Time for A Change.
If you did not catch my FB Live this past Sunday morning (7-5-20) then I suggest that you go and watch it or listen to the podcast recording of it. It will give more power and meaning to this blog post—judging by the response the video is getting over the last several hours I would say that my topic choice hit home for a lot of you.
Let us start by defining “toxic”…
Toxic is defined as – very bad, unpleasant, or harmful.
There comes a time in our lives when we need to start looking around and acknowledging what is stealing our aliveness— most of us are so busy and so bogged down that we don’t even look around to see why we have less energy, why we are eating too much, why we aren’t taking care of ourselves—we just think “oh that’s just my life” or “that’s how it has to be”— I am calling BULLSHIT on all of those excuses. The truth is if you are anything like me you have said yes far too many times when you really wanted to say NO or you have done something when you didn’t want to because you did not want to deal with what came from not doing it.
We go along to get along A LOT of the time and we think that we are doing ourselves a favor by causing less headaches in the moment—however at close to 52 and after running many businesses and raising a kid for 19 years all on my own, I can honestly tell you that I am not sure we are doing ourselves a favor by not standing up and speaking our own truth even if people don’t like it or want to hear it.
Every time that we shrink ourselves to suit someone else, we DULL our own edges and then before you know it we turn around and we have become some shadowy version of who we were. When we do that, we don’t like ourselves much because a part of us knows that we are saying yes to avoid conflict or going along just to keep the peace etc.
Yes, there are times we when we will have to do things we don’t want to do and times that we will have to suck it up—I get that. What I am mostly speaking about here and on the live this morning is how doing this can become a daily habit instead of just a “sometimes” occurrence. The pain that we think we are saving ourselves from in the moment actually is nothing compared to the suffering that we cause ourselves by not speaking our truth and drawing lines in the sand when things are not acceptable to us.
I don’t believe in regrets—however I do believe that there are things that I could have done better so far in my almost 52 years and one of the biggies is that I could have made clear boundaries instead of trying to keep everybody happy at the expense of my own self-worth. I am much better with it now; however, it is an active project for me—making sure that I am saying what really works for me and what doesn’t.
The biggest place that this one catches us is with toxic family situations or toxic relationships—often in these situations it can cause so much temporary drama to speak our truth and stand up for ourselves…
The cost though for not doing it is your energy, your joy, your ‘aliveness’—I am asking you this week to start looking into your life to see what is unacceptable, what isn’t ok with you, what you have been putting up with to keep the peace. The first step is to bring it to consciousness and then start thinking about what needs to be done to shift it. It will not happen overnight, and it will be a process—however you cannot wait one more minute to start saying what is really so for you.
It is time that you mattered to you—it’s time to see what is not working and it is time to do something about that—go watch the FB live. See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.