Tag Archives: personal responsibility

Maybe It Is Me

Maybe it is me?…..

Over the last few posts I have been sharing snippets of what my former marriage was like.

I have also shared these are things I don’t readily share with friends and family anymore.

As I’ve started to dig into things, I’ve begun to analyze myself. I am and always have been my harshest critic. I have begun to wonder if my failed relationships aren’t so much about who I’m choosing but me.

Why do I choose these people?

Do I change them?

Am I hard to love?

I was really to start to buy into this mindset, then three things happened.

One of my infamous car conversations with my daughter G. Afterwards, I kept thinking it would break my heart if she ever thought some of the thoughts I think about myself sometimes.

I met with my therapist. Who honestly has been a buoy for me in this ocean of things that I’ve just started facing.

Lastly I thought about you all. What would I say to one of you if you shared that statement with me.

That you felt your failed relationships, the hurt were your doing.

I would come through whatever device you are reading this one and shout “absolutely not!”

So why on earth would I allow those thoughts for myself? I’m going to go out on a limb here, because somewhere along the way I thought I didn’t deserve more.

Somewhere along the way I got stuck.

I stopped believing.

Happy people can still have self doubt. Where I’m at in my world is trying incredibly hard to drown out that doubt. I am reclaiming hobbies I gave up.

Painting for one. I am listening to music I forgot about. I’m here to say Rage Against the Machine makes for a fantastic band to listen to when you have a case of the reds. Maybe don’t drive while listening to it, may cause speeding.

I am and this has been the hardest- asking for what I need. Then in turn feeling comfortable giving myself space when I feel hurt.  Or it doesn’t go the way I hoped.

I still pick myself apart. I still wonder. I still make incredibly huge mistakes. I am human. But I am learning to forgive myself. I am learning to not read into every little thing. That my friends WILL definitely be a blog for another day.

I am learning no, it’s not me. That’s the easy way out.  It’s a lot of things and while I hold a piece I’m not the whole puzzle.

Self blame, self doubt… while easy to do and will never completely go away, I’m learning to cut myself some slack.

As always my badass Mommas remember to do the same.

<3Caprise

Personal Responsibility

Let’s take a minute and talk about RESPONSIBILITY…

 

Dictionary.com defines responsibility as:

the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management.

On a daily basis lately I am encountering people that seem to think what is happening to them is not their responsibility…hence this blog post:)

How many of us really live our lives like we are the ones responsible? How many times do we blame other people for the way we feel and for the circumstances in which we find ourselves? Certainly, the behavior of other people can affect us; however, it is our choice to keep accepting what doesn’t work. In my estimation a good percentage of the population is too lazy to take responsibility for their own lives…it is far easier to blame someone else for your unhappy marriage, your horrible divorce, your uncompromising lover, your terrible job, your smoking, your excessive drinking, your 30 pounds of extra fat, the fact that you don’t make enough money, etc, etc…

It would take far more energy, discipline and hard work to change. Unfortunately, our personal laziness and complacency has manifested its way into our entire culture…everybody thinks solving the problems of humanity is someone else’s problem, not accepting it’s personal responsibility.

How many of you would be willing to be inconvenienced to help someone else? I know we all like to think that we would help someone that required it…however, how many of you really would? If you were running late to work and you saw an elderly person outside the coffee shop had dropped their belongings would you stop and help, or would you just assume that someone else would take care of it? If you were racing out of Wal-Mart, hurrying home to make dinner and you noticed a child that had wandered away from her mother would you stop and take the time to make sure she was safely returned, or would you assume that it was someone else’s job because you have your own family to attend to? Ask yourself honestly…would you take the time to randomly act in kindness for no reward and no recognition???

What if it was your grandfather that needed help? What if it was your child that had wandered? Would you wish for someone to help them?

Suppose it was your responsibility? Suppose we all started to act like we had something to do with everything and everybody…imagine what an incredible change could occur in our collective consciousness as a culture.

Personal responsibility…what an engaging concept… Do you think that 80% of Americans are now overweight by accident? Do you think that children watch too much television and don’t have enough personal interaction by accident? Do you think that people actively hate each other all over the world by accident? Nothing happens by accident…there are always moments in time where people can step in and make a difference…this is called Divine Intervention, or The Grace of God and it is a tool given to us to help ourselves and humanity. Far too many people think that they can’t make a difference, so they don’t even try…they turn their heads, they avert their eyes and then they blame someone else for the condition of the world.

Many people say that the planet is in the worst condition we have ever seen…the doom and gloom crowd say we are in dire straits…I don’t buy it. I say that we as individuals have the POWER to change ourselves and thereby alter humanity as a whole. It will take courage and it will take strength of character, it will require paying attention and loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself, however we Americans are a smart bunch…we are bright and innovative and we really do care…we just need a reminder that true joy comes from giving of ourselves.

See what you can do today to help someone else…just because you CAN.

 

XO, Noelle

My Joy Bank

Growing up…..I never really understood that having joy in my life was an inside job.  I always thought there was something or someone that would fill up me up and bring joy and make my life happier. Something Out There.  LIKE….. delicious food and a fabulous pair of shoes.  A certain weight and a snazzy car.  That job with the big title, oh ya and a handsome boyfriend.  On and on it went.  My list of ‘things to bring me happiness & joy.  Not knowing until now…. 25 years later that it was, and is, and always will be… MY Job to fill MY joy bank.

I sit here today and ask Why didn’t anyone tell me?  I wouldn’t have spent the last 20+ years making so many empty choices.  Choices that didn’t even make a dent in my JOY bank.  But then, in that same breath I realize… Someone probably did tell me…. and I certainly was not listening.   Not only was I not ready to hear it.  I wasn’t ready to give up the life I lived.  The ever so important; vacationing, sun-bathing, partying, hard-working, popular, beautiful life that I lived.  The life that was happy, fun, joyful…..ahhhh… & when it wore off?  I went right back at it.

I can stand here today and think that it was so wasteful.  Now wait a minute…. that’s not true.  I did what I did for whatever reason I did it.  I can say is – I did not know.  If I knew better then, I would have made different choices.  All I can do now…. is choose now.  CHOOSE NOW.  😊  Look for things that bring joy to every day.  The little things, the big things, the simple things, the God things.  Fill my JOY bank myself.  For Myself.

And if someone or something comes along that adds value to my day… well I’ll put that into my Joy bank too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Struggling For the Right Words Today

I am struggling for the right words to say today…everyone is aware of the school shooting in Florida yesterday.

My thoughts, prayers, and heart goes out to everyone within this community, the victims, the families, friends, school staff, the entire community and the entire country.

I am not sure the solution to ending these tragedies, everyone has opinions and thoughts, but I struggle with what the solution really is. Do we live in a society where this has become the “norm”? I refuse to believe that.

I am sitting here watching the press coverage of the tragedy and the mentions of the previous ones.  A small community about 20 miles from us had their own scare yesterday as well. A student left a note in a school room that there was going to be an active shooter in their school, another student found it and turned it over. The law arrived, locked the school down and eventually took a child away. To some degree I feel as if I have almost become numb to some of this…not that I don’t feel compassion or heartache but that I could do something, anything…and I haven’t. I talk to my children often, daily, about personal responsibility on how they treat others, the things they say and do(no matter how harmless it seems), how to handle uncomfortable situations with their peers, and how they behave and choices they make.  I try every darn day to set the best example for my children. To be honest I also think about the parents of these children who do the shootings and what has lead up to this, was there signs, was there something I as a parent could have done had it been my child? I struggle with all perspectives of this, every point of view.

I haven’t decided where my responsibility lies within this, I do know I have more I can do and should be doing.  As I always say-It Takes A Village To Raise A Child.

My heart continues to ache, my prayers will continue to be with all these people, and my thoughts will bring me to a decision on how I can do my part on being proactive before I have to be reactive.

Love to All-Kim