easy, and it can be painfully bitter sweet. The people and things I would give anything for has dramatically changed over the last year. Who I am has dramatically changed over the last year, and even though these are both in a good way, I now have to learn who I am.
Dating at this point in my life is straight up out of the question for me. Not only would a relationship be distracting for my career at this point as I am still making my structure, organization and productivity a habit, but I am also unsure of exactly what I want in a person.
Some of the old traits are still initially attractive to me but once I try to get close the rose colored glasses shatter and I see all the red flags. I refuse to settle again. Just because something is shiney to begin with, or familiar doesnt mean its what I really want.
I need to keep tending to myself, and be selfish. Selfish with my time energy and save the best parts of me for myself and my children. It has taken me 30 years of being a selfless door mat to realize, the value of a person is affected by how much they value themselves. If you keep discounting yourself no one else will give you the respect you deserve.
Always be unapologetically true to yourself,
I’m in my late 30s and I am single. I’m a great mom and I have my s**t together. I have never had much luck in the relationship department, but I do have needs. I am attractive enough to get attention, and yes, have some recreational sex sometimes. Men do it all the time, go out with friends, see a girl they like, start conversation, and after a few drinks and some making out, they end up in bed with someone. Their friends think nothing of it, they may even praise him for being such a “player”, they move on and is like nothing happened, no judgements, no consequences.
So take the same scenario, except replace the guy with a girl and all of the sudden the girl has a new name: “slut”.
Why is it that in this day and age a woman cannot satisfy her sexual desires without being given a label. I can put the blame on men, they use and dump, and then go around talking to their friends that so and so is such a slut. What I find more disheartening is that is not just men, women judge other women. Your so called “friends” with whom you share all the juicy details of your sexcapades, judge and talk behind your back. Then next thing you know you might as well start sewing a scarlet letter on all your “slutty” outfits.
Humor aside, what does it take to get rid of these double standards? I do not have the answer to this question, but I do know one thing, we as women must stop judging and shaming each other. One’s sexual choices do not really affect anyone but oneself, and they do not change who we are as people. People have many facets, I’m still a good mom, a good friend, a good daughter, a good employee, but I also like to have steamy sex. Start by getting rid of these fake judgmental friends.
Be comfortable in your own skin and know who you are, not a slut, but a sexually liberated woman.
See you in the trenches,
“Empowered Women, Empower Women.”
One of my favorite lines….for myself, friends, my daughters.
Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself. My name is Ali and I am a single mom of three wonderful boys. We live in Minnesota. I am currently on a journey to improve my life and become the best version of myself. I am writing to share my experiences, strength and hope. I am a firm believer that you can only keep what you have by giving it away, or paying it forward if you will. I have faced many obstacles in my life but I do not let my struggle define me.
I would like to talk about peoples opinions and perception of you. They truly do not matter in your life. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, and now have a newfound freedom knowing that it does not matter. Do you find yourself consistently thinking if I did this what would so and so think? Do you base your decisions off of how others will perceive you or think of you? I’m here to tell you that needs to stop. Its time to re-frame your thinking. People can find themselves living in fear of disappointing someone or not gaining others approval and living a life full of regret.. This just boggles my mind that we as a society are more willing to disappoint ourselves than we are others. When we live a majority of our life in fear of how other perceive us, shaping our lives to fit the opinions and needs of others instead of our own we welcome people into our lives that are there to just use us, and we will be left feeling miserable, hopeless and unfulfilled. If you are in negative, unfulfilling or abusive relationships and you wonder why you keep attracting these people that do not have good intentions and may use you? I can guarantee you worry too much about others opinions and needs and not enough about your own! No one is going to fight to have your needs met or care about your opinion if you don’t put yourself first. The opinions people hold of you and how you live your life is none of their business.
You may think I really want these people to like me and approve of me, what you should be thinking instead is I need to approve of me and what I’m doing, I need to be happy with myself. The people you really need in your life are people who care and love you. Those trying to control or use you for their own benefit will fall out of your life. If someones opinion isn’t serving you, you need to state/say/inform them that I appreciate your concern but this is what I want, or what I like and I’m going to do for me.
You don’t need to justify, or beg for your wants or needs, its your life and you are the master of it. When you stop giving others the power to shape your life, you will regain the power to shape your life the way you see fit. Others opinions of you will not bother you any longer. Not to say you wont ever worry about what others opinions are, but you can use mindfulness tools to redirect your thinking instead of getting absorbed by what they think. One of my favorite mindfulness tools when I start getting worked up is, I take a deep breath focus on my breathing and count to 5, once I redirect my thinking its easier to get back on track and go well they don’t pay my bills, and I know what I want. I then just move forward. Don’t sit and justify their actions, don’t ruminate, just move forward.
When you allow yourself to be unapologetically yourself, many things will start to happen. First depending on how long you’ve allowed people to control and dictate your life with their opinions people will resist and try to pull you back into that cycle. People will start to fall out of your life, don’t chase these people. Soon after you’re going to start building relationships with people, fulfilling wholesome mutual two way street relationships.
You’ll find these newfound relationships have something your old ones lacked, respect. The people who stick from your past that stay around through the growing pains, will usually not only act like cheerleaders for you in your life but your relationships with them will grow and change for the better too. Not worrying what others think will guide you to the life you not only want but deserve. Once you take this crucial step your life will start evolving; opening doors you didn’t even know were there.
Always Be unapologetically true to yourself!
Winning the way to my heart is not simple and some days I feel guilty for how difficult I can be. But yet, it’s my choice and I don’t feel anything that is winning my heart is asking too much, it is my heart, afterall.
Trust-I have trust issues. They go back to my youth, and my first marriage. I HAVE, have to trust you. Whether it be in a romantic relationship, or any relationship. As the saying goes..words are nice but actions prove so much more. Unfortunately, I don’t start out trusting someone. I start out not trusting and have to be proven to that I can trust you. I question every thing, repeatedly, until I feel confident. Most would say I go overboard with my trust issues. It’s who I am.
My Children-I need someone who is going to be a role model to my children. I am ok with them being their friend but they still need to be the adult in all situations. They must treat them as their own and love them unconditionally. Let’s be honest..children can be a pain in the ass and test every bit of patience you have. If you can win the love and respect of my children-YOU ARE IN!
Honesty-I cannot handle being lied to about ANYTHING! Honesty and trust pretty much go hand in hand. I think this one doesn’t warrant any explaining.
Respect-Respect is so very important. Giving respect as well as receiving it. Honestly it may be the most important one. I would never venture into a friendship without respect let alone a romantic relationship.
Love-Honest, pure, truthful, respectful, raw love. No strings attached. Love me for who I am and also for who I am not. And I will love you for you.
Love to All-