Tag Archives: negative

Farewell Nancy

Farewell Nancy..

A chameleon is a small lizard as we know it,  whose skin changes to adapt to its surroundings. Do you ever feel like a chameleon adapting and changing yourself just to try to fit in with those around you?  Many of us do this, subconsciously,  due to the fact that we put ourselves in a personal survival space.  Whether it be childhood trauma, poor life choices, or even unhealthy friendships or relationships, every single one of us has experienced this uncomfortable feeling of not feeling good about ourselves or fitting in.  It can be called anxiety, insecurity, low self-esteem or even fear. These feelings have taken up space far too long in MY head, how about yours?  

The most difficult challenge to overcoming or combating these critters is BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!   I know, easier said than done, right?  It can be done…but just like anything in life, it takes work. HARD WORK. Daily, weekly, hourly and every second of the day kind of work. 

Many times in life I’ve found that chick negative Nancy dancing around in my head. Telling me things I didn’t want to hear or believe. “You’re not pretty, You’re too fat,You’re not qualified enough,You don’t make enough money”.  Having this song and dance constantly rehearsing in my head eventually lead me to BELIEVE  these crazy thoughts. Thus, causing daily anxiety, unnecessary fears and most definitely low-self esteem. 

A dear friend of mine introduced me to the power of positivity and positive affirmations by sending me a surprise bundle of books in the mail. 

(This friend of mine and I had lost touch over the years and had recently reconnected).

In order to combat these never ending worn out recordings in my head, I took that care package as a hint, and decided to combat those lyrics replaying in my head by using affirmations. Yes, you know ~ those words strung together to make you feel good.  THEY work!   Although I was unfamiliar with the practice of using affirmations and changing my internal self-talk, I decided I would try. 

Part of this rewiring of my brain involved journalizing and also doing daily readings. In the beginning of my self-help endeavor, I started reading anything and everything that shouted positivity. Some of the materials included spiritual and religious books and daily spiritual readings. 

As with anything else,  it takes a while for something to become a habit, but I found myself craving that little bit of “me” time and started restructuring my day to fit this in. I was waking up earlier in the morning and retreating to my bedroom earlier in the evenings. I even bought daily meditation books!  And guess what? 

I STARTED FEELING BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. 

Little by little, I  WAS changing, I felt it, and it felt GOOD.  I was smiling more, not worrying as much, and learning how to let go of the little things that liked to ride the roller coaster in my head.  I also learned the fine art of forgiveness~that was HUGE.  I felt happier and not as weighed down by the worry, negativity or trauma of the past. I’m not saying any of this was easy, mind you, but with a daily routine, anything is possible!  

My daily routine, now five years later … consists of morning meditation reading and reflection time and also time in the evening before bed either journalizing, reading, or doing some adult art therapy coloring to unwind from the day. “ME time.” Doing THIS has changed my life, changed my attitude to gratitude and also inspires me to help others around me. 

Adios negative Nancy.

~Capemom2

Duct Tape, Bubble Gum and Waterproof Mascara

Duct Tape, Bubble Gum and Waterproof Mascara…

I want to sit here and write this blog and tell you everything is fine. Because I had promised myself that moving into this year I wouldn’t let anything get me down.

I wouldn’t get bogged down by things I can’t control. It’s March and the Universe has decided to see how much I can handle in the new year.

My finances have tanked. We will leave it at that. I truly am on the verge of losing my job. We will leave it at that.

My circle of friends that I can share this with is there, but they are all dealing with their own stuff and I don’t want to be that friend.

Throw in all the things that start to come with feeling down you start to pick yourself apart. You start to believe the negative talk. You start to compare yourself to others.

You start to do the very thing you promised you wouldn’t do.

I have said this before and I will say it again, the irony is not lost on me that I encourage others to be strong, brave, believe in themselves. That when people describe me it is kind, caring, and confident. Yet those are things I struggle to find in myself.

Everyday is a battle.

I am thankful that I do a good job hiding it or at least holding it down, I don’t want my daughter to lose her voice or not have one because I can’t find mine.

I am thankful that I am good at saying I’m ok when maybe I’m not, but am able later to pull myself together to talk it out.

I am thankful for recognizing I need a therapist. I know that may seem weird to say but I am. It was a scary thing to decide. It’s a scarier thing to share.

But everyday is a struggle. Right now more than ever. I am almost fifty and my life is not where I thought it should be. Not for lack of trying. I feel like I just got one piece of my life straightened out another piece gets taken away.

So here I sit trying to do the best I can. For myself. My daughter. I’m currently holding it together with duct tape, bubble gum and waterproof mascara.

Cause as you know Mommas that’s what we do.

Sending you love, if you need it I have an industrial package of duct tape, I will always share my gum and recommend a solid mascara.

Much love Mommas,

Caprise

The Proverbial Gut Punch

The proverbial gut punch….

There are certain topics I tread lightly on. Everywhere. Some out of fear, some out of self preservation, some because they are mine alone and if I share them I give them away.

Sometimes though you have to share them. You have to put your misgivings aside, because maybe someone needs to hear what you have going on. Maybe it will help them.

I have been at my current job for almost thirteen years. It was a complete shift. I used to work in Human Resources. I now work with children. I started out as a teacher and have worked my way up and and have been worked out of several leadership roles. In that time we have had four CEO’s. I have switched physical locations at least three times. I am not sure how many times I’ve switched offices. As for bosses… I’ve had quite a few.

More than five less than ten.

With each new boss expectations change. Sometimes my pay and schedule changes. Staff changes. Like I do, I roll with it. As best as I can.

I like my job. I would go so far as to say most days I love it. Except when I don’t.

I am still growing as a leader and I have a lot of work to do and I would like to tell you there haven’t been some things that have made me hold back, but that wouldn’t be true.

I own that. The problem is, I’m now in a place where it’s haunting me. Those fears. 

And I got the proverbial gut punch. You can take that as you will but spoiler alert I’m still employed. 

Which has gotten me to a place where I am looking at myself. At what point did I lose my mojo? At what point did I forget what I am capable of? At what point did I let things weigh me down?

In another life I was the woman that was called upon to resolve conflicts now I avoid them.

I think somewhere along the way I forgot that woman. I started believing the negative talk of others and turned on myself. 

It’s funny I thought I had it together only to find out I still have a long way to go.

I feel like I’m at an impasse right now.  And you know what? While I am definitely having all the range of emotions, maybe this is what I needed. 

That proverbial gut punch wake up call. To get myself together and figure out where my heart is and get my mojo back. 

Much love as always Mamas

<3 Caprise

Responsible Complaining

Responsible Complaining

The truth is nobody likes a ‘complainer’ yet everyone complains,even those of us that know better.  The truth is  that complaints steal energy and pollute the space —complaints bring discord and are unproductive.  However, there is a way to manage complaining so that it is responsible and has the possibility of being productive.

Usually a complaint is done as a ‘dump’ of adverse information, such as so and so did this, this and this…can you believe that??? Then the complainer enrolls their listeners into the energy of the complaint, and everybody walks away from the exchange feeling yucky—meanwhile NOTHING gets resolved.  These are uncommitted complaints and it’s just another version of the ‘blame game’ which is to say that everything is someone else’s fault.

The first step in getting people to stop complaining is to lead them into complaining responsibly so that they are not just dumping toxic negativity into the workplace with no resolve.  Responsible complaining is registering a complaint with a promise or a request at the end of it. The format for this includes being transparent about the fact that you are complaining as often people disguise complaints as ‘conversation’.

It goes something like this:

“I complain that there is never fresh coffee in the break room”

And then it follows with a REQUEST or a PROMISE—such as

“and I request that when you pour the last of the coffee into your cup you start a new pot”  OR “and I promise to be the one that makes a fresh pot of coffee when I see that it is needed”.

Complaining in this way makes it conscious for both the complainer and the listener—everyone is aware that they are hearing a complaint and by ending it with a promise or a request there is closure/resolve to it which prevents it from being toxic to the environment.  

Interestingly enough when you lead people to complain within this format, they get to see just how often they are complaining-which is usually much more frequently than they imagined.

XO, N.

The Negative Chit Chat

Ahhhh to have chit chat with a friend can be a beautiful thing.  To get together over a cup of warm coffee, to sit back and feel your body relax…..your shoulders drop, the space between your eye brows softens, your heart is open.  You are chit chatting about all the things that are going on in your lives and between the listening& the talking there is laughter. Gut deep laughter. Opinions are shared, ideas are created, stories are told.  What better way to spend this time, on this day? 

But what about the negative chit chat in your mind.  The noise that goes on & on about how you can’t do anything right, that you messed up AGAIN, that you’re crazy for even thinking that you could possibly do XYZ. 

The negative chatter in the mind can be a difficult thing to tame, to ignore, to silence.  Even though there may be no outside noise, there is a lot of noise within. Too much noise and it can grind you down.  You can shut off the TV, turn off the radio, send the company home, but you might have a tough time telling the negative chit chat in the brain to go away.

There are ways to manage the chit chat of the mind.  Ways to take a hold, change the thought patterns and have your own internal cheerleader instead of an opponent.

– write down and repeat saying daily affirmations

– reading transformational books

– read Scripture

– call a friend who believes in your highest good

– write a powerful verse on your bathroom mirror so you see it every day

– listen to motivational CD’s in your car

– read daily devotionals

– find a safe place to sit and do nothing and let the mind empty

And remind yourself how amazing you are.  Every. Day.

xoxo

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Spread The Love

Spread The Love.

Recently, I’ve suffered from a little lack of inspiration. For someone that spends most of their time writing, this issue can become a little concerning.

My days have been full of mostly schoolwork and student government duties, which basically left my brain little space for creativity. (The struggle is real).

The other day, however, one of my teachers made a very simple statement that once again got my creative juices flowing. The words, “Spread the love”, stuck with me for the remainder of the day.

I’d repeat the statement over, and over again in my mind. There was something about the simplicity of those three words–yet the strong impact that it could have on so many people–that inspired me. The phrase itself could have so many meanings, but all of them have a kind purpose.

“Spread the Love” is something we should follow every day, especially in today’s world, where kindness is not always our number one priority. This made me ponder on how the phrase could be used in my everyday life. I don’t necessarily think that it means you always need to be happy.  That is obviously not realistic, since all of us struggle with the ups and downs of life.

What I do think it means is to be mindful of how you treat others during those ups and downs. It’s never okay to treat those around you with anything less than kindness. Our goal should always be to raise people up, not put them down for the purpose of trying to feel better ourselves. I know that growing up in a world of social media has made many teens think that it’s ok to say negative things. It’s especially easy when you’re hiding behind a computer screen. I encourage everyone reading this to practice spreading the love. Whether its behind a screen, or in person.

As a society we must spread positivity, spread kindness, and, most importantly, SPREAD THE LOVE!

-Dani <3

The Power Of No

The power of no…

On and off throughout my life I have been told I’m too much. Too sad, too happy. Too short, too chubby. Too shy. I have held onto those statements good, bad and otherwise and used them as my kick starters. The constant tape in my head.

However, my biggest motivator is the word no.

When I’m told no as the saying goes “I do it twice and take pictures.”

I have heard no my whole life. As a small person for obvious reasons. But the first time I heard no and used it to light a fire was in junior high. Some of my friends were cheerleaders. I was mildly interested. When I shared this with a friend and was overheard by a classmate (who promptly told me someone who was so shy like me couldn’t possibly be a cheerleader). I tried out and became a Basketball cheerleader.  It was short lived, because yes I didn’t like being in front of people,but I did it.

In high school when I was told my poems weren’t that great, I became our literary magazine’s editor my senior year.

In college when in a class I was told I should keep my opinions to myself I ran for student government and became president of our hall.

Ok… maybe it’s not the word no exactly but the being told I can’t do something.

Even if I know I will probably fail. I am going to still try. I have to.

When I first started out in radio I remember having a station manager tell me a young lady like me should do admin work. Throughout my career I was told my voice was an experiment. The first comment led to me applying for and getting a paid on air shift. The second caused  me to leave commercial radio. For many years. Later when our community got a public volunteer radio station- yours truly applied and hosts not one but two radio shows.

I always apply for a job I’m interested in. You just never know . Someone may say yes. Case in point I wanted to work with kids, I saw an ad teaching children Spanish, my experience was adults. But I tried. Thirteen years later and I now run my own center.

I have asked bands for interviews. What’s the worst that can happen? I hear no. I have already heard it. A few have said yes.

My most favorite leap … well you are a part of it. I have always wanted to write. REALLY write. But who possibly would want to read what I had to say? A dear friend of mine saw The Working Single Mom was looking for bloggers. I submitted a piece that was incredibly personal and we never published…a year later, geez I think even longer actually. Here we are.

No is easy to hear and let become a piece of negative talk we all play in our brains. But if a shy, failed cheerleader like me can use it for power. Mommas so can you.

Remember who you are….a magical creature. You are the keeper of hearts,hopes and dreams. No is nothing to magical beings like us.

 

<3 Caprise

We Are Limitless

What would you do if told you that you cannot create abundance? You cannot create abundance because it is already and always there. We instead create and impose limitations that keeps us away from our abundance. We are limitless.

The universe, God, the source, whatever it may be for you, always has what we need or more for us, ready waiting for us to reach, and achieve it. Our perceived limitations are the only thing that is stopping us.

This is why perception checking is a must. We can not expect to prosper living in negativity, for we will block anything we are attracting to us. 

I’ve noticed on my own personal journey and growth many many obstacles. I am a kind, loving, and generous person. The thing that boggled my mind is im such a good person, but yet i keep getting screwed over, again and again. Trying to figure out why I knocked myself out of a place of abundance and started basing my value on how others treated me and thought of me.

I more recently figured out my issues, I was allowing low vibration individuals into my circle, these people that have no desire to work on themselves would much rather knock people lower than them. Hence the term Misery loves company. I was allowing these type of people to measure myself worth and lets just say with them of the wheel it kept measuring up short.

Negativity steals abundance and so does non growth in fact these two things together are deadly to a fulfilling and abundant life.

After the last two years of getting rid of my own personal ick, I am finally realizing abundance is a constant natural state. That I place my own limitations and outcomes of abundance, and I can have it all if I allow myself to. I do not need someone to define what success, worth or abundance is for me because I found my path I see my roadblocks and i’m moving forward hammer in hand ready to tear down anything in my way.

Loving learning growing,

Ali

What’s Driving Your Life?

What’s driving your life? What you allow behind the wheel is a huge factor on the quality of your life. Are you fear driven? Constantly worrying what can and will go wrong? Do you find yourself expecting more and more negative things to happen?

Whatever you let run your main thought pattern is what you will manifest into your life. Whatever you tell yourself is true because you will make it true, you will attract it to you.

It takes courage to shed the negativity. Most people hold onto it almost as a security blanket. Thinking its “safer, to not get their hopes up” thinking that staying negative protects them from more painful disappointment. Negative thinking is a trap and I urge you to find the courage to escape.

Letting positive curiosity and wonderment drive you. It’s scary, its raw, it is an amplified joyous life. Finding your inner peace, being aligned with yourself helps you overcome the turbulence of life’s ups & downs. Find your passions, talents/gifts and harness them. Do not fear failure, never regret trying and giving your all. The only true failure in life is never starting and then collecting regrets.

Fear is a chain we need to break, but it is also a sign. Anything worth doing in your life is going to be scary, or downright terrifying.Nothing  good ever comes from our comfort zones; The fear pushes us out of our comfort zone and kick starts our growth, that fear and adrenaline is the first building block of anything great.

To keep building our life, the path we are meant to walk we have to keep growing. Whether We will become or create something spectacular, or watch it crash, burn or hide from it all depends on what we have driving us.

Keep growing loving and learning,

Ali

Letting Negativity Steal Your Joy

Negativity- what a nasty little critter. It can steal the joy of any situation and have you at odds with yourself and the people around you. The more excuses you make for negativity in your life the more it will multiply.  I am currently in a situation where I am surrounded by negativity quite often and I used to react to it with more negativity.  It just ended up compounding on itself and became unbearable.  Until one day I stopped reacting to the source of the negativity, I started to feel bad for that person. also instead of judging that person, I decided to declutter myself.  I did that by starting a daily gratitude list. Also Instead of engaging in negative things I just walk away. If someone is throwing a pity party I don’t enable and I don’t argue I walk away. If the news gets too negative If i can I shut it off I will, if not I leave the room and go listen to some peaceful music.  Not engaging in a battle of wills doesn’t mean you surrender to the negativity, It means you value yourself and your peace more.

Our life/reality is shaped entirely by how we look at and accept things. NO one else can feel the exact same feeling as us, our feelings are ours, same with our thoughts. We cannot change other people, and we can only change circumstances and environments so much. The one true thing we have control over in this life and can change is ourselves. When  you see something in someone else that bothers you, please take a moment. Stop analyzing that person and their behaviors, and instead reflect on yourself, why does that bother you? Why are you allowing that person to interrupt you peace? You may be surprised that negativity may be feeding off of your of insecurity or personality defect. The quickest and most surefire way to eliminate that situation is to work on yourself. Remember Negativity is the thief of joy, and it can only rent a space in your life if you allow it. Today I choose to be grateful. What are you grateful for today?

 

-Always be unapologetically yourself,

Ali