Tag Archives: opinion

Asking For My Children’s Input

Yesterday I was painting our living room finally, it’s been a 2 month project at minimum.  Once I was almost completed, I thought maybe we should change the furniture around, so I asked my daughter to come help and get her input.  Of course, she was more than excited on moving things around and putting in her own style.

Then it hit me… This is why our family works….I actually ask my kids their opinion. I ask them for their input.  I do not just make decisions on our lives without getting their input.  Over the last 5 years, I have learned to really ask my kids and listen to what they have to say. And I have learned that sometimes they are actually right.   They can see things in a different way that I can.

Maybe it’s different for me because I am single and divorced, so I like to get another person’s opinion on home improvements, dinner choices, movie selections, vacations, etc.  But I realized that this had made our family so much more enjoyable.  My kids have learned that I value what they say and I listen to them.

In the middle  of the week, I usually ask them if there is anything they want to do on the weekend.  Of course, I will usually run down the list of activities we have scheduled due to sports, but then I will actually ask “what do you guys want to do?”.  I love to get their opinions and input.   They are now 15. 12. and 9 so there is a lot of discrepancy on what is suggested.  Sometimes it’s as easy as all they want to do is go starbucks and target..without asking I would not have known that is all they want to do.  And really… I can handle Starbuck’s and target. That is kinda like a dream date.  Other times, I get can we go to a waterpark.

I do not just tell them what is going to happen or what we are going to do, I ask them what they would like to do on the weekends, I ask them if they need anything for school the next week, I ask them for dinner ideas, I ask them if there are any movies they want to see….. I think I have realized that by asking them their opinions I have learned so much more from them.  I do not just say “no” to say no.

Last year, we started our “ you pick dinner Thursdays’ which means that each week a different kid gets to pick where we eat dinner.  Thursdays are our busy sports nights so dinner is always late or rushed, this helps with us still getting to eat together.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some complaints from the others usually, but they get over it fast.   They are excited about being the one to pick the dinner place and the others are always curious on where they are going to pick.

On Sundays, we normally go to church and I have learned that by asking them the time that they want to go, makes them not complain about going.  They actually will get up and go.  Sometimes they pick the earlier time because they want to do something fun that day and other days they will want to sleep in and we will go later.

But the end result is the same, we all go to church together.  And since I asked them on the time, I think they actually feel that they made the decision.

And in return, they have learned that I actually listen to them. They feel comfortable coming to me and asking to have a sleepover, or how to use a tampon, or go to a dance with a boy, or that they have a boyfriend.   They feel that I actually value them and treat them with respect.  They have learned that I am not just going to tell them what to do. I make them think about things a little bit.  I might say no to what they are asking, but what is most important is that they feel comfortable actually asking me.

 

-Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com/blog

Unapologetically Yourself

Unapologetically Yourself

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself. My name is Ali and I am a single mom of three wonderful boys. We live in Minnesota. I am currently on a journey to improve my life and become the best version of myself. I am writing to share my experiences, strength and hope. I am a firm believer that you can only keep what you have by giving it away, or paying it forward if you will. I have faced many obstacles in my life but I do not let my struggle define me.

I would like to talk about peoples opinions and perception of you. They truly do not matter in your life. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, and now have a newfound freedom knowing that it does not matter. Do you find yourself consistently thinking if I did this what would so and so think? Do you base your decisions off of how others will perceive you or think of you? I’m here to tell you that needs to stop. Its time to re-frame your thinking. People can find themselves living in fear of disappointing someone or not gaining others approval and living a life full of regret.. This just boggles my mind that we as a society are more willing to disappoint ourselves than we are others. When we live a majority of our life in fear of how other perceive us, shaping our lives to fit the opinions and needs of others instead of our own we welcome people into our lives that are there to just use us, and we will be left feeling miserable, hopeless and unfulfilled.  If you are in negative, unfulfilling or abusive relationships and you wonder why you keep attracting these people that do not have good intentions and may use you? I can guarantee you worry too much about others opinions and needs and not enough about your own! No one is going to fight to have your needs met or care about your opinion if you don’t put yourself first. The opinions people hold of you and how you live your life is none of their business.

You may think I really want these people to like me and approve of me, what you should be thinking instead is I need to approve of me and what I’m doing, I need to be happy with myself. The people you really need in your life are people who care and love you. Those trying to control or use you for their own benefit will fall out of your life. If someones opinion isn’t serving you, you need to state/say/inform them that I appreciate your concern but this is what I want, or what I like and I’m going to do for me.

You don’t need to justify, or beg for your wants or needs, its your life and you are the master of it. When you stop giving others the power to shape your life, you will regain the power to shape your life the way you see fit. Others opinions of you will not bother you any longer. Not to say you wont ever worry about what others opinions are, but you can use mindfulness tools to redirect your thinking instead of getting absorbed by what they think. One of my favorite mindfulness tools when I start getting worked up is, I take a deep breath focus on my breathing and count to 5, once I redirect my thinking its easier to get back on track and go well they don’t pay my bills, and I know what I want. I then just move forward. Don’t sit and justify their actions, don’t ruminate, just move forward.

When you allow yourself to be unapologetically yourself, many things will start to happen. First depending on how long you’ve allowed people to control and dictate your life with their opinions people will resist and try to pull you back into that cycle. People will start to fall out of your life, don’t chase these people. Soon after you’re going to start building relationships with people, fulfilling wholesome mutual two way street relationships.

You’ll find these newfound relationships have something your old ones lacked, respect. The people who stick from your past that stay around through the growing pains, will usually not only act like cheerleaders for you in your life but your relationships with them will grow and change for the better too. Not worrying what others think will guide you to the life you not only want but deserve. Once you take this crucial step your life will start evolving; opening doors you didn’t even know were there.

Always Be unapologetically true to yourself!

-Ali