Tag Archives: parenting

Parenting Post Divorce During A Pandemic

Parenting post divorce AND during a pandemic sucks…In the immediate aftermath of divorce (which is raw, grueling, and painful enough in its natural state let alone during a worldwide pandemic), your mind and even your heart can play a lot of mean tricks on you. To say that the past month has been an emotional roller coaster would be a vast understatement, as some realities of my new (yet not exactly new) status of being a 99.9 percent of the time, full-time single mother has more often than not been anxiety-ridden and even downright debilitating some days, as this parenting during pandemic stuff is surely meant for people much more patient, resilient, and otherwise stronger than I am or have ever been. Admittedly, I have locked myself in the bathroom and cried more times than I care to acknowledge, I have screamed at my children to the point of being ashamed of said behavior, and I have even gone so far in the darker moments to wish for another life because this is not the one for which I signed up. Yes, I know—good and devoted mothers aren’t supposed to feel or say such things out loud. But if we’re to be honest with ourselves, all of us have been there whether we openly admit that or not. Truly, if turning 40 has taught me nothing else, it’s that living and speaking your truth is soul-cleansing and necessary because if you take a moment and really look at the grand scheme of it all, we don’t have that much time left to make amends to ourselves for the overwhelming silence of the first half of our lives.

Yesterday, I took these three amazing and beautiful children pictured here (though now the significantly more grown-up versions of themselves) to meet their father for the first visitation they’ve had with him in almost four months and the actual first visitation they’ve had with him post-divorce, and my emotions were fairly well all over the place for a multitude of reasons too numerous to mention unless I want to write a script for a Lifetime movie, but I digress. The void in my heart as to all things concerning my former husband and marriage and all that entails is deep, and I now fully understand why all of my friends who had previously gone through a divorce told me that it is far worse than experiencing the death of someone you love BECAUSE IT IS. Yes! It’s a big, gaping, proverbial death of all the aspirations and incantations of love and what that former love created (which so happens to be the three awesome human beings you see here). While they are no doubt the three best things that ever happened to either me or their father, they are also the three things that make this whole divorce phenomenon exponentially harder, especially when you harbor a deep resentment for the person who also took part in their creation, though was not ever and is not now exceptionally present for their becoming (but you’re not ever, ever, no, not ever supposed to let them know that). That, my friends, is a rather large and bitter pill to swallow. Indeed, sometimes it feels like it may poison and subsequently kill me, but I begrudgingly and resentfully do it, all the while smiling through gritted and gnashed teeth. Not for him, but for them, as they, too, will have to surmise their own truths in their own time, and of all the things I don’t concede on where he is concerned, I concede this, as that will never be a burden I want to bear or want them to bear. No, never. Not ever.

In speaking my truth of this deep, emotional void and also of the pain of all things divorce (and how said pain often has nowhere productive to go so it seemingly takes up permanent residence in every synapse and space and memory we possess), the reason I am including this picture in this post is because this wall, until late last night, had been empty for almost a year. Several months back when he moved some things out of our home, he also took these beloved canvasses of our children’s first birthday photos without my knowledge or consent and told me at the time he did it because he knew it would crush me (these being my most cherished photos of my babies ever). Long story short, I didn’t ask for anything else material during our divorce proceedings except for him to return these to me (and to my surprise yesterday, he actually did). So, last night, after returning home to the resounding silence and stillness that is my home without my children’s presence, I had the ceremonial privilege to return them to their proper place, hanging on the dining room wall where they belong and have always belonged. As I stood there marveling at these images of my three precious kids in their most innocent form, I cried tears consisting of at least 1,000 different emotions I have felt over these past two years, otherwise letting go of some of that anguish and bitterness that has consumed me for far too long. I allowed myself to sit in that formerly blank, but now occupied space and let all of that energy—whether good, bad, or indifferent—out. It was cathartic and oh-so desperately needed, and it’s given me the long overdue permission to more genuinely go on about the work of continuing to rebuild both myself and my life and my children’s lives, and not because it’s often glamorous or fun (no, of course, it’s not), but rather BECAUSE I HAVE TO and BECAUSE I WANT TO.

By sharing this story during what is undoubtedly an uncertain and scary time for many of us even under the best of circumstances, it is my greatest hope that we all remember in the midst of what may very well be some of our darkest and most trying times, that this void—this seemingly endless and vapid space—it won’t last or stay empty forever. Of course, it may hang over us and it may consume and subsist on our energy for a certain period of time, but it will inevitably fill up and runneth over again, so to speak. However, this will only happen when we’re ready, and today, I am ready to begin the often excruciating, yet simultaneously healing work of moving on with my life and continuing to open my heart to both things and people who are actually worthy of my love, my time, and my attention. In this ebb and flow of life and all its contents, it’s no secret that it has taken me an exceptionally long time to arrive at this critical juncture. But here I am, detours and delays and breakdowns and all, finally ready to begin again and it feels amazing and right and real. Of course, I am not so naive as to think there won’t be some setbacks along the way, but I will take them as they come—moment by moment, day by day. Yes, in learning to speak my own truth, I realize that I may not know much if anything else, but I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE.

 

“Here’s to finding the courage to speak your truth, whatever that may be.”

Ashley

Lord Help Me Become

Lord help me….I’m sure you’ve seen the bumper sticker that reads, “Lord please help me to become the person my dog thinks I am.” Yea, that too, but I’d rather be the person my 7 year old son believes I am.

I could never be the “World’s Best Mother”. I couldn’t if I tried. Motherhood has got to be the most rewarding, fulfilling, but incredibly and insanely difficult job ever imagined! There are so many thinks to take into consideration. This is my chance to make the world a better place, to donate the best adult I can to this world. Each night I go into his room to check on him after he goes to sleep and each night I pray I can do justice to God’s Precious Gift to Me. I pray I can be what he needs me to be, and the strength to follow through to be a better mother. But to my son, he thinks I’m the World’s Best Mom simply because we went to Taco Bell.

I’ve also been told I “rock”. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I’m guessing that’s a good thing… Last night at his Boy Scout Meeting, they had “Paper Airplane Derbies”. If you haven’t been to a Boy Scout Meeting, it’s predominately a “guy thing”. At most of his Boy Scout functions, I’m a bit out of my element. Take the camping trip a couple weeks ago: 8 little guys, 7 grown ones, and me. The only girl. But I go, have fun, go hiking, and sleep on the ground, even though I prefer “Camp Marriott” or “Camp Holiday Inn”. I’m learning how fathers and sons interact, and am taking notes you see, I’m a single mother. It can be tough to be a single mother. But you know what? Apparently, I’m doing OK! All it took for my son to say, “Mom, you rock!” was knowing how to fold a great paper airplane. Who knew? He lost, but you know what? I rocked!

He tells me I’m the “World’s Best Cooker”. I’ve made my mom’s recipe of Mac and Cheese accompanied by Bar-Be-Que Weenies…one of his favorites. I almost have it – never being quite as good my mother’s, of course. I’ve tried several ways to fry chicken, finally have a way that’s almost as good as KFC’s – almost. I’ve read cookbooks, made pastries, fresh biscuits, and fresh pasta with only flour, eggs, mild, and a rolling pin. Yet to become the “World’s Best Cooker”, all it takes is a cheap box of mac and cheese and an even cheaper can of hot dog sauce. Necessity is the mother of invention: I call it Chili Mac, and it costs about $1.00 to make.

But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the “World’s Best Mom”, or “The World’s Best Cooker”. I see an aging single women who never reached her full potential. I see every mistake I made, re-live every bad choice I ever made, and feel my heart ache for that one great guy I pushed away. I see all the choices made leading to the fact I’m a single mother.

I see my former classmates conquering the world, setting out to do the very things they dreamed and said they would do. I know in my heart of was capable of the same accomplishments, but I’m here struggling with meal planning on $1.00. My choices and were different. Maybe I should have done this, maybe I should have done that…and I would be able to provide better for my son. However, I woke up one day almost 40 years old, graying hair, never married, no house of my own, no new car, no savings account…and every goal I set for myself unfinished. I re-live some mistakes and bad choices, and see the lost opportunities. Mistake after mistake after mistake. I see a person who loves her son dearly, but could’ve done a better job of providing if only…

“Mamma”, my son asks, “did you ever do anything wrong?”

How does he see an entirely different person? How does that happen?

If I could just be the person my son believes I am…

Not a day goes by that I don’t love my son more and more. Last night when his paper airplane didn’t win, he was upset. I explained good sportsmanship, sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. He was still upset, a mix of being mad and crying. I tried to get him to laugh. He said he wanted to stay mad and didn’t want to laugh. Well, he started laughing. He looks up at me, immediately smiles, and gives me the BIGGEST hug and says, “Mom, we sure have some good times, don’t we?”

I wouldn’t change my life for anything.

 

Something Positive For A Change,

Karen

The View From Here, A Maine Focus

 

I wrote this 18 years ago, and my son is now 24 years old. He paid his way through college with no debt, bought and paid for his car that is nicer and newer than anything I have ever owned. He is preparing to move into his brand new and freshly built home with his girlfriend with a balcony view of the ocean. I was a proud mom then, and an even prouder mom now! 

Being A Mom Of A Tween

Being the mom of a tween….

It is Saturday evening and the  Foo Fighters “White Limo” is blaring in my ears.

No crazy beverage, just ice water.

I’m enjoying the sunset and the moon is starting to come out. As much as I dread how early it’s getting dark again, I will always appreciate a calm summer night.

Especially after the last couple days. My daughter turned thirteen, a tween, in June and for the most part… no blowouts.

Until the middle of this past week.

I went into her room before I started my work day and asked her to get cleaned up.

Mind you she is not asked to do much. She has a few chores but my rules I think aren’t too crazy.

Out of nowhere I get a side eye and an attitude the size of Texas.

I stand there for a second.

I calmly say. “You know what I don’t deserve to be talked to that way and it doesn’t feel good. Get dressed.”

“Mom I didn’t mean to”

“No, I’m not doing this.”

I walked out of her room. Because I’m ashamed to say, I got teary. My worst fear happened.

All the books. The articles.

Granted this wasn’t huge. But she’s never given me the attitude. It hurt. It hurts because I get the attitude and I know all the sacrifices that are made in this house. All the things that are done for her. 

I started answering emails. When she came into my room and flopped on my bed.

“Mom I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too kid. This is a weird time isn’t it?”

“Yup.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Mom. I am crabby. I’m kinda mad about stuff.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes and I need hugs”

And we did. For about an hour. We are both wearing our emotions closer to the surface than probably normal. She misses certain routines. There are pieces of her life that have dramatically changed. She is worried. 

I have said this before, sometimes in all of this we don’t stop and take a breath. Listen. Ask. Tell.

We don’t always meet people with grace. Now sometimes they don’t deserve it, but I’ll let you figure that out.

When we got done talking I thanked my daughter. I told her I know it’s hard to share but I’d rather hear the hard stuff than have her feel the way she did.

And this rollercoaster ride of being a Mom of tween continues.

 

Be safe and much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Giving Your Teenager Some Space

Giving your teenager some space..
It is Thursday night and my daughter is going to the drive in movie with her cheer team.  She knows that she will be out late and needs to be up for summer gym in the morning.
Friday morning is here..and she is up and ready when we have to leave with being reminded.  She’s a smart girl and knows the consequences if she’s not on time.

But then here comes the attitude…I choose to drive the long one mile to the high school in silence.  On days like this, i just learned to pick my battles.   I remember the late nights with my friends in high school and my mom would just point me in the direction of my room for the day.  

Sometimes I have to just ignore my teenager daughter’s eye rolls and attitude…I’m sure thats bad to say,  but sometimes the look alone tells me to back off.  It’s better not to say anything some mornings than to get the eye roll and mumble…the constant bickering with her brother over the pronunciation of a word that drives me nuts…I’m not sure what makes the teenager mood swings and attitude so much worse some days.. then the next day she will sit in the kitchen and talk my ear off about friends and practice.

So I have learned to notice the signs and just let it go.. I don’t fuel the fire with the little things.  After that summer gym class, I let my daughter sleep all afternoon.  Then at dinner time,  I handed her the chore list for the day.  She did them no questions asked… We all have days that we need more sleep or more time alone.  

I have learned that maybe things don’t get done how I would like them, but they get done. If I would have hounded her to do her chores after class, it would have been a painful fight… I knew to just give her the space and she would be fine later.  

When the teenager years first started, it was a definite adjustment… I had a hard time understanding why she didn’t want to do the same things as her younger siblings.  It is hard to find things that we all enjoy now together.   The older they get the harder this becomes… they want friends along or they just don’t want to go.  Or why do they have to watch netflix on their phones in their room instead of watching with all of us in the living room.  

I have learned to do more things one on one with them.   I do not want to always make them do things together when its going to be a painful fight or no one can agree.   I have learned that my kids are so different when they are one on one with you.  They talk and talk and talk…sometimes they almost talk to much..haha.  

So many times I don’t bombard her with questions the minute she gets home from school, practice movies.. .. I let her go to her room and unwind for a bit.. then she’ll usually come and tell me all about whatever she was doing…

I give my kids independence to learn to do things for themselves, while I’m biting my tongue along the way.   I want them to need me but I also want them to make decisions.  Its a fine line to walk… and painful sometimes.  

Painful to keep my comments to myself and let them figure things out for themselves.  My daughter knew that if I let her stay out late, she would need to get up for class.  She also knew that if I let her sleep, she would need to do some chores.  And I have learned to back off a bit and let my kids do things differently than I might.

-Snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

 

 

Mom Guilt During Covid

Mom guilt during Covid…….I am tired. I can’t kick this feeling that I should be doing more.  I  finally lost it today and hid in the closet and cried.

Anyone else feeling “Mom-Guilt” during Quarantine?  My social media is telling me that I should be playing more games with my kids, going on more walks, cooking healthy meals, and having fantastic bonding moments baking with my kids.  Instead, the kids are tired of my cooking, are bored with walks around the same park, run to their electronics every chance I let them, and we are on our ten-thousandth episode of Naked and Afraid. Also, I am exhausted.   I love my kids and spending time with them, but even “Impactful Parents” need a break. I am not bored.  I am the opposite of bored.  I can’t get enough done during the day.  My to-do list of engaging bonding activities with my kids AND the upkeep on my house AND maintaining the necessities of my children (like school-at-home, 3-meals a day, laundry, and supervision,) AND my work-from-home job, NEVER-SEEM-TO-END.  I fall asleep each night with a feeling of, “Damn, I never got _____ done.”

Yes, the quarantine is wearing on me.  It is time to refocus and give myself grace.   If you’re reading this and you feel like I do, I want you to know that you’re not alone.  The good news, there are two things you can do to help.

1. Prioritize yourself.   This is sooooo difficult but so necessary! To be a better parent, you have to prioritize your well-being; otherwise, you will get grumpier, more tired,and you’re best “mommy-skills” will begin to diminish.  In short, you will burn out, and you’re kids need you.  Prioritize self-care, like exercise, alone time, and mental breaks.
2. Redefine your priorities.  I have been wondering, “Am I failing my children?”  When they look back on this time, what will they remember? In most cases, children don’tremember WHAT you said nor WHAT you did, but instead,they remember HOW you made them feel.  I hope my kidsremember all the love and security.   That is my main goal as a parent during this quarantine- make my kids feel loved and secure. My goal each day is not too be the best homeschool teacher.  It is not to stop my kids from eating ice cream.  It is not to prevent them from playing Minecraft.  My goal is to make sure that my kids know I love them and that they are protected during this uncertain time. When this is all over, I want my kids to have the confidence they need to go back to their routine and the mental resiliency to get through this epidemic without going crazy.  Those qualities are founded on love and security.

What are your goals for today?

Don’t compare yourself to the Jones’ next door or to Karen’s photos on Instagram.   Be the best YOU.  Be the best parent for your children (what-ever that looks like in YOUR house.)

-The Impactful Parent

@theimpactfulparent on social media

My Divorce Is Final…Now What?

At the time my divorce was final, I was still living with my ex, which I do not recommend to anybody, but financially we just couldn’t support two households. Life went on this way for about 4 months post divorce. Finally I was able to buy a house of my own. We sat down with our 3 daughters and explained to them THIS IS IT! Mommy and daddy would not be living together any longer. They seemed to be okay with the news. 

I was about to turn 40. The first weekend I had to myself was like a scene from a movie. When my ex pulled out of the driveway with our girls for the first time it was his weekend, I screamed out loud with sheer joy. I had already made a playlist with my favorite break up songs, but not the depressing ones, the liberating ones like “I Will Survive” and “All the Single Ladies.” I danced around my kitchen and made myself a gourmet meal complete with a bottle of wine. 

The following day I slept in, got up and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I could do whatever the hell I wanted for the next two days. I watched Chick Flicks, Netflix, period dramas, cooking shows, you name it. Most of my divorced girlfriends had immediately gotten involved in other relationships, most that had started before their divorces were final. Not me, I didn’t need a man! I’d read every self help book I could find. I was going to work on myself, love myself (insert eye roll). I knew I needed to be alone and figure out how I’d contributed to the demise of my 12 year marriage………….until the loneliness set in. 

Loneliness can make a woman do stupid things, as I was about to find out. 

Karen

So Much More Than That

I am not just a wife; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a mom; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a cook; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a chauffeur; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a housekeeper; I am so much more than that.

I am not just an employee; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a boo-boo kisser; I am so much more than that.  

So then what am I?  I’m so glad you asked.  

I am the daughter of The King.

I am intelligent.

I am a creator and an innovator.

I am a vessel through which life is brought.

I am bold yet humble.

I am beautiful.

I am a superhero.

I am a woman!

You see, before I became a wife or a mother or anyone of those other things that make me who I am, I was a woman.  So often, I tend to forget who I once was, and get stuck in the day to day of being the “just a”.  I find myself hearing other people discuss things that they are doing, and I think to myself that I am “just a…”.  But this just isn’t true.  I am and always will be an intelligent, beautiful, bold and unique woman.  I will always be the creative daughter of The King.  I can never loose sight of that.  In the midst of my daily life, I have to remember her.  I have to keep alive the woman who grew to become the wife, mom, chef, chauffeur, boo-boo kisser etc.  I have to cherish and nurture her.  I have to fight for her.  I have to love her.  When I do this, I am no longer “just a”.  When I do this, I am so much more than that!

 

~1spentmom~

Took Awhile After The Divorce

Took Awhile After The Divorce To Feel Like A Family..

In July, it will 4 years since I bought my house.  It has taken the kids and I that long to really come together as a family.  And it has taken me that long to think of our house as our home.  We have really had to work through all the kinks and get into a grove of our own. 

I’m not sure why but I thought because I was not married anymore or have a husband, that we were not a family.  It was like I just couldn’t say the words “family” or call us a family.  Maybe I had this view stuck in my head that a family should include a mom and dad.  I would stumble over the word all the time.  I would always fall back and say “the kids and I”.

The first couple years after my divorce,  I dreaded going to school events, sporting events,  or church with just the kids. I felt like I was the only one there that was divorced.  I felt like I stood out compared to all the other families.  Maybe I  felt embarrassed or ashamed that I didn’t have that significant other.  I also felt uncomfortable going to larger family events with the just the kids or even by myself.   I just felt like I was the divorced mom with 3 kids always, like I had a label everywhere.  I would always wonder if people knew I was divorced.  I dreaded being asked questions that just made me feel awkward or uncomfortable.  I would not reference us as a family to others, but just my kids and I.  

And I also did not feel like our house was a home.  It took quiet awhile for it to feel like it was now our home.   The first year that I had my house, I did not spend much time there when I did not have my kids.  I was in a relationship and we spent most of the time at his house.  It was a place I slept with the kids, but it definitely did not feel like home.  But when that relationship ended, I started to finally spend time there.  

So over time things started to  change….

We first started to stay home more… the first few years after my divorce, we spent a lot of time at activities or away from our home.   I think that was because I just didn’t always feel comfortable or like it was our home. Now things have settled down and I love to just hang out at home.  I know I have wrote before about wanting the house that my kids friends always hung out at and I have that with this house.  My kids’ friends love to come over!  I love the more than anything. 

We have made some small improvements to the house, lots of paint.  The kids have decorated their rooms with what they like…  I have asked their input on paint colors and changes throughout the house.  We would have a little meeting and I would ask their input.  And I have put up tons of pictures of them growing up throughout the house.   

I started to invite my friends over to hang out…. I think at first I was a little embarrassed of the house.  I know I know… t was in a older development and its an older house.  We do not live in the neighborhoods with all my kid’s friends anymore.  Its definitely not as s modern as the house I had when I was married, so it was an adjustment.  

But when I was married, I rarely had my friends over to hang out, so this is new for me.  And now my friends love to hang out in my kitchen or on the deck with some wine and pizza.   

And as the house started to take on a new feel, I also got more comfortable going to activities and events with just the kids and I… And as time went on, I am completely comfortable going to anything and everything that my kids are involved in.  We also plan fun weekend getaways and trips with just us, as a family.

Honestly, now I don’t even think about it.  We have become so close as family that I never even have those insecurities.  I am not sure if it was just time I needed to process the change in my lifestyle or just coming together closer as a family.  

We are a much stronger family now, than when I was married.  Our house completely feels like home.  I know it does for my kids also.  I can tell they feel so comfortable and safe here. We hang out, we plan nights with friends, we are finally just a family.  

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Elvis Has Left The Building

Elvis has left the building…

Last Saturday we moved the kiddo to NY where he got his first apartment and will go to school and work and make a life that is separate from mine…after 19 years.

I like the area a lot, it’s a good area for a 19 year old to make a life, much more to do than in VT. The drive over is easy, it’s only 1.5 hours away and he is doing well and finding his way. He doesn’t know anyone there, he just decided that he liked the area, found himself an apartment, had me go over and look at the area and then BOOM…they accepted his application for the apartment on the Tuesday after Memorial Day and he asked me to get him moved that Saturday—-so I rented us a Penske truck and away we went.

He is just like me you know…making a decision and then executing it cleanly and concisely…no drama, no bullshit just doing the next thing. He is also like me in that he picked an area that he felt was best for him and then even though he was terrified he just did it anyway. People are telling me how brave he is and how I did such a good job that he was able to go and do this…

And me? I’m over here wandering around my CLEAN and QUIET house wondering what the hell just happened…

I think that I am still digesting the fact that we will never live under the same roof again—- some of you likely know what a strange freaking feeling that really is. In some ways single Moms are the only ones that can comprehend this fully because they know what it is like to put your head down and focus on one thing—-the kid—and just keep doing the next thing until one day one level of it is complete.

So I keep asking myself, “NOW WHAT?”—who am I if I am not that, what do I want to do now that I am free to decide??? I have spent 19 years just doing what needed to be done to make sure that this kid had everything that he needed and to make sure that we had enough money to pay the bills etc etc. I just had my head down and I lifted it a bit when he graduated and started working and now I am free to lift it all the way and it’s WEIRD. There is no other way to describe it— it isn’t bad, it is just weird.

Now what? Now what? Now what? I don’t know…I mean of course I have a job and people count on me to do it, so I will keep doing that. Trying to get used to nobody bothering me every second of the day because during this pandemic with his restaurant closed that is what was happening—-he was literally driving me mad—s-l-o-w-l-y…

The moving was a blessing to both of us and of course I just want him to be happy and functional (LOL) and a good person and learn how to budget!!! Pretty normal shit.

It is so clean here—as in when I clean something it stays clean—-imagine that!?!? That I will gladly get used to—- we talk daily and he is doing well and I am processing and truly all is well. It is just different…19 years of doing something is a long time.

I got the job done though, of that I am certain—- I am looking forward to seeing what he does now and trying very hard to let him figure shit out while providing support— that is a new concept for the chick that wants to fix and save everyone— I’m learning my way as I go…

Onward—-have a good week. I will be back for Coffee Chat soon, maybe even this Sunday— I just haven’t felt like it for a few weeks— I will get there— Blessings and love to you all.

-XO, Noelle

Sass Does Not Live Here

Sass does not live here…

“She’s a teenager” : “He’s hungry” No And NO. There is no excuse that you should take sass from your children. It is disrespectful, rude and selfish along with a ton of other adjectives.

I’ve mentioned before, it is your job as a single mom to raise up your kids Raise them up on the days where you’ve had enough, when you’re hangry and over-tired, when you want to lock yourself in the bathroom, the basement, the car. Yes…on those days. You’re to raise them up to be responsible adults who; move out rather than live at home till they’re 30, don’t quit their 7th job because they didn’t get their way, don’t talk back to their teacher, don’t bully other kids & don’t ignore their grandparents when they come to visit.

How? Is that what you’re saying? HOW? Consequences. YUP! Write up an ‘if this’; ‘then that’ list.

When my son got sassy with me, he lost extracurricular activities, bedtime became earlier and his chores increased. It’s up to you to talk about the consequences to their behavior and stick to it! It works.

Another thing that works well is to “act like they act”. When my son was a teenager, a few different times when I would ask him to do something for me and he said “NO”…I would act like him..I’d roll my eyes, cross my arms & storm off stomping my feet, acting as if it was the end of the world. Saying under my breath like he does “You’re so mean”. This behavior caught him off guard. He realized quickly I was mocking him & he did not like what he saw.

I would also, when he was a teenager,  “say what they say”. One day I asked him, “Hey bud, can you mow the yard for me today?” He said “I’ll mow it tomorrow, OK? I’m tired” I said okay, and let it go. Later that week he asked me to drive him to his friends house. I told him…. “I’ll take you tomorrow, OK? I’m tired.” “What!?,” he exclaimed, “I don’t want to go tomorrow, I want to go now.” I reminded him it was kinda like the other day when he was too tired to mow. That was the last time he told me no when I asked him to mow. LOL

Good luck girls.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy