Tag Archives: manage

TWSM Book Review ‘EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide To Emotional Intelligence’

EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence by Justin Bariso

If you’re looking for a practical read that can help you in both your professional and personal life, EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence by Justin Bariso is a great choice. Bariso takes EQ, the idea that our ability to understand and manage emotions can greatly increase our chances for success, and brings it home with everyday ideas of how EQ can help you with your work, family, and friends. 

Bariso is an author, speaker, and consultant, and one of Inc.com’s most popular columnists. His thoughts on leadership, management, and EQ have been featured by Time, CNBC, and Forbes. I find it interesting that Bariso was raised in a multicultural environment. He credits this with helping him to see others’ perspectives from an early age, and understanding how factors like age, background, and upbringing color how we see the world. 

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from EQ Applied

“Put simply: emotional intelligence is the ability to make emotions work for you instead of against you.” (Chapter 1) 

“Recording is concentrated listening, with the interest to learn more about the other person’s perspective. In other words, don’t listen to help figure out how to reply; instead, listen to understand.” (Chapter 2) 

Some days are harder than others. But that’s just the truth for all of us. So instead of fighting that, or fighting ourselves, we acknowledge and accept ourselves as humans who feel all the feelings. And none of them are permanent, and we’re not weird, broken, or flawed for having them. Just human.” (Chapter 2) 

EQ Applied includes topics like how our thoughts and habits affect our emotions, why we should view all feedback as a gift, and how understanding ourselves can help us to build deeper and healthier relationships. 

Bariso also explains what he calls “the dark side of EQ” or how EQ can be used for harm. His description of Hitler’s use of EQ is chilling. As a skilled orator, Hitler used his ability to tap into fear, anger, and resentment to gain support of the masses. He would practice his speeches meticulously to assure maximum emotional manipulation. Although most of us will never encounter this level of emotional manipulation, Bariso explains how understanding everyday attempts to influence our emotions can help us to protect ourselves. 

I highly recommend EQ Applied. It is a thought provoking book, an easy read, and it may just help you to improve your relationships both at home and work.

 

Rating 4 stars out of 5

Copyright 2018 by Justin Bariso 

Liz is a technical writer by day and a humor writer by night. She lives in Minnesota with her younger daughter and their two cats. When Liz is not reading, writing, or searching for new books to review, she can be found practicing yoga or enjoying time with friends and family. She is savoring the time that she has left before her younger daughter flies from the nest, yet she is also secretly looking forward to a time when she can travel more and not worry about anyone borrowing her socks.

I Am Doing The Best I Can

I am doing the best I can… I realized that the other day, as I was pulling my hair out about numerous events that seem to be spiraling out of control.  I had to remind myself that I am doing the best I can  in all areas of my life.  As a mother, a parent, a friend, a coworker, and a daughter…. 

It is 4pm on a Thursday and I get a notification from the school that my daughter has 3 unexcused absences from periods 4, 5, and 6.  I thought how can that be…she was here in her room doing her distance learning.  So, I go to ask her “why she has an absence from a class when I know she was doing her school work today”… and her answer.. “ I am so sorry, I fell asleep during periods 4, 5, and 6 today.  

I thought how in the world can this happen… And at the same time I thought… I am such a failure as a mom.  I am not sure if I was angry that she missed the classes or upset at myself.  I should have been more diligent with her that day.  I thought to myself… should I be constantly checking on her to make sure she is doing her school work.  

I went through this entire scenario of how I need to enforce additional rules for their distance learning.. And stewed over it the entire night, going back and forth on all the things I was going to enforce from now on… And then I had to remind myself that I was a teenager and I fell asleep in class… many times and that was in person class.  

And I also had to remind myself that, I have my own responsibilities that need to get completed during the day..  And I admit that when I get engrossed with phone calls, emails, conference calls, and zoom calls. I tend to forget that I have 2 teenagers at home doing distance learning.  I also can not constantly check on them, they need to be just as responsible as in school.

And we are all just doing the best we can…if falling asleep in class is the worst that happens right now… ohh well.  

In the last few months, I have realized  that I am doing the best I can.  I am not going to get stressed out about missing classes, running late to soccer practice, skipping church, etc… 

I can only handle so much.  I can only do so much.

I can not get everything done that I would like too.  I have really had to cut back and remind myself that little is better sometimes.  

I would love to be the friend that can be there for everyone right now… Instead I limit my time  and plan time for just me. 

I would love to be the granddaughter that calls my grandma once a week to check in… Instead I mail her a package every few weeks.   

I would love to make home cooked meals for my kids every night… Instead I plan one night so we get leftovers for a few.  And treat us to ordering out another night.  

I would love to have family movie night every friday night, where we all agree on the same movie, we eat popcorn, and no one argues… instead I am happy with one night every few weeks where at least one kid makes it through the entire movie.  And I do not fall asleep…

These are the things that I have learned, that I can manage… I would love to do it all, but I am doing the best that I can.   And I have really learned that..that is ok.  

-Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

TWSM Book Review ‘I Know How She Does It’

I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time

by Laura Vanderkam

I don’t know about you, but I am always on the lookout for helpful time management tips. I Know How She Does It by Laura Vanderkam delivers. Vanderkam takes the unique approach of reviewing actual data — time logs from the women in her Mosaic Project. Each woman recorded how she spent her time 24 hours a day for one week. Her participants each “have it all”, something she defines as earning over $100k per year and having at least one child under the age of 18 years old.

Don’t worry! You do not have to fit this definition to find the book helpful, and relationship status is not part of her definition of “having it all”. Yes, Vanderkam includes a few examples of women who have incredibly helpful husbands (and some of them have nannies, too), but many of them don’t. And real life examples like needing to work and having a sick child at the same time are universal parental experiences regardless of important tools like having a supportive partner, paid leave time, or the ability to work from home.

The math itself is empowering. As Vanderkam points out,

“There are 168 hours in a week. If you work 50, and sleep 8 per night (56 hours per week in total), that leaves 62 hours for other things. If you work 60 hours and sleep 8 hours per night, that leaves 52 hours for other things.” (Introduction) 

Yes, the other things may include activities like eating lunch while checking your work email, doing laundry, or waiting in line at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for that sick child after getting up in the middle of the night with her, but there are still other things, too. Things like having a meal (not necessarily dinner!) with family members, exercise, and hobbies.

I tried the time log for a week, and I was surprised at how grateful and empowered it helped me to feel. I was also shocked at how much time I spent driving my daughters around (although some of our best conversations happen in the car which balanced this out). That week I also spent time visiting with friends and family (while social distancing), reading, and practicing yoga.

Vanderkam encourages her readers to recognize that they have leisure time and to take charge of this and enjoy it.

“Think through your leisure time. People are generally good about setting work goals, but we’re not as good about personal ones. In five minutes, you could decide that next week 

you’ll make dinner plans with friends, watch a favorite movie with your family, and make your famous apple pie over the weekend.” (Chapter 9) 

Regardless of the obligations you have in your own 168 hours each week, I recommend taking the time to read I Know How She Does It. It will help you to create a beautiful mosaic of your own.

Rating 5 stars out of 5

I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time Copyright 2015, 2017 by Laura Vanderkam

Liz is a technical writer by day and a humor writer by night. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. When Liz is not reading, writing, or searching for new books to review, she can be found practicing yoga or enjoying time with friends and family — usually around a fireplace or a lake. She is savoring the time that she still has with her daughters under her roof, yet she secretly dreams of being an empty nester who can travel more and not have to worry about other people borrowing her socks.

 

 

Lost & Confused, Do The Next Thing

If you’re lost and confused, Do The Next Thing…

One minute my life looked like this and the next **SNAP** it looked like that.  One minute I was going in that direction and then **SNAP**, I’m going in this direction.

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you couldn’t see right in front of your face?

So anxious that you didn’t have an answer to something simple?

So confused that you weren’t certain how you were going to make it through another day?

I did.  It was awful.  I couldn’t get out of my own way.  Why was I able to manage my life for the past 50 years so extremely well and then all of a sudden, I was lost in the middle of my days?  I couldn’t see the overload until it was on top of me and, but by then, it was too late. Some days, I couldn’t breath …or at least it felt like it.  I used to have everything all figured out and on task and in line.  And then  **SNAP**, I had no idea about so much.  And trying to keep up with everything was exhausting.

It’s called trauma.  It’s called PTSD.  It’s called “Do the Next Thing”.  That was my mantra.  “Do the Next Thing”.   Until I got on the other side of it.  Until I healed that part of me and could manage my life again, I just kept telling myself “Do the Next Thing”.  Every Day.  All Day.

Get out of bed…do the next thing. Brush my teeth…do the next thing. Wash my face…do the next thing. Have something to eat…do the next thing.  I kept it so simple.  I managed what I could manage.  I took on what I could take on.  I did what I could do.   And everything else waited.

So the next time you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and you’re feeling overloaded and lost and confused…..Do the Next Thing.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy