Tag Archives: private

I Got A Janky Heart

This is a blog I wasn’t sure I was going to write or even how to be honest.

It’s a big share about my life. I wasn’t even going to share it,but over the course of the last few weeks I have had some pretty serious discussions with people I love in my life about what we share and what we don’t.

I’m just gonna do this and maybe it will all make sense. Or maybe it won’t.

I have a congenital heart defect.

I also was two months premature. I weighed in at 3 pounds 4 ounces.

I was born with a hole in my heart. By the time I was four I had two open heart surgeries.

I don’t remember much about it.

What do remember: comparing zippers, the smell of the stitches, falling off my bed, I can remember be wheeled into an operating room.

That’s it.

I have a gnarly bikini scar with accompanying friends all over my body.

A few years ago after ignoring its existence I got a chubby heart tattoo at the base of my scar.

Growing up I had a list of things I could and couldn’t do. I’m pretty sure my Mom told me certain things just to keep me from doing those said things.

The reality of my disease never and still doesn’t fully resonate with me until I’m around doctors or other survivors.

There have been some scary things around having children and at one point I was actually given a life expectancy.

By the way my daughter is eleven and I’m 47.

But as light as I’m making it there have been some things.

I’m always winded. My circulation is horrible. I can’t tell you how often I hear cold hands warm heart. Lol

I get colds so easily.

Living in the Midwest that’s a joy.

Also, lol.

There’s more but I’m sharing this because it doesn’t define me and it certainly hasn’t held me back.

I am the person if you tell me no I do it twice and take pictures.

So now you know this about me. Will it make you read what I write any differently?

It shouldn’t. Oh my gosh it better not.

We all bring private, public, personal battles to the table but they shouldn’t hold us back and they certainly shouldn’t define us. Other people should not let those things define how they treat you either.

This year I participated in the Heart Walk as a survivor. It was the first year I admitted it. And shame on me for not admitting it sooner. Because now I own it and I have found an amazing community.

My favorite member is a heart doctor who we will call Dr. W who teases me that my after care regime should not include Mt. Dew and Reese’s.

Sorry not sorry Dr. W, a girl has to have her vices.

Don’t be afraid of what you bring to the table no matter how big. I know it’s easy for me to say this, but take a deep breath look at how far you’ve come. You are more than the extras that are in your life.

You are sparkly and amazing and strong.

And as always I got you Momma.

❤️

Caprise

Dating Safely Series-Part 3: Potential Qualifying Pursuers

So we are dating online.  We made the decision to make safe choices.  We are prepared to keep our private information private.  Now we are ready to start interacting with – hopefully – available and worthwhile potential mates.  However, we treat every single person as the complete stranger that they really are.  Unsafe and abusive people are often easily picked out once you know what you are looking for.  Take the time to qualify persons of interest before allowing yourself to become vulnerable or emotionally invested.

 

  1. Know What You Want

Making a list of what is negotiable and not negotiable in a potential partner will greatly improve safety.  If you are open to everything you may accept anything. Take the time to think about it and become willing to reject unwanted attention immediately.  Prep a generic response like,

“I don’t want to waste your time. We aren’t compatible based on my needs.  Good luck!”

Absolutely no explanation or response is helpful or required after rejection of a candidate that falls into the “Not Negotiable” category.

 

  1. Use Generic Responses

When answering questions, use the already planned out generic responses and pay attention to reactions.  Multiple questions about you may be genuine curiosity, but if a person is not accepting or is prying or you feel uncomfortable, that’s a red flag.  A normal person will be willing to be patient while you build trust before giving out private details.  Belittling, challenging or insulting blatantly shows you they are not respectful and is a sign they are potentially unsafe.

 

  1. Share Your Feelings

Share your feelings to see how they respond.  Be disagreeable at least once.  It doesn’t have to be intentional; an organic opportunity should present itself at some point.  A person who tells another they are wrong for feelings or that they should feel differently is disrespectful.  Please note when a person is insulting or belittling of your thoughts or feelings.  There are safe people who can be disrespectful, or it could also be a sign that they may be an abusive partner.

 

  1. Trying Saying No

If you have been turning down unwanted attention, then you may have already noticed some are not accepting of being told “No.”  Every explosive response is a bullet dodged.  Any person who discredits, discounts, argues or sidesteps your “no” is risky, too.  Be sure that the people you are messaging and potentially interested in have the same opportunity to show their true colors, too.  This is another time where we are paying attention to their reaction.

 

  1. Recognize Risky Behavior

There are typical and telling methods used to keep a potential victim from recognizing survival signals – like discomfort, concern, worry, apprehension.  If someone you just met seems too nice, too generous or if they give way too much information or offer a loan, take note and think about how you feel.  When someone challenges your character or willingness to take risk, pay attention.  Note the mention of violence or physical safety, especially offering a promise of safety, and even in jest.  No matter what, trust your gut.

 

Stay Safe!

 

Carrie Conrad

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Carrie Conrad is a single mom and self defense specialist in Detroit.  To support her daughter and her special needs she took her decades of martial arts training and lifetime of experience with violence to begin an evolving journey with Beating Disaster, a business offering specialized self defense training.  From Basic Self Defense to coaching for parents with violent children, she invests her time in high level training in order to provide relatable guidance to women and children.  You can find out more at