Tag Archives: planning

Balance?!? No Such Thing..

A few years ago I was featured in an interview about work-life balance for Moms and what that meant. I said then and I will say it again now, there is NO SUCH THING for those of us that are really living this life of raising kiddos. So PLEASE do yourself a favor and stop feeling bad trying to achieve something that does not exist. All these “experts” out there have all this advice about how to make you a balanced human and since in my opinion this is impossible to achieve all this stuff does is make you feel bad that you are so off point.

After almost 19 years of raising a human single-handedly, owning and working for companies and being solely responsible for the running of a home I can assure you that life is meant to be ‘perfectly imperfect’. At no time during the last 19 years did I ever feel ‘balanced’ nor do I now:)

At the best of times it’s a flow that moves along pretty smoothly and at the worst of times it feels incredibly overwhelming and like you are drowning in too many things to do. There is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling this way, this is honestly natural and a by-product of the lives that we are living. Just keep doing the next task in front of you whether that is a work task or a home task or a kid-based task—-whatever it is just complete it and move on to the next one. Don’t beat yourself up because you had a work thing that made you miss a kid’s game or you left dirty dishes in the sink etc. You are truly doing the BEST that you can and you are doing GREAT…and never mind what anyone else thinks about it. Honesty, unless you have lived this life of single parenthood you have no idea…none. Also even if you are a parent with help juggling lots of things, there is no amazing balance to be achieved for you either. It makes me so angry when I read all these articles about how Mom’s can achieve work-life balance…such horseshit.

So in the midst of the juggling act that is our lives what IS really important is that you figure out how to say NO to things that don’t work for you and

establish a system for taking care of yourself. Taking care of myself is still kind of a foreign concept…evidenced by the 25 hour bug from hell that I just had likely because I have been running myself in a million directions since the end of June.

Let’s cover the saying NO part first—-you have got to learn to start saying NO to things that don’t serve you or support you. The needy friends that steal your energy, the family members that stress you out, the work stuff that people are trying to overload you with and you are so nice you just keep saying yes…all that stuff is wearing you down whether you realize it or not. Saying NO is ok and even healthy, remember that if you go down from exhaustion or illness everything goes down so protect your time and your energy. It is important, your well-being is very important!

The taking care of yourself part you sort of have to figure out as you go, maybe its yoga, or a walk on the beach, a good novel, a movie night with friends, sitting quiet somewhere, a spa day, a regular workout, a weekly binge watching session on Netflix. Whatever gives you peace and some moments to yourself—maybe it’s getting up an hour early to have an hour of power for yourself. Whatever it is you need to figure it out and commit to doing it. Your health, your peace and your peace of mind are vital in this mix…in order to keep moving and to keep doing the next thing you must be in good shape, so you have to commit to self-care. By the way I always made fun of that statement in my mind…self-care…until I realized that I had to actually be the one concerned for my OWN well-being because it was nobody else’s job. I have two speeds…go like a bat out of hell or crash and get sick for 2 days…pretty much that is all I know, at 51 I am learning a new way, learning that I can say NO, that I can go a little slower, that I can do what works for me….I am hoping that I can get you guys to avoid the errors that I made along the way.

Take the time to stop, breathe and appreciate the moments…they really do pass quicker than you think and inevitably you will look back and wish that you did something different. Let’s try and make sure that you don’t have too many regrets…appreciate how far you have come and take care of YOU.

XO,

Noelle

A Single Mom’s Birth Plan

 I went from married with a baby on the way to single Mom at 6 months pregnant and my entire “birth plan” or “vision” of what child birth would look like went out the window.
I scoured the internet reading birth stories…. I found a total of zero from a single mom. None. It was not a great start to envisioning a NEW Birth Plan.
My OBGYN was amazing and helped me to start over. We kept it simple- Healthy Baby, Healthy Mom.
I went into child birth for the first time armed with knowledge gathered like a true millennial, from YouTube videos. And of course, my OBGYN. But I opted to skip the birth classes and took a breastfeeding class, a car seat safety course and a hospital tour instead. All of which I attended alone, surrounded by couples. I sat and fought back tears while they went through the spousal support PowerPoint slides, but I left the class holding my head high.
It was the first activity I had done alone and I walked to my car knowing that I HAD this. I had to.
I am an over thinker and I knew if I took a class I would obsess and worry and go into child birth with a rigid plan and I realized that was unrealistic. I decided “go with the flow” was my mantra for this and I decided to stick to it.
I trusted my doctor and I trusted my hospital. And I am very, very glad I did.
I had to schedule an induction and I opted for the epidural. My mom was my support person and my dad and my little sister visited me while I was being induced I wasn’t alone the entire time aside from getting my epidural. My momma doesn’t do needles. That wasn’t great, but the contractions were so intense I just focused on breathing and not moving.
My daughters heart rate kept dropping and finally it dropped and they couldn’t get it to come back up. It was looking like an emergency C section and while my plan was loosey goosey an EMERGENCY C Section definitely wasn’t part of it.
My OBGYN gave me a shot at pushing but said I only had a few minutes before they will wheel me to the OR. I gave it everything in me and she was here in less than 15 minutes. The cord had been wrapped around her neck but she was perfect and screaming her head off.
I half realized something was wrong my doctor was yelling at nurses and barking orders. I wasn’t paying attention though, and was just craning my neck so I could see my perfect girl. It felt like an eternity, but they brought her over to me finally and I got to hold her. She was everything.
I suddenly heard my doctor telling them they had to take her from me, that I was losing too much blood.
They took her from me and my mom got to hold her.
Everything was just going so so fast. I was aware nurses were hurrying around the room and saw my doctor who is normally the calmest and kindest woman barking orders out like a drill sergeant. That was when it hit me, okay this is serious. I need her to fix me, I have to hold my Perfect Girl again. I realized then that I was hemorrhaging. I remembered the NEW birth plan that my doctor and I had made together – Healthy Baby, Healthy Mom. I needed her to follow through on our plan.
JUST as I started to really get scared she got everything under control.
I was okay.
They gave me back my Perfect Girl.
She is 5 months old now and I still cannot tell this story without crying. Her birth was traumatic, for me and for her but I wouldn’t change a single thing. As a Single Mom creating a birth plan was nothing like what you read about or see in the movies. But it is part of our story and I love it.
Healthy Baby, Healthy Mom. The very best Single Mom Birth Plan.
Single Mom Boutique Boss
-Allyson

Plan To Work, Work Your Plan

Plan to work? Let’s work your plan. Maybe you’ve decided it’s time to rock a side gig. It’s time to bring in some extra money, live with purpose and find an outlet for your gifts. Before you begin, let’s take a look at five of the key, daily habits that drive the lives of successful side-giggers.

 1. Successful side-giggers live in gratitude. It’s so easy to get caught up in what the competition is doing: to feel like everyone is winning more than you, that they have more customers than you or are making more money than you. But successful side-giggers know that comparing kills joy. Don’t get me wrong – they know their competition. They learn from them. But they never compare. Instead, they focus on being grateful for their gifts and their own unique voice.

 Cement this in your brain by having a daily gratitude practice: meditation, prayer, a gratitude journal, a nature walk, all of the above – whatever works for you.

 

2. You’ll always find successful side-giggers using the fringe hours. After all, they’re just like you and me – they spin a lot of plates. So, they use the fringe hours to keep up. Fringe hours are those little bits of time that happen early in the morning or late at night when everyone else is asleep and the house is quiet. They are intentional about this. They choose a time to get up (or stay up) that works for them and their sleep needs. Then they commit!

 Give yourself a little wiggle room on this one. Baby woke up three times last night? Scrap the early morning ideal and sleep!

 

3. This one is closely related to number two. When they do sit down to work, successful side-giggers use their time wisely. They dive right into the important stuff. Listen, we are all too busy. You might only be able to find 45 minutes to work on your business on any given day. Don’t waste that precious time checking how many new followers you have on Instagram. Instead, dig into the projects that will actually  move your business forward and generate revenue. Plan your work and then work your plan.

 

4. Successful side-giggers cut corners. Yes, you read that right! They cut corners all the time. They let perfectionism die. Unless you’re manufacturing airplanes or operating on people, good enough is usually enough.

 Now, you want to give your customers top-notch, more-than-they-expect products and service. But housework, meals, and emails to co-workers are all examples of things that don’t need to be perfect. Ever. Nobody is going to die if you serve chicken nuggets and sliced apples every other day for a while.

 

5. Finally, successful side-giggers tend to their anchor work. They don’t get so caught up in their side gig that they totally neglect their main gig. For you, your main gig might be your kids or your day job, or both. Remember to spend a little time playing with your kids. Make sure you’re doing the work you’re being paid a salary to do. You’ll sleep better at the end of the day when you’ve tended to your anchor work. There may be days you can’t work on your side gig at all. That’s okay. You just do what you can, a day at a time. 

 

Whether you’ve already started a side gig or you’re just in the thinking stages, keeping these five principles in mind will help you thrive and flourish in all your roles. You’ve got this!

 Love ya,

Lecia

 

Wanna know more about how to start your own business? Hang out with Lecia on her podcast – just search “Mighty Choice Life” on any podcast app.