Tag Archives: respect

Out Of Control With Control

I find myself easily frustrated when my plans and instructions aren’t followed. I will get over it, if I can be provided with an in-depth and logical account for why things were done differently. It better be well thought out, more efficient, or cover some detail that I might have missed. I find that it is hard for me to take direction without explanation as well. I want to know why I am being asked to do something and how it fits into a bigger picture. I will most likely have suggestions or amendments as well. Rather than a character defect, I used to pass my behavior off on just being analytical. To be honest, I just get out of control with needing control.
There is so much weight placed on us on a regular basis. The demands of family, friends, bosses, and society are heavy and never ceasing. When one lets up, there will surely be another that remains to fill the emptiness. Managing it all without something falling through the crack is a tall order and being controlling seems to be the best fitting solution. That solution never really works though. I have found I always end up frustrated because someone didn’t go fast enough, they weren’t precise enough, or they needed constant intervention to get things right. Worn down from trying to control others, I found there is massive variability in my own work when I get too controlling. Things take longer because I am micromanaging others or I fear delegation, putting a massive amount work on my own plate. Further, I stunt the growth and creativity of others. Not allowing them the freedom to own a project or assist in their way can hinder them from learning the whys of life. It creates this feedback loop for the next time a tasks arises. Direction is needed constantly because the reigns are never handed over for people to learn and grow on their own. This is when the need for control is wildly out of control. There are other, more effective tools exist to manage our lives without having the overwhelming burden of every detail on our own shoulders.
Respect
The biggest tool to grab a hold of in our efforts to release control, is respect. People are people. They aren’t pawns or pieces to accomplish a task. Children are individuals rather than mini-mes waiting to take directions. When we begin to look at people clearly, we notice all the amazing talents they possess. Their potential to do and our desire to teach rather than direct, creates a healthier interaction. This also causes growth in us. I had a coworker, whose strengths did not include anything with technology, quickly rig a malfunctioning printer tray with a towel. I thought she was unqualified, but since she wasn’t trying to analyze the problem from the same technical perspective I was, she discovered a quick out of the box solution.
Routine 
Taking the first tool into account, building room into routines for variance eliminates the pressure to micromanage or do things ourselves. When we manage our routines well we can make room for grace. These allowances for reduce the stress of having people moving at their own pace. My son takes about 45 minutes to eat his breakfast. When I choose to calculate that into my morning routine it becomes a norm not an inconvenience. Instead of spoon feeding my 4 year old each bite, I am able to let go of controlling his pace and let him just. Even though it isn’t my pace, there really isn’t any harm in adjust the schedule to accommodate his needs. This also gives us permission to give ourselves grace. We have our own variances in our productivity. Extending the proper leniency increases the chances that we will meet or come in before deadlines rather than after.
Rest
A large consequence of controlling behaviors that get out of control is our in ability to rest. Downtime isn’t peaceful. We remain stressed about work, relationships, household management, and a constant barrage of other cares. Overtime our lack of rest decreases our efficiency. The result is we get less done in a given period and are more stressed as we see control slipping from our hands. I am the worse at leave my computer on for weeks and months at a time without restarting or shutting it down. Inevitably the computer RAM gets bogged down or those much delayed updates become a necessity rather than an option. Simply put, technology even needs to shut down so it can reboot and be at peak performance. Little times of rest help clear our hard drive giving us the ability to think more clearly and function more effectively.
Implementing these three “Rs” will help stop control from getting out of control in your life. We don’t have to constantly be doing and overseeing for us to be important or to boost our self worth. We can choose to loosen our tight grip of control and be a part of life. Enjoy life because the difficulties will surely come. We shouldn’t let ourselves be so worn out with the everyday ebb and flow that we are incapable of coping with anything else.
Shon W

The Tao of Mr. Rogers

The Tao of Mr. Rogers….

While I am not a fan of resolutions I have been trying really hard to make both my 48th year and 2020 the year I am kinder to myself.

It started by not filtering my photos.

It’s a small step but if I can’t embrace and love who I am, how can I possibly expect anyone else to?

A lot of this shift started with Mr. Rogers.

I work with the under five set and I grew up on Mr. Rogers, so when the Tom Hanks movie came out, I started visiting with my favorite cardigan wearing sage again.

Secret: I would change my shoes and put on a sweater when I would watch the show when I was little.

Now you know that about me.

ANYWAY…

One of my favorite quotes from my man is:

“There is no person in the whole world like you and I like you just the way you are.”

Another absolutely fantastic one:

“There isn’t anyone you couldn’t learn to love once you’ve heard their story.”

Yet we live in a world that tells us to hide our true selves away.

As I write this I am snuggled under a blanket that looks like a tortilla because I love tacos.

Obsessively so.

I am a taco snob.

For real.

I fly that flag- high.

As I should. 

But along the way I’ve been teased, questioned, gotten an eye roll.

Why?

That’s a teeny example. A random kinda silly one.

But a bigger secret. A deeper, harder one to share. I am incredibly shy. I have a hard time showing my true self to people I care about. See people I’m dating. Yes we are going there, just a little for now. I worry about being too much. Not enough. I have had a bad habit of comparing myself to other people.

Boy, Mr. Rogers would be disappointed in me for that one.

There isn’t a magic switch to make that stop. But, I have changed my environment. I’m working on changing my mindset.

I have edited out the people who thrive on being negative cheerleaders. Here’s the thing. I appreciate honesty. I don’t appreciate cruel. Backhanded compliments. People who feed my insecurities.

We all have had those people… “I’m your honest friend.”

Are you?

A blog for never.

Forty eight may be the year of no filter, but it’s also the year I let certain things go.

Even if they’re people.

Somewhere along the way we forgot the lessons from our childhood. Being yourself is amazing. People who really, truly love you will love you. Even if you have a really unhealthy obsession with tacos.

Trust me.

I am also wearing taco socks right now. Yup, also a gift.

I know it’s hard. Being yourself. Not comparing. But did you forget who you are?

You’re a Momma and there is absolutely no one like you, and that makes you amazing.

 

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Don’t Blow It

Don’t Blow It!
I consider myself to be blessed because I have absolutely incredible parents.
All of my life I have never felt like I was going through anything alone. I have always had these beautiful humans taking care of me with all of the love in the world. A huge part of our close bond is the honest relationship we have built with each other over the years.
Although I respect them and see them as my superiors—as every kid should view their parents— I’ve always genuinely felt like they were my friends. As is usually the case with friends, we have always had an honest relationship.
Not many kids can say that they want to tell their parents everything going on in their lives. They usually don’t want to talk to them about school, friends, or even dumb little crushes. I, on the other hand, wanted to tell my parents every little detail about the crush I had in the first grade.
I have learned that this great relationship would never exist without this thing called “trust”. Trust is a very powerful feeling that develops over time. Once you gain someone’s trust, and they gain yours, it strengthens the relationship. Unfortunately, I’ve taken advantage of this beautiful trust a few times.
Recently, I feared that I had permanently damaged that trust. Thankfully, it was over something that I can work on and over time we can move  past it. Truthfully, I didn’t realize how wonderful a relationship we had until I felt that it may no longer exist the way it was before.
This relationship is the one that I’ve valued most in my life, and it is the one I want to continue to strengthen forever. I guess that probably goes for all relationships built on such a strong bond. If you sit and think about it, trust is probably at the core of all the relationships that you hold close to your heart. Once you build trust, it becomes such a special part of your life.
If you do become lucky enough to have it around you, make sure to preserve it. My tip is: don’t blow it.
-Dani <3

When The Road Gets Tough Keep Going

When it gets tough,I find myself at a crossroads internally, even after all of my growth over the last year, all the healing, and all my past struggles. I finally feel like I am moving forward. At the same time I feel like there is something I’m missing, Or I’m waiting for the “catch”. Any time in the past that i’ve experienced something good there were strings or a catch attached to it. It will take some time before I belive 100% that its not coming.

I am learning and practicing daily gratitude, and structuring myself. All the changes going on are good and I feel more and more of a gap between the lingering toxicity in my life whether it be people or situations.

Growth isn’t easy, and it can be painfully bitter sweet. The people and things I would give anything for has dramatically changed over the last year. Who I am has dramatically changed over the last year, and even though these are both in a good way, I now have to learn who I am.

Dating at this point in my life is straight up out of the question for me. Not only would a relationship be distracting for my career at this point as I am still making my structure, organization and productivity a habit, but I am also unsure of exactly what I want in a person.

Some of the old traits are still initially attractive to me but once I try to get close the rose colored glasses shatter and I see all the red flags. I refuse to settle again. Just because something is shiney to begin with, or familiar doesnt mean its what I really want.

I need to keep tending to myself, and be selfish. Selfish with my time energy and save the best parts of me for myself and my children. It has taken me 30 years of being a selfless door mat to realize, the value of a person is affected by how much they value themselves. If you keep discounting yourself no one else will give you the respect you deserve.

 

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

Ali

Double Standards

Double Standards…

I’m in my late 30s and I am single. I’m a great mom and I have my s**t together. I have never had much luck in the relationship department, but I do have needs. I am attractive enough to get attention, and yes, have some recreational sex sometimes. Men do it all the time, go out with friends, see a girl they like, start conversation, and after a few drinks and some making out, they end up in bed with someone. Their friends think nothing of it, they may even praise him for being such a “player”, they move on and is like nothing happened, no judgements, no consequences.

So take the same scenario, except replace the guy with a girl and all of the sudden the girl has a new name: “slut”.

Why is it that in this day and age a woman cannot satisfy her sexual desires without being given a label. I can put the blame on men, they use and dump, and then go around talking to their friends that so and so is such a slut. What I find more disheartening is that is not just men, women judge other women. Your so called “friends” with whom you share all the juicy details of your sexcapades, judge and talk behind your back. Then next thing you know you might as well start sewing a scarlet letter on all your “slutty” outfits.

Humor aside, what does it take to get rid of these double standards? I do not have the answer to this question, but I do know one thing, we as women must  stop judging and shaming each other. One’s sexual choices do not really affect anyone but oneself, and they do not change who we are as people. People have many facets, I’m still a good mom, a good friend, a good daughter, a good employee, but I also like to have steamy sex. Start by getting rid of these fake judgmental friends.

Be comfortable in your own skin and know who you are, not a slut, but a sexually liberated woman.

 

See you in the trenches,

Mythologywoman

Empower Each Other is Empowering

“Empowered Women, Empower Women.”

One of my favorite lines….for myself, friends, my daughters.

em·pow·er
verb
give (someone) the authority or power to do something
make someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights
All too often I see women tearing each other down, their looks, their choices, their jobs, their children,  things they can’t control. I wonder why? If we don’t have each other to look up to, to hold us accountable and to appreciate all our faults and all our positives, who do we have? No one can relate to your individual story but all women can relate to each other in one way or another!
I do believe that we empower each other, I also believe that we can do a better job of empowering each other and ourselves, myself included. It’s just as important if not more important to empower yourself FIRST. I have never once in my life thought I couldn’t do something or be that something. And I choose to tell everyone I have in my life the same thing. I want my daughters to know that with enough work and dedication you can be anything you want, as can anyone, ANYONE! Everyone faces road blocks throughout their lives to certain degrees, but that’s just a “bump” in the road. It’s certainly not an end all.
Empower each other, encourage each other, love each other, respect each other!
Love to All-Kim

Unapologetically Yourself

Unapologetically Yourself

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself. My name is Ali and I am a single mom of three wonderful boys. We live in Minnesota. I am currently on a journey to improve my life and become the best version of myself. I am writing to share my experiences, strength and hope. I am a firm believer that you can only keep what you have by giving it away, or paying it forward if you will. I have faced many obstacles in my life but I do not let my struggle define me.

I would like to talk about peoples opinions and perception of you. They truly do not matter in your life. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, and now have a newfound freedom knowing that it does not matter. Do you find yourself consistently thinking if I did this what would so and so think? Do you base your decisions off of how others will perceive you or think of you? I’m here to tell you that needs to stop. Its time to re-frame your thinking. People can find themselves living in fear of disappointing someone or not gaining others approval and living a life full of regret.. This just boggles my mind that we as a society are more willing to disappoint ourselves than we are others. When we live a majority of our life in fear of how other perceive us, shaping our lives to fit the opinions and needs of others instead of our own we welcome people into our lives that are there to just use us, and we will be left feeling miserable, hopeless and unfulfilled.  If you are in negative, unfulfilling or abusive relationships and you wonder why you keep attracting these people that do not have good intentions and may use you? I can guarantee you worry too much about others opinions and needs and not enough about your own! No one is going to fight to have your needs met or care about your opinion if you don’t put yourself first. The opinions people hold of you and how you live your life is none of their business.

You may think I really want these people to like me and approve of me, what you should be thinking instead is I need to approve of me and what I’m doing, I need to be happy with myself. The people you really need in your life are people who care and love you. Those trying to control or use you for their own benefit will fall out of your life. If someones opinion isn’t serving you, you need to state/say/inform them that I appreciate your concern but this is what I want, or what I like and I’m going to do for me.

You don’t need to justify, or beg for your wants or needs, its your life and you are the master of it. When you stop giving others the power to shape your life, you will regain the power to shape your life the way you see fit. Others opinions of you will not bother you any longer. Not to say you wont ever worry about what others opinions are, but you can use mindfulness tools to redirect your thinking instead of getting absorbed by what they think. One of my favorite mindfulness tools when I start getting worked up is, I take a deep breath focus on my breathing and count to 5, once I redirect my thinking its easier to get back on track and go well they don’t pay my bills, and I know what I want. I then just move forward. Don’t sit and justify their actions, don’t ruminate, just move forward.

When you allow yourself to be unapologetically yourself, many things will start to happen. First depending on how long you’ve allowed people to control and dictate your life with their opinions people will resist and try to pull you back into that cycle. People will start to fall out of your life, don’t chase these people. Soon after you’re going to start building relationships with people, fulfilling wholesome mutual two way street relationships.

You’ll find these newfound relationships have something your old ones lacked, respect. The people who stick from your past that stay around through the growing pains, will usually not only act like cheerleaders for you in your life but your relationships with them will grow and change for the better too. Not worrying what others think will guide you to the life you not only want but deserve. Once you take this crucial step your life will start evolving; opening doors you didn’t even know were there.

Always Be unapologetically true to yourself!

-Ali

Winning Your Way To My Heart

Winning the way to my heart is not simple and some days I feel guilty for how difficult I can be. But yet, it’s my choice and I don’t feel anything that is winning my heart is asking too much, it is my heart, afterall.

Trust-I have trust issues. They go back to my youth, and my first marriage. I HAVE, have to trust you. Whether it be in a romantic relationship, or any relationship. As the saying goes..words are nice but actions prove so much more. Unfortunately, I don’t start out trusting someone. I start out not trusting and have to be proven to that I can trust you. I question every thing, repeatedly,  until I feel confident. Most would say I go overboard with my trust issues. It’s who I am.

My Children-I need someone who is going to be a role model to my children. I am ok with them being their friend but they still need to be the adult in all situations. They must treat them as their own and love them unconditionally. Let’s be honest..children can be a pain in the ass and test every bit of patience you have. If you can win the love and respect of my children-YOU ARE IN!

Honesty-I cannot handle being lied to about ANYTHING! Honesty and trust pretty much go hand in hand. I think this one doesn’t warrant any explaining.

Respect-Respect is so very important. Giving respect as well as receiving it. Honestly it may be the most important one. I would never venture into a friendship without respect let alone a romantic relationship.

Love-Honest, pure, truthful, respectful, raw love. No strings attached. Love me for who I am and also for who I am not.  And I will love you for you.

Love to All-

Kim