Tag Archives: love

The Relationship Guru

As I typed that title I am chuckling because I am not a relationship guru.

Not even close. I am actually the poster child for what you should not do in relationships. We could take a jaunt down memory lane but I’ve done that before with some of you who have been regular readers.

I am not sure that there is value there.

But I have been revisiting my past relationships a lot lately because one of my good friends is going through the proverbial ringer in hers.

As I have listened and shared I have started putting my actions and choices under a microscope.

How I have had a pattern of being involved with emotionally unavailable men because I have the mindset they are easy to walk away from. I don’t have to put as much of myself out there.

Notice I used the word HAD.

That is not the case in my current relationship. My person always asks how I am. He gently teases me about how surprised I get when I share something and he hears me. It doesn’t end up in a fight.

Here’s the thing, I’m actually not the relationship guru in this story. He is.

I will be very honest and raw here, after my divorce I didn’t think about getting married again. Ever.

I put all those dreams away. Between my divorce and some really ugly relationships I didn’t think it was in the cards for me to meet someone I felt comfortable planning a future with.

There are days I still have a hard time.

I had this conversation with my friend. I do not like to consider myself a broken person and I definitely don’t think anyone should use their experiences as an excuse for bad behavior.

BUT

Whether we like it or not it shapes us.

In my case.

I’m guarded.

I run.

I’m an over thinker.

Obviously I am catch. Lol.

Yet here I am telling you about the most patient human in the universe.

He also asks me about the most important person – my daughter.

I have no idea what is going to happen but what I am learning is every subsequent relationship is an opportunity to start over, to grow. RESET.

I don’t need to be in a relationship.

But…

I am also learning I’m lovable.

 

Much love Mommas

Be safe

<3 Caprise

Lean In

Lean in…when that catchphrase first came out I’m pretty sure it was meant to be used for powerful situations.

Not trying to maneuver your new normal during a world that everyday feels more surreal.

I have officially been home now for a month. My state has extended its Stay at Home order until May 26th. When I heard the news I was in the middle of my new normal work day. I took my glasses off. Took my headphones off and silently yelled into my hands.

I am what you would call a high risk person. Two heart surgeries I had forty years ago means I can’t leave my house. The fear is if I get this my stitched up heart won’t know what to do.

I am luckier than a lot of people. I have a job. Which I got offered ironically a week before everything went. That’s my term… went.

The last time I saw everyone in person was my job interview. A month ago. Some of them I only know thanks to ZOOM.

And thank goodness for this job, because my previous job would have laid me off. They did. Three days before I officially started my new job I got a lengthy email telling me as much.

My daughter’s school like a lot of yours is now closed for the rest of the year. Thankfully they have really done a lot to support everyone one with distance learning. But she’s in 7th grade. She abruptly had to empty her locker and pivot.

I was a Preschool Director before I got my new job. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my families, my kids…

But I’m leaning in.

I get up. I get ready for work. I try to focus. But I have my moments. Where I have to run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet seat and cry.

I lean in to being afraid of all the unknowns.

I lean in to being late for a meeting because I got distracted by the news.

I lean into cats and dogs and kids interrupting meetings.

And we all smile.

I lean into not really ever wanting to wear shoes again. Leggings are better than jeans.

I lean into Friday nights might be Tuesday nights.

I lean into worrying about my Grandfather who is states away. I lean into reading horoscopes with my best friend.

I lean into hugging my daughter so much. I lean into telling people I can’t wait to squish their faces.

I lean into missing certain people. Which makes me ugly cry.

I lean into waterproof mascara.

I lean into not cutting my own hair. No comment on coloring it. LOL…

I lean into recording my radio show again for the first time in a month and crying because it’s the first time in a long time I have felt normal. Because something that is such a huge part of me is back.

I have no magic words. No sage advice. I am just rinse, lather, repeat, lean.

I am sending you love and hoping you are safe Mommas.

<3 Caprise

The Bright Side

The bright side…These past few weeks have been nothing short of chaos and confusion for so many people all around the world. The stress levels of many individuals have skyrocketed due to the recent Coronavirus outbreak. I never thought that it could get to this level, but now the current situation is our new normal.

My main concern throughout all of this, is how people are being directly affected by this virus. My parents are both physicians, and they are seeing the unfortunate repercussions of this pandemic daily.

However, although there has been large amounts of fear and concern, we have to look at the overwhelming amounts of love and kindness that is spreading. My cousin is currently living in Spain, and the virus has not been kind in her town. I received a video from her around a week ago that really touched my heart. All you could see in the clip was people on every balcony of her street cheering with passion. They all seemed like they were full of joy and excitement, which shocked me because of the events going on. She later explained that everyone was trying to show love to the doctors and medical professionals that had been risking their lives to care for the ill. It’s acts like those that demonstrate the positive in people during such negative times.

What we are currently living through made me realize how much we take for granted daily. I’ve never wanted to hug a friend, go to school, or see my family more than I do today. Just as the people of Spain are looking on the bright side, we must do the same.

Now those hugs and interactions are going to mean significantly more to us when this is all over. Spread that positivity. 

-Dani <3

I Could Use A Hand

Have you found yourself in a situation where you really could use a hand?  A helping hand?  A strong hand?  A loving hand?

Did you sit around and wait for one to show up or did you ask for help?  If you’re not one to ask for help, I get it….then please don’t be the one who complains because nobody is there when you need them.  People CANNOT read our minds.  AND if they’ve never been through what we’re going through, they really don’t have a clue as to what’s needed.  Truly.

Until someone goes through the loss of a loved one, they cannot imagine the rollercoaster that you are on when you lost your sweetheart.  They really have no clue what would calm your never-ending mind babble, tend to your achy breaky heart, comfort your whirlwind of why’s or come visit to offer a quiet long hug.  Really.

A mom who is raising a girl has no clue what it’s like to raise a boy.

A woman who did not go through menopause has no clue what a hot flash is like.

A sister who has never been a Troop Leader cannot fathom the joy of the troop getting a WIN.

What’s in your way of asking for help?  Pride? Ignorance? Selfishness? Lack of Trust?   Whatever it is… think about the people who said “If you need anything, let me know.”  They MEANT it!  They are waiting for you to take them up on it.  They really really really want to help but have absolutely NO idea where to start without stepping on your toes.

Are you able to offer a helping hand to someone?  If you are, be sure to follow-through.  Or if it’s a really CLOSE friend…then just show up.  I remember when a friend did that to me… It made my day!

Go make someones day.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

Crash Into Me

Crash Into Me….

Sometimes in the middle of chaos you begin to realize what you need and what you deserve.

You start to find your voice. You start breathing again. You uncross your arms. You let things go you should have let go a long time ago.

And maybe people told you that, in fact they did but you had to land there.

I have landed there.

Mommas I think I crashed actually.

I’m going to be honest I am crying while I write this, it probably doesn’t help my community is in the middle of a shutdown. I’m trying to change jobs and worry I really won’t have one. Add to it I have been in a relationship where I feel like I have been relegated to swimming in jello.

We take two steps forward then inevitably we take a giant step back. While it’s better than any I have been in for a long time.

I still am in a place where I am allowing myself to not be in a relationship I deserve. I have the last few years holding my breath waiting for a change that doesn’t come. I have mentioned this before, somewhere along the way I bought into the belief I deserve to not be loved a hundred percent.

I have been living in the land of broken promises.

Changes that never happen.

Who taught me I deserved this? My Dad definitely doesn’t treat my Mom like this.

So where?

I know what I want. Why am I so afraid of having it? Why do I settle for half?

I had a pretty lengthy conversation with my best guy friend about how I should take steps up. Not just steps. I am an adult. I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is also an adult. Or acts like it. I deserve to be more than afterthought. I deserve to be the first thing and last thing someone thinks of. I deserve to have bad days. They deserve them to but let me hold your hand.

Don’t shut me out. Fight for me. Make me feel wanted. Needed.

I don’t need someone in my life. I am capable of being on my own. But if I am going to make space for someone in my life they better be worth a spot at the table.

There is a quote “never be afraid to fall apart; it presents an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you’d been all along.”

Yup

Love to you  Mommas, so much right now.

<3 Caprise

Not Just Good But Greater Good

Not just Good, but Greater Good.

Can you imagine what your Greater Good would look like?  Close your eyes and imagine.  Who would be there?  What would you be doing?  How would you be acting?  What would you say?  Where would you live?  Etc, etc etc.  Now, understand and know…. that you have not even come close to the actual Greater Good that is available to you.

God’s Ways are over, above & beyond anything our puny little minds can concoct.  We are one small piece of sand on the Pacific Coast.  We are one minute being in the galaxy of endless galaxies.  We are a blade of grass in a field at full-on harvest.  Do you believe in the grand scheme of life, there is far more available to you, coming to you, waiting for you?  Open your arms & be ready, because it is there.

I am part of the Greater Good of all mankind.  I am an instrument of God’s love in the Greater Good of my life.  I wake up every day expecting the Greater Good to show up.  I see, hear, feel and stay open to every bit of Goodness that is for me.  I’m being used every day in ways I’ve always imagined possible.

May we both walk through life with our heads held high in anticipation for what is next.  May we be ready for it when it comes and handle it with courage and grace.  May we be beacons of greatness to others who are waiting for theirs.  May we move forward, press on, stand tall, dig in, love big, express peace, share joy, give back, believe in more, take it, own it and share it with the world.

Are you ready?

I am.  I’ll meet you there.

xoxo

Your God-Girl,

Tracy

Second Chances

Everyday I am grateful for second chances. I have made huge mistakes in my life and there are times I begged for a second or even a third chance, but not always did I deserve them.

I recently got a second chance at love I never expected. In my previous engagement I broke trust and broke a heart that didn’t deserve it. I will never understand how he found it in himself to forgive me, but he did.

How do you mend a heart you broke?

This is something I’m struggling with every day. I never set out to break a heart, but I did and now I want to spend my life making it up to him.

It hasn’t been easy.

I struggle everyday with being good enough for his love. He’s too good for me and I know that, but every day I get to spend my time proving my worth to him.

Love after divorce is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I have done it twice now. With the same person. I keep making these mistakes and he comes along to pick up the pieces. It isn’t fair to him to continue to be the one that makes me whole again. But I can’t live without him. I have learned that now. It’s the reason we keep coming back to each other and I have been to bitter and full of rage towards love to realize it. I keep running from the only thing real in my life.

Because its scary. Its overwhelming.

To love someone with your whole heart gives them a chance to break it.

But I deserve love, in all its forms, and I’m learning to accept love in all the ways he shows it. Whether its taking my car for an oil change when he knows I’m busy, or taking me to dinner after a long day at work. Acts of kindness like this made me uncomfortable I was so used to negative interactions I had no idea how to respond to it, I shut down and tried to find the negative. But the truth is I cant. I’m in a healthy relationship for the first time in my life and it feels good, its new and scary but it feels right.

Serendipity

Love Is A Powerful Thing

Love is a powerful thing

When you love another, ….do you love full out?

My hope is YES!!!!

Do you spread your heart wider than you thought possible?  Do you go deep within to reveal the power of your love?  Do you trust yourself enough to love at full throttle?

My hope is, YES!!!!

Do you love with no conditions, no guidelines, no presumptions, no expectations?

My hope is YES!!!!

Love is certainly a multidimensional thing.  I love my mother.  I love my son.  I love coffee too, but that’s a different kind.  I’m talking about the kind of love that comes from your heart.  Your open, vulnerable, God-thriving heart.  The place where your sacred self dwells, the place where maybe only a few have tread.  Where the sweet essence of raw, real, true love… lives.

The world is so good at teaching us to be careful, to watch out for the other shoe to drop, to be on your guard, etc etc etc…..  sooooooo in that space of watching and protecting, we wall ourselves off from what may be coming right at us.  Love that’s ready to embrace us, pounce on us and scoop us up.

When we question and doubt the love from another we take the chance of having none.  Look at yourself and see where do you doubt your own?  Where do you deny, give up, sell out on yourself?  Where do you not believe, trust or value your own heart?

When you know…like you know…like you KNOW….. that you are made of love, by love, for love… things will change.  Your life will change.  Your heart will change.  You will send your love out to the world, through your words, through your actions, through your smile.  And love will be all there is.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

Why I Exercise

People ask me “Why do I exercise so much??” It’s about doing the one thing you need in your life.  I have been active for years… you know when you find that one thing that really makes you feel good about yourself and you love doing it.  

Don’t worry, This isn’t going to be a blog about why exercise is important, although it is.

I did not love to exercise as a kid. I dreaded running the mile in gym class… I would fake being sick or I would hide in the bathroom. I was always always the last to finish. 

It all changed after college, when I joined a gym and then I started to really enjoy it.  And I also spent many hours doing the Kathy Smith walk to fitness videos at home. I soon realized that working out made me feel good about myself.  My confidence increased tremendously and I loved it. Ladies, confidence is key in life.  

Now many years later, my friends and co workers constantly give me crap on how active I am. They hate to join any Fitbit challenge with me because I win every time. They make fun of me constantly for being active.. and I am not one to brag about my 25,000 steps or getting up at 5 am to work out. Yes, I am one of those people.

When I married to my husband, he could never understood why I wanted to work out. It was a constant battle. I was a stay at home mom with my 3 kids for 8 years.  Anyone who has kids knows how much work they can be and how important it is to do things for yourself.. working out, pedicure, massage, cocktails. Whatever it is, it makes you feel good about yourself or what you enjoy.  My ex husband loved to fish and hunt, he did it for himself… same thing as working out.

There were parts of my life that I exercised to lose weight however now I exercise for so many other reasons. I exercise to clear my head.. let’s face it that moms with 3 kids and an ex husband probably have some stress they need to release.  I exercise to feel good about myself. And I exercise so I can drink wine and eat nachos…

And as my life got more chaotic with kids and work and activities, I had to find the time to do that thing I loved. I found the time at 5 am and it works for me. I do it at 5 am because it gives me focus and balance for the day.  And without it, I feel off for the day. In that 45 minute of working out, I can plan my day, I can sort through any stress, and I can listen to my favorite music without any distractions.

I did not want to give it up because I knew how important is was to me.. so  I had to find the time. It took some time to get used to getting up that early and being more strict about getting enough sleep.  I could have just let them go or made excuses that I didn’t have time, but I knew I needed this in my life.

If it’s important to you, find a way to fit it in. If it makes you a happier or more focused person, do it.  It will take determination and maybe some changes, but if it’s what you need, stay with it. Do not feel guilty about it or make excuses, for doing something for yourself or something you need.  Whatever it is, just make it a priority.

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Why Do We Need Our Friends?

Growing up I had my friends.. I did everything with the same people throughout my high school years. Sleepovers, football games, decorating yards with rolls of toilet paper each weekend….  In college it continued.. I was never overly popular, but I had my true friends.  It  has continued through my life…

I now watch my teenage daughter, now almost fifteen now  sit and laugh with her friends.  It is 5 pm on a Friday and its USA theme and the football game… her and her friend are frantically searching around the house for USA apparel and face paint. I just laugh… I love listening to the laughter and shrieking.  The many Friday nights, I am awaken out of a deep sleep by the sound of popcorn popping at 1 am.  They spend hours face-timing each other on their new school clothes and the outfits they are going to wear for the next week.   All of these things I love that she is experiencing….

I did not realize how important my friends were until I was well into my forties.  Its crazy how you meet those people in high school or college or at your kids soccer games and these are the people going to trust with everything in your life.  The friends you can’t get thru a day without.  They understand you more than most people in your life.

These are the friends that show up at 2 pm with a six  pack, just for fun.  (Yes, we live in Wisconsin and we drink beer)

Not until my divorce did I ever ask for help.  My friends never knew when I was suffering or drowning in life.. and then It changed.  I was the friend that held it together for everything.  Then I realized to survive through my divorce, I needed to ask for help.   Through my marriage, I handled everything from parenting to finances to vacations..I handled it all.  The summer of my divorce I was a mess.. I was happy one minute and crying the next.  I remember going to a country concert drinking two gingers and crying thru all of the fun.  One of my not so great moments.. but without those friends I would have not survived.

My friends would drag me out of the house and listen to me talk endlessly about the process of going through a divorce.  All of the nitty gritty details of the financial details, custody, splitting of your favorite memories, or how much you miss your kids.  They would ask me to go for a hike or walk many nights just because they knew I needed it.  I am a pretty independent person, so showing my friends that I needed help was very hard for me.  I know years later that I’m so grateful for them.  To many people am sure I looked like I had it together, but the truth is I needed my friends. I needed them to be my sound board. I needed to them to give me advice and encouragement to get through my divorce.

They push you…. My friends push me to do the things that I think I can not.. maybe it starts in the high school by asking your crush out and then continues later in life..now it’s  pushing you to try dating again age 45. They push you out of you comfort zone and get you to believe in yourself.  They help you text a guy back at age 45 and wait frantically for his response.  I would not have accomplished half the things I have done since my divorce without them.

They comfort you…Most of the time my friends are the first place I turn when I’m feeling lonely from missing my kids, when I’m stressed over fighting with my ex, or when just can’t concentrate on anything. These girls are the ones that can pull me out of my funk.  Having friends that you can trust and confide in has got me through most of my last 5 years.  We all have those nights or days that we just feel like crying.. sometimes it’s for no reason at all.  The moments when you burst into tears and maybe have no idea why… You need those people in your life to get you through it.  The days you wake up and feel like a bloated whale for no reason and you text your friends with crying emojis and they tell you how beautiful and funny you are…

They will be honest with you….The good friends will be straight with you. They will not just agree with your opinions and thoughts, they will tell you when you are being a little crazy…I’m a laid back person and i like to trust many people. I was very inexperienced and naive when I went thru my divorce, I did not have a lot of divorced friends and I thought I could trust my ex and I could be vague in our decree. Fast forward 5 years, my friends now tell me when I’m being to vulnerable with my ex. They tell me when I need to stand up for myself and get it documented. They will remind me of what has happened in the past and how to protect myself.  I need those friends in my life.  They always have my back.   They will also be the ones that see things differently and tell me when to get my head out of my ass.

Why do we need our friends?  We need them to get thru life.. mine have helped me with so many decisions.  The are the ones that push us when we need it.  It takes me a long time to get comfortable with people, so I cherish the friends that I can be myself with and tell them everything… these are the friends that we need.  These are the ones I love…

 

Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com/blog