Tag Archives: motherhood

So Much More Than That

I am not just a wife; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a mom; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a cook; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a chauffeur; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a housekeeper; I am so much more than that.

I am not just an employee; I am so much more than that.

I am not just a boo-boo kisser; I am so much more than that.  

So then what am I?  I’m so glad you asked.  

I am the daughter of The King.

I am intelligent.

I am a creator and an innovator.

I am a vessel through which life is brought.

I am bold yet humble.

I am beautiful.

I am a superhero.

I am a woman!

You see, before I became a wife or a mother or anyone of those other things that make me who I am, I was a woman.  So often, I tend to forget who I once was, and get stuck in the day to day of being the “just a”.  I find myself hearing other people discuss things that they are doing, and I think to myself that I am “just a…”.  But this just isn’t true.  I am and always will be an intelligent, beautiful, bold and unique woman.  I will always be the creative daughter of The King.  I can never loose sight of that.  In the midst of my daily life, I have to remember her.  I have to keep alive the woman who grew to become the wife, mom, chef, chauffeur, boo-boo kisser etc.  I have to cherish and nurture her.  I have to fight for her.  I have to love her.  When I do this, I am no longer “just a”.  When I do this, I am so much more than that!

 

~1spentmom~

Friday Night At Walmart

Have you ever found yourself at Walmart on a Friday or Saturday night? Like, at 9 o’clock? I did. Once. It was then I realized just how much my life has changed since starting a family. Could this really be the highlight of my weekend? That I have some cash in my purse and I can go out on Friday night…to Walmart? To buy Butt Paste, paper towels and socks? Really?

Wow. I guess so.

It’s ok, though, because I quickly realized that I wasn’t alone. Besides the trouble-making tweens in the toy department riding the bikes up and down the aisles, and the extremely ego-pumped twenty somethings in the cosmetic aisle looking for the right shade of lip gloss before she heads out to the clubs…we have us. Us moms. With a fresh 20 dollar bill in our purse. Maybe more.

Here we are, adding up our purchases in our heads. Aimlessly browsing through the jammed packed shelves. With a carriage full of kids who won’t sit down.

Then there’s the clothing section. Do I go in? Nope. I browse from the aisle. I see “us’ poking through clothes looking for something that’ll make us feel pretty, AND that fits. Impossible, by the way. There are women who are trying stuff on from the misses department hoping it’ll fit, and they will look good. But deep down they know it won’t. We know those denim mini skirt days are gone….Looooooong gone. Not for some, but for most.

One thing is for sure…that blouse will look great with that knock-off coach bag I saw at the Flea Market last week end.

But I learned an important thing from that Friday night at Walmart.

All of us at Walmart, with carriages full of kids who won’t sit down, are where we belong…with the kids we love. Inevitably we put the blouse back and settle on a necessity instead. Baby wipes. Tooth paste, Under Roos.

And so what? As I stood in line and looked around at the Moms beside me, I realized what good mommies we were. And I Smiled at the tiny little thing with the fake tan in front of me with her lip gloss, and trouble makers as they high five each other out the door. Because I know it will be them soon enough, standing here with a carriage full of kids that won’t sit down.

~Lynn

From Married Boy Mom to Single Boy Mom

Being a boy mom is both amazing and gross.  The love between a mother and a son is indescribable, but so are the smells.

The moment I saw those two pink lines on that little white stick, I knew I was having a boy.  I wasn’t shocked one bit when the ultrasound technician confirmed that three months later.  What I didn’t know was that 9 years after his birth I would go from a married boy mom to a single boy mom.

I grew up as a total girly-girl.  Bugs, dirt, and fart jokes just weren’t my thing.  That was something that I left up to his dad.  I quickly realized as the divorce proceedings began that I was going to be doing most of the parenting on my own, and that meant I had to become comfortable with all things boy so that my son was comfortable with all things boy.

These are a few things I’ve learned during my transition from a married boy mom to a single boy mom.

Expecting him to be the “man of the house” wasn’t fair.

At first, I tried making the transition fun by telling my son he was going to be the “man of the house” now.  I thought it would make him feel special and give him something to look forward to, but instead, it made him feel like he had to grow up too fast.

I had to realize that expecting him to fill the opening left by his 41-year-old father wasn’t just unrealistic, it wasn’t fair.  Just because his father and I are divorced doesn’t mean he doesn’t still get to be a kid and do kid things.  Sure, he needs to chip in a little more around the house, but he shouldn’t feel the need to be the protector or the provider.  That’s my job now.

A positive male role model was incredibly important for him.

After my divorce, I was kind of anti-male.  I wanted to prove that I was an independent woman and that I could do this whole life thing- including parenting- on my own.  While I’m certainly capable, I understood that my son still craved positive attention from male role models and that I needed to support that.

That didn’t mean I had to go out and find him a step-father.  I didn’t have to look far to find many positive male role models for him.  My father, brother-in-law, nephews, friends, and even my son’s teachers stepped up to the plate.  Although it was difficult to admit, there are some things as a female that I just don’t get.  The “guy stuff” was still important for my son to learn and I needed to respect that.

 ​He needed to see my ups and downs, but not be burdened by them.

This whole single-mom thing isn’t easy.  Life is busy enough, but taking on the work of two people can feel overwhelming at times.  At first, I tried to act like everything was totally fine in front of my son because I didn’t want to feel weak or for him to worry.

I realized that I wasn’t doing either of us any favors by hiding my feelings and that this, in fact, could be a great learning experience for him.  I started talking about age-appropriate things with him and made it clear that he could ask questions if he wanted to, and I saw the anxiety melt away from him.  This whole time I was trying to hide things so he wouldn’t worry, but it was just causing him to wonder and worry even more.

Seeing his mom go through struggles, but to push through them and become stronger because of them is only going to make him more humble, determined, and able as he grows up.

 ​Being “one of the guys” is actually pretty cool.

Before my divorce, I was kind of left out of the “guy stuff”.  I didn’t really know what I was missing.  Cars, video games, football, hockey, fishing, and yes, even fart jokes, aren’t so bad after all.

I’m still not a fan of bugs, but that’s what exterminators are for.  Watching this boy grow into a man is pretty amazing.  Seeing the wheels turn as he watches YouTube videos about how to fix things or listen to him talking about how when he grows up, he’s going to buy a McLaren P1, is incredibly special.

I would have missed all these moments if I were still a married boy mom.  I’m learning that this whole single boy mom thing is just as wonderful, if not more.  I still get to be a girly-girl, but I have a tough side now that makes me feel like a warrior.  Soft, strong, and one proud boy mom.

-Lindsay, The Divorced Mama Bear

instagram.com/thedivorcedmamabear

Elvis Has Left The Building

Elvis has left the building…

Last Saturday we moved the kiddo to NY where he got his first apartment and will go to school and work and make a life that is separate from mine…after 19 years.

I like the area a lot, it’s a good area for a 19 year old to make a life, much more to do than in VT. The drive over is easy, it’s only 1.5 hours away and he is doing well and finding his way. He doesn’t know anyone there, he just decided that he liked the area, found himself an apartment, had me go over and look at the area and then BOOM…they accepted his application for the apartment on the Tuesday after Memorial Day and he asked me to get him moved that Saturday—-so I rented us a Penske truck and away we went.

He is just like me you know…making a decision and then executing it cleanly and concisely…no drama, no bullshit just doing the next thing. He is also like me in that he picked an area that he felt was best for him and then even though he was terrified he just did it anyway. People are telling me how brave he is and how I did such a good job that he was able to go and do this…

And me? I’m over here wandering around my CLEAN and QUIET house wondering what the hell just happened…

I think that I am still digesting the fact that we will never live under the same roof again—- some of you likely know what a strange freaking feeling that really is. In some ways single Moms are the only ones that can comprehend this fully because they know what it is like to put your head down and focus on one thing—-the kid—and just keep doing the next thing until one day one level of it is complete.

So I keep asking myself, “NOW WHAT?”—who am I if I am not that, what do I want to do now that I am free to decide??? I have spent 19 years just doing what needed to be done to make sure that this kid had everything that he needed and to make sure that we had enough money to pay the bills etc etc. I just had my head down and I lifted it a bit when he graduated and started working and now I am free to lift it all the way and it’s WEIRD. There is no other way to describe it— it isn’t bad, it is just weird.

Now what? Now what? Now what? I don’t know…I mean of course I have a job and people count on me to do it, so I will keep doing that. Trying to get used to nobody bothering me every second of the day because during this pandemic with his restaurant closed that is what was happening—-he was literally driving me mad—s-l-o-w-l-y…

The moving was a blessing to both of us and of course I just want him to be happy and functional (LOL) and a good person and learn how to budget!!! Pretty normal shit.

It is so clean here—as in when I clean something it stays clean—-imagine that!?!? That I will gladly get used to—- we talk daily and he is doing well and I am processing and truly all is well. It is just different…19 years of doing something is a long time.

I got the job done though, of that I am certain—- I am looking forward to seeing what he does now and trying very hard to let him figure shit out while providing support— that is a new concept for the chick that wants to fix and save everyone— I’m learning my way as I go…

Onward—-have a good week. I will be back for Coffee Chat soon, maybe even this Sunday— I just haven’t felt like it for a few weeks— I will get there— Blessings and love to you all.

-XO, Noelle

Sass Does Not Live Here

Sass does not live here…

“She’s a teenager” : “He’s hungry” No And NO. There is no excuse that you should take sass from your children. It is disrespectful, rude and selfish along with a ton of other adjectives.

I’ve mentioned before, it is your job as a single mom to raise up your kids Raise them up on the days where you’ve had enough, when you’re hangry and over-tired, when you want to lock yourself in the bathroom, the basement, the car. Yes…on those days. You’re to raise them up to be responsible adults who; move out rather than live at home till they’re 30, don’t quit their 7th job because they didn’t get their way, don’t talk back to their teacher, don’t bully other kids & don’t ignore their grandparents when they come to visit.

How? Is that what you’re saying? HOW? Consequences. YUP! Write up an ‘if this’; ‘then that’ list.

When my son got sassy with me, he lost extracurricular activities, bedtime became earlier and his chores increased. It’s up to you to talk about the consequences to their behavior and stick to it! It works.

Another thing that works well is to “act like they act”. When my son was a teenager, a few different times when I would ask him to do something for me and he said “NO”…I would act like him..I’d roll my eyes, cross my arms & storm off stomping my feet, acting as if it was the end of the world. Saying under my breath like he does “You’re so mean”. This behavior caught him off guard. He realized quickly I was mocking him & he did not like what he saw.

I would also, when he was a teenager,  “say what they say”. One day I asked him, “Hey bud, can you mow the yard for me today?” He said “I’ll mow it tomorrow, OK? I’m tired” I said okay, and let it go. Later that week he asked me to drive him to his friends house. I told him…. “I’ll take you tomorrow, OK? I’m tired.” “What!?,” he exclaimed, “I don’t want to go tomorrow, I want to go now.” I reminded him it was kinda like the other day when he was too tired to mow. That was the last time he told me no when I asked him to mow. LOL

Good luck girls.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

I Am Not A Perfect Mom

I am not a perfect mom…I have two young children, I am a working single mother.  None of my family lives close to me.  My boyfriend doesn’t live with me.  It’s just me – always outnumbered by the kids.
I’d love to say that I’m this always perfect, cool, calm, collected mom. You know, the one you imagine in your head.  The one that has a perfect work-life balance.  That has little stress, and what stress she does have – well she never lets it get to her.  The one who sings and reads to the children every single day.  The one who homecooks all of their meals and of course everything is organic and perfectly nutritiously balanced.  No fast food for us!  The one who never loses her cool.  The one who delights in all aspects of her children at all times.  The one who is able to make it to every single school and life event (on time of course).  The one who has a perfect co-parent relationship with her ex and his fiance.  The one who is the perfect balance of compassionate, loving mother and gentle teacher/disciplinarian.
But I am not her.
The truth is, I don’t know ANYONE who is her.  We all have good days and bad days.  Days where we feel like mom of the year and days where we hang our heads in shame because we lost our cool when the kids pulled down the towel rack, pulled furniture across the floor and left a big scratch, colored on the walls with those cheap crayons that are so so hard to get out, had a VERY hard time listening and following instructions, couldn’t have “nice hands” with each other, and sooooo much more all in the same day.  When did we start comparing ourseslves to this imaginary version of SUPER MOM (I imagine she wears a cape) in our heads? Or the perfect moms we imagine based on those social media posts we see all day?  No one posts the BAD PARTS of their day.  Only the highlighting moments.  But we all have the bad parts, ya know?  All of us.  And that’s ok.  That’s normal.  We are not alone.  We love our kids and try to be the best mom we know how.  But sometimes we fail, we get frustrated, we get tired.  And you know what?  That’s ok too, that’s normal too
So why don’t we all give ourselves a little grace, patience and compassion?  We deserve it.
~H

Not A Perfect Mom, But I am Always There

I’m not a perfect mom by any means. I’m not the mom who will always hug and kiss my daughters. I’m not the mom who is going to sing them a lullaby to fall asleep or bake cookies with them on the weekends. I’m not the mom who cuddles them every time they fall down or rushes them to the doctor whenever they’re sick.

However, I am the mom who will ALWAYS have my daughters backs no matter what. I’m the mom who will hold my girls accountable when they do wrong but let them know it’s okay to make mistakes. I’m the mom who tells them to dust it off when they fall but will give them a hug and make sure they aren’t hurt. My daughters will know that no matter how old they are or how far away they may be, their momma loves them and will be there for them. I’m going to raise them to stand up for themselves, but I will be there to defend them whenever they need it. I may yell at them, be sarcastic with them, and cuss in front of them, but if there is anything I’m sure of, it’s that my daughters will always know I’m standing right beside them cheering them on.

You don’t have to be a perfect mom in order to be a loving one. We must teach our children that this world is not a fairytale while at the same time guiding them to be caring and softhearted towards others. Our children don’t need a mom who has it together 24/7; they need to know that it’s ok to fall apart as long as they get back up and finish what they started. I want my daughters to rise above anything I could have dreamed for myself, and to know it’s okay to scrape their knees along the way because they will always have me to give them a band-aid when they need it.

-Brooke Shea

Mama Bear

My sweet sweet moms.  Are you the kind of mom who protects her child/ren from all the scary parts of the world?  Are you the kind of mom who wants to take away the pain from your child/ren so they don’t cry any more?  Are you that mom who would fight the dragon to save your child from harm? A mama bear?  Yes!  Yes!  And Yes!!!

Being the mama bear is bred in who we are as mothers.  It is the internal makeup of a mother.  It runs in our blood through our veins to our heart, to our soul, to our gut.  A mothers instinct/intuition/love can not be made, copied or replaced.

Do you have the wisdom to tell when you should step in and when you should not?  Do you have the clarity to notice when you are needed or being manipulated?  Do you have the knowing of good & bad, wrong & right, love & evil?  Are you two steps ahead, are you watching with wise eyes, pressing in when you’d rather give in?

These are the things we as mothers must have in place to raise our children to be strong, independent, successful adults who have the wisdom, clarity and knowing that they saw by watching how we raised them.  We tow the line and they learn.

We say no to our selfish desires, we say no to the things we want when we have ‘needs’, we say no when they ask/cry/beg for something we know is wrong, unacceptable or just not necessary.

It is up to us to be the beacon of light and refuge, the pillar of strength and dignity and the lover of life.

Be strong & compassionate.  Be powerful & kind.  Be brave & full up of love.  Be the Mamma Bear.

xoxo

Your God Gril

Tracy

All I Wanted Was A Cup Of Coffee

How many times have you woke up and thought, “Today I will be on time!  I will stop for breakfast and coffee and get this day started right!”  I too have had these delusions of grandeur once upon a time.  This story that I am about to share with you is one that I’m sure many of you can relate to.   It happened a couple of years ago when I only had two children.   My oldest son was spending the day with his aunt, so it was just the baby and myself that morning and I was actually early!  Let me just say that since having children, that NEVER happens.  In fact, I’m usually always running late.  So needless to say I was super excited because I was finally going to be able to stop for coffee before work.

I get to the daycare to drop off my son and as usual, he pooped on his way to the daycare.  This wasn’t stopping me; he did this all the time and his teacher would change him inside.  What I hadn’t realized was that this particular poopy diaper had leaked through his clothes.  Again, I’m still focused on Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts.  He has extra outfits at daycare, no worries!  No worries, until I realized that my scrub jacket had poop on the sleeve.  No big deal, I asked for some of his wipes to clean it off and took my jacket off to throw in my backseat until I got to work.  That’s when I noticed this horrible mushy, smelly mess in the car seat!  It was even in the buckles!  How in the world did this happen?  Was he doing yoga stretches back there or something?

I wiped up as much as I could, washed my hands inside and headed to work.  No coffee for me!  I remember being so heartbroken over this cup of coffee that I had been dreaming of and tasting in my mouth all morning.  It wasn’t going to happen, and I was kind of pissed about it.  Looking back on this now, I can laugh, but the whole way to work in my car I was literally talking to God out loud asking him, “what’s so wrong with coffee?”  “You know that all I wanted was a cup of coffee!”  I remember being almost in tears.   I made it to work on time, ran in to tell my boss what had happened, grabbed some gloves and disinfectants and spent the next 15 minutes scrubbing out that car seat.   In that moment I decided that my favorite baristas would have to wait until the weekends to see me.

While it sucked in that moment, I remember that day and take it as a lesson learned. Things don’t always go as planned and that’s ok.  And just perhaps there was a reason that I didn’t get my coffee that day.  What if going that way would have had me stuck in traffic?  What if I avoided being in an accident?  Missing out on that cup of coffee could have been God protecting me from something that I was unaware of.    Who knows?  Poop may just have saved my life!

~1spentmom

www.1spentmom.com

Make Them Strong By Being Weak

My one wish for my children is that they are stronger than I am. A lot of people that know me personally have made comments about how strong I am and how much strength it took to walk away from a destructive relationship. Well, that might be partially correct, but it is also partially wrong. I had to be weak before I could be strong. I had to become completely broken before I could muster up the strength I needed to walk away. To stop a cycle and prevent my children from repeating the cycle because it was considered “normal” in our home.

My children have always viewed me as strong. My daughter has told me many times “mom, I can’t find your weakness. I mean, I know us kids are your weakness, because if someone hurts us they hurt you, but you come out swinging with all your strength that you have to protect us and fight for us.” Well, my sweet daughter’s perception is correct. New Years Eve gave me an opportunity to speak to my daughter, who is in the formative years of her life, developing her own personality, figuring out her future, and what she wants. We had a very raw conversation about the relationship her father and I had and my wishes and worries for her, her sister, and her brother. She asked some hard questions, made some quick and wise observations, hopefully realized that the by her mom being weak, she will be stronger because of that.

My daughter, because I was weak, realizes that she can set healthy boundaries for relationships, friendships and romantically. Because I was weak, my daughter knows that life will knock a person down, but that weakness eventually turns into strength and the person gets up, dusts themselves off, and goes forward in life. In my weakness, I made my daughter strong because she will know how a woman is to be treated, how a woman is not to be treated, and she will find a person that is set apart for her that will fulfill the desires of her heart in a relationship. My daughter saw me weak, and stay in an environment where it was not healthy, and because of that, she knows she does not have to remain weak and stay. She will be stronger and walk away sooner, to preserve her spirit, her heart, and her soul. In my weakness, my daughter saw me lose my identity, my passions, and myself. But my daughter, she will be strong and never lose those parts of herself and have to rediscover them.

Being weak, while most view it as a negative characteristic, really is my greatest strength. While I was weak, I was teaching my children how to be strong. Strong for themselves. I was given then one, big life to impress upon my children life lessons. I hope a life lesson they take from watching their mother be weak, was that while in her weakness, she found her strength. The strength to pull herself together everyday, to rediscover her passions, find her own identity again, rise up with a renewed strength. I am grateful for the weaknesses that my children have seen in me, because they will be stronger than I ever could be. I made them strong because I was weak. There is something to be said about finding your strength in your weakness, because it is utterly true.

R

You can visit R’s blog page here:

https://thedignifiedgrace.wordpress.com/