Tag Archives: negativity

Responsible Complaining

Responsible Complaining

The truth is nobody likes a ‘complainer’ yet everyone complains,even those of us that know better.  The truth is  that complaints steal energy and pollute the space —complaints bring discord and are unproductive.  However, there is a way to manage complaining so that it is responsible and has the possibility of being productive.

Usually a complaint is done as a ‘dump’ of adverse information, such as so and so did this, this and this…can you believe that??? Then the complainer enrolls their listeners into the energy of the complaint, and everybody walks away from the exchange feeling yucky—meanwhile NOTHING gets resolved.  These are uncommitted complaints and it’s just another version of the ‘blame game’ which is to say that everything is someone else’s fault.

The first step in getting people to stop complaining is to lead them into complaining responsibly so that they are not just dumping toxic negativity into the workplace with no resolve.  Responsible complaining is registering a complaint with a promise or a request at the end of it. The format for this includes being transparent about the fact that you are complaining as often people disguise complaints as ‘conversation’.

It goes something like this:

“I complain that there is never fresh coffee in the break room”

And then it follows with a REQUEST or a PROMISE—such as

“and I request that when you pour the last of the coffee into your cup you start a new pot”  OR “and I promise to be the one that makes a fresh pot of coffee when I see that it is needed”.

Complaining in this way makes it conscious for both the complainer and the listener—everyone is aware that they are hearing a complaint and by ending it with a promise or a request there is closure/resolve to it which prevents it from being toxic to the environment.  

Interestingly enough when you lead people to complain within this format, they get to see just how often they are complaining-which is usually much more frequently than they imagined.

XO, N.

What’s Driving Your Life?

What’s driving your life? What you allow behind the wheel is a huge factor on the quality of your life. Are you fear driven? Constantly worrying what can and will go wrong? Do you find yourself expecting more and more negative things to happen?

Whatever you let run your main thought pattern is what you will manifest into your life. Whatever you tell yourself is true because you will make it true, you will attract it to you.

It takes courage to shed the negativity. Most people hold onto it almost as a security blanket. Thinking its “safer, to not get their hopes up” thinking that staying negative protects them from more painful disappointment. Negative thinking is a trap and I urge you to find the courage to escape.

Letting positive curiosity and wonderment drive you. It’s scary, its raw, it is an amplified joyous life. Finding your inner peace, being aligned with yourself helps you overcome the turbulence of life’s ups & downs. Find your passions, talents/gifts and harness them. Do not fear failure, never regret trying and giving your all. The only true failure in life is never starting and then collecting regrets.

Fear is a chain we need to break, but it is also a sign. Anything worth doing in your life is going to be scary, or downright terrifying.Nothing  good ever comes from our comfort zones; The fear pushes us out of our comfort zone and kick starts our growth, that fear and adrenaline is the first building block of anything great.

To keep building our life, the path we are meant to walk we have to keep growing. Whether We will become or create something spectacular, or watch it crash, burn or hide from it all depends on what we have driving us.

Keep growing loving and learning,

Ali

Refrain from Criticism

“Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know of everybody.”

-Ben Franklin

Nobody likes criticism, which means that it is counterproductive to everything.  Criticism is negative by nature, so it never produces a positive response and usually serves to make people feel inadequate or unhappy.  We live in a culture that feels free to criticize everything from product ingredients to politicians to body type and size.  All the criticizing we are doing as a culture doesn’t seem to be making anything better and it certainly isn’t creating a spirit of good cheer.

A dose of the daily news right now will leave you feeling somewhat hopeless.  Most of it is criticism in one form or another.  We listen to that and then we start out the door on our own personal criticizing crusade…the husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife didn’t do this or that, the kids didn’t pick up, the traffic is terrible, the coffee line is too long, people can’t drive, work isn’t rewarding, we feel fat, we look old…the list goes on and on throughout the day.  The criticisms aren’t limited to other people or things; often we are most critical of ourselves.

When we are done finding fault with ourselves, we happily continue onto what is wrong with everyone and everything else.  We all do it; even the most intelligent, transformed people easily fall into the trap of criticizing.

It is such an automatic response for us that most times we don’t even realize how critical we are being until the words are out of our mouths.

Good to remember that until every, single part of our lives is in impeccable shape we have no right, nor invitation to find fault. We all have room for improvement and we don’t like it when anyone points that out to us, so what makes us think that anyone feels good about our criticism?

What if instead of criticizing we praised and acknowledged or just kept quiet?  There is something to that old adage, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.’  People know when they need to improve something; they don’t need us to point it out.  Right now people need encouragement to do better, to be better.

Just for today try and refrain from being critical of yourself and everyone else…either give praise or be silent and see how that feels and what miracles can occur from that shift in behavior…

Have a good Saturday.

-XO, Noelle