A picture or pictures…
I am going to start by saying originally I was going to write something a little light this week. Maybe riff about some of the disastrous dates I’ve had. Talk about a funny discussion I recently had with some fellow Moms about what a growing a person does that no one tells you… and I will.
Except I need to get this out. Good, bad or otherwise thanks to modern technology we have found ourselves able to share and take pictures. Of everything. Ourselves included.
I would like to tell you I don’t know what a selfie is. Except if you read my BIO, it is glaringly obvious my picture is a selfie. My Instagram – selfies. My Facebook… yup.
I think you get it.
When I first joined social media my profile picture was so old my friends would tease me about it. Those same friends now refer to me as the Queen of Selfies.
I’m gonna own it, I can be excessive. It didn’t start out that way.
It started out with one or two pictures. Pictures I took for my boyfriend who at the time lived three hours away, who raved about how beautiful I was. That felt good. So I posted it. People liked it. That felt good. So recently after posting a picture of myself when a friend commented that I post a lot of selfies and more in a private message,I was crushed.
I recognize self love is important and I’m getting there. Promise.
But I’m about to be candid…
If you’ve read my blogs you know some of this. If you haven’t well..
Here’s my why. At least some of it.
When I was five everyday after school two older girls would follow me and call me witch face.
When I was 11 I was beat up by a boy because another girl was mad I was friends with a boy she liked.
At 17 I went to prom with a bunch of girls because I was so incredibly shy if a boy talked to me – red as a lobster.
I have eczema.
Struggled with my weight.
Had horrible teeth, coke bottle glasses. Don’t get me started on the infamous haircuts.
I also have scars from surgeries while not necessarily visible to all, I know…
At 47 I struggle with my self image as much as I want to love what I see looking back at me, I have my moments. My vision is skewed. Selfies are MY reminder look at where you’ve come from lady.
A bad marriage.
An abusive relationship.
Being unhealthy, unhappy, a bad haircut.
This is YOU!
Remember when you wanted a tattoo – guess what?
Wanted to go blonde?
Wear leggings as pants?
You go girl.
You can actually smile!
With your teeth!
In a society that is so quick to say love yourself we sure have no problem passing judgment.
Even down to things like makeup. Do you know how many times a mutual friend will post “shout out to all the ladies who don’t need makeup to feel beautiful”.
I don’t either. I just REALLY like it.
Getting ready in the morning is my ritual. I paint, legitimately. Watercolors are my favorite. Makeup is just one more outlet for me. Just like my clothes and tattoos…
There is a meme that says: Shout out to all the ladies trying to love themselves in a world constantly telling them not to.
It’s true. What’s disappointing is it’s not just the world. It’s your friends, sometimes even your family. I’m a Sagittarius. We are a honest people who go with the flow. Constant optimists even when we’re hurting.
That said I hope that at some point the snark stops. I don’t have to buy books on how to help my tween maneuver middle school mean girls.
That when you say love the skin you’re in. You mean it.
Until then. Momma take that selfie. Wear those leggings. Put on that lipgloss or don’t. Eat those Nutter Butters for breakfast.
Either way, I really do celebrate you.
Love yourself. You worked your ass off to get here.
Give yourself a break.
Much love Mommas,
Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date