Tag Archives: overwhelmed

It’s Ok To Take A Time Out

I used to have my kids in every activity and was involved with so many volunteer projects….  and then I decided to take a time out.I would make sure we attended every school and church event.  I would volunteer for every activity or fundraiser that the school sponsored.   And then I do not know what happened, but my thinking changed. I was tired of doing all those things.. I was tired of running constantly.  I was just tired.

I was doing those things because I felt I had to…. That was what a good mom does, you run your ass off morning until night.. It was crazy because running my ass off does not make me a good mom.  It makes me a crazy crabby bitchy mom.  I  do not know when this started where you have to be involved in everything to be a good parent or to feel like you are, but it is insane.   I loved to volunteer in my kids classrooms, but I did not love baking cupcakes, or being on the PTA, or collecting box tops. And I hate selling coupon books for fundraisers.. (that’s a whole other topic)

Now…Don’t get me wrong, I do think kids need to be in activities and we all need to volunteer in some capacity for school, however you do not need to do it all.   I know this was my own fault, I signed my kids up for all these activities and I signed myself up for all volunteer shifts.    I wanted to sit and watch TV with my kids. I wanted to do nothing some nights.  I wanted to just enjoy being with them.  I wanted to not be a stressed out crazy lady from running from activity to activity.

So, I stopped signing them up for every activity.  I stopped volunteering for opportunities that I didn’t feel passionate about. And I stopped attending every fundraiser.  I started asking my kids what they wanted to do and what they enjoyed the most.  I would ask if they were ok if we skipped a fundraiser or a school event.  Might seem selfish, but it made our entire family a lot happier and less stressed.  My kids have now each found the one activity or sport that they as passionate about and that works.  I  did not want to spend their entire childhood years feeling rushed…

As a parent you feel overwhelmed at times with all the activities that you children can participate in now.  But the truth is you don’t have to feel pressure to do it all.   A couple weeks ago someone was talking about about constantly running from church, to soccer, to drama club one night and I said why don’t you just let them skip?   And she said, “ what you that teach them?” What would that teach them…haha.. I laughed and said, “that we are human and we can’t do it all and some days you just need to stop and say no”.  That if I am tired and wore out, then I am sure my kids are also.

It’s Monday morning and my teenager has a migraine and stomach ache..she is begging to stay home and I believe that kids need down time.  They need time to do nothing and be kids. I believe that my kids need days to stay home.  They need days to do nothing and to “veg” out.   They need that time to unwind just like adults do.  If adults can take time to binge watch a series on Netflix, then I am sure my kids do too.

So yes, I do let my 8th grader stay home if she needs a day to regroup.  Kids have an amazing amount of stress and expectations put on them these days.   From school academics, to fundraisers, to mission trips, to athletics, to volunteering, religion class, to babysitting…. they are trying to do it all and they are still just kids.

I let my son skip soccer if he is had a bad day at school.  I let my daughter take a night off from religion class if she needs to decompress from the middle school drama.  And I do not think twice about it.. I do not think by letting my kids take that time for themselves, that it sets a bad example.  I think it shows that at times, we all have days where we just need to recharge.  Or we just need a time out.

I so appreciate that my kids can come to me and tell me when they feel overloaded or stressed.. I think it is so important that they know when they need a break.  I appreciate that they can tell me when they do not want to do something and just want to stay home.  I so appreciate their honesty over anything else.

Snarky Divorced Gal

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

Lost & Confused, Do The Next Thing

If you’re lost and confused, Do The Next Thing…

One minute my life looked like this and the next **SNAP** it looked like that.  One minute I was going in that direction and then **SNAP**, I’m going in this direction.

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you couldn’t see right in front of your face?

So anxious that you didn’t have an answer to something simple?

So confused that you weren’t certain how you were going to make it through another day?

I did.  It was awful.  I couldn’t get out of my own way.  Why was I able to manage my life for the past 50 years so extremely well and then all of a sudden, I was lost in the middle of my days?  I couldn’t see the overload until it was on top of me and, but by then, it was too late. Some days, I couldn’t breath …or at least it felt like it.  I used to have everything all figured out and on task and in line.  And then  **SNAP**, I had no idea about so much.  And trying to keep up with everything was exhausting.

It’s called trauma.  It’s called PTSD.  It’s called “Do the Next Thing”.  That was my mantra.  “Do the Next Thing”.   Until I got on the other side of it.  Until I healed that part of me and could manage my life again, I just kept telling myself “Do the Next Thing”.  Every Day.  All Day.

Get out of bed…do the next thing. Brush my teeth…do the next thing. Wash my face…do the next thing. Have something to eat…do the next thing.  I kept it so simple.  I managed what I could manage.  I took on what I could take on.  I did what I could do.   And everything else waited.

So the next time you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and you’re feeling overloaded and lost and confused…..Do the Next Thing.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Finding Reality Outside Of The Box

Finding Reality Outside of The Box

By Cassandra Burnham

Today I wrote a note for myself on my office whiteboard. It read simply, “Forget the Box”.

What is the box? It’s me. More precisely, my life. It’s the person everyone else wants me to be and all the crap they want me to take. It’s their opinions and judgements. The box is full of all of the expectations they throw at me and it’s tied up with the pretty bow that is the “perfect” mom, daughter, worker, parent, friend…. But it’s not who I truly am. And it’s not what I want my life to be. I’m not perfect and I don’t belong in the box. I don’t want to live the life they want for me and I’m tired of trying.

Perhaps you, too have lived “the box”. You might not have even consciously realized it or considered what it meant. But you’d know the feeling. The feeling of constant pressure and demands to fit the mold, be the perfect whatever. Feeling like you’re constantly bending to fit the image that others want to seestraight-A student, agreeable daughter, dutiful wife, flawless PTO mom or live-to-work, hard-cracking executive. It’s exhausting really, cramming all of that into one person and trying to live up to so many high expectations. Seriously, the box sucks.

For me, one day the box just got too full and I realized that I was tired of shining those ribbons and I couldn’t possibly fit anything else inside. I was done with that overstuffed piece of crap – tired of pretending and tired of it all. But I’d been in there so long, I’d forgotten how to express my own truth and live life on my own terms. I’d spent so many years trying to be the perfect student, daughter, mom, friend, worker – that I had no idea who I really was (other than spectacularlynot perfect”).

But here’s what I did know. I have tattoos, I swear and I hate doing repetitive work. I hate making decisions and I hate homework. I hate being controlled and I hate being judged. Most of all, I hate that all of the people who had put me in that box had spent years controlling and judging me – and worse I let them. And when I opened that lid, got past all of the things I’d been hiding that I thought were so shameful – all of that hatred and anger, I found a few gems. I realized that I’m kind and loving and I have a lot to give. Not only was the box full of other people’s shit, but it was also full of lies grounded in self-defeat and fear.

So here I am. Climbing out of the box, working on change. From now on, I will focus on the people who don’t constantly fill the box. Instead I will seek out people who feel my warmth and know my heart and accept me for every bad choice I make, foul word I say or action they don’t agree with. I’ll be kinder to myself in the form of time and energy devoted to me so that I can figure out what I want and need. And I’ll practice positive self-talk that doesn’t give space to the old doubts that led me to the box. I don’t know where this journey is going and it’s scary as hell. But it’s time to figure out what life is like outside of the box where aything is possible and the only limits are the ones we put on ourselves.

Forget the box. It’s on my whiteboard. If you know what I’m talking about and you’re still in your bow-wrapped prison, I invite you to step out with me into the sunshine. And remember, you let people put you there – only you can pull yourself out of it.

Overwhelmed & Finding Direction

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I”-Psalm 61:2

I struggled today with what I have to blog about or share. I am getting in to a rut where it seems like a lot lately has been about misery…only to bring in the year of 2018 with a BANG of more. Including but not limited to ICU, ambulance ride, non-responsive, leaking ceiling, ….not all of those things happened to ME, but have thus far- 4 days in- happened to someone(s) I love.

As you all know, we post many motivational sayings through the day on our Facebook page in hopes that even if it’s just one person the saying is speaking to, that one person needed it, and all is well within ourselves 🙂 I know that not everything we post is meant for everyone, and we weed through the comments-we do pay attention! 🙂 But if just ONE person….. I posted this one and it spoke to me, my heart is certainly overwhelmed at the moment and the madness needs to clear so I can move forward. This is one of those time periods in my life where I need to hand over my worries, concerns and pray for help and guidance and trust that there is a plan, as we are so always telling each and every one of you. There is a plan, I know this, but somedays we needed to be reminded ourselves.  I like to think that you all help me as much as we help you. And for this I thank you.

Love to All-Kim