Tag Archives: reflect

Counting Down (or up) to 50…

In 25 days I turn 50.  I decided that was worth talking to you about this morning…at the moment the self-loathing is at an all-time high because there are some things that are not the way I wanted them to be for my 50th birthday.  It’s been a hard year, in April 2017 I left the corporate world as most of you know and by doing so I cut my income by about 2/3 and my expenses stayed the same:)  My decision there was based on the fact that I wanted to work for myself again doing the things that I felt mattered or at least, perhaps helping to leave the world better than I found it.  Although still happy with my decision the economic consequences have been a trial of their own, couple that with the fact that I intended to weigh ten pounds less than I currently do and you can begin to see how the self-loathing is making so much noise today…copious amounts of coffee is helping to dull the chatter…and of course writing to you guys always helps…

So, when one reflects on the first 50 years of their life they may ask themselves questions such as—what is the biggest misstep that I have made?

My answer to that is not understanding my worth, I have discovered over the last decade just how much havoc a low self-worth can wreak…let’s embellish on that a bit…

Had I really possessed any self-worth when I was much younger I would have made every decision differently…growing up in an amazing yet highly dysfunctional family that drank way too much was not a recipe for developing a high self-worth quotient and in retrospect it clouded every, single move I made until I was in my mid-40’s.  If you don’t value yourself you will accept things that you shouldn’t, take actions that don’t take care of YOU and make decisions to please and accommodate other people.  You will also devalue yourself in the workplace and teach others to do the same because of course how can we expect anyone to treat us better than we treat ourselves?

Over time and especially within the last year I have come to understand at a much deeper level what it means to realize my own worth both as a woman and as a professional also as a human being.  In the last year I have been surprised by people in good ways and in bad ways and I have learned so much.

Not being one for regrets and firmly believing that there are no mistakes, I am determined to face this birthday with GRACE and GRATITUDE…the next few blogs from me will showcase more lessons learned in the last 50…my intention is, as always, that my experiences may some how give you strength or shine a light on something that you need to see.  You are always welcome to comment or email me.  XOXO

~Noelle

Moments…

As promised, here I am blogging again…this is the first in a series of musings as I approach my 50th birthday in August…they will likely be random in nature…enjoy…XO…

In all of our life stories there are always those moments, the ones that alter everything.  The ones that change you in a way that will never be undone.  They are in every story of consequence that we carry with us…often in a wonderful way and also often in a way that we will never recover from.

Bear in mind that I don’t say “will never recover from” in a negative way, I say that in a true way as in we will move on from that moment, we will put ourselves back together, stand up, forgive, keep going…yet we will NEVER be the same exact person that we were before that moment occurred.  We will be more cautious (perhaps), wiser, less innocent, less naïve…most of all we will be DIFFERENT.  Often the people that contributed to those moments will want us to go back to being the same, they will want to erase the damage that they helped to happen…yet we cannot.  We are different now and will remain so.

I think this is why my Grandfather would tell me that once you left someone or they left you, once it was over—do not go back.  He would say that people don’t really change and that eventually the things that didn’t work would reappear.  For the most part, after just about 50 years now, I believe this to be the truth.  I think that there are cases where exceptional people do the work and repair broken things with success, however, I would call that rare…

The moments, they are not always in romantic relationships…those moments can be with a friend, a parent, a relative, a job…the moments that change you, they come from all kinds of places…sometimes they are caused by actions and sometimes by words.  I can recall holding my tongue more than once in my life for fear that if I uttered the words I wanted to it would cause a moment that could not be undone.  I can also recall times that I said those words, the ones I should have held in and I did cause moments that couldn’t be taken back.  I am guessing we have all been on both sides of that coin.

As I approach 50 in August, I am doing a lot of sorting and reflecting…making decisions about who I want around for the next 50 and who and what I can do without.  We put up with a lot of things…I am finding that I don’t really want to do that anymore.  My time is valuable to me and I want it spent on things and people that matter.

Looking back through the last 50 years, I gained an understanding of these ‘moments’ that I am speaking of.  I think that there is a lot of power in owning these moments and recognizing how they changed us, it can provide us with wisdom for what is to come next.

No matter what kind of moment it was, there was always a lesson…granted sometimes one that I did not learn until long after the moment had passed…really though that is how most things are, often we don’t see what there is to see until we get to the other side.

~Noelle

April 2, 2018