Tag Archives: reaction

Every Action Has An Equal And Opposite Reaction

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I say this because recently some people whom haven’t out grown their high school behaviors had came into my life.With these people in my life I noticed myself second guessing my decisions and goal, my stress level was at an all time high and I have been completely distracted. I let these people affect my peace, an old habit that I’m still not 100% better at. The difference from this time and others is that I haven’t been excusing or dismissing red flags, being constantly on high alert is why my stress level has been so high.

One of these individuals has been involved or on the receiving end of some gossip about me. Instead of talking to me this person decided that what ever they have been told is true and decided to end our friendship. Which is fine, I let them know that the drama level had been getting to me and that I was already taking a step back, I wished them the best and went on my way.

The level of growth I see in my self for responding this way is astronomical. Just a few years ago, I would have been bending over backwards to save this friendship, trying to prove that I didn’t do whatever it is that was said I did. Now, I don’t see the point, If anyone wants to walk out of my I will let them. My peace progress and happiness are more sacred than any single person in my life.

I’ve noticed that these people are not happy with my non reactive approach and are trying to get a response from me. Which is fine, I know if I let it be they will eventually get bored and leave me alone. I refuse to allow anyone to pull my focus in other directions. I am very blessed for the amount of growth I have experienced these last few years and I am excited to keep growing.

 

Always be unapologetically true too yourself,

-Ali

Respond…Instead of Feeding Into A Reaction…

Respond, don’t react.  This is something that I have talked to you guys about more than once and in fact I believe it is even a chapter in the new book that came out last November.  When we are in the middle of an argument or faced with a stressful situation or in the midst of an emotionally charged situation we are “in a reaction” meaning that we are upset, without our equilibrium, feeling unsettled, have temporarily lost our bearings etc, etc—just sort of in the center of a shit storm.

This is NOT the time to make decisions!  Any decision made in the middle of a reaction will not be a fortuitous one. In fact it will likely be a regrettable one.  This I know from experience:)

Reacting is automatic, it is never measured or thought out…reacting is yelling, slamming doors, walking out, speaking before you think it through…you guys know what I am talking about, we have all been there, done that.  Nothing good ever comes from allowing yourself to get lost in a reaction.

When you find yourself in this state the biggest favor you can do yourself is to STOP talking, take a breath, leave the room, walk away for a moment…whatever it takes to give yourself a chance to hit the ‘reset’ button.  Once you have composed yourself and calmed down, you can think about how you want to RESPOND.

Responding takes a conscious effort, it allows for an action appropriate to the situation at hand.  There is an immense amount of power by responding in lieu of reacting.

Reactions bring drama and nobody needs more drama…

Responding means that you have to know when to walk away and take a moment, meaning that you may not get the last word or you may not get to hammer your point home…and you may not get to be ‘right’—responding means acting like a grownup which is always a good thing:)

 

 

Being Kind-Being A Blessing-Bringing A Blessing

Be Kind. It’s time to take the ‘judgy’ pants off…time to stop being impatient with people, time to stop being critical of yourself and others…time to start lifting the fallen and healing the broken.

As I have said over the past two days, this time of year is soooo difficult for some people and has challenges for all of us because everything is in a heighted state.  It is so easy to lose your temper at someone or become annoyed with their behavior…yet do you realize that they are honestly doing the best that they can for who they are in the moment?  We never, ever know what people are going through and we have no right to pass judgement on the brief part of them that reveals itself in our world, it is our job to be KIND, to bring a blessing, to be a blessing…

People will respond to kindness and you never know the difference that you could make for someone by simply being kind.  Today I went to the Price Chopper here in Vermont, where I live…it’s a grocery store.  The cashier that checked me out was grim looking and somewhat snappy, so I just started asking her how she was today and how her Thanksgiving was etc.  My first instinct was to withdraw when she seemed short, however I work hard to practice what I preach and so I just kept bombarding her with kindness and by the time she was done checking me out, her demeanor had shifted and she told me that she hoped I had a really good day.

We have to go outside our normal reaction, we need to come up higher and really work to bring good into everything we do and every place we go.  When you start focusing on this, on how you can be a blessing for other people then your seeming problems will work themselves out.  GOD has a special place in his heart for people that bless other people, when you are taking care of others GOD will take care of you.

This is a practice and sometimes you have to force yourself, take me today for instance…it’s been a stressful day and I had to remind myself to sit down and write a post for you guys even though I am feeling blah today…I knew that if I focused on you it would cheer me up and I was right:)  See you tomorrow…xoxo

Respond, don’t react…

I have been thinking lately about the things that shape us, the events in our lives that mold our behaviors and responses toward the past, present and the future.  My mother says that when we reconstruct the way we hold the past then we bring alive the possibility for a new future.  New futures are a good thing they allow us to be free from the same old song and they change us…change is good, it is enlivening.

When you look back on the particular string of events that makes up your life, do you see certain things that caused a crack in you along the way?  Once you locate the ‘cracks’ you sort of see how everything else was colored by them in a certain sense…the first heartbreak colored every relationship after that, the first death of someone you loved, the first job experience etc, etc.

All those cracks weaved in and out of everything caused a shift in behaviors and responses, so that one day you look down the road you have traveled and you can see what caused you to have the walls and defense mechanisms that now make-up who you are.

The good news is when you see it you can change it.  You can start to become clear about when you are reacting to something based on the past instead of responding to it based on the present.  Reacting and responding are two very, very different things.  Reactions can cause more cracks in a human being and responses come from a place of power.

Be awake in this New Year and start to learn when you are reacting and being at effect of something instead of responding and being at cause.  Cracks can be filled and foundations made strong again, you have the power to create the life you want in every moment.