Tag Archives: personal care

Permission Slips

Do you remember permission slips from school?  I remember them from High School.  I would get a permission slip to be excused from Math class so I could work in the Principal’s office.  I’m not sure if it was because I was an ‘A’ student in Math or because I was the Principals favorite, but nonetheless, it was always fun.  I would go get kids out of their classes, because the Principal wanted to see them, file piles of documents that the secretary couldn’t get to and eavesdrop on grownup school conversations. 

Today, though, I’m talking about giving ourselves permission slips.  I have been doing that a lot lately.  I give myself permission NOT to finish something I’m working on, or to take a day off from working in the garden, or most recently to go home ‘sick’ from work.  I was brought up with the old school attitude of “If you need something done, do it yourself”, “the only way to be accomplished is to DO-GO-BE”, “I am woman hear me roar”.  

I’ve noticed as I get older that I don’t always have to be DOING, ACCOMPLISHING, FINISHING.  I don’t have to be the best of the best, every day.  My favorite saying when I was in my 20’s was “Do you want to be the steamroller or do you want to be the pavement?”  Back then, I was the steam roller.  And back then, I was proud of it.

Now, I don’t sing that song at all.  I’m learning that my health is more important.  Taking care of me and stopping halfway through a day in the garden because my back hurts is plenty enough reason to call it a day.  I still need to give myself permission to stop so I don’t feel like a failure.  Quitting was not an option when I was younger and changing that conversation takes me paying attention to it and giving it up to a new conversation.  Again.  My success looks & feels different these days.  It takes practice to give myself permission to slow down, stop & rest.

One day it will be habit.   And I will no longer have a need for permission slips.

Xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Friday Nights Are My Nights

Friday nights are my night…. I do not know when It happened but over the last few years Friday nights are now my night.  It’s Friday night and I am sitting home, pouring a glass of wine, telling Alexa to play my favorite country station, and deciding which pile to tackle first.  

I do not make many plans with friends on Friday night.  I do not schedule a night full of home projects. I do not spend the night running around.   I just save that night for me.  Usually it involves some wine, music, and decluttering… 

I think its the decluttering and reorganizing from the week.  For some reason, going through the pile of mail, school papers, and putting away the laundry on a Friday night has turned into my version of relaxation.   I love it.  

It gives me that time to think about the week.  Think about all the good and bad.. Think about what this weekend will bring.  Will I get up early on a Saturday morning and go for a hike or will I spend it laying in bed until 10 am.  Think about what I will tackle next week.  

There were years, where I would would feel so lonely because I did not have plans or doing something facebook spectacular.  Instead I was home in my sweatpants curled up on the couch watching Dexter.  

But then the more and more that I did that, the more and more I enjoyed it.  The more and more, I realized that I was not lonely or a loser for staying home.  The more and more, I started to choose to do that… And the more and more, I actually looked forward to my Friday nights. And I would even say “no” to having plans.  

I do not feel lonely for not going out with friends. I do not feel like I am missing out on some big party or event.  It took me a long time to get to this point.  The point of not feeling lonely for not having plans.  I know I have wrote many times about being ok with making plans with yourself. Or being ok with just you. 

I know my mind would get the best of me in my early divorced or single years.  For some reason I would think staying home on a Friday meant I was not living that fabulous life.  I would actually be nervous about it earlier in the week, thinking “what am I going to do by myself all weekend”… I would feel jealous for what others were doing.   I would try and not let others know that I did not have anything planned.  I was worried they would feel sorry for me or feel bad because they would think I was lonely.  

I would say “yes” to making plans just to have plans.  Which I learned is complete nonsense… The more I started to enjoy that time alone, the more I gained more inner confidence.  The more I just enjoyed myself.  I really started to enjoy it all.  I did not care anymore about who knew I was just hanging out by myself.  

Staying home alone on Friday nights, started to give me the confidence to start to do other things alone.  From those first few years, it has pushed me to do so much more and gain more inner confidence with being by myself.  It does take time, but it happens.     

My mom is still so funny about me doing things alone. I think she thinks it means I am lonely, which I am not.  I have a hard time convincing her that I choose to do certain things alone.   I love a good hike alone.  I love a good movie by myself.  It just has opened me up to so many new things over the years.  

I still have a vacation on my bucket list to do alone and many other things that I hope to enjoy!  Some day I will get there…but for now I will stick with my Friday Nights!!

 

-Snarky

 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

What Is My Worth?

My  worth….

I’ve taken the last 5 weeks or so to really gather my thoughts and try to evaluate who I am and who I want to be. I have achieved very many of my life goals this year and yet still have to get out of my head with so many things.

The one goal I have not achieved is personal wellness. It’s not to be physically perfect or have the best diet 100% of the time. The goal is to feel good about myself and the decisions I am making. I felt like I lost myself at some point. There was a plan and then that plan went away. I didn’t know how to truly pivot and find a different course. I covered it up with life goals and making changes, none of those which truly ran deep and helped fill my soul.

There was a time when I thought I had a chance at having it all. I’m not traditional by any sense of the word and don’t need the white dress and wedding and regalia. Just a person to truly love me and that being all of me. I don’t know that I have ever really had that in my life, and I want to believe that I am worth it.

So I’m taking the rest of 2018, all of 2019 and devoting this time to myself. I need to live the life I want my son to model. I’m hoping that while being ruthlessly devoted to myself, I will end up finding the person who will honestly love all of me. I’ve decided to share my life and my process and my progress and my shortcomings on Instagram. Not for anyone but myself. It will be real and raw and hopefully amusing. I’d invite you to find me @getatit62 and try to get at your own goals this coming year.

I hope that all of you take some time this holiday season to love yourself, love others and look at what this past year has brought you and what you want next year to bring. Happy Holidays!

~Leslie