Tag Archives: perception

I Am Not Good Enough

I’m not good enough.

This perception plagued me for many years. In the dating arena and with the growing obsession of social platforms, it’s very easy to compare yourself with others. And when you do, you’ll never feel good enough.  It’s been stated that “Comparison is the thief of joy,” I’d add that it’s the thief of confidence too.

After being married for 12 years, and creating a family, it was quite foreign to me to enter back out into the singles world. My first step after looking at available options to date, was to look at my competition. I saw hundreds of beautiful, single women. Women who were taller, thinner, or more fit, more outgoing, smarter, more successful… the list went on and on. It brought about deep feelings of inadequacy.

Several months post-divorce, I began seeing a guy who was very attractive, successful, and intelligent. I felt lucky to be dating him. After a short time, he called me to break the news – he had found someone else. I was blindsided and heartbroken. I browsed her social media to gain some insight.  She appeared beautiful, highly successful and sought-after; everything I thought I wasn’t. I sat sobbing in my car, clutched onto my phone. It was as if I was in a beauty pageant I didn’t belong in. I felt defeated and invalidated and I allowed it to hold me back in many areas of my life.

These feelings ruled over me until I began to realize that validation and a strong sense of self-worth doesn’t come from dating or men.  And it surely doesn’t come from comparing yourself with others. I was responsible for my own sense of self. I was responsible for my own inner voice.  Once I began to believe in myself, set goals, overcome challenges, and celebrate who I was, my confidence grew. The more I focused within, the less I cared to compete.  Feeling like you’re not good enough is only a state of mind and only you can control it. If you don’t feel “good enough,” stop looking around you, and start looking within you.

  • The Single Minded Mom

When Miracles Occur

When Miracles Occur…

In my quiet time this morning I was reading about perception, expectation & illusions.

When we come upon a situation, we summarize our thoughts about it through our perception, our reality, our interpretation, per se.  We create our reaction to the situation based on past memories &  understandings, and previous situations that appeared to be the same.  This process is from the ego mind.  It is from our senses reminding us of what to expect and how to be.  It is not necessarily the truth.

A miracle can occur when we look beyond the view, of our physical perception, and believe that there could be a new way.  A different backdrop.  An unspoken word.  A loving response.  An outcome that was never thought of before.

Miracles occur naturally.  It is up to us to make the space for them to show up.  It’s up to us to give up the way it used to be to have something new happen.  Instead of going on auto pilot and creating a story in our head about a situation…we could sit back and be still and be in the moment of ’what is’ and watch it unfold.

Crazy?  No, just egoless.  It’s the giving up control of our expectations.  No more preempting with “what about me?”… “what about my feelings?”… “why this?”… “how will I handle this?”…  ETC, etc. etc.  Whatever you tell yourself when something comes along, it is coming from your yesterdays, your yesteryear.  It is not healthy to lay out your ideas of what’s going to happen…..before it even does.

Imagine…you were bitten by a dog when you were little and then later in life a dog comes along and you’re frightened.  You’ve never met this dog before let alone never seeing it before, so why are you afraid?  It could be the most loving dog in history.  But you’re in a reactive state of what could happen.  You’re frightened of getting bit, because, well it happened before.  That’s your story, your expectation.

Live in the Moment and put all your ego thinking aside and Just Be.  You are smart enough to handle whatever shows up, strong enough to say what needs to be said and valuable enough to matter.


Your God Girl


Unapologetically Yourself

Unapologetically Yourself

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself. My name is Ali and I am a single mom of three wonderful boys. We live in Minnesota. I am currently on a journey to improve my life and become the best version of myself. I am writing to share my experiences, strength and hope. I am a firm believer that you can only keep what you have by giving it away, or paying it forward if you will. I have faced many obstacles in my life but I do not let my struggle define me.

I would like to talk about peoples opinions and perception of you. They truly do not matter in your life. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, and now have a newfound freedom knowing that it does not matter. Do you find yourself consistently thinking if I did this what would so and so think? Do you base your decisions off of how others will perceive you or think of you? I’m here to tell you that needs to stop. Its time to re-frame your thinking. People can find themselves living in fear of disappointing someone or not gaining others approval and living a life full of regret.. This just boggles my mind that we as a society are more willing to disappoint ourselves than we are others. When we live a majority of our life in fear of how other perceive us, shaping our lives to fit the opinions and needs of others instead of our own we welcome people into our lives that are there to just use us, and we will be left feeling miserable, hopeless and unfulfilled.  If you are in negative, unfulfilling or abusive relationships and you wonder why you keep attracting these people that do not have good intentions and may use you? I can guarantee you worry too much about others opinions and needs and not enough about your own! No one is going to fight to have your needs met or care about your opinion if you don’t put yourself first. The opinions people hold of you and how you live your life is none of their business.

You may think I really want these people to like me and approve of me, what you should be thinking instead is I need to approve of me and what I’m doing, I need to be happy with myself. The people you really need in your life are people who care and love you. Those trying to control or use you for their own benefit will fall out of your life. If someones opinion isn’t serving you, you need to state/say/inform them that I appreciate your concern but this is what I want, or what I like and I’m going to do for me.

You don’t need to justify, or beg for your wants or needs, its your life and you are the master of it. When you stop giving others the power to shape your life, you will regain the power to shape your life the way you see fit. Others opinions of you will not bother you any longer. Not to say you wont ever worry about what others opinions are, but you can use mindfulness tools to redirect your thinking instead of getting absorbed by what they think. One of my favorite mindfulness tools when I start getting worked up is, I take a deep breath focus on my breathing and count to 5, once I redirect my thinking its easier to get back on track and go well they don’t pay my bills, and I know what I want. I then just move forward. Don’t sit and justify their actions, don’t ruminate, just move forward.

When you allow yourself to be unapologetically yourself, many things will start to happen. First depending on how long you’ve allowed people to control and dictate your life with their opinions people will resist and try to pull you back into that cycle. People will start to fall out of your life, don’t chase these people. Soon after you’re going to start building relationships with people, fulfilling wholesome mutual two way street relationships.

You’ll find these newfound relationships have something your old ones lacked, respect. The people who stick from your past that stay around through the growing pains, will usually not only act like cheerleaders for you in your life but your relationships with them will grow and change for the better too. Not worrying what others think will guide you to the life you not only want but deserve. Once you take this crucial step your life will start evolving; opening doors you didn’t even know were there.

Always Be unapologetically true to yourself!