Tag Archives: mistake

Shedding The Shame

Shame has been a feeling I have lived with for as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school. Shame has made me feel powerless, worthless, invisible. A couple weeks ago as I drank my coffee on my back porch I read a post from Scary Mommy on Facebook about anxiety/depression and complex trauma and it was like a punch to the gut. It has stuck with me and my thoughts kept returning to one particular part that describes me and my journey so completely it took my breath away.

“At the first sign of anxiety or depression, traumatized people will spiral into toxic shame. Depending on the wounding messages they received from their abusers, they will not only feel the effects of anxiety and depression, but also a deep shame for being “defective” or “not good enough.” Many survivors were emotionally and/or physically abandoned, and have a deep rooted knowledge of the fact that they were insufficiently loved. They live with a constant reminder that their brains and bodies were deprived of a basic human right. Even present-day situations where they are receiving love from a safe person can trigger the awareness and subsequent grief of knowing how unloved they were by comparison.”  https://themighty.com/2018/06/anxiety-from-complex-trauma/#_=_

Shame has been a part of the demons way to control my thoughts. Shame has been a tool of the abusers in my life to make me feel small. Shame has been a feeling that others wanted me to live with for my choices. Shame has been a way to keep the my warrior quiet. I have been shamed for my depression, for my sexuality, for my belief in looking at the good in people, for only being a teacher, for my failures, for my mistakes, for celebrating by wins, for the way my body looks, for my relationships, and for daring to be happy.

I am done living with what others think of what is the right path for me. I am done letting shame keep me from following my passions. I am done with shame telling me I am defective or not good enough. I am done with people who try to shame me into living according to what they believe is proper behavior. My warrior is gaining more power and the demons are losing because I am done with shame.

I choose instead to surround myself with people that will love me despite my mistakes and understand that my mistakes are a part of what has made me this beautiful, powerful warrior goddess. People who can see that I do the best I can each and every day, and love me even on the days I struggle to make it through that day. People that feed my soul with love and kindness, and want to see more that in the world around us.  People who understand my passion, my dreams, my hopes and push me to make them a reality. People who love me even when I react out of fear and know that I am a work in progress. I choose people who see my worth and believe I am good enough each and every day. I am done with shame!

~ Kellie

Working each day to be the warrior and leader I know is within me. You can follow me at https://wordpress.com/view/leaderofthepacks.blog

5 Social Media Mistakes to Avoid

Social Media is a powerful tool and most companies have at least dipped their toes into the pool of these new platforms, however some of them are making avoidable mistakes.  Here are 5 common mistakes that I see a lot of businesses making with social media…

  1. Overuse of Automated Responses–  setting up an auto-response to appear for any comment made on your platforms can be a mistake because it shows a lack of engagement on the part of the business.  People quickly become aware that the same canned response is being given to every comment and it demonstrates to them that nobody is really paying attention.  Also in the case of a grievance or a complaint, that canned auto-response may net you a VERY unfavorable reaction from a client or customer.
  2. Mixed Messaging/ Going OFF Brand–   the brand strategy and overall messaging can get thrown off course when there are too many people with their hand in the social media accounts.  Postings from different people can result in a campaign that appears “all over the place” to your audience.  A business is best served by having a dedicated social media manager or hiring an outside firm that is clear on the strategy to be executed.  Too many cooks in the kitchen spoils the meal, as the saying goes…
  3. Failure to Engage–   the nature of social media is to create relationships with your target audience, failing to respond and engage with your audience will produce unsuccessful results.  You have to be ready and willing to take the time to reply to comments and offer new opportunities for people to interact with you.  Simply posting things will not make the most of your efforts—driving engagement is key to creating an interactive experience for your audience which makes them want more of what you have to offer.
  4. Poor Use of Hashtags–   let us start with the actual definition of a ‘hashtag’ for those of you that may be in the dark.  “Hashtag”- A word or phrase preceded by a hash mark (#), used within a message or post to identify a keyword or topic of interest and facilitate a search for it. Whenever a user adds a hashtag to their post, it’s able to be indexed by the social network and becomes searchable/discoverable by other user”.  That being said 59 hashtags accompanying your post is just, quite simply, annoying to the reader.  A few relevant hashtags for the sake of making your post searchable is acceptable.  Be advised to investigate trending hashtags prior to attaching them to your posts, make sure that what comes up in a search for that tag is exactly what you expected.  There have been cases of people using a trending hashtag that ends up highlighting them in searches for subject matter that they did not intend to be a part of.  Do your homework before attaching things to your content.
  5. Using Trending NEWS to Promote Yourself–  be careful what you associate your business with, the best example of a misstep with this one is when GAP used the news stories of Hurricane Sandy to tell people that they should stay inside and shop online at GAP.  It backfired terribly on them and they ended up having to apologize profusely to the public for being insensitive.  So make sure that if you are associating yourself with a news story, it comes across to the public the way that you intend.

All of the mistakes listed above can easily be avoided by paying attention to your audience and having a clear direction for strategy complete with a working understanding of the brand and messaging that is to be communicated.

If your company has not yet jumped into the world of social media platforms it needs to, this is the new media and it’s going to have to be dealt with, like it or not.  I know many companies that have their ‘head in the sand’ when it comes to getting involved in all the different platforms, however if they continue to ignore it, they will fail.  Social Media is here to stay and if you want to stay relevant you better get on board.

The First Step To Success Is Failure

The first step to success is failure, and lots of failure. Instead of looking at failure as the be all-end all, start looking at it as a tool for redirection or develop it. It doesn’t mean your necessarily on the wrong path maybe you just became side tracked.

I had been single for a year after a 3 year toxic relationship. I had started to see someone and things went fast. 3 months later I was talked into moving out of state leaving my job and the whole nine yards. Push came to shove and we didn’t end up leaving after I left my job, I found out this person had been actively trying to get me pregnant without my consent, at first he succeeded but I miscarried. He told his family right away that I was pregnant but when I miscarried he refused to tell his family that I had. One lie after another and one manipulation after another came out of the wood work. So I ended it with this person. That didn’t stop him from blowing up my phone and Facebook to the point of blocking him. Two days after I broke up with him someone made a false report to CPS accusing me of using drugs so I voluntarily dropped a urine sample. The case was closed in 3 days. Once I blocked him off of my phone and Facebook he started harassing my friends, once my friends blocked him he started talking bad about me to other people- trying to stir up more drama. Not short from my own personal nightmare.

All-that being said and over with, I am getting back on track with momentum. I am looking for a full time or close to full time job ASAP, I am signing up for real estate classes and license. I am getting my health back on track with healthy eating and exercise. I am 100% content in being single and for once in my life I do not have any what ifs about choosing to be single. If it wasn’t for that 3 month roller coaster ride I wouldn’t of found out how happy I am being on my own, no one to answer to, no one trying to control me and my goals.

In the next few months I will be starting my own blog. If I hadn’t failed so miserably I wouldn’t have grown, and became realigned and not complacent with my goals.

So remember if you find yourself struggling/failing just realize something is telling you to realign with your goals and grow.The next steps are up to you to make your goals become alive.

Always be unapologetically yourself,

Ali