Tag Archives: parenting

Giving Your Teenager Some Space

Giving your teenager some space..
It is Thursday night and my daughter is going to the drive in movie with her cheer team.  She knows that she will be out late and needs to be up for summer gym in the morning.
Friday morning is here..and she is up and ready when we have to leave with being reminded.  She’s a smart girl and knows the consequences if she’s not on time.

But then here comes the attitude…I choose to drive the long one mile to the high school in silence.  On days like this, i just learned to pick my battles.   I remember the late nights with my friends in high school and my mom would just point me in the direction of my room for the day.  

Sometimes I have to just ignore my teenager daughter’s eye rolls and attitude…I’m sure thats bad to say,  but sometimes the look alone tells me to back off.  It’s better not to say anything some mornings than to get the eye roll and mumble…the constant bickering with her brother over the pronunciation of a word that drives me nuts…I’m not sure what makes the teenager mood swings and attitude so much worse some days.. then the next day she will sit in the kitchen and talk my ear off about friends and practice.

So I have learned to notice the signs and just let it go.. I don’t fuel the fire with the little things.  After that summer gym class, I let my daughter sleep all afternoon.  Then at dinner time,  I handed her the chore list for the day.  She did them no questions asked… We all have days that we need more sleep or more time alone.  

I have learned that maybe things don’t get done how I would like them, but they get done. If I would have hounded her to do her chores after class, it would have been a painful fight… I knew to just give her the space and she would be fine later.  

When the teenager years first started, it was a definite adjustment… I had a hard time understanding why she didn’t want to do the same things as her younger siblings.  It is hard to find things that we all enjoy now together.   The older they get the harder this becomes… they want friends along or they just don’t want to go.  Or why do they have to watch netflix on their phones in their room instead of watching with all of us in the living room.  

I have learned to do more things one on one with them.   I do not want to always make them do things together when its going to be a painful fight or no one can agree.   I have learned that my kids are so different when they are one on one with you.  They talk and talk and talk…sometimes they almost talk to much..haha.  

So many times I don’t bombard her with questions the minute she gets home from school, practice movies.. .. I let her go to her room and unwind for a bit.. then she’ll usually come and tell me all about whatever she was doing…

I give my kids independence to learn to do things for themselves, while I’m biting my tongue along the way.   I want them to need me but I also want them to make decisions.  Its a fine line to walk… and painful sometimes.  

Painful to keep my comments to myself and let them figure things out for themselves.  My daughter knew that if I let her stay out late, she would need to get up for class.  She also knew that if I let her sleep, she would need to do some chores.  And I have learned to back off a bit and let my kids do things differently than I might.

-Snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

 

 

Mom Guilt During Covid

Mom guilt during Covid…….I am tired. I can’t kick this feeling that I should be doing more.  I  finally lost it today and hid in the closet and cried.

Anyone else feeling “Mom-Guilt” during Quarantine?  My social media is telling me that I should be playing more games with my kids, going on more walks, cooking healthy meals, and having fantastic bonding moments baking with my kids.  Instead, the kids are tired of my cooking, are bored with walks around the same park, run to their electronics every chance I let them, and we are on our ten-thousandth episode of Naked and Afraid. Also, I am exhausted.   I love my kids and spending time with them, but even “Impactful Parents” need a break. I am not bored.  I am the opposite of bored.  I can’t get enough done during the day.  My to-do list of engaging bonding activities with my kids AND the upkeep on my house AND maintaining the necessities of my children (like school-at-home, 3-meals a day, laundry, and supervision,) AND my work-from-home job, NEVER-SEEM-TO-END.  I fall asleep each night with a feeling of, “Damn, I never got _____ done.”

Yes, the quarantine is wearing on me.  It is time to refocus and give myself grace.   If you’re reading this and you feel like I do, I want you to know that you’re not alone.  The good news, there are two things you can do to help.

1. Prioritize yourself.   This is sooooo difficult but so necessary! To be a better parent, you have to prioritize your well-being; otherwise, you will get grumpier, more tired,and you’re best “mommy-skills” will begin to diminish.  In short, you will burn out, and you’re kids need you.  Prioritize self-care, like exercise, alone time, and mental breaks.
2. Redefine your priorities.  I have been wondering, “Am I failing my children?”  When they look back on this time, what will they remember? In most cases, children don’tremember WHAT you said nor WHAT you did, but instead,they remember HOW you made them feel.  I hope my kidsremember all the love and security.   That is my main goal as a parent during this quarantine- make my kids feel loved and secure. My goal each day is not too be the best homeschool teacher.  It is not to stop my kids from eating ice cream.  It is not to prevent them from playing Minecraft.  My goal is to make sure that my kids know I love them and that they are protected during this uncertain time. When this is all over, I want my kids to have the confidence they need to go back to their routine and the mental resiliency to get through this epidemic without going crazy.  Those qualities are founded on love and security.

What are your goals for today?

Don’t compare yourself to the Jones’ next door or to Karen’s photos on Instagram.   Be the best YOU.  Be the best parent for your children (what-ever that looks like in YOUR house.)

-The Impactful Parent

@theimpactfulparent on social media

My Divorce Is Final…Now What?

At the time my divorce was final, I was still living with my ex, which I do not recommend to anybody, but financially we just couldn’t support two households. Life went on this way for about 4 months post divorce. Finally I was able to buy a house of my own. We sat down with our 3 daughters and explained to them THIS IS IT! Mommy and daddy would not be living together any longer. They seemed to be okay with the news. 

I was about to turn 40. The first weekend I had to myself was like a scene from a movie. When my ex pulled out of the driveway with our girls for the first time it was his weekend, I screamed out loud with sheer joy. I had already made a playlist with my favorite break up songs, but not the depressing ones, the liberating ones like “I Will Survive” and “All the Single Ladies.” I danced around my kitchen and made myself a gourmet meal complete with a bottle of wine. 

The following day I slept in, got up and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I could do whatever the hell I wanted for the next two days. I watched Chick Flicks, Netflix, period dramas, cooking shows, you name it. Most of my divorced girlfriends had immediately gotten involved in other relationships, most that had started before their divorces were final. Not me, I didn’t need a man! I’d read every self help book I could find. I was going to work on myself, love myself (insert eye roll). I knew I needed to be alone and figure out how I’d contributed to the demise of my 12 year marriage………….until the loneliness set in. 

Loneliness can make a woman do stupid things, as I was about to find out. 

Karen

So Much More Than That

I am not just a wife; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a mom; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a cook; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a chauffeur; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a housekeeper; I am so much more than that.

I am not just an employee; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a boo-boo kisser; I am so much more than that.  

So then what am I?  I’m so glad you asked.  

I am the daughter of The King.

I am intelligent.

I am a creator and an innovator.

I am a vessel through which life is brought.

I am bold yet humble.

I am beautiful.

I am a superhero.

I am a woman!

You see, before I became a wife or a mother or anyone of those other things that make me who I am, I was a woman.  So often, I tend to forget who I once was, and get stuck in the day to day of being the “just a”.  I find myself hearing other people discuss things that they are doing, and I think to myself that I am “just a…”.  But this just isn’t true.  I am and always will be an intelligent, beautiful, bold and unique woman.  I will always be the creative daughter of The King.  I can never loose sight of that.  In the midst of my daily life, I have to remember her.  I have to keep alive the woman who grew to become the wife, mom, chef, chauffeur, boo-boo kisser etc.  I have to cherish and nurture her.  I have to fight for her.  I have to love her.  When I do this, I am no longer “just a”.  When I do this, I am so much more than that!

 

~1spentmom~

Took Awhile After The Divorce

Took Awhile After The Divorce To Feel Like A Family..

In July, it will 4 years since I bought my house.  It has taken the kids and I that long to really come together as a family.  And it has taken me that long to think of our house as our home.  We have really had to work through all the kinks and get into a grove of our own. 

I’m not sure why but I thought because I was not married anymore or have a husband, that we were not a family.  It was like I just couldn’t say the words “family” or call us a family.  Maybe I had this view stuck in my head that a family should include a mom and dad.  I would stumble over the word all the time.  I would always fall back and say “the kids and I”.

The first couple years after my divorce,  I dreaded going to school events, sporting events,  or church with just the kids. I felt like I was the only one there that was divorced.  I felt like I stood out compared to all the other families.  Maybe I  felt embarrassed or ashamed that I didn’t have that significant other.  I also felt uncomfortable going to larger family events with the just the kids or even by myself.   I just felt like I was the divorced mom with 3 kids always, like I had a label everywhere.  I would always wonder if people knew I was divorced.  I dreaded being asked questions that just made me feel awkward or uncomfortable.  I would not reference us as a family to others, but just my kids and I.  

And I also did not feel like our house was a home.  It took quiet awhile for it to feel like it was now our home.   The first year that I had my house, I did not spend much time there when I did not have my kids.  I was in a relationship and we spent most of the time at his house.  It was a place I slept with the kids, but it definitely did not feel like home.  But when that relationship ended, I started to finally spend time there.  

So over time things started to  change….

We first started to stay home more… the first few years after my divorce, we spent a lot of time at activities or away from our home.   I think that was because I just didn’t always feel comfortable or like it was our home. Now things have settled down and I love to just hang out at home.  I know I have wrote before about wanting the house that my kids friends always hung out at and I have that with this house.  My kids’ friends love to come over!  I love the more than anything. 

We have made some small improvements to the house, lots of paint.  The kids have decorated their rooms with what they like…  I have asked their input on paint colors and changes throughout the house.  We would have a little meeting and I would ask their input.  And I have put up tons of pictures of them growing up throughout the house.   

I started to invite my friends over to hang out…. I think at first I was a little embarrassed of the house.  I know I know… t was in a older development and its an older house.  We do not live in the neighborhoods with all my kid’s friends anymore.  Its definitely not as s modern as the house I had when I was married, so it was an adjustment.  

But when I was married, I rarely had my friends over to hang out, so this is new for me.  And now my friends love to hang out in my kitchen or on the deck with some wine and pizza.   

And as the house started to take on a new feel, I also got more comfortable going to activities and events with just the kids and I… And as time went on, I am completely comfortable going to anything and everything that my kids are involved in.  We also plan fun weekend getaways and trips with just us, as a family.

Honestly, now I don’t even think about it.  We have become so close as family that I never even have those insecurities.  I am not sure if it was just time I needed to process the change in my lifestyle or just coming together closer as a family.  

We are a much stronger family now, than when I was married.  Our house completely feels like home.  I know it does for my kids also.  I can tell they feel so comfortable and safe here. We hang out, we plan nights with friends, we are finally just a family.  

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Elvis Has Left The Building

Elvis has left the building…

Last Saturday we moved the kiddo to NY where he got his first apartment and will go to school and work and make a life that is separate from mine…after 19 years.

I like the area a lot, it’s a good area for a 19 year old to make a life, much more to do than in VT. The drive over is easy, it’s only 1.5 hours away and he is doing well and finding his way. He doesn’t know anyone there, he just decided that he liked the area, found himself an apartment, had me go over and look at the area and then BOOM…they accepted his application for the apartment on the Tuesday after Memorial Day and he asked me to get him moved that Saturday—-so I rented us a Penske truck and away we went.

He is just like me you know…making a decision and then executing it cleanly and concisely…no drama, no bullshit just doing the next thing. He is also like me in that he picked an area that he felt was best for him and then even though he was terrified he just did it anyway. People are telling me how brave he is and how I did such a good job that he was able to go and do this…

And me? I’m over here wandering around my CLEAN and QUIET house wondering what the hell just happened…

I think that I am still digesting the fact that we will never live under the same roof again—- some of you likely know what a strange freaking feeling that really is. In some ways single Moms are the only ones that can comprehend this fully because they know what it is like to put your head down and focus on one thing—-the kid—and just keep doing the next thing until one day one level of it is complete.

So I keep asking myself, “NOW WHAT?”—who am I if I am not that, what do I want to do now that I am free to decide??? I have spent 19 years just doing what needed to be done to make sure that this kid had everything that he needed and to make sure that we had enough money to pay the bills etc etc. I just had my head down and I lifted it a bit when he graduated and started working and now I am free to lift it all the way and it’s WEIRD. There is no other way to describe it— it isn’t bad, it is just weird.

Now what? Now what? Now what? I don’t know…I mean of course I have a job and people count on me to do it, so I will keep doing that. Trying to get used to nobody bothering me every second of the day because during this pandemic with his restaurant closed that is what was happening—-he was literally driving me mad—s-l-o-w-l-y…

The moving was a blessing to both of us and of course I just want him to be happy and functional (LOL) and a good person and learn how to budget!!! Pretty normal shit.

It is so clean here—as in when I clean something it stays clean—-imagine that!?!? That I will gladly get used to—- we talk daily and he is doing well and I am processing and truly all is well. It is just different…19 years of doing something is a long time.

I got the job done though, of that I am certain—- I am looking forward to seeing what he does now and trying very hard to let him figure shit out while providing support— that is a new concept for the chick that wants to fix and save everyone— I’m learning my way as I go…

Onward—-have a good week. I will be back for Coffee Chat soon, maybe even this Sunday— I just haven’t felt like it for a few weeks— I will get there— Blessings and love to you all.

-XO, Noelle

Sass Does Not Live Here

Sass does not live here…

“She’s a teenager” : “He’s hungry” No And NO. There is no excuse that you should take sass from your children. It is disrespectful, rude and selfish along with a ton of other adjectives.

I’ve mentioned before, it is your job as a single mom to raise up your kids Raise them up on the days where you’ve had enough, when you’re hangry and over-tired, when you want to lock yourself in the bathroom, the basement, the car. Yes…on those days. You’re to raise them up to be responsible adults who; move out rather than live at home till they’re 30, don’t quit their 7th job because they didn’t get their way, don’t talk back to their teacher, don’t bully other kids & don’t ignore their grandparents when they come to visit.

How? Is that what you’re saying? HOW? Consequences. YUP! Write up an ‘if this’; ‘then that’ list.

When my son got sassy with me, he lost extracurricular activities, bedtime became earlier and his chores increased. It’s up to you to talk about the consequences to their behavior and stick to it! It works.

Another thing that works well is to “act like they act”. When my son was a teenager, a few different times when I would ask him to do something for me and he said “NO”…I would act like him..I’d roll my eyes, cross my arms & storm off stomping my feet, acting as if it was the end of the world. Saying under my breath like he does “You’re so mean”. This behavior caught him off guard. He realized quickly I was mocking him & he did not like what he saw.

I would also, when he was a teenager,  “say what they say”. One day I asked him, “Hey bud, can you mow the yard for me today?” He said “I’ll mow it tomorrow, OK? I’m tired” I said okay, and let it go. Later that week he asked me to drive him to his friends house. I told him…. “I’ll take you tomorrow, OK? I’m tired.” “What!?,” he exclaimed, “I don’t want to go tomorrow, I want to go now.” I reminded him it was kinda like the other day when he was too tired to mow. That was the last time he told me no when I asked him to mow. LOL

Good luck girls.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

Oh, Pan”damn”ic!

Do you see what I did there?  Let’s be really real about this pandemic, maybe whine a little, then we will take a step back and talk some self care.  Being a single mom is a giant juggle when life is “normal”, but now here we are thrown this curve ball we could have never seen coming.  By now we have become absolute rock stars when it comes to dealing with the unexpected. Right? I am sure we don’t all have fantastic involved exes, super understanding bosses, flawless children, and unending support financially, and emotionally.  As single working mothers we put on our capes every morning (because like a bra we do not wear them to bed) and we take whatever the day throws at us with flexibility, strength, and probably a little bit of sarcasm.  

This pandemic reminds me of the first season of Stranger Things when Eleven makes her escape.  She doesn’t understand the rules to outside life and she is very awkward with people and how to act.  I feel ya girl, pandemic has me with so many questions. So we cant see our loved ones outside of our house?  Ok I definitely respect that-lets flatten this s$#t right out of here. We are staying home in our yard with just our humans and fur human, but of course I am taking a thousand pics or “it didn’t happen”.  I am almost frightened to post online because Susan might share me to the community page with some “oh my gawd” tagline. In this fake scenario I also have some snide response to Susan such as, “hey lady, you don’t have my 7 year old son who just drove two nails through my kitchen floor while I was on a work call.  I told him if he didn’t go outside and run in my fenced in backyard he would sleep on the deck”. But alas I work as a public figure and realize this can’t play out like this. Instead Aunt Bonnie in Florida can’t boost my self esteem with her likes online because I don’t post. I know what you are thinking, “just text her…”, ok fine, maybe I will.

Next, don’t you love how most people who are not single moms think their request is the only one on your plate?  Me too, it’s the comedy of life during the Rona. Juggling work expectations, while teaching your kids, and I am sure some of you moms are also taking classes, or have more than one job etc.  Mandatory 9am work zoom call, while my 9 year old needs to check in on zoom in order to not be marked absent on our one device? Sure, but now let’s also add the 7 year old having an epic tantrum over compound words and the dog just hurled her breakfast up.  By 4pm I would like to tag any other healthy human in for an hour so I can finally finish that client email I started at 8am before the work zoom call started. This is when the fenced in backyard comes into play and I can prep one of the 6 daily meals my kids now need to eat.  By the time it gets to working on my own studies I am passed out on the couch 5 minutes into some Channing Tatum movie I have seen a thousand times.

We also have to speak about these big emotions!  Holy hell, the tantrums, the crying, the snapping, the anger, and then right into happiness.  I am talking about me here. It happens to my kids too, but mostly me. Where do these big emotions come from?  Is it trauma leftover from previous relationships? Is it my need to control or have a plan for the future? Is it because before all of this I hated that stupid Groundhog movie and never wanted to live it?  My extrovert self doesn’t know how to be confined to 2 people, and a goofy Great Dane. My profession is helping others, all day long! Not to mention my peers at work and in class, and everyone who I can’t see everyday but reaches out via technology.  So much of my sarcasm and charm is going to waste due to the Rona. One thing is for sure this pandemic reminded me I am still human too, who needs self care.

I have been keeping a list of some 5 min (or more if you can swing it) self care items that have been helping me to push the reset button, check myself before I wreck myself kinda thing.  I know everyone has a different situation but take a peek and see if any of these will work for you.

 

  1. Headphones- pop those bad boys in and turn the music way up.  I like doing this while I make dinner, usually the witching hour gets to me, the whining ick.
  2. Shower- I find my shampoo bottles great counselors, my loofa knows all the things I should have said during that last argument.  My body wash has never told anyone how many times I have cried for a few min.
  3. Zoom- do not use the link you use for work.  But do make a wine/whine night with your friends.  Cards with Humanity is online and if you don’t mind things a little racey I highly recommend it.
  4. Get outside- Be smart about it ladies but nothing turns a frown upside down quite like some Vitamin D.  Take your allergy meds though so you don’t have a panic attack when you get a sniffle.
  5. Laugh- I know I made my kid sound like a pain in the ass up there, but truth be told he is hilarious with his one liners and use of sarcasm.  Good thing too. Find your “thing” to laugh about.
  6. Watch something besides paw patrol- Seriously Channing helps me, as does the Office.  Sometimes I am not even really watching it but it feels less lonely having the tv on.
  7. Stay in touch- Call your friends or facetime them.  Making those personal connections is so helpful. Don’t forget to ask your other single mom friends if they have eaten today.  
  8. Make plans- Even if they are down right ridiculous, having something to look forward to helps.  Whether it is fancy friday in your own house (while you wash all those pjs you’ve been living in), or the above mentioned zoom wine night this really helps stay focused through the nuances.  
  9. Do something safely selfish- I told my daughter to watch youtube and learn to bake cakes, because well, I like cake.  I am telling a half truth, she isnt the little red hen, I of course helped her.
  10. Seek support- if your feelings are in a scary place reach out.  Mental health counselors are doing teletherapy, and resources are safely available.  Your kid’s schools will probably have a community resource list if you are unsure where to start.  Reach out to their school counselor, they are fabulous people.

Hang in there ladies.  This is super new to everyone.  Even though the pandemic is very serious, if we are practicing safe healthy habits, I don’t see why a little sarcasm and grace can’t get us through. 

Go easy on yourself.  

Choose your battles with your kids, most days my son stays in his pjs all day, and my daughter spends a lot of time on facetime.  Safely reach out and stay connected and make time for self care.

 

~ @almostdrmompsyd

https://almostdrmompsyd.wordpress.com/2020/04/08/oh-pandamnic/

Teamwork Makes The Single Mom Dream Work

Being a single mom is undoubtedly hard.  It’s hard in a way you can’t really understand until you are in the throes of it.  Like when you were pregnant, and people told you that having a newborn would make you tired.  Remember that?  I recall thinking, yeah, I stay up way past midnight and still wake up and go to work tired, I’ll be fine.  Then the baby comes and your definition of tired is utterly reinvented.  Being a single mom is no different, you must experience it to really understand how difficult life becomes.

The hard parts are different for all of us.  Sometimes it’s financial, sometimes it’s juggling busy schedules, sometimes it’s chasing the impossible work/life balance.  For me, my biggest struggle was trying to be the nurturer and the disciplinarian – roles typically reserved for 2 parent households.  I did my damnedest, but with 2 very different kids I found myself performing a daily Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine.  One kid had a great day while the other got in trouble at school.  So, a smile and a high five to you, turn around a deliver a stern look and a consequence for him.  How confusing that must have been for my kids?  I was failing at both roles and leaving a gaping hole in my family.

One day, as I was really trying to figure it all out, I realized that I needed a teammate in all of this.  I was not dating, and fully aware of the complications of bringing another adult into the situation, so that was not the answer.  Instead, I asked myself what if instead of trying to react to and regulate every circumstance my kids encountered, I simply joined them on the playing field.  I decided to start addressing our family as a team. We all had roles to play on the team, and we all had a responsibility to the success of our team.  I sat my kids down and we spoke at length about our new family dynamic.

The truth is, nothing changed as far as my hierarchy in our family.  But instead of dividing and conquering my kids, I encouraged us to all weigh in on the good and bad parts of our days.  We talk so much more, and I yell so much less.  My kids have learned each other’s love languages – one son thrives on physical touch, while the other seeks out words of affirmation.  They have been empowered with the skills to comfort each other and even me on the tougher days.  When one of us has a win – we all win, we all celebrate.

By putting an end to my polar opposite parenting, I’ve lifted a weight off my own shoulders.  I’ve given my kids the gift of an engaged mom instead of an overlord.  I see them growing as better people through their understanding of empathy and teamwork.  We hold each other accountable and we lift each other up.  We are invested in each other’s successes, we cheer for each other louder than anyone else, and we’ve created a safe place to express our thoughts and feelings.

My kids and I are a team now, and there is no other team I’d rather play the game of life with than the people I love the most.

Colleen

Keeping The Drama Out Of Your Life

How do you keep the boundaries set that you have spent years putting into place?   How do you constantly not get pulled into the drama of someone’s life?  I have spent the last few years of my life, setting boundaries with my ex husband.  This has made my life much easier and less stressful. There have been less engaged discussions or one sided arguments due to the boundaries that I have created.  I have kept communication limited  to keep my life moving forward.  These boundaries were set to move forward with my life and children.

I feel that my life has flourished over the last 5 years.  Yes, I have had many ups and downs, but I have pushed through them.  I enjoy my life now and I have worked hard to get to this place.  My kids and I have experienced many challenges and somehow gotten through it.  We have created this comfortable and fun life for ourselves.

As I continue to move forward, I feel that others in my life are still stuck at times.  Yes, this is my interpretation, however I set many boundaries to keep all of the added conflict, drama, and arguments out of my life.  This has been a constant challenge. I feel like I’m just walking down my own path, trying new things, and learning about myself… and then all of a sudden I am constantly blindsided by something from my ex’s life.

Some parents have great co parenting relationships, but my ex and I  just don’t.  I have written about our co-parenting challenges and how it does not always work. So as I am moving forward,  I have to constantly ignore the drama from the other side.  This is a struggle.  There are so many times that I want to ask my kids what is going on at dads, but I have to remember that it will only lead to problems.  I do not need to hear about the fighting at dads, the finances, what they eat for dinner, or what he says about my life.

I have learned to not ask my kids about their time at dad’s house.  As kids they do love to volunteer the information freely, so I am constantly reminding myself that it is no concern of mine.  My kids are very comfortable with me, so unfortunately I usually hear everything.   I do not offer my advice to my ex on things that my kids tell me, so freely.  I do not ask questions about his life.  I also need to remember that the things I hear from my kids is their perception and it is not always as how it happened…

I am trying for us both to live as separate of lives as possible, but share 3 kids. In trying to stay out of the drama of his life, I have had to learn to say no to him.  I will help my ex with the kids as much as possible, until it interferes with my life.  I also have a life that is just as important.

In the past, I would have taken the kids at a drop of the hat, if something came up in his life.  I would have changed my work schedule to accommodate his schedule.  I would have backed out of plans with friends to help him, just because I thought it was for the kids.  I thought that was what good moms do… Saying yes did not make me a good mom.  Because in the end, I am the mom that would do anything for her kids, so this is really tough.

I am slowly realizing that he needs to figure this out.  Yes, I do help many times, but I can not always be available.  He will assume at times that I can help him out and I am learning to say no.  Over the years,  I have learned to find solutions to my own conflicts with my kids. I have found carpools and friends to help me out when I needed help.

Keeping the drama out of my life has let me move forward… I am not stuck in my old life.  I have a new life that I created and I continue to focus on that.  I let him figure out how to handle his life and situations.  I do not add my advice or input.  I just go along my own path learning to say no more often, keeping the boundaries, and ignoring the drama.

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/