Tag Archives: reality

It’s Ok

I feel like the title of this blog is a misnomer. It’s not ok. Things are not ok. I don’t think this is a time to sugarcoat anything.

And that is ok.

Now… I would like to preface this with- now may not be the time of the airing of your grievances. I’m talking more like what is going on in the world.

What’s going on with you.

I would strongly advise against making any hasty decisions you can’t come back from once we are able to be with each other again.

There are laundry lists of do’s and don’ts floating around and I’m going to be honest… I’m pretty sure Gwenyth Paltrow and I are leading much different lives right now just like before.

I need to focus on my daughter. My car payment. Trying to get the motivation to be presentable for a ZOOM meeting. Not learn another language. 

If you want to take this time to learn all the things and do all the things you never seem to be able to, that’s fine too.

There is no rule book for this. There are no rules.

Again … Everyone has some strong suggestions.

The biggies seem to be around hair.

Lol…

My hot take is this, it will grow. Perhaps poorly but it will grow and you know I feel like baseball hats are pretty acceptable right now.

Followed a strong second by how we are homeschooling our children.

Again, it’s going to be ok. Or it’s not and you know what? That’s ok too.

This is a weird time I can’t imagine anyone is doing everything right.

For me personally I need to keep telling myself I am going to be good. There are days I don’t entirely buy into that, but I have to. Even if it’s just a little bit.

Since all this began I have become a reformed insomniac. I sleep through the night hard. I average about seven hours of sleep when I used to only get four. 

I am almost always tired.

I have had a few days where the reality that because I am considered high risk means I can’t leave my house, not even to get groceries. That reality has meant a solid cry. 

That’s ok too.

Ok is not good.

Ok is not bad. 

But it’s something. It means there is an opportunity for it to get better and that’s great.

I believe it will get great.

I do.

I’m not sure if I’m ok with how long it may take to get back there.

And that’s ok.

Much love Mommas.

Be safe.

<3 Caprise

Possibility Exists

A statement on my office wall reminds me—always– that you can accept the reality of a situation, however you are NEVER to accept its permanence…Possibility is NEVER absent. How many people even really understand what this means?

It means that– yes, SHIT happens…however when it is happening it is not set in stone, when something doesn’t go your way or turn out the way you want, it doesn’t mean that your life sucks! It SIMPLY means that the particular relationship or situation did not turn out the way you wanted. Possibility is NEVER absent; it is only hidden from our view when our negative thoughts and words obstruct it. We are the only people that can keep our own good from us…not your boss, your spouse, your kids or the government…only YOU. You keep your good from coming to you by engaging in thoughts that are not useful…thoughts like :

“I will never have another girlfriend like THAT”

“ I will never have money again”

“My career is awful”

“The economy is bad, it’s no use”

“I’m this old and this is what my life is like??? REALLY??”

“My car is old, my living quarters are awful”

“Everyone around me is annoying”

And ON and ON and ON it goes…if you let it. Once that dark ball gets rolling in your mind, it’s hard to stop. It takes a GREAT amount of effort to stay positive in the face of anything, a GREAT amount of effort to stay in faith that things will be better, a GREAT amount of effort to trust that good is coming. Nothing good comes easily, nothing lasting is formed without great effort. Life is not supposed to be easy, that Staples button is a crock of shit…the fantasy of that button manifested itself from a society that is becoming lazier by the day…HARD WORK is how you gain anything that matters and you know why you get to keep it after you worked your butt off for it? Because you EARNED it…you did whatever you needed to do to get it and you elevated yourself in the process and so now you earned something and you became a different person because of that.

Whining and wishing for the EASY button will bring you a whole lot of NOTHING and if you do manage to grab something from the EASY track, you won’t be able to keep it because spiritually you didn’t earn it, nor did you change in order to receive it. Why do you think that so many people that win the lottery end up losing it and having their lives ruined? Because they didn’t EARN it.

Your life is the way it is because that is how your life is supposed to be at this moment, you are where you are because you need to learn something, because you have to grow and test new skills…if everything was EASY you wouldn’t learn a damn thing.

There is GOOD in every situation even when you can’t SEE it! It is there…it will show itself faster if you can remain open to the fact that possibility is never absent, possibility is like GOD…ever present…

I am not saying that you should avoid whatever ‘reality’ you are currently in, I am saying be mindful that it is simply a PASSING circumstance…DO NOT accept the permanence of any situation…EVER

Everything can be altered…everything…

Numbers Don’t Lie

The numbers don’t lie…

If you have been following along on the FB live Sunday Morning Coffee Chats and on the blog you know that I have been playing an effectiveness scoring game with myself since Jan. 12th.  This is a game/ measuring tool that I have invited you all to join me in—with every week that goes by I gain new insight into what stops me and how I am really showing up in my life.  It is proving to be quite telling.

After last Sunday’s Coffee Chat I decided to get a weekly average and graph it—so I added my daily score from each week and divided it by 7 to gain the weekly average.  The graph looks like this:

Clearly you can see that I am averaging 50% which is pretty pathetic….LOL.  Examining this data tells me everything that I need to know about why my life is where it is, don’t get me wrong I have a very blessed and fantastic life which I have worked really, really hard to create—yet with all I know and all that I have done this is the truth about me—I am showing up at about 50 something percent in my life.

The really interesting thing is that I now have to look at what I could create as my reality if my average was 80% or even 90%— who would I be able to be then?!—I have been asking myself this question since last Sunday…

So I do these averages and I make this chart and I look at it over and over and on Sunday I was a 30% and on Monday a 20% and then yesterday I decided that I would like to SEE what happens if I show up between 80 and 100 % consistently so I forced myself to be 100% yesterday and this morning I woke up with more energy to get things done.

Often I tell you that the worst battle you will every have is with yourself—my experiment with this listing game is really shining a light on that for me.  I told you that this was an assignment given to me decades ago from a coach of mine and that I have played it again over the years—however only for a week or two at a time.  This is the longest that I have ever evaluated myself and I have committed to you guys to do this until June.  It is going to be very interesting to see what reveals itself as I continue this.

Would love to have you play too and share with me what you are seeing about yourself.  You can go back and watch any of the Coffee Chats since Jan. 12th or go listen to the podcasts or read past blogs for instructions on how to make your list.  See you Sunday morning at 10am est for Coffee Chat.

 

XO, N.

Your Mentality Creates Your Reality

Last Sunday morning on the FB Coffee Chat (10am EST) I started talking to you guys about how your mentality creates your reality, so let’s talk about that some more.  Whatever you hold in your mind will eventually become the circumstance in which you live— this is a simple, universal fact.  Thoughts that are held in your mind will go forward into manifestation and become your reality.  Meaning first that if you are constantly focused on what is wrong and what isn’t working then you will create more of that in your future and also meaning that YOU have the power to bring forth a different REALITY by cleaning up your mentality.

You can quite literally “think” your way out of any seeming difficulty and “think” your way into a totally different life.  This can only be done IF you are willing to do the work—it takes work to change your thinking, you have to be willing to think new things and think in new ways as well as ‘fake it till you make it’.  When you start to introduce new thoughts your mind will tell you that you are crazy for making up statements that are not yet true— good thing you know better than to listen to your ‘mind’.  Waking up every morning and saying “every day in every way things are getting better and better for me now’ may seem crazy especially when your present circumstances appear to be daunting…this is what I mean when I say ‘fake it till you make it”—you have to start saying and thinking the NEW thoughts first—- the results come after—so you have to be willing to just begin no matter what you seem to be in the middle of…

The most important thing that I can teach you is that you can change anything if you can change your thinking—this is far easier to say than to do—-to do this—change your thinking requires constant replacement of thoughts—it is our habit to think about what is wrong, to complain, to think about what isn’t working—cleaning up your mentality means that you have to be vigilant and consciously replace every ‘old’ thought with a new one.  You have to train yourself to think and respond in a new way.

Most of us are living unconsciously when it comes to our thinking, we don’t evaluate our thoughts, we simply have them and act accordingly—we don’t take the time to see that our reality has becomes a reflection of what is in our heads.  Instead we remain reactive to circumstances and we slog through our lives complaining about what is around us and how things are going.   This really is insanity—acting like we are at effect of what is around us—instead of seeing that we are very much “at cause”.

My goal is to have you get conscious— to SEE that you CAN change things in your life—to see that if you will just be willing to do some work on yourself and be disciplined in it you can CHANGE THE GAME.

So for this week let’s get you to at least start seeing that your mentality creates your reality …

I will see you Sunday at 10am EST for our FB Live Weekly Coffee Chat…XO, Noelle

Surviving Quiet and Being Alone

One would assume when they read the title of this post and knowing the author is a divorced single mom that she is talking about being single and not in a relationship. There is truth to that; it’s extremely difficult to go from being married for almost 18 years to being single again. There was so much to get used to – sleeping in bed alone, waking up alone, no other adult to talk to in the house, no one to bounce ideas off of or vent about work with, no one to celebrate successes with, no one to share household chores with and the list goes on and on.

For me, it was the little things …. I was used to calling my husband on the way home from work, finding out how his day was, what time he thought he would be home, etc. After the separation, I found myself picking up the phone out of habit and having to stop myself from calling him.

As a new single mom, I had to learn how to deal with co-parenting and following a parenting plan. We began with the girls going to his house every other weekend. The thought of having a weekend to myself sounded appealing and exciting but it wasn’t as great as I thought. All the times I had dreamed of having a weekend to myself and now it was here and I didn’t know what to do with myself. The quietness in the house was deafening. As a mom, I am always surrounded by people – at home with my kids, at work, at activities and running errands. Even growing up, I went from my parents’ house to college with roommates, then got married and had kids. The only time I had any alone time after having kids was in the car on the way to or from work.

When we first started the parenting plan schedule, I made sure to make plans with friends each time the girls were gone so I wouldn’t have to endure the quiet, lonely feeling I felt. Back then, I was scared of the quiet and alone time, so I wanted to fill my time with things to do so I wouldn’t have to spend my time reliving difficult or sad moments. After a few months of this, I realized that I needed to learn how to really be by myself and be ok with it, so I would force myself to stay home alone– I would try to make it as enjoyable as I could with things like takeout and a movie.

This year, during the week of Thanksgiving, the girls went on a trip with their dad for a week. I had been so busy for most of the year and I couldn’t wait to be on my own for a few days. I made plans each day, but I also made sure to have a lot of down time by myself that week. It had been quite a challenging year and I had a lot of pent up frustrations and emotions and I will admit that I cried every single day that I was alone. I know now that I needed to have those cry days and it was ok and I felt better afterward. I needed that quiet time to sort through my feelings and emotions and let everything go.

Slowly, over time, I have come to enjoy and appreciate my alone time. Sometimes, I drive in the car without listening to music or a podcast just to have a little peaceful moment or two. The quietness when the girls are gone is welcome, although I miss having them around, but I know that I need it to keep myself mentally at peace.

I also have learned that, although I hope I will be in a relationship again in the future, I would prefer to be single than be in a relationship that doesn’t work for me or where I’m not valued. This time alone has taught me that I’m a good person just the way I am and I deserve to be loved and valued, all things that I’m not sure I realized before.

I know it’s not always easy to live in the quiet and loneliness, but sometimes you have to do it so that you can work through all the feelings and emotions you’ve been ignoring. It’s tough and it’s not fun at all, but it’s necessary so you can get to the other side of things ….. better things.

~Laxmi~

You can follow Laxmi on her blog at  https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/.

Create A Memory Space

Creating A Memory Space

I have always been sentimental since childhood and have kept various memory boxes throughout the years. Twenty one years ago I attended my first workshop and was introduced the concept of creating a mindful or intentional “Memory Space”.  That weekend gave me clarity about why I felt the deep desire to keep certain items around me and why I derived such comfort and pleasure from them.

As you can imagine I have had many over the years and they tend to change or rotate at various times. I know most of us are extremely busy, life today moves at a much faster clip and we don’t always take the time to mindfully create a space that is just for “Us”. I’m sure some of you might even say to yourself, who has the time or space.

From personal experience, I can share that it is so worth the time and it can take as little as 10 minutes or it can be an ongoing process that evolves as you do.

The most important part of creating your space in my opinion is making it an intentional activity and not seeing it as another “thing” you have to do.

There is no wrong way to create your Memory Space as it is a very personal practice and will be different for everyone. During this time in my life I have several all representing different aspects of what is important to me and what I want to create intentions for. By no means am I saying you need to have several, however I really believe having a space dedicated to what brings your heart joy will add richness to your days.  Examples…one for memories concerning your children or one for memories concerning family or people close to your heart.

Based on your preference, these can be created in a ‘public’ place in your home or office where it is seen by all or it can be completely personal and tucked away in a place for your eyes only.

You may want to create this as your sanctuary, a place to pray, set an intention, meditate, or simply gaze at the objects that bring you joy.

Someone once told me that ”a memory space is a place of non-ordinary reality held within ordinary reality.’

Now don’t get overwhelmed in thinking it needs to be in the perfect place or a certain size. It can be large or as small as your night stand, it could even be located inside a cabinet or a closet.

For those who have one or may know a little about them, as your might be aware, there are many types and ways of doing this. I suggest that those interested in learning more to do research. There is a plethora of information out there.

My intention is, for those of you new to this concept; to make it as simple and enjoyable as possible. It is something I love and really wanted to share as my first blog.

So let’s begin!

  1. Find a space in your home that feels most comfortable and that you will want to spend time at or at least, that you will be able to see every day.
  2. Be in a peaceful mindset as you de-clutter, clean and prepare the surface.
  3. Find a cloth, scarf, or any type of covering that feels special or is symbolic to you.
  4. Set your intention and or purpose for the space – some examples could be that you want to honor loved ones who have passed on, recall moments of joy that you have had or simply just have a space to put your favorite things. It can also be a combination of any and all of the above.
  5. Give thanks and gratitude as you place each object in the space.

Some suggestions for object you might want to consider;

  • A candle
  • Stones or shells that hold special memories.
  • Personal items that have meaning to you.
  • Crystals – always a favorite
  • Artwork, either your own or loved ones, favorite postcards or anything visual that inspires you.
  • Photographs of family, friends, beloved ones, places you either been or want to travel too.
  • Statues and or talismans any symbol that represents peace and tranquility.
  • Flowers, plants or any living thing like a fish. A fish is a symbol of prosperity.
  • Any special texts, words of wisdom or your favorite book.

Always remember that this is YOUR Space, trust that your intuition will guide you to create exactly what is needed in this moment. When you spend time or gaze upon your Memory Space, honor who you are and how far you have come.

Wishing you all that your heart desires!

Kirsten

Questions or Comments kirsten@fortunatopartners.com