Duct Tape, Bubble Gum and Waterproof Mascara…
I want to sit here and write this blog and tell you everything is fine. Because I had promised myself that moving into this year I wouldn’t let anything get me down.
I wouldn’t get bogged down by things I can’t control. It’s March and the Universe has decided to see how much I can handle in the new year.
My finances have tanked. We will leave it at that. I truly am on the verge of losing my job. We will leave it at that.
My circle of friends that I can share this with is there, but they are all dealing with their own stuff and I don’t want to be that friend.
Throw in all the things that start to come with feeling down you start to pick yourself apart. You start to believe the negative talk. You start to compare yourself to others.
You start to do the very thing you promised you wouldn’t do.
I have said this before and I will say it again, the irony is not lost on me that I encourage others to be strong, brave, believe in themselves. That when people describe me it is kind, caring, and confident. Yet those are things I struggle to find in myself.
Everyday is a battle.
I am thankful that I do a good job hiding it or at least holding it down, I don’t want my daughter to lose her voice or not have one because I can’t find mine.
I am thankful that I am good at saying I’m ok when maybe I’m not, but am able later to pull myself together to talk it out.
I am thankful for recognizing I need a therapist. I know that may seem weird to say but I am. It was a scary thing to decide. It’s a scarier thing to share.
But everyday is a struggle. Right now more than ever. I am almost fifty and my life is not where I thought it should be. Not for lack of trying. I feel like I just got one piece of my life straightened out another piece gets taken away.
So here I sit trying to do the best I can. For myself. My daughter. I’m currently holding it together with duct tape, bubble gum and waterproof mascara.
Cause as you know Mommas that’s what we do.
Sending you love, if you need it I have an industrial package of duct tape, I will always share my gum and recommend a solid mascara.
Much love Mommas,