Tag Archives: memories

The Cabin

The Cabin..…so grateful… little did I know when my parents bought our cabin 30 years ago it would be the place that I love so much.  It is the place to go that makes everything so clear… It is one of the things that I am so grateful to have in my life  And honestly,   Its not the place, but the experience.

Most of my high school years were spent riding with 6 people deep in a Delta 88 for 3 hours… packed like sardines and we only stopped once. We all dressed in winter gear because my dad kept the air conditioning on so cold.  My dad has his rules and everyone knew it.  You also got to bring one bag and anything else went on your lap.

Even back then, the cabin could take all my stress away…the cabin is where I spent every weekend with my friends tubing and water skiing until we couldn’t hold on anymore. I would come home sunburned and sore… we spent all night playing the broom game and badminton.. we would lay by the bonfire until morning. The cabin is where we first drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes. It’s also where we learned to fill my parents liquor bottles with water.

Every 4th of July celebration was at the cabin with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins… the famous jart tournament, where someone always got hit by the end.  My uncle always broke something… Turkey on the grill, Devon’s potatoes, along with special K bars were tradition.  And we always celebrated birthdays at the cabin, along with my annual summer cabin party.

And now 30 years later, my kids get to experience the freedom of the cabin. I love to tell them the stories of my summers… but what I love more is watching them experiencing it.

The time they get to spend with their grandparents is priceless. They get to listen to stories from the past. They get to her the endless stories of “Hatchet Hannah” the crazy lady in the woods from my dad.. it’s still told the same way he told me 30 years ago.  My kids get to experience yard games and bonfires.. they get to enjoy the freedom of the outdoors. They spend weekends with their cousins making so many memories. They are learning to water ski and bait hooks.

When I hear them playing the same games by the bonfire that I played 30 years ago, I just smile and laugh… even with all the technology and changes kids are still the same… they love games, the freedom, and laughing until all hours….

My kids need this time at the cabin…. I try to keep my kids lives as simple as I can… but they are busy. The cabin takes them away from all the craziness and stress… they need downtime and simplicity just as much as adults. So some weekends we skip activities and commitments, just to go to the cabin.   They need to experience nights of running outside and playing yard games, laughing by bonfires, and swimming for hours until they are exhausted.   I am hoping the cabin will make them forget the stress and chaos that they face at home.  Maybe they will forget about the constant running from activity to activity throughout the week.  And forget about the pressure from trying to be the best at everything these days and take some time to enjoy just being a kid.

My kids will experience and learn so much from these summers.  They will probably not realize it until years later, but they will eventually.  And my kids will make their own memories to tell their kids years from now…

Thanks for reading!

Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

I want you to picture a young girl sitting in the stands at a ballgame. She’s accompanied by her dad, and maybe even her grandfather. You are able to notice the absolute joy on her face as the innings go by, and as she becomes more intrigued with the game itself.
That little girl was me; (and honestly is still me today). The beloved American sport of baseball has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. I used to walk by my grandfather as he sat and observed the game silently from his chair at home. The voices of the sports commentators from the TV often remind me of those little moments I shared with my grandpa.
When I started growing up, my dad made sure to take me to these baseball games to give me a feel for the sport. I began to enjoy it more than any other sport I had watched before. Over the years my love for baseball began to grow, but for different reasons.
Although I found the game incredibly interesting and intriguing, it began to mean a little more to me than before. I no longer was able to attend these games with the frequency that I used to. This time apart from the sport has made my love for it grow increasingly because of what it has come to mean to me.
Now, when I think of baseball, I picture all of the amazing memories I made with my dad in those days at the ballpark. I think about the happiness it brought me and him.
This sport also reminds me so much about the passion my grandfather had for it, and how happy he was to know that I was enjoying it just as much.
Making memories are so important!
Without them, we have nothing to look back on about the times we spent with those who we love.
I’ll be forever thankful for those memories that I hold so close to my heart, and I think that we must make sure to continue to make memories will all those whom we hold dear.
-Dani

Reclaiming My Missing Pieces

I am reclaiming my missing pieces. The first time I stopped liking something because of a broken heart I was in high school. I was a big fan of a certain variety of Liz Claiborne perfume. My ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend wore it too.  If I remember correctly I threw out almost a full bottle. It goes without saying my working class parents were livid. It was not inexpensive, but I couldn’t bear to smell like her.

In the years that followed music.

Movies

TV shows

Restaurants

Type of foods

Even certain objects.

This one is easily the most embarrassing I have a beautiful charm necklace. It’s simple but it has my three favorite things on it: a shoe, cassette tape, a unicorn.  I stopped wearing because a woman who was hitting on my boyfriend at the time was obsessed with unicorns.

As I type this I realize that was ridiculous, but when you are hurting or are hurt you find ways to run away from it. Protect yourself. Even if it means sacrificing some of your favorite things.

You know I even changed my hair because I didn’t want to have the same haircut as someone who had hurt me?

And truth be told, it’s a great haircut.

Not only do women drastically change their appearance to get over a broken heart so women give away pieces of themselves. I am starting to realize those pieces I gave away I should have held onto tightly. By tucking them away or throwing them away, I was letting the people who hurt me, hurt me even more.

I might add, that girl in high school had no idea she cost my parents $50 and I can’t imagine she’d care.

I ended up with a really awful hairstyle for awhile there.

Really awful.

The only person who suffered was me.

Sometimes it is good to give certain things up. Truly. You do need to walk away from memories or things to protect your heart, but what I’m learning in my old age is don’t give YOURSELF away.

I love unicorns. I love that necklace. I got it with one of my best friends. That is what I should focus on.

I enjoy an expensive perfume but I’ve outgrown Liz Claiborne as have millions of women.

I was listening to Brass in Pocket with my Dad long before I met that Lacrosse player who broke my heart, he doesn’t deserve our song.

There are still songs I avoid and if certain movies are on I change the channel,but now it’s because of me, not them.

Heartbreak is a slippery slope Mommas and I am by no means a sage but this is what I know…

If you love that song listen to it loudly

If that perfume smells fantastic wear it.

Be really sure about bangs.

Really sure

Those things were yours long before the heartbreak. But if it hurts too much maybe don’t toss them but find a beautiful box to keep them in until you’re ready to bring them back into your life.

In the meantime Mommas remember who you are. You are- as I like to say magical. Truly. You have other humans who count on you and love you with their whole heart regardless of what kind of perfume you wear.

 

Much love Mommas

<3Caprise

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

I am a person who unfortunately does not sleep much. That means while the rest of my house is sleeping blissfully at 3 AM, I am on Pinterest, social media or You Tube.

There are a few vloggers I follow regularly and they are celebrating marriages and babies and lives together and taking me along for the ride.

While I recognize some of these shares are beautifully edited the emotion is there and definitely gets me emotional.

I feel like I have been carrying around this suitcase of memories from my life before my divorce and I need to throw it away.

I didn’t realize how raw those hurts still were until I started watching those videos.

We all have an idea in our head of how things will be. Our wedding, children, marriage and you either work as a team,meet in the middle, or you don’t.

I also think you forgive a lot because you think it will change.

Once the baby is here.

Once she sleeps through the night.

Once we have been apart a year we’ll get along better.

My biggest red flag was me all wired up having contractions after being in labor for almost a day and my Dad never leaving my side. My ex husband however, not only leaving several times but when he was in the room he was on his computer the whole time. Not once did he comfort me.

Yet I chalked it up to nerves.

No

There would be things later that would show me it had nothing to do with nerves.

I can dwell in regret and compare or I can celebrate the fact I have G. Remember some of the funny moments from that time in my life.

I can be determined to make sure I speak up now with my person and if it feels like a red flag it probably is.

It is incredibly easy for many of us who have been hurt to not let it go. To let it lead us. I have done an absolutely fantastic job of building a very tall wall around myself.

But maybe the tape in our heads instead of coulda,woulda,shoulda should be:

I’m here

I’m badass

I’m a Momma and that makes me magical.

I say it a lot. Being a Mom is magical. We grew people!!!

When that suitcase feels like it needs to be unpacked, kick it back under the bed and remember who you are.

You are a Momma

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Question Your Routine

Hey Teens!

This week I want to share something specifically with you guys.

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of my time writing and finishing up homework for the upcoming school year. This means that I have basically been locked up in my room and focused on my schoolwork. Any free time that I’ve had, I’ve used to call my friends, or catch a couple episodes of my favorite TV show. I notice myself not really interacting with family members; my little sister, in particular, often gets ignored. This is something that commonly happens. I often notice that it becomes part of my routine throughout the school year. It was really something that I never noticed until one of my friends brought it to my attention. He began to tell me about his own issues with unintentionally isolating himself from his family, and about the negative impact it had on both him and his family members. It really shocked me, that I was committing the same mistakes as him.

This really made me question my “routine” and what I should be doing with my free time. Family is such an important part of our lives, and unfortunately I am also guilty of sometimes isolating myself from them. I’d like to make a point of saying that although it is wonderful to have your form of escape, as I have mentioned previously, one must not forget the importance of bonding with family. Our loved ones take time out of their busy schedules to try and reach out to us. Sometimes we forget how incredible they are, and we fail to let them know how much we enjoy hanging out with them. Because of what my friend told me, I decided that it was time to change some of my ways. I realized that I needed to spend moments with the people I love most. Many times, we will prioritize certain things over what is truly important. Make memories with your family, and live every moment to the fullest. Go and question your “routine”.  

-Dani

The Kitchen Is The Place To Be At Our House

The Kitchen…. I finally bought a house about 3 years ago for my kids and I. I bought it thinking that everyone would have their own room and it had a family room in the basement. I thought this would be great, all of the kids could play and hang out. Do you think they ever use it? NO! I just didn’t understand it at first.. I would almost push them into the basement to use it. For the love of God, why do they not use this nice family room…

But my kids love to be in the “kitchen”… the kitchen is the place to be and it’s what I love. Growing up, I would hang out at my best friends house with all of her sisters and their friends. It was great and I loved it. I have such great memories of all the fun we had throughout high school. Late night movies, laughing, games, and telling stories.. That is what I remember.

After I had my kids, I wanted to have the house where my kids hung out out with their friends. I wanted them and their friends to feel comfortable and loved at our home. And I finally have it…I love that my kids friends feel comfortable in our house. They will get their own snacks or know where I keep all the glasses. I love that they know how to unload my dishwasher and clean up after themselves. Sometimes they do it better than my own kids. I love that my kids friends will go play with one of my younger kids than their own friend. I love that they have sleepovers at my house all the time

My house is nothing special, it’s older and outdated. However, they don’t seem to care and I love that. It means that kids don’t really care about all the material things, they just want to feel comfortable or familiar. Sometimes I will come home and they will all be sitting in the kitchen laughing and talking, all different ages and grades, just laughing about life, as they see it.

My kids, their friends, and my mom friends will sit in our kitchen for hours laughing and hanging out. I love this! Sometimes I will ask the kids, why do you want to be around us mom’s, why don’t you go and find something to do… but they continue to hang out.

Today’s kids grow up so different with all the technology and apps. I try and make sure I know what is going on in their lives as much as I can…I do all the parent checks on their phones and apps. But I also give them some freedom and independence, which is important. I grew up writing notes and passing them in class and my parents never read them. I also grew up talking on the phone until all hours of the night and my parents did not listen to my phone conversations. So, I do think my kids need some privacy, freedom, and independence growing up.

I do not know how I did it, but maybe it was from always making sure I have their favorite snacks…but I have always felt comfortable talking to my kids and their friends, asking them about their day, school, other friends, maybe teasing them a little…I also just talk to them in normal conversation and I think that is important.

Snarky divorced gal (www.snarkydivorcedgal.com)

Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number

Age ain’t nothing but a number…

One of my favorite quotes is from Coco Chanel

“you can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.”

I have riffed about aging before and my struggles, really more my gripes lol.

I have now sat firmly at 47 for three months and I’m still trying to figure out our society’s fascination with aging.

And not necessarily in a good way.

Articles about what women over 40, even 30 should and shouldn’t do.

Cover your gray, don’t cover your gray.

Memes about aging punk ladies – yup that one stung.

Cougars(!)

Friends,

Can I tell you a really big secret? Like it’s huge?

I was a moron in my 20’s.

My 30’s so much change, crazy, crazy change.

My 40’s. I’ve landed.

I’m comfy about 80% of the time.

20% I wish I was 21 sitting next to Eddie Vedder at Lollapalooza.

Yes, that did happen.

But then I wouldn’t have my daughter, my friends, a job I love.

Also, milestones are different for EVERYONE. I have friends who adored high school. I didn’t hate it,but my happy memories were built in college.

I have friends who were BABIES when they had their babies and I have other friends who decided to wait until their 40’s.

I guess where I’m trying to go with this, is aging is a beautiful thing. If you all could see how much my haircuts alone have improved, you’d say “yup Caprise, you’re onto something.”

Each wrinkle and gray hair is a memento of a memory, a battle won.

You know what else age has given me?

A sense of calm.

I recently had a very scary situation with a group of girlfriends and I was able to diffuse the situation.

21 year old of Caprise would have broken out in hives.

47 year old Caprise was cool as a cucumber.

Again, this is just me- but I’m gonna be real. I like me so much better now. I still can be wobbly now and then- but a few cycles around the sun and motherhood have given me the ability to see I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could.

As for those articles and memes…

I’m gonna wear leopard print as a neutral.

I’m going to keep getting tattoos until I run out of ideas or skin. Sorry Mom!

I am going to continue going to concerts.

Have dates with my friends.

Love on my daughter.

Buy the shoes.

Eat the pizza and as Coco said be irresistible or pretend like I am.

But most of all remember age ain’t nothing but a number.

 

As always much love Mamas.

<3

Caprise

You Hold The Memory

Do you ever wonder, how did you get so many of ‘these’? Whatever your THESE are. More than likely it’s because you bought them, they were gifted, handed down, or you won them for doing something great. Stop and ask-

“How many do I really need?”

Then decide how many to give away and begin the choosing.

I have 15 coffee mugs & 4 to-go mugs (mind you, I live alone), so I decided to get rid of 5 mugs and 1 to-go. That’s a good place to start, right? As I was going through them & deciding which ones to keep and which ones to pass on, I was noticing how much meaning I had put on each one. The emotional connection was strong for me…. to the person who gave it to me, or the vacation location I bought it at or how pretty it was. I found it a little rough to disconnect from the emotion (did I tell you I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a LOVE tattoo on my foot) because I feel.

Deep.

I reminded myself, this is just a token.  The real sentiment is in my memory, in my mind, in my heart and it’s time to downsize and simplify and the only way to do that is to let it go.

What meaning do you place on things that you have too many of?

How can you start to purge and unclutter the “too many’s”

Too many pairs of socks, panties, boots?

Too many spoons, cereal bowls, kitchen towels?

Too many scarves, vases, tea cups?

Whatever it is,take a look and begin to release some of them.  Give them away.  Donate them.  Hand them down.  Start small and remember that YOU hold the memory in you.

And proudly, happily, say to yourself “It’s time to let it go.”

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo

Memory Triggers

Memory Triggers

Memories can be triggered anytime and by anything ….. a song, a date, an event. Sometimes you anticipate when a memory might be triggered and sometimes it can totally take you by surprise.

A couple weekends ago, I surprised my daughter by telling her about an upcoming birthday gift from her dad and I, a trip to NYC and tickets to see Serena and Venus Williams play tennis at Madison Square Garden. It’s something she’s been hinting about for weeks and she was very excited. The interesting part is, after I told her about the trip, I went to run errands with my younger daughter and in the car, tears came to my eyes and memories started flooding back about the last time we saw the Williams sisters play.

It was years ago in Cincinnati; the whole family had gone to a tennis tournament there. During the trip, there was an incident with my then husband that started me questioning what I was doing with my life and marriage. A week later, my older daughter and I went back to Cincinnati after her coach gave her a ticket to watch Serena Williams play in the semifinals. I normally didn’t like to travel alone, but I felt the need to take her instead of him taking her. Looking back, this was about a week or two before we decided to separate. The analytical side of me believes that the reason I fought to take her was because I needed to prove to myself that I could do it on my own; it was the encouragement I needed for what was to come in the near future.

For years before that, my husband would have discussions with me every couple of years about wanting to leave and “take a break” (Ross and Rachel, anyone?), but I always convinced him to stay and work through our issues. After the Cincinnati trip, he was away for a week on business and I started thinking about things differently. I used to be scared and nervous when he was away on business, but this time felt different. I was different. Instead of feeling fear, I started thinking about what it would be like to be on my own and feeling more confident in my abilities. When he came home from his trip, the same old discussion reared its ugly head again. But, this time, he was surprised by my response. If that’s what he wanted to do, then that’s what he needed to do. There was no convincing him to stay; I had had enough. I was 40 years old and I couldn’t keep having the same conversation all the time, with the same outcome.

About a month after this conversation, he moved out. The intention was that we would take a break and work on things, then he would come back. I think we both knew deep down even before he left, that this was most likely the end.

Everyone’s situation is different and what’s right for one person may not be right for another. In my case, although I never would have made the decision to divorce, I can say that it has changed my life for the better. It took me a long time to get to that way of thinking; maybe I stayed longer than I should have, but, for me, I needed to know that I had tried everything and my biggest concern was how it would impact my girls. It’s definitely not easy, but I feel more alive and confident than I have in years. To clarify, I am not one to take marriage lightly; divorce was not even in my vocabulary, but I do believe that both people have to be invested in making it work or it doesn’t have a chance.

I was shocked that this exciting surprise for my daughter brought up a wealth of negative memories from my past. Now, I have the opportunity to change that from a negative memory to something positive and exciting – a whole weekend experiencing NYC with my daughter for the first time.

As I said before, memories can come from anywhere. Like the song that my Zumba instructor sings sometimes at the end of the class during our cool-down that makes me cry every single time (maybe a little less now than before. Or the date that my dad died. Or the Super Bowl Sunday episode of “This is Us”. Or the date of my wedding anniversary. Or the date of my divorce.

It does get easier as time passes, but it continues to surprise me that even years later, the triggers, memories and emotions still keep appearing. I have to remind myself – it’s ok to feel whatever it is I’m feeling, as long as I don’t let myself wallow in it for too long. As I look back, the memories also help to remind me how much I’ve grown …. I can see the lessons that I’ve learned from my experiences, which can be hard to understand when you’re in the thick of things.

 

~Laxmi~

 

Follow her at her blog, https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/.

Giving Thanks For My Blessings

 

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone will be enjoying their day at home with loved ones. I want to give thanks for my many blessings.

I am typing this the night before and am watching the minutes click by and see that I still have 3 more pies to go! I have been cooking, baking and cleaning since Tuesday.  A few years ago my husband and I decided we were done running from house to house on the holidays and made the choice to start hosting. We would love to have everyone come but are in no way offended if they don’t want to or can’t. We get it, we really do. The hustle and bustle leaves no time to relax and before you know it-it’s over. Hence the decision to start hosting. I don’t mind all the cooking involved, quite frankly it’s one of the better things I do 🙂 I have 3 siblings and many nieces and nephews, my husband has 6 siblings, also with many nieces and nephews. So it can get pretty crazy and wild and on occasion there is some drama. I wouldn’t change a bit of it for anything. I look forward to looking around our home and seeing how the kids have changed and watching them grow. Reminiscing about our “younger” years and hearing about the shenanigans of my husband and his siblings.

At some point one of us girls will pull out the Black Friday ads to pick out all the things we want to get- knowing all along in the back of our minds we will never make it to the sales due to the food coma.  Out of all the years we’ve done this, we have gone ONCE …lol. We will watch football games, and take naps. Someone will bust out a few board games and we will play them for hours. If it’s nice enough outside the kids will go to the park or play a game of football in the yard. Suppertime will come around and we will reheat leftovers and fill ourselves again.

I am thankful, I am blessed.

Love to All-Kim