Tag Archives: personal

Maybe It Is Me

Maybe it is me?…..

Over the last few posts I have been sharing snippets of what my former marriage was like.

I have also shared these are things I don’t readily share with friends and family anymore.

As I’ve started to dig into things, I’ve begun to analyze myself. I am and always have been my harshest critic. I have begun to wonder if my failed relationships aren’t so much about who I’m choosing but me.

Why do I choose these people?

Do I change them?

Am I hard to love?

I was really to start to buy into this mindset, then three things happened.

One of my infamous car conversations with my daughter G. Afterwards, I kept thinking it would break my heart if she ever thought some of the thoughts I think about myself sometimes.

I met with my therapist. Who honestly has been a buoy for me in this ocean of things that I’ve just started facing.

Lastly I thought about you all. What would I say to one of you if you shared that statement with me.

That you felt your failed relationships, the hurt were your doing.

I would come through whatever device you are reading this one and shout “absolutely not!”

So why on earth would I allow those thoughts for myself? I’m going to go out on a limb here, because somewhere along the way I thought I didn’t deserve more.

Somewhere along the way I got stuck.

I stopped believing.

Happy people can still have self doubt. Where I’m at in my world is trying incredibly hard to drown out that doubt. I am reclaiming hobbies I gave up.

Painting for one. I am listening to music I forgot about. I’m here to say Rage Against the Machine makes for a fantastic band to listen to when you have a case of the reds. Maybe don’t drive while listening to it, may cause speeding.

I am and this has been the hardest- asking for what I need. Then in turn feeling comfortable giving myself space when I feel hurt.  Or it doesn’t go the way I hoped.

I still pick myself apart. I still wonder. I still make incredibly huge mistakes. I am human. But I am learning to forgive myself. I am learning to not read into every little thing. That my friends WILL definitely be a blog for another day.

I am learning no, it’s not me. That’s the easy way out.  It’s a lot of things and while I hold a piece I’m not the whole puzzle.

Self blame, self doubt… while easy to do and will never completely go away, I’m learning to cut myself some slack.

As always my badass Mommas remember to do the same.

<3Caprise

Dig Deep Within Yourself

I love Marianne Williamson’s paragraph from her book “Return to Love” “……

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear

is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our

darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be

brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to

be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t

feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We

were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not

just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

What is your perception of yourself? Stop. Sit quietly. Contemplate. Really? What do you really perceive about yourself? If it’s anything other than; Great, Beautiful, Magnificent, Wonderful, Fun, Happy, Loving, etc…. (because as Marianne says: Who are you NOT to BE?)

Then it’s time to dig. Dig Deep. Find what’s lurking behind the words you choose….and work on that. That issue right there. Yes, that one. The ugly one. The scary one. The tale that tells you, you’re not good enough. The story in your head that you repeat when asked how you’re doing. The conversation you keep having about YOU. The mantra that you play over & over & over again to yourself. That one. The one that keeps you stuck in negative patterns, negative attitudes, negative self-talk. It’s time to fix all that.

It’s time for an intervention with yourself. Get some soulful medication and heal the parts of you that don’t know just how AMAZING you are as of yet anyway.

It’s a new day. And it’s up to you to rewrite, redo, rethink, reinvent, and rejoice!

Have fun….Your God Girl

Tracy

Stop Labeling Ourselves

Labeling ourselves and others is becoming quite the norm nowadays.  Depressed, anxious, broken; we label ourselves with what we do and how well we do it, and how others see us.

Labeling- I’m finding as a peel away each one of mine layer by layer is just a way that I hold myself back, and in away remove the responsibility of being, and giving 100%.

When I don’t go out with friends or be social, “well I am a mom”. When I used to lie in bed all day “well i’m just depressed.” When Another relationship would fail “well i’m just broken.”

I used my labels as a shield. A good chunk I received from others, but I made them my own, and let them rule me.

For a long time I defined myself based on what other people see me as I wanted so desperately to change how other people see me. I failed to realize I cannot change others perspectives only my own.

When I first started peeling the labels away, I felt lost, almost naked in a sense. Who am I? Over the last year I have been discovering who I am under everything I let run my life. It’s been a long road and I am still not done. I have some big things in the works, things I wouldn’t have dared to dream of actually doing. 

It’s very freeing and maturing to let go of labeling, and not to try to change perspectives. As well as knowing that my perspective isn’t the only one. Its very reassuring aslo, to me I may be facing a dead end brick wall, but maybe someone else can see the door.

Keep Believing in Yourself,

Ali

Same You, New View

Personal development is just a better view

When we think of spiritual or personal development we think of changing going onward and upward. What I am finding it is going inward. It is raising your personal awareness, and fine tuning your self management. Growing as a person and achieving our dreams and goals has everything to do with our self awareness, other people and our circumstances have literally no control unless we give it to them.

Victim, What do you think of when you hear that word? I used to be the victim. I had the victim mentality. Oh how could this or that person do this to me, or oh i’ve been through this that or the other; poor me. Victim mentality is a crutch to shield us from our personal responsibility to life.

Everyone has been through something, been hurt or slighted by something or someone.

While our trauma and our wounds may not be our fault, our healing and growth is our responsibility. Staying the victim isn’t a real option and it will muddy our perspective, stop our growth; keeping us trapped in never ending cycles of hopelessness and despair.

To break free of the vicious victim cycle we need to become self aware, go inward deal with the past and then leave it there. Once we become aware of ourselves we can manage ourselves. When we focus on everyone outside of us our world will shift to chaos.

When we go inward, we will gain new tools at each level of the process, and oh boy it is a process! The more aware I am becoming of myself, the more things im catching myself on, the less people behavior trigger me, the more calm and discerning I am.  I still have a lot of development to go, I will always be growing. 

I for one am enjoying the new view, How about you?

Learning, Loving Growing

Ali

My Joy Bank

Growing up…..I never really understood that having joy in my life was an inside job.  I always thought there was something or someone that would fill up me up and bring joy and make my life happier. Something Out There.  LIKE….. delicious food and a fabulous pair of shoes.  A certain weight and a snazzy car.  That job with the big title, oh ya and a handsome boyfriend.  On and on it went.  My list of ‘things to bring me happiness & joy.  Not knowing until now…. 25 years later that it was, and is, and always will be… MY Job to fill MY joy bank.

I sit here today and ask Why didn’t anyone tell me?  I wouldn’t have spent the last 20+ years making so many empty choices.  Choices that didn’t even make a dent in my JOY bank.  But then, in that same breath I realize… Someone probably did tell me…. and I certainly was not listening.   Not only was I not ready to hear it.  I wasn’t ready to give up the life I lived.  The ever so important; vacationing, sun-bathing, partying, hard-working, popular, beautiful life that I lived.  The life that was happy, fun, joyful…..ahhhh… & when it wore off?  I went right back at it.

I can stand here today and think that it was so wasteful.  Now wait a minute…. that’s not true.  I did what I did for whatever reason I did it.  I can say is – I did not know.  If I knew better then, I would have made different choices.  All I can do now…. is choose now.  CHOOSE NOW.  😊  Look for things that bring joy to every day.  The little things, the big things, the simple things, the God things.  Fill my JOY bank myself.  For Myself.

And if someone or something comes along that adds value to my day… well I’ll put that into my Joy bank too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Becoming Successful

When we truly start on a journey to become successful, we must dig in deep on our personal development. Success isn’t determined by our environment or our circumstances. It isn’t determined by our education, our parents or blood lines.

Success is determined by our willingness to do whatever it takes, and following through with that bill. Now most people when they hear whatever it takes they relate it to changing people places and things around them, they don’t look at themselves.

Here’s the deal, you can change everything around you, but if you don’t change you, you will recreate the environment you’ve been trying to escape from repeatedly.

The biggest Influential, Leverageable variable in your life and in your success is YOU. Personal development is an essential key to unlocking everything you want in life. Its not the half-baked oh i’m going it go listen to this seminar, or read this book and my life is going to change; No  it requires you to radically and continuously work on yourself. Becoming disciplined ways that will help you grow with boost your self confidence.

Developing character is no easy feat. Service of others is essential in the life of anyone who wishes to be successful. Ambition without service is greed and the world doesn’t respond well to greed and neither does our character. Greed feeds all the negative aspects of character, fear, anger, pity. We want to develop a good character not a bad one.

Gather knowledge on how to improve yourself constantly. I highly recommend, if you don’t have one already, getting a library card. If you have one use it. Grab a book a week and check out their online resources, you will be amazed on what your library has to offer now a days.

Keep Growing your Beautiful Life One Decision at a Time,

Ali

Stop Waiting And Do

Stop waiting…..

Sometimes in our life we can want something so bad that we put things on pause to try to make sure it happens. A lot of the time though that is how you lose not only what you want but also lose your peace. More recently for me there was someone who came into my life. I developed feelings for that person, and I waited. I waited for this person to open up to me the way I did them; I waited for them to tell me how they felt like I did them; I waited for a direction, all while my businesses, my self improvement and my goals all fell to the wayside.

This person isn’t a bad person but I had to stop waiting. My peace of mind and forward movement was at stake. I still care about this person deeply but how things are right now are painful for me. Instead of waiting I am holding a place, a place they may or may not fill, but I know if that person is meant to be in my life they will fill that place when the time is right. In the meantime I am working as hard as ever. I’m growing past a certain set back I’ve had, and I am crushing business and personal goals.

I’m living my life and not holding still. Knowing whats meant for me will always find a way to me.

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

Ali

What Is My Worth?

My  worth….

I’ve taken the last 5 weeks or so to really gather my thoughts and try to evaluate who I am and who I want to be. I have achieved very many of my life goals this year and yet still have to get out of my head with so many things.

The one goal I have not achieved is personal wellness. It’s not to be physically perfect or have the best diet 100% of the time. The goal is to feel good about myself and the decisions I am making. I felt like I lost myself at some point. There was a plan and then that plan went away. I didn’t know how to truly pivot and find a different course. I covered it up with life goals and making changes, none of those which truly ran deep and helped fill my soul.

There was a time when I thought I had a chance at having it all. I’m not traditional by any sense of the word and don’t need the white dress and wedding and regalia. Just a person to truly love me and that being all of me. I don’t know that I have ever really had that in my life, and I want to believe that I am worth it.

So I’m taking the rest of 2018, all of 2019 and devoting this time to myself. I need to live the life I want my son to model. I’m hoping that while being ruthlessly devoted to myself, I will end up finding the person who will honestly love all of me. I’ve decided to share my life and my process and my progress and my shortcomings on Instagram. Not for anyone but myself. It will be real and raw and hopefully amusing. I’d invite you to find me @getatit62 and try to get at your own goals this coming year.

I hope that all of you take some time this holiday season to love yourself, love others and look at what this past year has brought you and what you want next year to bring. Happy Holidays!

~Leslie

Personal Inventory Can Be Difficult But Must Be Done

Personal inventory

One of the keys to running a successful business is keeping an accurate and updated inventory. If a business doesn’t take regular inventory of their product stock, how much of what is or is not working/selling the business will quickly go bankrupt. The same holds true personally for us as individuals. If we do not take a hard look at ourselves in a fact finding and fact facing way we will be come emotionally, mentally and physically bankrupt. By doing this we can make a list of our strengths, weaknesses, character defects and resentments. By itemizing our selves we can go through and figure out what areas of your inner most self and external self need work.

An easy way to look at this is each and everyone of us is a brand, whether you want to launch your personal brand or not you are uniquely your own brand. A brand is much more than just a label, its everything we are. From how we perceive the world to how we present ourselves; the clothes we wear our personal beliefs, literally everything. Many of us have character defects that hold us back from tapping in to our personal potential, by doing a honest inventory and looking at it in a judgmental fact finding and facing process we are one step closer to no longer sabotaging ourselves.

First start out with listing all of your resentments, all resentments are a re-feeling something negative. Not just anger it can be shame, sadness or any negative feeling. Set it aside

Next list your weaknesses and character defects. Set that aside as well.

Finally list your strengthens

Now with the list of resentments you want to look over how each one affected you, did it affect your pocket book, ambitions,self esteem? What ever it is you need to find a way to move forward and let go, each resentment will hold you back.

Similar with character defects, except with just letting it go what can you do to fix these parts of yourself? Example, one of my character defects is people pleasing how ive worked on this aspect of myself is learning to put my self first and saying no.

Finally your strengths. I am a strong believer that our strengths talents and passions are directly correlated to our purpose here on earth. Zeroing in on these things and building upon them instead of trying to ignore and suppress them is the ultimate way to build a wonderfully purpose driven life

This is a difficult but essential step in developing and improving yourself and your life. Also you cannot do this once and just be done, personal inventory is an on going process, but its worth it.

Take it step by step and remember..

Always be unapologetically true to your self

-Ali

Inspiration Is A Tough Thing

Inspiration is a tough thing.  Everyone is inspired by something different. And as my life continues to change and grow and along with maturity what inspires me often changes too.  Of course I am inspired to do well, succeed, set an example and all those things that come along with being a mother. So yes, my children inspire me to be the best that I can be no matter what stage or feeling I am in my life.

My personal inspiration that has been a constant through all the stages in my life is my maternal Grandma-Grandma Joyce.  She’s a tiny little character all but 4’10 on a good day! I never remember a day where my grandma wasn’t dressed to the 9’s and with her face carefully applied. I spent a lot of time with my grandma at her house when I was little, I would spend the nights there and she would let me dress up in her clothes and shoes. She lived across the gravel road from a river access and we spent a lot of time exploring the area. She had a huge garden, a beautiful koi pond outside her living room window, a huge yard that she would have Easter eggs hunts in every year with the eggs pantyhose use to come in, my bed time snack was always a bowl of cereal. To this day cereal still doesn’t taste as perfect as it did at her house. Her home was immaculate and her screened in front porch was my absolute favorite place to be! I don’t ever recall her raising her voice or a hand to me in all those years. When I became a young woman she gifted me with a book that she had written to me about advice, memories we shared, wishes and love she had. I don’t think it was until I read this book that I truly understood the torment she suffered in those years that everything in my eyes was absolutely perfect. I knew my grandpa had left their marriage and had remarried when I was approximately 10 years old but I never had a clue how upset my grandma truly was. She is a devout Catholic and getting divorced “back then” was shameful to her and she had to go through a lot of steps in order to get the divorce.  She too eventually remarried-I am not entirely convinced she remarried for love, I believe she loved him but that she also remarried to not be alone. I do not believe she was ever in love with him the way she is in love with my grandpa. My grandpa has since passed away as has my step-grandpa. My grandma is still alive and well, dressed to the 9’s and perfectly placed face. Feisty as all get out. She appears to be happy but even if she wasn’t-I don’t know that I would ever know. I admire and am inspired by that woman for everything that she is. She is 85 years old and complains little and loves a lot. She has taught me to get up each and every day and dress like you mean it. Misery loves company and that’s not the place to be. She is a woman who forgives but has her breaking point too. And she never ever seems bitter. She inspires me every day to be a strong, forgiving, loving, woman.

Love to All-Kim