Tag Archives: pain

Battle Scars

Scars. Some look at scars as ugliness. Something that could make us less feel attractive or makes us feel as though we’re unlovable. In my opinion, that couldn’t be more wrong. According to the dictionary a scar is defined as a mark left after injury has occurred and healing has begun or has been completed. A mark where something was previously attached. A lasting emotional or moral injury. At some point in everyone’ life, injury of some nature is bound to occur – whether it be physical, emotional, mental, moral (you get the picture). Not a single soul is immune to it. You will never be able to outrun it. There is no escape…if any of you have figured out a way to do this – – please, show me your ways.

It’s a hands down “no brainer” that physical injury heals much faster than any emotional injury. Get a surgery. Add some hardware. Throw a cast on it or stitch it up – wait a little while and good as new. Off you go and if you’re lucky you’re back to doing most or all of the things you were doing before the injury even occurred.

Emotional pain is much much more complex (duh). If I could click the heels of my ruby red bottoms (my version of Ruby Red Slippers) three times and heal any and all emotional pain I’ve endured over my 39 times around the sun, I’d be all for it. It sure sounds a hell of a lot better than the raging hangover you’re sure to have from a night of downing your pains in Whiskey just to forget. 🙂 I’m sure I got an amen out of a few of you out there, right? Yes? No? Moving along…

I personally find that it’s strange that when you’re in the middle of dealing with your major emotional pains, you feel as if you have not moved anywhere. Not one step off of ground zero. Paralyzed. Stuck in a constant swirl that can make you nauseous. In reality, life continues. YOU are basically on auto pilot. The world keeps spinning, the sun still shines, and seasons come and go. Minutes turn to hours, hours to days, days to weeks and so on. Finally when think of taking a look back – you’ve actually come a lot further than you have been feeling or thinking you have. It is there in that moment when we look back and can see we’ve actually “moved” and have not been in the same spot we were left in – THAT is when you realize that your healing has begun and scars are starting to form over the open wounds and broken pieces of our hearts and souls. Progress.

There’s not a person alive that can tell you the timeline in which this all is supposed to happen. There are no rules. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Your schedule to healing and dealing is autonomous. It’s yours and yours alone, no one has the right to tell you to get over something or “magically heal” from something that is or was of utmost pain for you. When you’re ready, you’ll know and it will be. It’s just that complicated and simple. We’re each at our own pace, and healing over things – whatever they may be – a broken family, abusive childhood, an ended marriage, lost friendships, death, etc. we need to remember that we’re not racing against anyone else in the world, because not one of us is the same as the next. Honestly, I envy those who are able to just pick themselves up, dust themselves off and carry on – but it also makes me wonder if they were ever bothered by what it was in the first place if they just move on with Mach 10 speed. Personally, I tend to be a person that holds on to things a hell of a lot longer than I should or way more than whatever it was deserves. I choose to believe (for myself) that it’s because I love harder than most – so letting go, moving on, and healing is harder as well. My opinion. You certainly don’t need to by that brand.

The bottom line and point is this – these scars that we form from become our “battle scars”. They are not a life sentence. They do not make us ugly. They do not make us unlovable. They help mold us into the person we’re ultimately supposed to be. Sometimes it’s to strengthen us. To help us grow up. To be a better version of ourselves. To walk away from what is not made for us, or to simply make us realize that we deserve so much better.

They remind us that even though there’s been ups and downs, some catastrophic in nature, some not so much… that we showed up for life and we survived. Each battle scar telling their own tale. They show us where we’ve been but they do not dictate where we will go.

To the warrior within you…

You’ve survived what you thought you wouldn’t. Wear your battle scars proudly.

 

  • Jenn

The Mask Which She Hides Behind

The mask I wear can disguise my pain. It can change my appearance. I wear it to fool those around me.  I wear it to help me make it through the day.  I wear it but it’s not the real me.  It lets me hide behind a smile. It lets me keep you at bay. The mask I wear lets the demons to view the world. I wear it to pretend the pain is not real. The mask is an illusion.

The world is full of precious souls wearing masks to hide the pain. ~ Alfa

I have worn for so long that I sometimes forget my true self. I have worn for so long that it I sometimes forget it is not me. I have worn  for so long that it is hard to leave it at home. I have worn for so long that I am afraid to face the world without it. I have worn the mask for so long because it felt safe. I have worn it for so long.

So tired of it, yet I’m still wearing it.

Can you see me? Can you see me behind the mask? Can you see the sadness behind the smile? Can you see the worry in the lines of my face? Can you see the exhaustion around my eyes? Can you see, really see me?

You hide behind the mask. That is your skin. Your eyes are the only portal that reveals the demons within. ~ e.m.

I wish I could go without, but the demons are in charge. I wish I could go without, but the pain is so near the surface. I wish I could go without, but I don’t want to burden you. I wish I could go without, but my warrior is chained. I wish I could go without the mask, but I am just not ready to show the world all of me.

The mask will stay with me to hide my pain. The mask will stay with me to keep you at bay. The mask will stay with me to get me through my day. The mask will stay with me until I go to bed each and every day. The mask will stay with me until the warrior is ready to rise again. The mask is an illusion.

 

~ Kellie

Working each day to be the warrior and leader I know is within me. You can follow me at https://wordpress.com/view/leaderofthepacks.blog

Struggling For the Right Words Today

I am struggling for the right words to say today…everyone is aware of the school shooting in Florida yesterday.

My thoughts, prayers, and heart goes out to everyone within this community, the victims, the families, friends, school staff, the entire community and the entire country.

I am not sure the solution to ending these tragedies, everyone has opinions and thoughts, but I struggle with what the solution really is. Do we live in a society where this has become the “norm”? I refuse to believe that.

I am sitting here watching the press coverage of the tragedy and the mentions of the previous ones.  A small community about 20 miles from us had their own scare yesterday as well. A student left a note in a school room that there was going to be an active shooter in their school, another student found it and turned it over. The law arrived, locked the school down and eventually took a child away. To some degree I feel as if I have almost become numb to some of this…not that I don’t feel compassion or heartache but that I could do something, anything…and I haven’t. I talk to my children often, daily, about personal responsibility on how they treat others, the things they say and do(no matter how harmless it seems), how to handle uncomfortable situations with their peers, and how they behave and choices they make.  I try every darn day to set the best example for my children. To be honest I also think about the parents of these children who do the shootings and what has lead up to this, was there signs, was there something I as a parent could have done had it been my child? I struggle with all perspectives of this, every point of view.

I haven’t decided where my responsibility lies within this, I do know I have more I can do and should be doing.  As I always say-It Takes A Village To Raise A Child.

My heart continues to ache, my prayers will continue to be with all these people, and my thoughts will bring me to a decision on how I can do my part on being proactive before I have to be reactive.

Love to All-Kim